question about getting going when the going is good

[realsmoothie]

OK... so I was at the bar the other night. I was there with a couple of co-workers, one of whom had asked me to come along because it was one of her friends' birthdays and she wanted to get her laid with a "really nice guy"... who apparently is me.

Anyhow, so I show up to the place, and this girl is pretty darned cute. 24, but looks like 17... tiny, all leathered up... HUGE eyes. She's hot... but already hammered and when she is introduced to me pretty much does the "dead stare" that shows she's thinking you're fine but can't even show it.

I could have had her in a second, but it was almost too easy. I'm sitting there beside her and just don't really do anything.

Later, someone I know from work (a customer in my store) comes in... mid-20's, East Indian and really beautiful... but very shy in the store. Starts drinking and gets very chatty with me. At one point we're sitting side by side, hips touching, my arm around her back and so on. But it doesn't really go anywhere.

In BOTH cases things were almost too easy. It's not that it wouldn't have been challenging... it's more like as soon as I get a break in my favour I wuss out in "taking the initiative" and say to myself that I'll get another chance later to make a move.

Then, all of the sudden... the lights come up and everyone is racing for taxis. WTF? Where did all the time go?

OK, so the question is... is there some kind of mental trick you can play on yourself that tells you to make a move at the time when it's most opportunistic? I'm pretty AFC and chances like these don't happen all the time.

Don't tell me to jsut "nut up and f*ck them" because it's a mental breakdown in my head that's happening. I need some kind of mantra or brain-training.

 

[realsmoothie]

Damn... anybody?

Or all you all out there gettin' some...

 

[Delta]

hey rs,

i think it comes down to exactly why you're not closing the deal. is it fear? could it be a sublimated "shame response"? thinking perhaps that it is ignoble?

but before i get the answers to that, maybe what would work for me (if i had that problem... i don't i'd nail everything i could get my hands on) is saying "what am i waiting for?" --- haha, this is funny because this was said to me in another context (see my thread).

delta

 

[Phyzzle]

Maybe you can't stand escalating with an audience there (including co-workers). Just get to a high point in the conversation and ask for her digits. You don't have to wait for the end of the night. You should find it much easier without all the gawkers and blockers.

 

[realsmoothie]

phyzzle... yes you're right being in front of co-workers and stuff at work would be VERY much a problem! But in this case I'm talking about bars and parties.

Same thing again happened to me last night. Was at a house party, started talking to this girl for maybe fifteen to twenty minutes. She was great, but I never escalated.... and then before you know it I got distracted (had to go get a drink or something) and then she was gone.

WTF?

As Delta said, there is definitely a fear issue (of course). But that's not what I'm asking about... I'm having problems maintaining momentum... I'll have the nads to open and start talking but it I almost always tell myself subconsciously "well I got this far, that's pretty good" and stop there... sometimes looking at another girl.

Argh. It is certainly a willpower issue, but there's got to be some kind of mind-f*ck I can give myself to get over it.

 

[vorbis]

how experienced are you rs? That kind of stuff happens to me when I'm nervous, with the birthday girl, were you mapping it all out in your head and getting worried about doing this and that right? Sounds a bit like leading a football game by 14 points in the 4th quarter, you have it won but you could still lose it.

What works for me is laying off masturbation. I was out on Sat night and ran into a similar situation at a house party. The nervousness I felt about escalating were overridden by horniness! I'd go as far to say that if I had wanked that day it wouldn't have got with the girl I was gaming.

 

[realsmoothie]

how experienced are you rs? That kind of stuff happens to me when I'm nervous, with the birthday girl, were you mapping it all out in your head and getting worried about doing this and that right? Sounds a bit like leading a football game by 14 points in the 4th quarter, you have it won but you could still lose it.

What works for me is laying off masturbation. I was out on Sat night and ran into a similar situation at a house party. The nervousness I felt about escalating were overridden by horniness! I'd go as far to say that if I had wanked that day it wouldn't have got with the girl I was gaming.

I am not experienced, but not completely hopeless.

No, I'm definitely not mapping stuff out... that's the problem... as soon as I get an IOI or two or three... I get complacent, almost like the game is already won. I lose focus too quickly.

Like your football analogy. That's exactly what it feels like, which explains that sinking angry feeling I usually get after I leave a club.

As for whackin', yeah, I now only do it every four or five days. It helps that I'm not 19 anymore...

 

[anointed]

when you meet a girl, unless she initiates something it is just a case nutting up and doing something.. there will always be this crunch moment ive noticed.. it can be before you kiss, before you ask for the number, before you ****, before you ask her to go home with you... basically after all the work is done, kino etc its up to you as a MAN to do it.

Its that last step and it is just about nutting up im afraid.

On the advice side of things though, i would do one or both of these things. Get the digits, hook her. SOmeone said it doesnt have to be at teh end of the night. "damn straight" you get her number and u go talk to other girls and get theirs if you can..OR if you want it that night you isolate her from all the other people.. you go dance, go outside, go sit somewhere else, go take a walk and get some air.. it doesnt really matter.. the crunch time will always come... whether its on the date you have after getting her number, or whether its when you are taking that walk out side hte club etc and you goto kiss her..

eventually it is about picking up ur balls and taking action.