Put it on the line - and lost -sort of

[Love Ninja]

Last night, my girl and I had a 3 hour conversation- during which she divulged that she never dates men that she's friends with.

Being that we never claimed to be friends and, so I thought, have been flirting and dating for 3 weeks decided it was time to take a stand. So I laughingly respond:

"Well, XXX, let's you and I decide right now to absolutely NOT be friends. Because if we were that would put limits on our relationship- and I'm a much better lover than I am a friend."

LOL ... well, it didn't work out. I was confident and straight, but she has me firmly in "I don't feel the same about you" space.

I don't think it'd be good to do the "friend" thing with her ... and I guess I'm deciding whether or not to have any further contact with her. She wrote to me several times during the night, but I haven't responded.

I CAN, in fact, walk away from this right now- and only feel alittle sorrow. I guess I have alittle one-ism for her.

Can anyone tell me their DJ opinion of this situation and suggest a way to handle it?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Did you not kiss her in three weeks? You could have saved all of this time and left her sooner. Unless she's introducing you to her friends, or your are getting something out of it, there's no point in being around her. Don't tell her this, just drift apart and see other girls.

 

[Love Ninja]

Thank you for the feedback, as nasty and judgmental as it was, I do appreciate it.

You know I get that I screwed up... I get that I was a complete *****, and that there's probably no turn-around for my situation... but it's more difficult to 'kick her to the curb' than I thought.

I saw that she was sick in bed today, and it's so compelling to want to call her and ask if she needs anything.

I get what being a doormat means ... but what about just plain out and out caring for someone, without intentions?

Cause I get it's over...

 

[TanzaniaMan]

if it were me, i just would have started kissing her, eventually she would have ended up playing with my dyck.

 

[Warrior74]

3 hours on the phone? wtf?

Move on man. Seriously. Unless you just have no plans of hitting it, then stick around. but as long as you know you want to bang that....might be easier to keep yourself in check by keeping your distance.

 

[macfuque]

"I get what being a doormat means ... but what about just plain out and out caring for someone, without intentions?"

stop it. you do have intentions.

she hasn't earned this treatment from you - even if she hadn't just rejected you!

you know this is not a good idea. this will only enhance and encourage her current view of you.

you've already shown her what a great girlfriend you can be to her after 3 weeks of asexual hanging out and 3 hours on the phone.

you might as well post her your balls

 

[Love Ninja]

Macfuque,

I get it... you're absolutely right.

Is there any point in staying her friend?

Is there any better idea than just calling it a day here?

 

[MacAvoy]

I'm guessing this is the singer your talking about. I think the mistake that you made was not escalating on one of your 3 earlier dates, bookstore, movie or party.

Then I think the hershey's kiss sealed your fate in the FZ. You basically put yourself in the FZ by not making a move then doing the cheesy kiss thing. I like the way you didn't take the Sunday girls thing but by then it was too late.

I think your only option is to seek the best revenge ... by living well. Your only hope is that she sees you out with other girls, gets jealous and wants you. However you have to share some of the social circle for that to work. Its not easy but its something that can be done, however the key is to stop reinforcing the FZ, that means cutting contact and stop hanging out with her.

However if she asks to do something, just say that your busy, don't make it because you don't want to be friends with her. Still talk to her and answer her questions but always cut the convo short because your busy. With alpha type chicks like this, you really have to step up the game playing.

 

[inerte]

Is there any point in staying her friend?

Friend: Get to know _her_ female friends. Get invited to parties. But remember it's a two way street. Invite her to some parties too. Not movies, dinner, that kinda of one-on-one stuff. Invite her (and friends) to activities that you want her to invite you.

I am not talking about a deep, emotional relationship. It's always good to have female friends around you, if they're doing something for you. I am not asking to _use_ her, like a tool, which you can turn on and off. But a friendship is useless if only one side is doing the giving, and not the taking.

 

[Love Ninja]

Thanks MacAvoy and Inerte,

That's some powerfully good advice.

Yeah, guess this one shows too much interest to think 'it's time to throw in the towel'...

I'm not going to wait, hell, life is too cool to wait for anyone, but I'm going to keep dating others ... and let her find her way to me.

Damn - lol - we flirt so much, it's really amazing practice.

She's leaving for Greece next week and I texted her "You are SO gonna miss me "
And she wrote "Oh, really..? I'll be all over the world in the next two weeks"
I replied "Yeah, and those places are only missing one ultra-cool thing ... me."

Then she proceed a barage of text till 3 am ... I even texted "you realize you're absolutely annoying me...right?"
Her reply "Is that best you got..? Can't handle me...?"
I replied "Na, but the easiest way to get your attention is to play 'all annoyed' with you ... such a Diva."

Hard to believe there's nothing going on here... thoughts?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I think I'm going to throw up.

 

[MacAvoy]

You biggest problem is you allow women to use txting to much. Women use it as a crutch, they can have deep convos without conflict, they can ignore something they don't like.

The worst part is that by getting into txt convos with them, it makes you available to them at all times. You are at their beck & call. You should be busy, too busy to respond to her texts all the time. Only do so under your terms and conditions. Keep them short & curt at that, some mild flirting once in a blue moon but you shouldn't be doing that on a regular basis.

If you want to flirt with a women, flirt with her, the best way to get any mileage out of your flirting is by flirting in person, via txt its just a computer saying stuff to her. It brings your game down. However it can compliment your game, but don't let it be your game.

If you want to see a thread about the pros and cons of txting click here or if your really lazy, click here for the summary

 

[true romance]

Gents


some guys are hopeless no matter what advice you give them..so let put our energy to someone who want to change.


The is so gay....my skin is crawling

She's leaving for Greece next week and I texted her "You are SO gonna miss me "
And she wrote "Oh, really..? I'll be all over the world in the next two weeks"
I replied "Yeah, and those places are only missing one ultra-cool thing ... me."

Then she proceed a barage of text till 3 am ... I even texted "you realize you're absolutely annoying me...right?"
Her reply "Is that best you got..? Can't handle me...?"
I replied "Na, but the easiest way to get your attention is to play 'all annoyed' with you ... such a Diva."[/B]

 

[true romance]

She leaving for Greece and she will bang 10 guys in a week while you txt message her...

you text message her about "missing me.."


Fantastic post!!!

 

[Love Ninja]

Well it's 2 am here and we hooked up tonight...

So while I appreciate all the real feedback ...

The haters can stuff it because, it worked...

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Hooked up as in wat? Did u get to hit wit her aka have sex wit her?? Or jus anotha date? Lol. No hate here man but eitha way she's jus usin u as a provider n she's bout to leave fo wat 2 weeks n mess wit otha guyz.. So yea have fun wit dat

 

[MacAvoy]

Did you have sex? Can you give us details on how it worked out? What did you learn from it?

 

[Love Ninja]

MacAvoy, thanks...

We hung out last night, and was funny, confident, but not "puppy-doggish".
I did not bring up any of our texting- even though she did several times.

Somehow we got to talking about sex- and before you know it we were discussing places we'd done it... When I was honest with her she seemed shocked by my stories...lol

Afterward, we went to a little pub, and were very touchy with each other. I felt good and not hanging on her opinion of me. She noticed several women downtown said 'hello' to me as we walked about. Funny, having her next to me, those women seemed very interested in what I was up to. She is absolutely a knock-out.

Back to my place... We actually got into alittle argument. It was humorous and I didn't take it seriously.

We talked alot and touched each others hands. She asked me to show her some Martial Arts and my Swords(lol.. I teach) and we cuddled and kissed passionately afterward. There was some amazing feeling each other up.

I eventually, thought, I want more than a one-night stand here, and told her I have to work early- and she should go. She texted me aleast 10 more times between 3 am and 4 am... and asked me if we could hang out Sunday or Monday.

Seems to be going okay

 

[MacAvoy]

Good work. Now for the texint, you need to find a balance that works for you. You don't want to over do it, however you don't want to ignore her. Keep it to a minimum, then if she says anything, say your busy, then maybe 'slightly' increase but not too much.

Remember a women's imagination is your most powerful weapon. The more she thinks of you, the more her IL will increase. I would firm up the plans for Sunday or Monday sooner than later, then really cut contact or at least reduce it dramatically.

 

[Love Ninja]

The more she thinks of you, the more her IL will increase. I would firm up the plans for Sunday or Monday sooner than later, then really cut contact or at least reduce it dramatically.

I totally agree ... I'm going to be scarce for awhile.

She leave on the trip I mentioned Thursday... She'll be all over Europe for 3 weeks.

I'd like to leave her with an impression, since we won't be in contact... she'll be on the open water. But doing anything special may be great or backfire. I prefer to err on the side of risking... so any ideas?

Thanks