Pursuing another mans woman...?

[CrazyGoNuts]

Last weekend i was invited out with a friend and his girlfriend, they figured i would be a good person to keep this girl company so she wouldnt be a third wheel. So anyways we ended up hittin it off pretty well but I didnt think she was interested so I didnt try to get the number even I had such an awesome time. I figured I wouldnt see her again for awhile but 2 nights later we went out again and it was even more fun than the first. Unfortunately during dinner that night I heard she had a boyfriend, a real ******* but she likes him anyway.

But now she has met me and she has told people that I am the "perfect" guy for her and she wishes she wasnt goin out with her boyfriend so she could pursue something with me. My question is should I actively pursue getting to know her more by getting her number or should I wait it out and whatever happens, happens?

 

[Ice Cold]

Don't mind that guy. You're better than him, she's gonna be happier with you. She should forget about him.

Tell her that and kiss her.

 

[Mercenary]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
Don't mind that guy. You're better than him, she's gonna be happier with you.

Until she goes out one night without you after an argument and finds an upgrade.

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

i wouldnt worry much about relationship problems until I actually have to, unneeded stress Granted I've only talked to her for a total of a few hours but I am not a very dramatic person and from the sounds of it neither is she so I am sure we would enjoy each others company just fine.

 

[SDBmania]

Ahh sounds familar

I'm sort of in the same situation. There's this girl that I asked out, but she said she was at the end of a relationship. It's hard to tell how these things will play out. I've been giving her space, not sure if we should hang out or what, but I think I might push for that. Anyway, your situation is better cuz your better then her current boyfriend. Use that to your advantage.

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

well I use the term "better" loosely because although I have heard some crazy stories about him she has been attracted to that sort of guy in the past. It's only a matter of time before she decides that she no longer wants to deal with his "weird and selfish ways". I dont mind pursuing someones girlfriend, it was just the manner of speaking to her on a more personal level. I dont like giving out my number to chicks but I could also understand if she doesnt want me calling at inoppurtune times.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by Mercenary
Until she goes out one night without you after an argument and finds an upgrade.

Ok....

Are you saying that this can't happen if she was single at the time you started dating?

 

[Mercenary]

Originally posted by Ice Cold

Are you saying that this can't happen if she was single at the time you started dating?

Not at all... it could happen to anyone...
But a precedent will definately be set if she leaves her current b/f for this guy.
If he goes out with her, he's reifying the bigger better deal mentality that some women have. It will just be that much easier for her to do it again.

 

[Ice Cold]

I understand what you're saying and my experience says otherwise.

 

[ManOMan]

I got to agree with mercenary

Some guys have this deluded fantasy that they can just sweep a girl off her feet from another guy, and it will be all about happy trails.

NOT!

This girl is going to have to sort out her feelings with her boyfriend, think about things such as guilt, abandonment, him wanting answers, calling all the time, etc

This stuff takes MONTHS if not a year

c'mon guys, we have all been in relationships, everyone knows even after a breakup, there is at least a 6 month period where we brood and think, rethink, keep in contact, regret, etc

It is the same with any girl who has a bf

This is why its a complete waste of time to fall for a girl who is involved, it will only blow up in your face

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

If she doesnt have a ring, she doesnt have a boyfriend. thats my philosophy, but to get her on your man love, the trick is to get her to think of you when she is with him. I am not the expert here so I will leave my unhelpful post at this.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by CrazyGoNuts
But now she has met me and she has told people that I am the "perfect" guy for her and she wishes she wasnt goin out with her boyfriend so she could pursue something with me.

LOL!!! I laugh everytime I read something like this. She is trying to get a bite to see if you are interested. Do not fall for this, you will be played and if she gets the bite, you will start finding yourself doing things like helping her move, or going shopping for 6 hours on a Saturday morning.

Sorry if I sound burnt about this, I'm not... but the "if I wasn't with my bf I'd go for him" line is total rubbish. It's right next door to the "Oh, you would be so perfect for a friend of mine..."

She already likes what she sees, don't go screwing it up by "actively pursuing" her. The short answer is 'NO', don't pursue her. Play it cool. Have a good time when you are with her... scratch that, have a FANTASTIC time when you are with her. But don't go chasing her to hang out... she IS with someone afterall and guys just don't go after other guy's women, remember?

She's the one with the ties, let her do some work. If her friends start saying anything, let them know that you MIGHT consider her, but with the bf in the picture, she's just not worth the trouble.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

I agree with Cremasta on this one.


Have a great time when your with her, and maybe even bang her once or twice.

But dont start chasing her and thinking about dating this girl.

you are the "perfect" guy if she wasn't with her BF.

Hello, obviously you aren't so perfect if she is still with her bf.


Most people, who are in a relationship for a good amount of time, male or female, usually won't just up and leave that other person.

They'll cheat on them, lie to them, and do other things, but many people do not like to dump their current lover for some new person they barely even know.

Many people would rather stay with their current lover then take a chance with some unknown new lover.

Again, cheating and lying are acceptable to these people. But breaking up, that sometimes is very hard to do for some people.

A one night stand, a hot passionate escapade, yes these are things that happen, and will always happen.

But chasing some girl who you barely know because she stroked your ego, you are just fooling yourself.

If things happen while you are just hanging out with her on YOUR OWN TIME, then go for it. Otherwise, don't waste your time or feelings.

But it seems to me, you already are chasing after her, otherwise, why would you post a message on this board and ask advice?

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

some excellent stuff posted here. I think the problem was that I wasnt aware she had a boyfriend until the second night we hung out together. As I expected she did it cuz she didnt want me to "not" like her simply because she had a boyfriend. By pursuing her I just meant that we have went out twice, but I'd like to make it a 3rd or 4th time. I dont know nearly as much about this girl as I would like and I honestly havent even considered dating this girl yet, I've just never been this interested in a girl who wasnt available. Hence why I came here askin for some advice

 

[playasupreme]

Nail her if she makes it easy for you but do not date this one. She will disrespect you like she's disrespecting her present boyfriend.

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

gonna shamelessly bump this one cuz of the recent events. I find myself in a position that I have absolutely no previous experience in and I am unsure as to what I should do next.

A few of us went to dinner the other night, we were flirtin as usual and as the night progressed things got more and more interesting. I guess my friend was tryin to help me out and he asked her if she ever cheated on her boyfriend and she said she never has but openly admitted liking me and didnt know what that meant. To make a long story short we ended up hookin up since she "couldnt help herself anymore" and I fingered her among other things. I mean we have openly admitted to being crazy about each other but her boyfriend is obviously a roadblock and we have yet to talk about what we are gonna do.

Should I just shutup and realize the ball is in her court and she will decide what happens? On the other hand if this continues for much longer I am not sure I can just sit back and be the other guy so I will be forced to ask her where this is goin.

 

[Ice Cold]

I think she dumped her boyfriend and now she's with you. DUH

Cheers

BTW: Stop worrying about where the ball is. You're fukkin her.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Crazygonuts, please, PLEASE, do NOT ask her 'where this is goin'. So you got some action with her, good for you. But it sounds like you are about to blow it all by acting VERY needy. Just play it cool.

Only SHE can make the decision to leave her BF. For all you know, right now she might just want a bit of excitement and a bit of 'playing away from home', and if you start acting like you want an interview for the job of her BF, she will be gone! Let HER come to YOU. There's no need to be hostile to her, in fact be sure to keep things ticking over, but don't start talking about where things are going.

 

[Life-Trainee]

her boyfriend is obviously a roadblock and we have yet to talk about what we are gonna do

What "we" gonna do? It's up to her to leave the BF. You shouldn't relax just yet, otherwise she might decide she got what she wanted from you and go back.

 

[CrazyGoNuts]

see thats the thing, i really feel like things are going to keep going they way they have been and I am not gonna fool around with her for much longer while she still has a bf. If it was simply a physical attraction I wouldnt care but we both admit that if she was available we would be dating already. Obviously she IS with her boyfriend but i think the point we were trying to make to each other is that it isnt just physical, its everything else too.

She just called me actually and it was just random talking, she said that what she did felt weird because she does care about her boyfriend but i have every reason to believe its not gonna stop between us. And if that is indeed the case its not fair to the 3 of us. She wont have the conscience to do it for much longer and that either means it ends between us or she has to accept the fact that she has feelings for someone other than her bf and she will realize its not fair to him and end it.