pure AFC right?

[Packers2010]

hey guys i have a few questions. this is probably not the place to post them. for they are more psychological then anything. I've never been good with girls as in term with being friends with them and stuff.

so when i find a girl who wants to be good friends with me, i start to like them. i know this is wrong. this is why i am here to fix this. i shouldn't be falling for girls who become best friends with. i know it's text book afcness. but i just can't help it. i feel like they get more then other girls if they are my best friend. it shouldn't matter. a girl is going to date me more if she ISN'T my best friend.

so why do i do this? i don't need to do this. this is just making my life more hard then it needs to be. i always come on to strong. i need to back off a bit.

anyway this is a rant more then anything. if you have any comments you know where to leave them. don't tell me to "be a man" or "move to the next one"

 

[Alle_Gory]

You're not "falling" for them. You're lusting for them and you don't know how to go about banging them which is why you're here.

Why should you "move on". Don't be a quitter. If you want to succeed you have to go for it. If you should fail, then fail hard and learn from it.

 

[Packers2010]

You're not "falling" for them. You're lusting for them and you don't know how to go about banging them which is why you're here.

Why should you "move on". Don't be a quitter. If you want to succeed you have to go for it. If you should fail, then fail hard and learn from it.

yeah. i did that this week. it was like the hindenburg blowing up. i failed hard.

i know i just can't wait till i befriend them. i have to ask them out earlier i think

 

[Igetit!]

I've never been good with girls as in term with being friends with them and stuff.

My first question is....Why would you want to be friends with them? So if you meet a girl who's an 8 or a 9,who's a nice and decent person,with a cool personality,you'd want to make her your friend????


Why?

so when i find a girl who wants to be good friends with me, i start to like them.

Question #2:Why would some chick want to be "good friends" with you?


Look,usually the only time a guy want to "be a girl's friend" is after any hope or chances of dating her have been ruined....OR he mistakenly thinks that he can gain her ROMANTIC INTEREST BY BEING FRIENDS FIRST.


And even then,he really doesn't want to be friends with her,he just thinks that by being her friend he may somehow still be able to date or have sex with the girl.


I know. I know this because I used to try this ALL THE TIME,and not once did it work.


Not one time.

i know this is wrong. this is why i am here to fix this. i shouldn't be falling for girls who become best friends with.

You got this wrong dude. It's backwards. You say that you shouldn't be falling for girl who you're best friends with. CORRECTION: YOU SHOULDN'T BE BEST FRIENDS WITH a girl you've falled for,or that is,a girl who you're interested in.

i know it's text book afcness. but i just can't help it.

so why do i do this?

Why do you do this? Because you're an AFC,that's why. LOL,I'm just jokin' with ya man.


Look,if you repeatedly "fall" for girls and try to be their "best friend",you have some inner issues that need to be worked out. You said that you don't want to hear the whole "Be a Man" talk. Sorry,but that's the answer.




If your offer of friendship is genuine,meaning that ALL YOU WANT is friendship,with no hidden agendas or ideas of ever being anything more,ok,then fine,be friends with them.



But being friends with other ideas floating around in your head about still trying to date her or sleep with her simply means you're AFRAID,and that you're not MAN ENOUGH to just be open and real with the girl because you're AFRAID of rejection.




Are you just speaking supposedly,or is this about a specific girl?

yeah. i did that this week. it was like the hindenburg blowing up. i failed hard.

You care to elaborate here?

It's MUCH EASIER to find the problems and fix them by looking under the hood instead of just hearing the aftermath.

i know i just can't wait till i befriend them. i have to ask them out earlier i think

You're 1/2 right here. Yes,you do have to ask them out earlier,but you shouldn't be befriending them AT ALL.

 

[Alle_Gory]

yeah. i did that this week. it was like the hindenburg blowing up. i failed hard.

Hmmm.... usually takes more than a week. I say take a breather and try again.

What exactly did you do?

 

[Packers2010]

Hmmm.... usually takes more than a week. I say take a breather and try again.

What exactly did you do?

i told her i liked her obvs. it's not going to happen man. she siad so herself. i just don't want to go threw the hole BS of finding someone else. i won't click with her like i click with my best. plus she wont get me anyway. she will just get bored with me and shoot off. so?

 

[Packers2010]

My first question is....Why would you want to be friends with them? So if you meet a girl who's an 8 or a 9,who's a nice and decent person,with a cool personality,you'd want to make her your friend????


Why?

well... it's just how it worked out. i guess. i mean. it's a real turn on to me if a girl " gets me" if that makes sence


Question #2:Why would some chick want to be "good friends" with you?


it's not that i want them to be my best friend. it's just the AFC in i'm me. if a girl doesn't get me then i don't really like her. i'm a really weired guy. I'm into weired things. not the norm. some girls just don't get why. this is my fault tho. i know it shouldn't matter but it dose.


Look,usually the only time a guy want to "be a girl's friend" is after any hope or chances of dating her have been ruined....OR he mistakenly thinks that he can gain her ROMANTIC INTEREST BY BEING FRIENDS FIRST.


And even then,he really doesn't want to be friends with her,he just thinks that by being her friend he may somehow still be able to date or have sex with the girl.


I know. I know this because I used to try this ALL THE TIME,and not once did it work.


Not one time.

i know it doesn't work. yet i keep doing it. well we have fun when we are together so i suppose i will just be friends with her. not much else i can do. i think i might just back off a bit. i mean the last few months a don't think there has been a day where we didn't text or talk on skype so


You got this wrong dude. It's backwards. You say that you shouldn't be falling for girl who you're best friends with. CORRECTION: YOU SHOULDN'T BE BEST FRIENDS WITH a girl you've falled for,or that is,a girl who you're interested in.

i know. but this is how it is. i think i just have to accept it. that 5 years ago i should have asked her out. instead of friending her. i can blame the guy who i met her threw for that!

Why do you do this? Because you're an AFC,that's why. LOL,I'm just jokin' with ya man.


Look,if you repeatedly "fall" for girls and try to be their "best friend",you have some inner issues that need to be worked out. You said that you don't want to hear the whole "Be a Man" talk. Sorry,but that's the answer.

lol i know i'm an AFC i wouldn't be here if i wasn't. i also know that the answer IS be a man. but she doesn't see me as a man. so i can't do much. i just have to move on and try be the best friend i can be


If your offer of friendship is genuine,meaning that ALL YOU WANT is friendship,with no hidden agendas or ideas of ever being anything more,ok,then fine,be friends with them.

put it this way. i would do 2 years for her no questions asked!

But being friends with other ideas floating around in your head about still trying to date her or sleep with her simply means you're AFRAID,and that you're not MAN ENOUGH to just be open and real with the girl because you're AFRAID of rejection.

this is only half true. i told her how i felt the other night. i mean i really gave it a try. i' not afired of getting rejected. i think i am past that. cos i knew it was coming. it was more the fact that i had all this **** inside me that needed to be said. so I could feel better. obvs i feel like **** cos she siad no. but it's not as bad as before. now i can say yes i did tell her and it's not my fault i didn't tell her. it's her fault for saying no. ( partly my fault for being AFC n stuff too lol)


Are you just speaking supposedly,or is this about a specific girl?

yes it is about that girl i have posted on here. so if you search my user name you will see it was a 100:1 long shot but i still did it anyway


You care to elaborate here?

what i did her was tell her i liked her and wanted to be more then friends. in short. i confessed my love to her and she siad no lets stay best friends. witch is ok i guess cos i can do with a BFF. i just want to sex her as well. thats the problem

It's MUCH EASIER to find the problems and fix them by looking under the hood instead of just hearing the aftermath.

thats why i am here man


You're 1/2 right here. Yes,you do have to ask them out earlier,but you shouldn't be befriending them AT ALL.

everything in bold and italics is what i have written and am replying too

 

[Igetit!]

Originally Posted by Igetit!
My first question is....Why would you want to be friends with them? So if you meet a girl who's an 8 or a 9,who's a nice and decent person,with a cool personality,you'd want to make her your friend????


Why?

well... it's just how it worked out. i guess. i mean. it's a real turn on to me if a girl " gets me" if that makes sence

I understand what you mean by a girl "getting you",but unless you do the things to make her attracted to you,you're just going to end up with a bunch of female friends who "get you".


And you don't want that. You want a girl who's SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to you who "gets you",right?

Question #2:Why would some chick want to be "good friends" with you?

it's not that i want them to be my best friend. it's just the AFC in i'm me. if a girl doesn't get me then i don't really like her. i'm a really weired guy. I'm into weired things. not the norm. some girls just don't get why. this is my fault tho. i know it shouldn't matter but it dose.

Well I'm not really sure what you mean when you call yourself "weird",but WHATEVER IT IS,don't use it to try to get a girl's interest.


It's better to show how you're like other guys than to try to impress her by being some oddball.

Look,usually the only time a guy want to "be a girl's friend" is after any hope or chances of dating her have been ruined....OR he mistakenly thinks that he can gain her ROMANTIC INTEREST BY BEING FRIENDS FIRST.


And even then,he really doesn't want to be friends with her,he just thinks that by being her friend he may somehow still be able to date or have sex with the girl.


I know. I know this because I used to try this ALL THE TIME,and not once did it work.


Not one time.

i know it doesn't work. yet i keep doing it. well we have fun when we are together so i suppose i will just be friends with her. not much else i can do. i think i might just back off a bit. i mean the last few months a don't think there has been a day where we didn't text or talk on skype so

Look,if you know that something doesn't work,but you keep doing it,then that's just plain crazy,but hey,if you KNOWINGLY choose to keep banging your head against the wall thinking that "this time" something different is going to happen,by all means,have at it.


Don't let us stop you.

You got this wrong dude. It's backwards. You say that you shouldn't be falling for girl who you're best friends with. CORRECTION: YOU SHOULDN'T BE BEST FRIENDS WITH a girl you've falled for,or that is,a girl who you're interested in.

i know. but this is how it is. i think i just have to accept it. that 5 years ago i should have asked her out. instead of friending her.

Whoa,whoa.....wait a minute...did I read that right? Did you say you should have asked some girl out 5 years ago????



Five years? Dude,no wonder. You can't date some chick you've been "best friends" with for 5 years. That's crazy. Wow. You're worse off than I thought.


You have some SERIOUS misunderstandings about women that need to be corrected,but cheer up because they can all be EASILY cleared up.

i also know that the answer IS be a man. but she doesn't see me as a man. so i can't do much. i just have to move on and try be the best friend i can be

BINGO.


See that part I put in bold? That's it,that's the problem.

How ironic....you started this thread off by telling us that you didnt want anyone here to say "be a man" to you,yet you YOURSELF say here that this girl "doesn't see you as a MAN".


That's YOUR FAULT. You keep trying to "befriend" girls,but "friends" don't turn women on,MEN do.


So until you get that and decide to make the necessary changes,you might as well get used to what went down between you and this girl...OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

this is only half true. i told her how i felt the other night. i mean i really gave it a try.

You told her how you felt. Well it's clear that you're new here.

Telling a girl how you feel is ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN DO to make her interested in you,almost as bad as being her "friend",perhaps worse.

All you did was make things worse.

You care to elaborate here?

what i did her was tell her i liked her and wanted to be more then friends. in short. i confessed my love to her and she siad no lets stay best friends. witch is ok i guess cos i can do with a BFF. i just want to sex her as well. thats the problem

Confessed your love,huh? Yeah,you're new here alright?

You're professing love to a girl you've never even had a date with.

It's too much to get into. You have a TON OF THINKING that needs to be straighted out. At the moment all I can say is continue to hang around the forum,and read,read,read,but first things first......


STOP TRYING TO DATE YOUR FEMALE "FRIENDS",especially if you've known them for a loooong time. You can't date girl you're in the friend zone with.


All you do by trying to date them is cause uneasiness and awkwardness and make them uncomfortable.



Read man.read.

 

[hansol]

Dude, after reading your stuff in bold, ummm... you're pretty much a lost cause. I just threw up on my shoes.

I think you're the first guy I've ever heard say that it turns them on to get friend-zoned. Just wow.

I'd suggest taking up knitting and getting a cat, all while reading up on some sociology, psychology, and anything you can find about social interactions between males and females. You need some serious help dude.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

 

[Packers2010]

I understand what you mean by a girl "getting you",but unless you do the things to make her attracted to you,you're just going to end up with a bunch of female friends who "get you".


And you don't want that. You want a girl who's SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to you who "gets you",right?

pretty much.





Well I'm not really sure what you mean when you call yourself "weird",but WHATEVER IT IS,don't use it to try to get a girl's interest.


It's better to show how you're like other guys than to try to impress her by being some oddball.


wait. back up a little. the SAME? oh **** I've been trying to be different the hole time. can you explain? why would you want to be the same?


Look,if you know that something doesn't work,but you keep doing it,then that's just plain crazy,but hey,if you KNOWINGLY choose to keep banging your head against the wall thinking that "this time" something different is going to happen,by all means,have at it.


Don't let us stop you.

thats why i am here man


Whoa,whoa.....wait a minute...did I read that right? Did you say you should have asked some girl out 5 years ago????



Five years? Dude,no wonder. You can't date some chick you've been "best friends" with for 5 years. That's crazy. Wow. You're worse off than I thought.


You have some SERIOUS misunderstandings about women that need to be corrected,but cheer up because they can all be EASILY cleared up.

no no no.... well yes.

it's complicated. 5 years ago is when we met threw a friend. he told me he didn't like her and wanted someone else. then went ahead and dated her . so i was kind of stuck. then after she breok up with that guy she got a LTR for like 3 years and we didn't talk much during those 3 years.

now we are back to talking again. talking like everyday.

i'm just saying i maybe could have done more back then?



BINGO.


See that part I put in bold? That's it,that's the problem.

How ironic....you started this thread off by telling us that you didnt want anyone here to say "be a man" to you,yet you YOURSELF say here that this girl "doesn't see you as a MAN".


That's YOUR FAULT. You keep trying to "befriend" girls,but "friends" don't turn women on,MEN do.


So until you get that and decide to make the necessary changes,you might as well get used to what went down between you and this girl...OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

lol. i know it is my fault man. i don't think i could have done it any differently it's just be all bad timing cos she really hasn't been single and available.





You told her how you felt. Well it's clear that you're new here.

Telling a girl how you feel is ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN DO to make her interested in you,almost as bad as being her "friend",perhaps worse.

All you did was make things worse.


yeah i know. i didn't mean to do this. it just randomly came up in a text convo and she told me i was her BFF and i was like. well i can either say i am her BFF now and **** it up. or i can tell her i want to be more then friends. feel get all this **** out of me. then move on. so i was fvcked either way.



Confessed your love,huh? Yeah,you're new here alright?

You're professing love to a girl you've never even had a date with.

It's too much to get into. You have a TON OF THINKING that needs to be straighted out. At the moment all I can say is continue to hang around the forum,and read,read,read,but first things first......


STOP TRYING TO DATE YOUR FEMALE "FRIENDS",especially if you've known them for a loooong time. You can't date girl you're in the friend zone with.


All you do by trying to date them is cause uneasiness and awkwardness and make them uncomfortable.


yeah i have been reading. it has been helping heaps. i know i made a ton of mistakes with this girl. but it's too late to do anything now. and this is the time when she is single. lol. i guess it's on the the next one. as they say.


Read man.read.

same deal as before. i can't work out the quotes in this dam thing.

 

[Packers2010]

Dude, after reading your stuff in bold, ummm... you're pretty much a lost cause. I just threw up on my shoes.

I think you're the first guy I've ever heard say that it turns them on to get friend-zoned. Just wow.

I'd suggest taking up knitting and getting a cat, all while reading up on some sociology, psychology, and anything you can find about social interactions between males and females. You need some serious help dude.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

man there more of us out there i have seen them lol. but none of them change. i am here to change. don't judge me on what i have done before. judge me on what i do next!

 

[dig it]

This question would be so easily answerred if we cut the crap.

you MUST make your move on her early on. dont let her think of you as a friend.

easy.

 

[Packers2010]

This question would be so easily answerred if we cut the crap.

you MUST make your move on her early on. dont let her think of you as a friend.

easy.

yeah. i know that now. but it doesn't help me. lol

i'll just reading. i think

 

[Warrior74]

The only advice for you, is the advice you wouldn't want to hear.

You give your emotions and attention freely to what ever woman who comes by. They don't have to work or do anything to get what the want from your whorish ass. You have no respect for yourself and give too freely without demanding anything in return until after you have given it up. You are an emotional slut for these women. Imagine if these women fvcked every guy who showed them some attention, you would have no respect for them, oh you might screw them when you are in a drought, but how could you respect them. And then, if they wanted to date you, you'd be disgusted. That's exactly what you are doing on an emotional and attention-giving level. How do I know this? Because I used to be you.

Ditch all female friends for 6 months. Spend time with your male friends. Spend time alone. Spend time actually trying to go out and pick up girls to date/have sex with. Start a journal on here and get feedback on your attempts.

Don't tell your female friends what you are doing. Just withdraw. When they call you or try to intiate contact, be polite as usual, just tell them you have been busy. Get off the phone or chat quickly, cut conversations short but be polite.

After six months or so when you have a few lays and maybe a few girls on your team, you can talk to them. They will probably have boyfriends and not want to spend too much time with you. Trust me. Females see guy friends as temporary attention. You are a hot pocket in comparison to a steak dinner, barely filling the attention hunger void and not quite as enjoyable.

If you can do this, you will change your life. If you cannot, you may learn, but it will take you a long time. Rip the band aid off. Good Luck.

 

[Packers2010]

The only advice for you, is the advice you wouldn't want to hear.

You give your emotions and attention freely to what ever woman who comes by. They don't have to work or do anything to get what the want from your whorish ass. You have no respect for yourself and give too freely without demanding anything in return until after you have given it up. You are an emotional slut for these women. Imagine if these women fvcked every guy who showed them some attention, you would have no respect for them, oh you might screw them when you are in a drought, but how could you respect them. And then, if they wanted to date you, you'd be disgusted. That's exactly what you are doing on an emotional and attention-giving level. How do I know this? Because I used to be you.

Ditch all female friends for 6 months. Spend time with your male friends. Spend time alone. Spend time actually trying to go out and pick up girls to date/have sex with. Start a journal on here and get feedback on your attempts.

Don't tell your female friends what you are doing. Just withdraw. When they call you or try to intiate contact, be polite as usual, just tell them you have been busy. Get off the phone or chat quickly, cut conversations short but be polite.

After six months or so when you have a few lays and maybe a few girls on your team, you can talk to them. They will probably have boyfriends and not want to spend too much time with you. Trust me. Females see guy friends as temporary attention. You are a hot pocket in comparison to a steak dinner, barely filling the attention hunger void and not quite as enjoyable.

If you can do this, you will change your life. If you cannot, you may learn, but it will take you a long time. Rip the band aid off. Good Luck.

thanks for the advice. i am going clubbing tomorrow so i might be able to do this. this problem being i can't just shut out the girl i like. i mean. maybe i can talk to her for less time. and cut half the crap out. but i can't just drop her that would be unfair on her.

i will try talk to her less like you say.


i get what you mean about giving emotions away for free. i feel like i have been doing this too. i feel trap because i don't know any other way. i feel like that i have to do this.

it;s true what they say. that if you show a girl no attention she will want it more. but i don't seam to do that. i feel like if i don't give it away. then she wont come back to me. if that makes any sence.

i give it up because i feel like it's better then what i have had before. i mean i don't care what i get from a girl. as long as it's something. i don't have a benchmark. when really i should.

i think my bestfriend likes me a lttle more then hot pocket. but it's still true what you say. i know she just uses me emotional thats what a best friend is there for really? i see it all the time. i spose i did use her from time to time too.

anyway i will stop there before you well TL ; DR at me

 

[Warrior74]

thanks for the advice. i am going clubbing tomorrow so i might be able to do this. this problem being i can't just shut out the girl i like. i mean. maybe i can talk to her for less time. and cut half the crap out. but i can't just drop her that would be unfair on her.

i will try talk to her less like you say.


i get what you mean about giving emotions away for free. i feel like i have been doing this too. i feel trap because i don't know any other way. i feel like that i have to do this.

it;s true what they say. that if you show a girl no attention she will want it more. but i don't seam to do that. i feel like if i don't give it away. then she wont come back to me. if that makes any sence.

i give it up because i feel like it's better then what i have had before. i mean i don't care what i get from a girl. as long as it's something. i don't have a benchmark. when really i should.

i think my bestfriend likes me a lttle more then hot pocket. but it's still true what you say. i know she just uses me emotional thats what a best friend is there for really? i see it all the time. i spose i did use her from time to time too.

anyway i will stop there before you well TL ; DR at me

Yah I had a "best friend" who liked me a little more. In fact we both were unhappy in our relationships and starting seeing each other. But once we both were single and I was still acting AFC she didn't want anything to do with me and went on to get used and abused by a bunch of "bad boys". I dropped her for six months. No phone, text, email. Hit the gym, hung out with the boys, got a life and some hobbies and met some girls. When I came back around I had a bunch of lays, a couple of girlfriends and she heard about the change in me. We went out and she couldn't keep her hands off me, and we started dating for a while, but by that time I had grown and I just didn't have that oneitis feeling for her...she was cool, but it wasn't what I wanted any more. So I LJBF'd her and we are still friends to this day. She hooks me up with chics all the time and is my biggest cheerleader.

 

[Igetit!]

wait. back up a little. the SAME? oh **** I've been trying to be different the hole time. can you explain? why would you want to be the same?

Ok listen...


When I say "to be the same as other guys",what I mean is being the same as far as sex and sexuality is concerned.


If your name is "Bob" or "Jim" or "Dave", then yeah,of course you want to be the best Bob,Jim,or Dave you can be,and you want to be a unique Bob,Jim,or Dave. It's ok to stand out and be the best person you can be.



What I mean is this....have you ever heard a girl gripe or complain about guys saying things like,"Urrrgh,I swear. All guys are just alike. All they think about is sex."?



You hear a girl say something like that,then what do you do? You try to be different. You try to "not be like those other guys". You hear a girl say something like that,then you go and try to be the opposite.



You think,"All those other guy just want sex,so I won't be like them. I'll be kind,nice,respectful. Then maybe she'll see I'm not like those other guys,and she'll like me". You try to be different by denying YOUR SEXUAL DESIRE.




You know what happens when you do this? You end up being her "best friend" while she goes and hops in bed with all the other guys SHE WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT.


I don't know if that's what you're doing or not,but if it is,STOP IT.




Stop trying to be different by ACTING LIKE you don't want sex. Yeah you want sex. You're a man,aren't you? Go the other direction. If a girl starts complaining about guys only wanting sex,be like,"Yeah,you're right about that. Hey,let's go somewhere and make out".



I'M SERIOUS. By you trying to be "different",all you do is come off as asexual,and weird,you're not winning her over.


So if that's what you're doing,then stop it. All you're doing is hurting yourself.

 

[Packers2010]

yeah you should read this now.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=180357