Pull up your seats,boys, the master is speaking....
- Thread starter bondjamesbond
- Start date
Dr_Feelgood
Don Juan
James Bond. Even though I think your post is fantastic, and I've read it several times, I disagree with you on one thing.
You say that being a mystery, playing hard to get, etc. is all about insecurity. I call these things being a challenge. And, yes, you can overdo it, and have a girl dump you because she thinks you're playing games.
However, in my past few relationships, if I understood the concept of challenge, the relationships would have lasted longer. Instead I got dumped. I was seen as "too nice, too sensitive, desperate." Not because girls didn't know my intentions. They knew I wanted to f**k them. I came on very strong when I approached them, and went out with them. That's the problem. I came on too strong. That scared them off. Guys who do this are seen as emotional sluts. Guys who are ready to get married or fall in love right away. Girls see this "love" as insincere, and it scares them off.
Yes, girls want sex as much as we do. But, no matter how you look at it, they view relationships differently. You may have heard that men use romance and affection to get sex, while women use sex to get romance and affection. I think that illustrates my point in one way.
Challenge isn't about insecurity, or manipulating or seducing women. It's a way to keep nice guys from being "too nice". It's a way of giving guys some self-control, and control in a relationship. It keeps guys from calling everyday, spilling their guts out, and coming across in a way that will make them seem weak or desperate. Whether you guys want to admit it or not, 90% of the time, she controls the relationship. For most of us, 90% of the time, she dumps you. Most guys have too much ego to admit this is true, but you all know it is.
James Bond, I think if you honestly look at your relationships, you'll see that in some way you were a challenge. If not, you must look like a movie star. But, even that is no gaurantee that you'll do the right thing with women. I've had a lot of women compliment my looks, body, etc. But, I still screwed up, because I came on too strong. I kissed their butts, because I had no concept of challenge.
I honestly think challenge is very important if you're looking for more than a one night stand. But, like I said you can overdo it. It's something I think many guys need to practice. Like I said, I think your post is fantastic, but I think you underestimate the importance of challenge.
You say that being a mystery, playing hard to get, etc. is all about insecurity. I call these things being a challenge. And, yes, you can overdo it, and have a girl dump you because she thinks you're playing games.
However, in my past few relationships, if I understood the concept of challenge, the relationships would have lasted longer. Instead I got dumped. I was seen as "too nice, too sensitive, desperate." Not because girls didn't know my intentions. They knew I wanted to f**k them. I came on very strong when I approached them, and went out with them. That's the problem. I came on too strong. That scared them off. Guys who do this are seen as emotional sluts. Guys who are ready to get married or fall in love right away. Girls see this "love" as insincere, and it scares them off.
Yes, girls want sex as much as we do. But, no matter how you look at it, they view relationships differently. You may have heard that men use romance and affection to get sex, while women use sex to get romance and affection. I think that illustrates my point in one way.
Challenge isn't about insecurity, or manipulating or seducing women. It's a way to keep nice guys from being "too nice". It's a way of giving guys some self-control, and control in a relationship. It keeps guys from calling everyday, spilling their guts out, and coming across in a way that will make them seem weak or desperate. Whether you guys want to admit it or not, 90% of the time, she controls the relationship. For most of us, 90% of the time, she dumps you. Most guys have too much ego to admit this is true, but you all know it is.
James Bond, I think if you honestly look at your relationships, you'll see that in some way you were a challenge. If not, you must look like a movie star. But, even that is no gaurantee that you'll do the right thing with women. I've had a lot of women compliment my looks, body, etc. But, I still screwed up, because I came on too strong. I kissed their butts, because I had no concept of challenge.
I honestly think challenge is very important if you're looking for more than a one night stand. But, like I said you can overdo it. It's something I think many guys need to practice. Like I said, I think your post is fantastic, but I think you underestimate the importance of challenge.
RockandRoll!
Don Juan
yes! if you lose the challenge you lose the game.but when your going through the puppy love stage theres no challenge involved there.theres no mystery....what is the explanation on what makes puppy love work?
please reply to this one!
please reply to this one!
bondjamesbond
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2001
- Messages
- 70
- Reaction score
- 7
Hi Dr Feelgood..(Great name, btw, sounds like we should be in a movie together)...I love your post....Beautifully written, very concise.....you oughta be writing more tips!
I'm pretty sure that you and I are approaching the context of what I said about "insecurities" from two different angles.....I expressed what I think is the biggest obstacle for alot of, if not most of, the guys reading these posts; that is to say, that needless fear is blocking so many of them from APPROACHING women initially. I'm certain you'd agree that there is a huge difference.
Keeping a women (if you want to) is an altogether different matter from going out and attempting contact, etc.,......I had read several posts to the effect that to get a woman's attention initially you should be a "mysterious, hard to get, aloof sort of guy".......I think any guy with this attitude will spend many, many nights with his penis in his hand. Kinda like going fishing in your bathtub; you can do it, but you won't catch anything.
Once you've made good contact and are interested in developing something long term with a chick then I strongly believe that the "mystery" part has to kick in. There really is no other way. You spill your guts out, they're gonna treat you like a schmuck!
There is no doubt in my mind that I was seen as a challenge by many of the women I've known. You know why? Because they all knew that I had, or could easily get, somebody else.
The greatest confidence builder in the world for a guy is to be seeing/banging multiple chicks. It's like having alot of money in the bank. It's the lack of this that causes so many guys to behave so pathetic when they do find a chick to go out with. They make her a rare commodity, kiss her @ss, do favors, buy gifts, etc.,....only to be cast aside later like so much leftover garbage.
Before I met my wife, I never had a LTR.....I didn't want one, hell, I never even refered to any of them as my "girlfriend"........The only women I've ever been friends with were all much, much older than me (like my mothers age) or someone I had no sexual interest in whatsoever. I've always felt that men make better friends.
There is really nothing else I could possibly add to what you've said about "coming on too strong" once a "relationship" has begun.....you've summed it up as close to perfect as can be.
I don't think we're in disagreement Doc, we're just talking about different stages.......
Best Wishes>>>BJB
I'm pretty sure that you and I are approaching the context of what I said about "insecurities" from two different angles.....I expressed what I think is the biggest obstacle for alot of, if not most of, the guys reading these posts; that is to say, that needless fear is blocking so many of them from APPROACHING women initially. I'm certain you'd agree that there is a huge difference.
Keeping a women (if you want to) is an altogether different matter from going out and attempting contact, etc.,......I had read several posts to the effect that to get a woman's attention initially you should be a "mysterious, hard to get, aloof sort of guy".......I think any guy with this attitude will spend many, many nights with his penis in his hand. Kinda like going fishing in your bathtub; you can do it, but you won't catch anything.
Once you've made good contact and are interested in developing something long term with a chick then I strongly believe that the "mystery" part has to kick in. There really is no other way. You spill your guts out, they're gonna treat you like a schmuck!
There is no doubt in my mind that I was seen as a challenge by many of the women I've known. You know why? Because they all knew that I had, or could easily get, somebody else.
The greatest confidence builder in the world for a guy is to be seeing/banging multiple chicks. It's like having alot of money in the bank. It's the lack of this that causes so many guys to behave so pathetic when they do find a chick to go out with. They make her a rare commodity, kiss her @ss, do favors, buy gifts, etc.,....only to be cast aside later like so much leftover garbage.
Before I met my wife, I never had a LTR.....I didn't want one, hell, I never even refered to any of them as my "girlfriend"........The only women I've ever been friends with were all much, much older than me (like my mothers age) or someone I had no sexual interest in whatsoever. I've always felt that men make better friends.
There is really nothing else I could possibly add to what you've said about "coming on too strong" once a "relationship" has begun.....you've summed it up as close to perfect as can be.
I don't think we're in disagreement Doc, we're just talking about different stages.......
Best Wishes>>>BJB
Dr_Feelgood
Don Juan
Sorry, James Bond, I misunderstood that part of your post. Thank you for clarifying things. I definitely think we're in agreement. I've learned a lot from your posts, and been motivated to approach more women. I hope you keep the excellent posts coming. Thanks again.
Dr Feelgood
Dr Feelgood
james...i have one queswtion...how is your family stuff;s going..?...i mean...you are one hell of a man:>
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"how can i go to a girl and find out how smart and interesting she is if i can't even look at her?...
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"how can i go to a girl and find out how smart and interesting she is if i can't even look at her?...
Framboise
Banned
oh my god. this is it.
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"win without boasting, lose without excuses"
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"win without boasting, lose without excuses"
KiInCollege
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2002
- Messages
- 424
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Confidence is evident even in this man's posts. I'm sure the women were helpless on dates with him.
That's why this post is in the bible. I'm glad it was bumped so I could read it again, though.
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KiInCollege
"Sometimes all you need is a smile."
"Never be satisfied, but keep it positive."
That's why this post is in the bible. I'm glad it was bumped so I could read it again, though.
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KiInCollege
"Sometimes all you need is a smile."
"Never be satisfied, but keep it positive."
Tiandan007
Don Juan
- Joined
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To say applying Challenge, being a Mystery, applying self-control etc. is from insecurities is incorrect. Every time I applied these principles I've had great responses from women. These are STRENGTH qualities that women in general love...If you never applied these and never had a problem with women, you were fortunate...
...Secondly, I don't agree that all women are looking just to get banged. Of course women love sex as much as men...but to keep a good women you have to use "Maintenance" : Romance, Affection, and Respect.
...Secondly, I don't agree that all women are looking just to get banged. Of course women love sex as much as men...but to keep a good women you have to use "Maintenance" : Romance, Affection, and Respect.
Bond,
If you were here, I would kneel down in front of you...
Damn! I'm going to print this out.
One more thing. Could you be my guru? The time has come where I feel the need to evolve from a "be a mystery, don't call for three days, do this" DJ to an actual Casanova, an appearance.
Respect.
If you were here, I would kneel down in front of you...
One more thing. Could you be my guru? The time has come where I feel the need to evolve from a "be a mystery, don't call for three days, do this" DJ to an actual Casanova, an appearance.
Respect.
Nice post Bond. You obviously know what women want and how they want it served... Can you share a little of your knowledge on how to serve the "meal" the right way so she will definately want the "dessert" too? Serving a good meal takes time, how do you keep yourself from getting bored before you can get to the dessert?
Most of you will understand this post, for those of you who don't: don't bother, it's not meant for you anyway
Most of you will understand this post, for those of you who don't: don't bother, it's not meant for you anyway
I agree w/ DonJoey, like Pitt said in fight club..."we're a generation of men raised by women, i'm starting to think if another woman is really what we need in our life."
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The Ultimate DJ:
Ted Nugent
Leader of the Penetration Nation
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The Ultimate DJ:
Ted Nugent
Leader of the Penetration Nation
xml2
New Member
BJB is truly the extreme masculine Jerk that Pook discussed in his The Secret of the Jerk post.
2N Turbo
Senior Don Juan
Taking it back to the old school.
RazzleDazzle
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2003
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Sweet post BJB. Just awesome, puts so many things in better perspective. I'm far too young to be dating to find the "one". I've been denying my want for some poody poo the whole time!! How many years, chances, have i thrown away just because of my fear? So many, and everyone of those times would have been my confidence booster. Thanks for the post BJB. Time to walk the path like i should have been along time ago.
Don Juan 101 -- Class in Session
I agree, this is an excellent thread. There's much solid observation and advice here, based on real-life experience. So to you younger guys out there, read and heed.
I'm in the "experienced" category as well. And I couldn't agree more that if you do her right, you're going a long way toward getting her to do right by you.
Several times I've had women break up with me, only to call back a month or so later asking for more. More of what? Guess.
It's written somewhere in the DJ Bible that what matters most is how a women feels about you that counts. It's the foundation of attraction. Take care to make her feel good, inside and outside the bedroom, and you'll be gold in her eyes and she'll go out of her way to make you feel the same.
Remember: before you do or say anything with a woman, ask yourself, "is this going to make her feel great or at least good?" If not, re-set, and try something that will.
I agree, this is an excellent thread. There's much solid observation and advice here, based on real-life experience. So to you younger guys out there, read and heed.
I'm in the "experienced" category as well. And I couldn't agree more that if you do her right, you're going a long way toward getting her to do right by you.
Several times I've had women break up with me, only to call back a month or so later asking for more. More of what? Guess.
It's written somewhere in the DJ Bible that what matters most is how a women feels about you that counts. It's the foundation of attraction. Take care to make her feel good, inside and outside the bedroom, and you'll be gold in her eyes and she'll go out of her way to make you feel the same.
Remember: before you do or say anything with a woman, ask yourself, "is this going to make her feel great or at least good?" If not, re-set, and try something that will.
Suaveman
Don Juan
Flawless... a simple yet perfect explaination on what a man is.