Public Speaking problems/fear

[Triple X]

Wow... I got a problem. I'm not normally one to happily reveal my insecurities but this is a message board with ppl I never met, so f*** it.

(OK this is only loosely related to being a DJ but I still think its kind of relevant)

Jeez... OK so what happened. It's my birthday, I'm at work... and whenever it's someone's birthday they have a little 'presentation' where that person gets a card/present.. and everyone crowds aroud them to watch.

So I'm opening my present and stuff... feeling (fairly) confident and then all of a sudden I just freeze inside... like OMG everyone's staring at me kind of thing.

I guess I panicked... I just sort of said something like 'Oh that's great!' (it was a CD), 'who bought it', 'yeah it's really good' (about 3-4 times, along with nervous laugh). Then I feel my whole face going red and I can't stop it... the sh*t was pretty embarrassing (hard to convey with words)

I then became very tense and tried to make a joke which was pretty damn weak at best... I looked down in shame and heard a couple of ppl politely laughing. F***... it wasn't good at all. The even more annoying thing is no sooner than 2 minutes after I had a rush of witty remarks come to mind which would have been perfect at the time. Aaaaargh!!

I realised I got a problem. I am no good talking to crowds of people. One on one is fine, or even a couple of ppl... but a whole crowd?? I freeze up like f***. It's like someone is literally sucking all the confidence out of me. And I'm normally pretty confident/outgoing as well.

I've always been a little envious of people who can perform on stage, do speeches etc with little or no problem whatsoever. How do they do it? I'm 25 years old and I still struggle with it. My hands go clammy, I freeze up, I don't act like my 'proper self' etc... it's so damn annoying.

What's this got to do with getting p*ssy? Not a lot, but think about it. One day your gonna be married, or at a wedding... or even just in front of a crowd with some hotties there.

There are gonna be times in your life when you gotta make a speech/talk to a group etc... and what do women want? A CONFIDENT man who can easily charm and impress a group of people, not an embarrasment. It's another aspect of your game that needs to be taken care of because one day you WILL have to do something like this... f*** up... and your a goner.

So I guess what I'm saying is... anyone else got this problem? Or anyone got any helpful tips/advice on dealing with public speaking etc? I'm witnessed people who seem to do it EFFORTLESSLY and it is so frustrating sometimes.

Anything guys? All comments are appreciated BTW.

 

[Unregistered]

The best way to conquer a fear, especially an irrational one, is to face that fear. Over and over until you are immune to it.

I'm reading an outstanding book on conquering fear called Will. It's the biography of G. Gordon Liddy, of Watergate infamy. The first 51 pages detail how he got over his childhood fears and steeled himself until a man. I recommend it to everyone.

 

[booga]

Join Toastmasters (it's a public-speaking club). Do a Google search to find your local chapter.

 

[Life-Trainee]

Just picture everyone naked

 

[mrblack]

Don't read a book. Take a public speaking class at a local community college, or university if you are eligible. Make sure its an introductory one and use www.ratemyprofessor.com to check the review of the teacher before joing laid out by students. After all you wouldn't want a dyck for a teacher for a subject you totally fear.

I myself have begun a public speaking course. And I will keep this forum updated on results. So far I feel good. It turns out there are some people in the class with way more irrational fears than me.

People are generally very supportive in these classes since they understand that public speaking is one of the most feared thigns for people to do.

 

[Juan_Man]

Practice your speech. When the real things comes, you'll be so used to what you say that you won't be nervous.

 

[PRMoon]

Many people fear public speech more then death...death is number 2!! In any event i'm very much afraid of speaking in public to large groups and what not but i also concider fear a good quality to have when i do things. Being afraid or nervous or what have you means that you care about what you're doing and you want to do well. So being afraid isnt' necessarily a bad thing persay but letting that fear control/cripple you is. So what you need to overcome are any physical imparements that could hinder your progress. Focus on controling your body and concentrate on the words you're saying. Don't worry about any errors and correct yourself when necessary. Those are really the basics but if you really want to delve deep into speech then you need to seek professional assitance ie speech class.

 

[RockstarPUA]

Originally posted by booga
Join Toastmasters (it's a public-speaking club). Do a Google search to find your local chapter.

 

[TxCowboy]

plz read the DJ Bible ....

OR

seek help from a therapist about confidence

 

[dyce]

i have the same problem man

i cant help but my face goes all red and its crap

just gotta practice more

 

[boston]

I'm a business student--here public speaking is a mandatory part of our curriculum. While I may not be smooth and suave when I speak in front of a group, I can do it with confidence and get my point across. Why that confidence never translates to one-on-one conversations with girls I don't know.

A few tips:
(1) Imagining that everyone is naked is silly; instead, imagine that nobody gives a damn about your speech in the first place and just wants to get back to whatever it was they were doing. I know, this sounds cynical, but this actually was the case in my public speaking classes. At any given time at least half the people just weren't listening. As a result, I felt a lot less pressure on myself to be charming and witty etc. Even if you're in a situation where everyone does care, imagining this will take off a lot of the pressure.

(2) On that point--there's no need to be charming and witty. That comes later on in the game. Just get your point accross clearly and succinctly.

(3) If you have a speech to do, practice it the night before. I used to find an empty room and just deliver the speech to the room, word-for-word, over and over again until it took me right. A three-minute speech would usually take about two hours to practice in this manner. The important thing isn't to get every word exactly right, but to constantly be saying what you want to say without error. By doing all this your brain has grooves along the track to go on.

(4) Keep making speeches at every available opportunity. In my freshman year I was putting on a suit and tie and making a speech literally once a week--most people could get away with doing once a month or so if they wanted, but didn't get nearly as proficient as me.

(5) Public speaking classes are worth the money. You're put in a room with a bunch of other people who can't speak and you do a lot of exercises which could not be done outside of that "safe" zone. For instance, one exercise involved getting in front of the room and delivering a speech, making sure I made eye contact with every single person--the speech was to recite the ABC's. In these classes you get all the practice you need.