Psychology girl

[AlexDP]

I met this girl in my uni library and we really hit it off. I could tell she was interested in me, there was a lot of flirting, some kino, really good eye contact. Then I chatted to her a couple of times on facebook the next 2 days, but after that I was busy for a few days and I didn't talk to her. At that point she sends me a text message telling me she's in the library and wants me to come over so we can have lunch together.

I'm busy though so I ask her to go the movies instead. She says she can't make it, because she has practice most nights (she's a ballet dancer). I tell her that's fine and that maybe we could meet some other time. Because she didn't propose another date I kind of forgot about her though. So another 2, 3 days go by and yesterday I start talking to her on facebook. We get into a pretty serious discussion about academic stuff, but then she starts talking about me. She says I'm a very confident person and that I make people feel as if they have to prove themselves to me. Then she says she thinks I'm arrogant and that she doesn't have to prove herself to me. I respond that I'm just a confident person and that I don't care what she thinks about me, but that she really doesn't have to prove herself to me if she doesn't want to. I also tell her she secretly loves confident people. Which apparently made her smile. I finish the conversation, but she implies she's 'testing' me and trying to figure me out.

What's the deal with this girl? Is she interested or am I just some sort of psychology project? She's not the only girl in my life and because we still haven't gone out on a date and I've known her for two weeks already, I don't consider her my best option. But I am intrigued.

 

[IamJosan]

She's most likely interested. But I bet she has a bunch of guys laying around so you gotta play your best game here. I say you don't talk to her much, just let her hit you up first, and continue with your ****y-funnyness. Make her prove herself to you even though you said she doesn't have to. You can win this one!

 

[crazyboy]

Woman have this habit of showing there hand to us. The trick is guys need to catch it. She like that your confidence, she like that she has to prove herself, she like that your busy and she not the only thing in her life. she like that you don't put on her petal stool and worship her. She like CHASING you. She attractive to you and all women test in your passing with flying colours i might add. I bet next time you actually have time to see her you would banging her adding her to your roster.

I treat woman like a basketball team You have your superstars your lebron wades and then you have then you have rest of starting 5 and your sixth man. This girl could be your sixth man when one of your starting 5 need a break.

 

[Warrior74]

Any brain shrink type chic, the sex is always good, the relationship, bad. Shes smart enough to know game, woman enough for it to work, head shrinked enough and femanazied enough to hate you for it in the end. She straight up told you she shyt tests, play the game and understand that this ain't a keeper unless you decided to be her bytch, at which point your life will become hell. Of course i generalize, but boy does my ex make me want to avoid any head shrinkers.

 

[AlexDP]

Any brain shrink type chic, the sex is always good, the relationship, bad. Shes smart enough to know game, woman enough for it to work, head shrinked enough and femanazied enough to hate you for it in the end. She straight up told you she shyt tests, play the game and understand that this ain't a keeper unless you decided to be her bytch, at which point your life will become hell. Of course i generalize, but boy does my ex make me want to avoid any head shrinkers.

My most recent ex is BPD. Surely it can't get worse. I have no intention of becoming this girl's ***** and there are other girls interested in me as well. But I do like her and I have to admit she intrigues me. I wonder if I should consider this as her being interested in me as well.

 

[AlexDP]

I suppose the best way to gauge her IL is to do nothing at all at this point?

 

[rocket87]

She was sh!t testing you, and instead of responding with ANYTHING(!!) other than what you said, you completely failed the sh!t test.

Hopefully you can recover from that one lol. Next time, be less receptive to her seriousness and become unreactive to her comments - Turn them around on her, or ignore them, or anything other than respond/defend yourself... Biggest pus$y move you could've made there.

You would have legitimately been better off agreeing with her straight up "Okay. You don't have to prove yourself to me." because at LEAST that would have thrown her off guard... Fail. :kick: Pls learn from this :nervous:

You'll probably lose this one and come out with a lesson you wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

 

[rocket87]

Also,

Just a little reality check for you, you already know you fvcked it up in your head. Your mind is actually telling yourself that you're her "psychology project" to try and cover up your mistakes. Hence the thread title, and your repeated mention of intrigue.

Forgot to mention too, she probably wouldn't have activated her tests so quickly/aggressively if you had just went out with her. She was practically begging you for lunch. It was a completely open invitation. That was technically fail #1. Spark = gone. Move on .. Apply new teachings .. Succeed in the future. This situation will help solidify your internal struggles to the path of becoming more alpha. GL.

 

[AlexDP]

She was sh!t testing you, and instead of responding with ANYTHING(!!) other than what you said, you completely failed the sh!t test.

Hopefully you can recover from that one lol. Next time, be less receptive to her seriousness and become unreactive to her comments - Turn them around on her, or ignore them, or anything other than respond/defend yourself... Biggest pus$y move you could've made there.

You would have legitimately been better off agreeing with her straight up "Okay. You don't have to prove yourself to me." because at LEAST that would have thrown her off guard... Fail. :kick: Pls learn from this :nervous:

You'll probably lose this one and come out with a lesson you wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Which is exactly what I said.

 

[AlexDP]

I told her she didn't need to prove herself. So I'm not sure what you mean.

Also not sure why I would drop everything just to have lunch with a girl I just met. But perhaps you consider that the alpha thing to do.

 

[rocket87]

Also not sure why I would drop everything just to have lunch with a girl I just met. But perhaps you consider that the alpha thing to do.

It has nothing to do with being alpha. You were already being alpha by displaying control over the situation and emitting high self-confidence. That's great! Those are very beneficial traits! And, it's exactly why she asked YOU to hang out!

I think this is where you are stuck. It's a big issue, you should take it seriously.

In AFC camp, I went through this phase too. I disregarded calibration and went Mr. Macho Alpha man on everything. ("Oh eff her, I'm too busy for that b!tch!" - "I will refuse to say sorry no matter what happens!" - "I make women chase me!" - "I refuse to pay on a first date." - "I will never text her unless she texts me first!" - etc.)

It is okay to give a girl the time of day if she deserves it, even if you have to rearrange your schedule a little bit.

Just trying to help you here, you know what I mean man?

For this situation, it had to do with her being an important "pick." She obviously is very attractive/cute/witty/hot dancer body/has a great personality, so you should've picked up on that and thought internally: Hmm. Okay, super cute girl. Seems really great personality-wise. She is asking me out (!!!!). Probably a smart idea to capture that interest of hers and continue from there.

Sure, if you want to be macho alpha man and blow off girls when they invite you out every time, go ahead. I don't think that will lead you to a successful future with respects to game and women.


Sh!t tests suck at first man. They really are a pain in the ass, and you really never see them coming until you get "hurt" by them a couple times. After a while, it becomes just ridiculously, glaringly obvious to the point where you'll probably bust out laughing half the time.

 

[AlexDP]

It's not about me wanting to be a macho alpha man. It's also not about me blowing them off. Another girl asked me to hang out next Sunday and I will go and have a nice time with her. But I had a university project to do and just couldn't make it. After that I invited her to the movies and she couldn't go, so I figured she should make the next move, I didn't want to look like a creep.

I know what you mean though and I agree. You think I should ask her out another time?

 

[rocket87]

You think I should ask her out another time?

I definitely would. Don't wait too long. If there's any spark left, you have to act fast. Like now/today. I think texting might even be more comfortable for her at this point since a phone call could be awkward for her (and you, but that doesn't matter currently since you just need to get her out)

I think you should do the lunch option. She displayed comfort there. She wants to, and is willing to do lunch.

She LIKES the alpha side you have. Just keep it in check. I think she will appreciate you making plans. Do you have any idea of her schedule? If so, tell her whenever she is free "Lunch on _____. I'm giving you a chance to not prove yourself to me." Or whatever is personable and witty/relative to the situation.

If you don't know her schedule, (or if this feels more comfortable/less 'demanding') then just make it less direct.. "We still haven't dined together, what's your schedule like tomorrow or Friday?" or "I'm free tomorrow and Friday"


2 more things just from re-reading your post.

1.
"I also tell her she secretly loves confident people." AWESOME ideology and props for saying that. She obviously perceived this really well, say more things like this if you get a chance with her and she'll most likely be in your bed shortly.

2.
"she's 'testing' me and trying to figure me out." This is an indicator of interest. Actually a huge one. Pay attention if she starts commenting on your mysteriousness or really commenting on YOU at ALL. Any comments ABOUT you from HER, either negative OR positive = total IOI and beneficial. And don't forget, if it's a negative comment, it's just a sh!t test from her!

 

[Chickfight]

Alright, I wrote a long ass reply to this before, but I accidently deleted it before I could send it. I just said fvck it, but you've been getting some horrible advice so far, so I'll take the time to write it again.

I met this girl in my uni library and we really hit it off. I could tell she was interested in me, there was a lot of flirting, some kino, really good eye contact. Then I chatted to her a couple of times on facebook the next 2 days, but after that I was busy for a few days and I didn't talk to her. At that point she sends me a text message telling me she's in the library and wants me to come over so we can have lunch together.

I'm busy though so I ask her to go the movies instead. She says she can't make it, because she has practice most nights (she's a ballet dancer). I tell her that's fine and that maybe we could meet some other time. Because she didn't propose another date I kind of forgot about her though. So another 2, 3 days go by and yesterday I start talking to her on facebook. We get into a pretty serious discussion about academic stuff, but then she starts talking about me. She says I'm a very confident person and that I make people feel as if they have to prove themselves to me. Then she says she thinks I'm arrogant and that she doesn't have to prove herself to me. I respond that I'm just a confident person and that I don't care what she thinks about me, but that she really doesn't have to prove herself to me if she doesn't want to. I also tell her she secretly loves confident people. Which apparently made her smile. I finish the conversation, but she implies she's 'testing' me and trying to figure me out.

What's the deal with this girl? Is she interested or am I just some sort of psychology project? She's not the only girl in my life and because we still haven't gone out on a date and I've known her for two weeks already, I don't consider her my best option. But I am intrigued.

Crazyboy is the only one who got it right. You've played the game to perfection so far and she LOVES it. Her saying she is testing you is the sh!t test in itself. Seeing if you'll start chasing her around. She is obviously interested, but wants to see if your confidence and lack of neediness is just a facade.

The best way to deal with a sh!t test in any form is to completely disregard it. Don't take the bait. She says something like that, you reply "thats nice" or "good for you" and talk about something else.

My next move would be wait a few days and then call her to ask her out for an evening hang out. Chances are she'll contact you before then. In that case, don't get pulled into a texting trap, just call her and ask her out, but be completely indifferent whether she says yes or no. Sometimes I even enjoy when a girl says no, because then I get to show how much I really don't give a damn and 90% of the time their interest increases enough from that alone that they're dying to go out with me after that.

In a nutshell just keep doing what you've been doing so far! Rejecting the friendly lunch date, but giving her the alternative of a much more intimate dinner date was an amazing move and is probably what got her so interested in you in the first place (even though she said no, which was another test). I don't even know if you realize what you did. You seem to have some good natural game going on, so stick to your guns.

 

[yuppaz]

Be careful who you listen to hear. You didn't blow anything but your also NOT her little experiment. She is trying to gain some hand with you because she thinks she doesn't have any and you should leave it at that. Ask the girl out again and tell her what to wear (I sometimes use "Dress pretty for me"). It will reinforce that she is there to please you and she will secretly love it based on what you've said so far.

 

[AlexDP]

Be careful who you listen to hear. You didn't blow anything but your also NOT her little experiment. She is trying to gain some hand with you because she thinks she doesn't have any and you should leave it at that. Ask the girl out again and tell her what to wear (I sometimes use "Dress pretty for me"). It will reinforce that she is there to please you and she will secretly love it based on what you've said so far.

Problem is though she might be really busy. I'll ask her out tomorrow I think, I don't want to be that guy who contacts her every day and if ask tomorrow I will not have spoken to her in three days.

Also, one of the reasons she thinks I'm arrogant is that I have two university degrees and she's still working to get the one (she is 21, I am 23). Although I haven't really put her down in conversations she is saying that I might look down on people who don't have a university degree. Which I don't and in reality I get the feeling she is building me up.

Alright, I wrote a long ass reply to this before, but I accidently deleted it before I could send it. I just said fvck it, but you've been getting some horrible advice so far, so I'll take the time to write it again.

Crazyboy is the only one who got it right. You've played the game to perfection so far and she LOVES it. Her saying she is testing you is the sh!t test in itself. Seeing if you'll start chasing her around. She is obviously interested, but wants to see if your confidence and lack of neediness is just a facade.

The best way to deal with a sh!t test in any form is to completely disregard it. Don't take the bait. She says something like that, you reply "thats nice" or "good for you" and talk about something else.

My next move would be wait a few days and then call her to ask her out for an evening hang out. Chances are she'll contact you before then. In that case, don't get pulled into a texting trap, just call her and ask her out, but be completely indifferent whether she says yes or no. Sometimes I even enjoy when a girl says no, because then I get to show how much I really don't give a damn and 90% of the time their interest increases enough from that alone that they're dying to go out with me after that.

In a nutshell just keep doing what you've been doing so far! Rejecting the friendly lunch date, but giving her the alternative of a much more intimate dinner date was an amazing move and is probably what got her so interested in you in the first place (even though she said no, which was another test). I don't even know if you realize what you did. You seem to have some good natural game going on, so stick to your guns.

Cheers for posting anyway. Yeah indifference is the way to go I guess. Besides, I've only talked to this girl on three occasions (we ran into each other at the library again) and two times on facebook. It's not as if I already know this is the girl of my dreams.

About the natural game, no I didn't realize what I did. In general I just do what I feel like doing. I also think that my BPD ex has actually increased my self esteem. I know that in general men come out of such a relationship broken and boy, did it suck the first two months, but she made me realise that the only one I need to answer to is me. If a girl doesn't like me now, I don't even feel the rejection.

 

[Chickfight]

Cheers for posting anyway. Yeah indifference is the way to go I guess. Besides, I've only talked to this girl on three occasions (we ran into each other at the library again) and two times on facebook. It's not as if I already know this is the girl of my dreams.

About the natural game, no I didn't realize what I did. In general I just do what I feel like doing.

It's refreshing to see someone new on this board that actually understands this from the get go. Some people are here for years, yet still can't grasp that simple logic.

Anyway, I agree that you should call her tomorrow to ask her out as it's been a few days. Also, I feel she is becoming some what antagonistic towards you, which is not a bad thing for attraction, but at some point during the date you should flip the switch and level with her with a genuine compliment. "I like how you aren't afraid to speak your mind" or whatever applies to you. Telling a girl what you like about her is a good move as you are validating HER, not the other way around. (letting her know she is good enough for you VS her letting you know you're good enough for her)

Cheers, let us know how it goes.

 

[AlexDP]

You think I could get away with asking her to go see the movies with me and my ego? Or would that make me look weak? Normally I'd do it like that, because IMHO it shows that I can just laugh it off.

 

[rocket87]

if ask tomorrow I will not have spoken to her in three days.

This is a great example of the stupid bullsh!t games you're not only playing with girls but with yourself. Internally. This is actually beta female behavior you're displaying. You might as well go piss on one of her ex-boyfriends while you're at it to show dominance... (Yeah, extreme example, just putting it into perspective.) Most likely resulted a bit from you being weak and absorbing game-playing from your BPD ex.

Playing games will get you nowhere, being alpha will. Get your head on straight.

 

[rocket87]

You think I could get away with asking her to go see the movies

No.

wtf?

That's lame. Movies are bad bad bad. Unless you're in your room together watching one, otherwise save the movie date for way later. You need to form a connection with her.

Go get coffee or eat together. Things people in relationships do. It can be dorky (mini golf, walk in the park/neighborhood, walk w/ dog), it can be nicer (dinner), whatever.. As long as it's not too dull and not too crazy... Playing around with a girl when you aren't in anything official = pretend-relationship mode, even if you are just in it for the sex/pleasure/whatever.



Dude I guess you haven't picked up on this yet, but it doesn't matter wtf you do. If a girl is into you she will follow your lead. It really just doesn't matter, at all, seriously. This is why your game playing bullsh!t and waiting games and asking random dudes on the internet for exact advice (running every possibility thru us) etc. is so fu$king worthless. You need to man up and take control of the situation and do your thing. (Referencing back to you playing games with your own mind.) You are already spending way too much time analyzing this, and the more time you think about it the worse you'll do in practice. You're asking us about your ego.... Insecure WOMEN are concerned with their egos, not an alpha male.

I don't really know what else to say at this point :nervous: