Psychological Way of Life

[Upside]

I took two psychology courses last year since I had an intrest in how the human psyche worked. There was one thing though that really stood out to me and really never though much of it until today. I have questions (they do regard women) but I need to give some backround first. This is a long-winded post so bear with me.

At ages 0-17 what an individual is trying to achieve is a social identy and learning to from close relationships with family and peers around the person. They are basically trying to find about who they are, what they belive in, who they like, dislike, and so on. This is the time period in life that molds your personality and pretty much sticks with it for the rest of your life. In this age this is when people are learning about one's self and the world around.

At 18-39 is when a person is trying to form an intimate bond with another, develop their life and career, and to create stability. There is a STRONG personal need for intamcy and sex. Many people here strive for love and compassion. They start to take on more responsiblities and think for themselves. Dating is a way to find what you want in a partner so that you can marry in your early 30's to settle down and move your career foward. This is when families are generally started. This age is when you physically peak. When you hit 40-65, health and fitness start to decline.

40-64 Your health goes down, looks go down, and death is more prevailent. This is when you have achieved what you wanted in life. I don't have a very good understanding of this age bracket, but I think this is the age group in which you realize all the good you have in your life, regrets about the past start to come foward, and you try to maintain the life you currently have. Mid-life crisis occurs here...trying to do things that you never had the chance to do.

65+ Here is when you need to begin to accept death. This is where you try to achieve a resolution in one's life. This is when you question your purpose in life, if you achieved it, and passing on that message. The final chapter in the book of life.

This brings up my next issue. I don't have exact statistics but I know the gist of it. The idea of kids in a marriage and how more often than not brings down a marrige. Marital satisfaction is at its peak when there are no children involved. When a new child is born it decreases and as that child ages it decreases even more. The satisfaction of marriage is at its lowest when the child is a teenager then slightly improves as that child begins to grow. Satasfaction returns to normal when the children are grown adults and out of the house.

Isn't this kind of redundant of human nature? From 18-39 you spend a good chunk of your life looking for a loved one to enjoy life with, but then having children will basically suck that enjoyment away. I don't speak for everyone with kids but there are studies that prove this theory in the general population. In a perfect world I guess you would be at your happiest with a loving wife and a number of loving children.

So what do you do? Take your chances and do it or just avoid the risk all together? I want to experience life, but not if one decision dictates my entire future. How can you find a good women if you didn't date them all? It is all one big risk.

With this all in mind I have started to question myself about what I want and desire. Also comparing this information with how some posters live their life outside of this normality. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't want to find a great, quality woman to spend the rest of my life with. At the same time though I want to go out and fvck many different women and take part of the experience. Maybe this is the path of finding the right woman...finding so many of them that you learn what you want and then going out to find that person.

Ask me a year ago if I wanted to get married and have children I would have said yes. Ask me now and I would say no to marriage unless finances would be completely out of the picture and at this point in my life I am leaning towards not having any kids. Not that I don't like kids I just don't know how that will work in my life and if I can just handle it.

Some posters mention they will never get married or enter an LTR. Is that what you REALLY want? Just a life full of one night stands? Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Just taking a different perspective on things. In a perfect world I know what I want and in some idea how to achive that. Although, previous thinking is now being questioned. This site is an eye opener to me not to just pick up chicks but to find direction in life. As it turns out there are 1 million different ways to go but only one correct one for me. It is hard to choose. Supposedly I am in the age bracket where I should be finding a "soulmate" but the society in which I live in doesn't want the same thing. I can't trust a SINGLE person out there and frankly it sucks. I want to be able to, but I just can't.

My head is all over the place eh?

 

[edu11]

Dude, you must be my twin brother. If you find an answer let me know.

 

[MyBloodyValentine]

I've only been here a week and a bit, but from what I gather anti-dump's machine is the thing you need to understand and apply when going for a long term relationship. Just because some psychology book says it, doesnt make it so. Im in university too, and if there is one thing I hate more than anything in the world it is textbooks. mostly because they are bull****. they try to categorize everything (especially for politics) and it usually never works. I would say just live your life, I imagine your still young (around 20?) so finding a soulmate shouldn't be too high on the list no matter what that book or professor says.

That being said though, having children might be more stressful, but I view children in a much more positive light than that. What in this world will make you happier than a child? i cant think of anything!

 

[Dedication]

What in this world will make you happier than a child? i cant think of anything!

You better stay away from Pook if you want to keep that mentality :crackup:

 

[seanarcher]

What in this world will make you happier than a child? i cant think of anything!

Maybe you should try loveshack.com then.

To me, people who want children badly are trying to live vicariously through their newborn's life. Like Elaine said in Seinfeld, it doesn't take any kind of special talent to have a kid, anyone can do it.

I laugh whenever I'm at a family party and everybody's going over to a baby and talking stupid to it. Life officially ends when you get married or have children.

 

[Luminescence]

Quality post Upside.

Life in our modern society is looking more and more like a catch-22 .... At least to me.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Youre thinking entirely too much and overanlyzing life. I understand you have these questions, but you have to understand that just cause society says youre suppose to do something doesnt mean youre required to. Live YOUR life however YOU want to. If you want a LTR do it, if you want one night stands, do it, if you want to eat cake off of a fat chicks stomach, do it. F*ck what you "should" be doing and do what the f*ck you want to do. Obviously, youve demonstrated that theres a fallacy in your "bracket." You say youre in the stage where you should find a "soulmate," but obviously youre still in the 0-17 category of trying to find yourself and your purpose. There are a million paths to take in life, and if this scares you then you have some work to do. I guess i dont really understand you question(s) but you should probably stop thinking and start living.

Dont worry about dating ALL the girls. You asked such an absolutist question, which doesnt really have an answer. Date girls you like...BAM. Its really that simple. Youre complicating everything by trying to plan out your life. Think about what you want and go after, case closed. And about the idea the happiness in marriage decreases with children, ask yourself why. The main reason is because the couple doesnt spend as much time together and has to make sacrifices. If they can can spend time together and not get caught up in the the responsibilities in life, their happiness level doesnt depreciate as much. If taking 2 psych classes does this to you then damn.

 

[MyBloodyValentine]

haha i guess im the only one who loves kids around here!

 

[Upside]

Youre thinking entirely too much and overanlyzing life. I understand you have these questions, but you have to understand that just cause society says youre suppose to do something doesnt mean youre required to. Live YOUR life however YOU want to. If you want a LTR do it, if you want one night stands, do it, if you want to eat cake off of a fat chicks stomach, do it. F*ck what you "should" be doing and do what the f*ck you want to do. Obviously, youve demonstrated that theres a fallacy in your "bracket." You say youre in the stage where you should find a "soulmate," but obviously youre still in the 0-17 category of trying to find yourself and your purpose. There are a million paths to take in life, and if this scares you then you have some work to do. I guess i dont really understand you question(s) but you should probably stop thinking and start living.

Dont worry about dating ALL the girls. You asked such an absolutist question, which doesnt really have an answer. Date girls you like...BAM. Its really that simple. Youre complicating everything by trying to plan out your life. Think about what you want and go after, case closed. And about the idea the happiness in marriage decreases with children, ask yourself why. The main reason is because the couple doesnt spend as much time together and has to make sacrifices. If they can can spend time together and not get caught up in the the responsibilities in life, their happiness level doesnt depreciate as much. If taking 2 psych classes does this to you then damn.

I know what you mean and you are right on many levels. I should just not worry about it too much but it is just a thought that popped in my head and just pondered for a while. I didn't make this topic to just be about me or anyone else but just how people behave in general. This is how most people instinctively act no matter what part of the world. No doubt there are exceptions, but are the only men who are exceptions what you call "naturals"?

Everything in my eyes is contrdictory. Girls say they want to party a lot but also have the perfect boyfriend. We should go by how girls act and not say. If a girl is in a year long LTR and then cheats she wants the best of both worlds or the standard she was bored with her guy. Girls want love and affection but too much much drives them away and too little does the same. I've read that in a marrige to never fully release your emotions or she will think less of you. If you are depressed or sad keep it inside and deal with it. Why ever get married then? If you can't have certain emotions with people then marriage is pointless. The point of an LTR is to share your life and experiences with. If getting rid of those feelings is how you maintain an LTR then I don't want that. I would rather just live with a dog.

I think society is what dictates how we live our lives and not the individual for the most part. I don't drink or smoke but I get nasty looks from people when I first tell them this. If I am at a party and get myself a water I look like the douche and not the guy with a funnel in his mouth. My older brothers constantly make cracks at me when I pass at a drink. If I gew up in a different society that was against drinking it would be the other way around.

Just intresting how people behave is all.

 

[oakraiderz2]

I know what you mean and you are right on many levels. I should just not worry about it too much but it is just a thought that popped in my head and just pondered for a while. I didn't make this topic to just be about me or anyone else but just how people behave in general. This is how most people instinctively act no matter what part of the world. No doubt there are exceptions, but are the only men who are exceptions what you call "naturals"?

Everything in my eyes is contrdictory. Girls say they want to party a lot but also have the perfect boyfriend. We should go by how girls act and not say. If a girl is in a year long LTR and then cheats she wants the best of both worlds or the standard she was bored with her guy. Girls want love and affection but too much much drives them away and too little does the same. I've read that in a marrige to never fully release your emotions or she will think less of you. If you are depressed or sad keep it inside and deal with it. Why ever get married then? If you can't have certain emotions with people then marriage is pointless. The point of an LTR is to share your life and experiences with. If getting rid of those feelings is how you maintain an LTR then I don't want that. I would rather just live with a dog.

I think society is what dictates how we live our lives and not the individual for the most part. I don't drink or smoke but I get nasty looks from people when I first tell them this. If I am at a party and get myself a water I look like the douche and not the guy with a funnel in his mouth. My older brothers constantly make cracks at me when I pass at a drink. If I gew up in a different society that was against drinking it would be the other way around.

Just intresting how people behave is all.

Instead of worry about what you dont want or would prefer, think about what you do want. Whether someone is a natural or learns this information later in life really makes no difference. Society, and by society i mean culture, may give you a guideline and desire that you become a sheep and abide my its "rules," but by no mean do you have to. If an individual didnt dictate how they lived we wouldnt have the ability to make choices. The problem is that people want to be "cool," which is the gayest thing to try to be in my opinion. Its pretty simlpe man, just do what makes you happy and whatever you like. If you dont wanna drink dont, who cares what people think. One reason ive never liked philosophical questions that question purpose and meaning and all that sh*t is cause it can lead to more questions and a feeling of depressing and inadequecy. Live your life, do what makes your tingle and f*ck what people think.

 

[Bonafide]

I just read the most bull **** ever. The thing is your over analyzing the whole situation, WAY TOO MUCH! Its not that complicated...I think learning some of this **** ****s up your mind real bad...