Psychological Issues and Thugs

[The Message Boy]

I just wanted to see were there other people out there that felt the way I did.

IDK what my issue is. I continue to have inside of me idk if it's anger, bitterness, or what it is. But right now every girl that I end up being with and things are going well, I just out of nowhere start going into things where I'm calling her a h0e and saying that she really just wants thugs and how all women really want thugs, etc. etc.

It's just these things that keep going around and around in my head:

"Women only really want to be with thugs, jailbirds, gangbangers."

If I'm talking to a girl and it doesn't go forward, I conclude the above.

But the issue here, is when I'm talking to a girl and we are hitting it off great and I still just start going into the above and saying that the only reason she's with me is because a "thug" hasn't came and got her yet.

It's like I have two personalities, seriously. I don't want to say I'm crazy, but I think it's getting borderline psychological issues.

I had a pretty rough childhood growing up and I've written posts about this on here. I had a very hard time with women growing up and thugs for that matter. I'm not sure if I've actually gotten over this.

I've tried talking to therapists and the bullshyt they recommend and the advise they give you, is just so irrelevant to anything it's a shame.

I'm "normally" a relatively cool guy. But when this shyt starts coming back up inside of me, idk. I can't control it, it effects not only my social life (because no one wants to be around me any longer) but it effects my work because I get very edgy at work, emotional, and I can't stay on task. It effects my schooling and it also effects my overall health because I notice that when I'm "gone into the crap" I start deliberately eating ****ed up just for the hell of it.

It feels like some sort of self-pity/low self-esteem result of an experience that happened to me a number of times involving "thugs" and "girls I've liked," but idk. If I don't do something about this soon, it will destroy me.

 

[Warrior74]

There is nothing anyone here can tell you. You know the truth about the false beliefs in your head and you know what you need to do. Go see your therapist or find a new one and continue your treatment until you conquer your issues. I'm not sure what the point of this post is as nobody here is a trained therapist and your problems seem to go beyond getting women. I'm beginning to think you just come for the attention as you don't seem to be willing to do what it takes to fix your problems. You've been given tons of useful advice. Seek medical help. Remember you didn't get this screwed up overnight, your not going to get unfvcked overnight as well, it's going to take time to get your head on right. Be nice to yourself, show yourself some love. Learn to like who you are for better or worse. Read everything you can on inner game. Listen to your therapist. Good luck

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There is nothing anyone here can tell you. You know the truth about the false beliefs in your head and you know what you need to do. Go see your therapist or find a new one and continue your treatment until you conquer your issues. I'm not sure what the point of this post is as nobody here is a trained therapist and your problems seem to go beyond getting women. I'm beginning to think you just come for the attention as you don't seem to be willing to do what it takes to fix your problems. You've been given tons of useful advice. Seek medical help. Remember you didn't get this screwed up overnight, your not going to get unfvcked overnight as well, it's going to take time to get your head on right. Be nice to yourself, show yourself some love. Learn to like who you are for better or worse. Read everything you can on inner game. Listen to your therapist. Good luck

^^^

ditto the above. Building solid inner game is a life long process. Keep checking with different therapists, methods, books, whatever. Just keep slow but steady forward progress. Browse the self help section of your bookstore from time to time and see what jumps out. Realize that no book, or therapist, or piece of advice is going to be a cure all. Changing from a fukked up mindset to that of a true natural is like some 800 pound fatty getting down into fighting shape.

It takes time, effort, and determination.

Keep pushing forward.

 

[stayfly]

try seeing a good NLP practitioner (or similar) to change your beliefs so you no longer think that crap

 

[The Message Boy]

I've been reading all types of things. The therapist I'm seeing is covered by my healthcare plan which is ok, but she is just, idk. She gives me these stupid exercises which just make me more mad.

Can someone do this?

The thought or concept that keeps going back and forth in my head is that women only want thugs, jailbird, gangsters.

Can someone just give me some full discussion on why this is false? I mean to be very honest and blunt about this, I'm black. And ALOT of black women date these types of guys, I would say over half of black women do.

And I'm not the only poster on this forum that have pointed this out, backbreaker pointed this out too in a post.

 

[Warrior74]

You want people to feed into your illusions. You want verification of what you believe. I for one do not advocate anyone discussing it with you as it will only reinforce your beliefs. You need to find things that show you the opposite of your beliefs to show you there is hope for you. Over half...okay, so you know that there are some (less than half is still enough, you don't ned all of em, just a few) who don't do as you are stereotyping. Your problems are based in fear. You need to get to the root of those fears. And to get to this root you need to do the inner game work. Stop discussing it and do the damn work. You feel me?

 

[OFWHAP]

I've been reading all types of things. The therapist I'm seeing is covered by my healthcare plan which is ok, but she is just, idk. She gives me these stupid exercises which just make me more mad.

Can someone do this?

The thought or concept that keeps going back and forth in my head is that women only want thugs, jailbird, gangsters.

Can someone just give me some full discussion on why this is false? I mean to be very honest and blunt about this, I'm black. And ALOT of black women date these types of guys, I would say over half of black women do.

And I'm not the only poster on this forum that have pointed this out, backbreaker pointed this out too in a post.

Then start dating white women. Not to stereotype or anything, but I thought black guys these days were mostly trending toward dating white and Asian women anyway.

 

[stayfly]

I've been reading all types of things. The therapist I'm seeing is covered by my healthcare plan which is ok, but she is just, idk. She gives me these stupid exercises which just make me more mad.

Can someone do this?

The thought or concept that keeps going back and forth in my head is that women only want thugs, jailbird, gangsters.

Can someone just give me some full discussion on why this is false? I mean to be very honest and blunt about this, I'm black. And ALOT of black women date these types of guys, I would say over half of black women do.

And I'm not the only poster on this forum that have pointed this out, backbreaker pointed this out too in a post.

here's how you change the limiting belief that you have;

STEP ONE: CREATE DOUBT

are there times when the belief hasn't been true? has their been girls you've known who don't like those types of guys? is it possible that women with high self esteem don't go for those guys? is it possible that you could be better person and a better partner than those types of guys?

STEP TWO: CREATE A NEW, EMPOWERING BELIEF

maybe something like "women are attracted to men who possess and display certain attributes and I have ALL of them. I KNOW that women are attracted to me and enjoy being with me"

modify it to suit

STEP THREE: DEVELOP STRONG REFERENCES TO SUPPORT YOUR NEW BELIEF

1. create new experiences: talk to high self esteem women who DON'T like thugs and find out why they don't like them and find out what type of guys they DO like. create other experiences that smash your old belief and support your new belief. repeat x 100 (or as many times until you KNOW that your new belief is true and supports you)
2. use your memory: remember times that women have been attracted to and liked you; remember women you've known who wanted nothing to do with thugs etc. make these memories strong
3. visualize: visualize women choosing you over thugs. visualize you being totally awesome and totally attractive.


a good NLP practitioner can walk you through this in more detail but that's the basics.


and seriously man, most girls with high self esteem don't wanna be with thugs. yes, the possess certain attractive qualities BUT any real man can possess those same qualities (and more) without being a thug or criminal.

 

[The Message Boy]

WARRIOR74 says,

You want people to feed into your illusions. You want verification of what you believe. I for one do not advocate anyone discussing it with you as it will only reinforce your beliefs. You need to find things that show you the opposite of your beliefs to show you there is hope for you. Over half...okay, so you know that there are some (less than half is still enough, you don't ned all of em, just a few) who don't do as you are stereotyping. Your problems are based in fear. You need to get to the root of those fears. And to get to this root you need to do the inner game work. Stop discussing it and do the damn work. You feel me?

Warrior I've asked you this before though. What work are you referring to? I've done the work as far as getting better with women as a whole, I don't have a problem with that anymore. My problem now are these other issues that's floating in my head.

The issue in the black community is that alot of women are like this, so my question is, am I crazy or am I onto something? If I'm onto something what do I do about it? If I'm crazy, then what can I do to show exactly that this statement is wrong: "black women only want thugs, gangsters."

Warrior you know that there's a large percentage of the black women that are like this. Not all, but a large portion. I've tried to talk to other types of black women, but it's everywhere now. And it bothers me, it really does.

OFWHAP says,

Then start dating white women. Not to stereotype or anything, but I thought black guys these days were mostly trending toward dating white and Asian women anyway.

See Warrior, it's not just me. Alot of black guys are having this same issue.


stayfly, same question I had for Warrior I have for you. This is becoming a main problem in the black community, am I crazy or onto something?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Can someone just give me some full discussion on why this is false?

Belief: Attractive Girls Are More Attracted To Thugs Than You

or rephrased : Thugs Are More Attractive Than You To Hot Girls

rephrased once more: Not Being A Thug Means You Are Not Attractive

rephrased another way: Being A Non-Thug Means You Are Not Attractive

Answer the following questions, as honestly as you can, to yourself (don't post) without saying the ever-handy "yes, but..."

Belief: Being A Non-Thug Means You Are Not Attractive

Is it possible you only believe this because you haven't gotten the girl well enough to know that by being attracted to thugs, she herself is not attractive?

Maybe it's not their thug-ness that is attractive, but their assertiveness. What would happen if you focused on being more assertive and raising your self esteem?

Isn't that belief something only that thugs believe?

Doesn't that belief make you a thug?

How do you know exactly when they stop being attracted to you, and start being attracted to thugs? is it something you say or do, or is it when she notices how you sip your coffee? how exactly does the transition take place? What do you think goes on in her mind when she starts to find you unattractive, and start searching out thugs?

That's an interesting model of the world. Do all black non-thugs who have gorgeous black girlfriends (the kind you'd love to have) also believe that being a non-thug is a liability?

Perhaps this belief is an unconscious strategy for keep you away from girls that really do like thugs, which makes them thugs themselves, which means you are saving yourself from getting your nuts cut off one night while you're sleeping.

Being a non-thug doesn't mean your not attractive, it only means that you can't fukk a thug luvving ho within ten minutes of meeting her.

Is there something else that may be making you un attractive besides your non-thugness? Perhaps a lack of assertiveness, or self esteem?

How do you get with these girls in the first place if you aren't a thug, do you somehow convince them that you are, and when the sham is uncovered, they bail?

What will your life be in ten years if you don't get over the fact that girls are attracted to assertive, goal acheiving guys, and sometimes thugs are thier best option, excpet when you come along with much more assertiveness and self esteem, you are obviously a much better catch?

So do you have to kill somebody or rob a liquor store or something to get laid these days?

How many experiences can you find in your past where being a non-thug was a clear asset? How many times have you been a thug and it got you absolutely nowhere?

 

[stayfly]

Warrior I've asked you this before though. What work are you referring to? I've done the work as far as getting better with women as a whole, I don't have a problem with that anymore. My problem now are these other issues that's floating in my head.

The issue in the black community is that alot of women are like this, so my question is, am I crazy or am I onto something? If I'm onto something what do I do about it? If I'm crazy, then what can I do to show exactly that this statement is wrong: "black women only want thugs, gangsters."

Warrior you know that there's a large percentage of the black women that are like this. Not all, but a large portion. I've tried to talk to other types of black women, but it's everywhere now. And it bothers me, it really does.









See Warrior, it's not just me. Alot of black guys are having this same issue.


stayfly, same question I had for Warrior I have for you. This is becoming a main problem in the black community, am I crazy or onto something?

I think thugs definitely have some qualities that women would find attractive

BUT I think in large you are incorrect. If your game is strong enough and you are an awesome guy you will have no problem attracting and keeping women you desire.

If I was you, I'd change your belief really quick bro. It doesn't help you at all. The more you focus on it the more it will appear true. Accept the fact that a small percentage of women only want thugs and realize that a huge percentage of women want guys that make them feel good and know that you are a guy who can get and keep those women.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

so my question is, am I crazy or am I onto something?

See Warrior, it's not just me. Alot of black guys are having this same issue.

You are teetering on the brink between choice and pepeptual-victimhood.

Between a life of continuous improvement, and wealth, and women, and good friends who will die for you if the situation warrants it, or a life of endless complaining about the world, and the "way things are."

The good side of the force, and the dark side.

Choose your thoughts wisely.

this site is filled with guys that believe the world is somehow flawed, in some way (black women, the matrix, looks, too short, etc, ad naseum) and will fight to the death to protect their ego-protecting beliefs.

that belief which threatens to scream at them "I'm Not Good Enough," if they took a good long hard look in the mirror. Instead it's easy to blame the world, feminism, whatever.

the truth is there really is no "you," to be good enough or not good enough. You are simply collection of skills and experiences, and beliefs. All which change on a daily basis.

If you don't like the results you're getting, change your behavior.

Whining on the internet is one such behavior, but I promise you there is no puzzy here. Only puzzies who feed each others delusions so they won't have to grab their balls and face the world.

 

[DanelMadr]

You want people to feed into your illusions. You want verification of what you believe. I for one do not advocate anyone discussing it with you as it will only reinforce your beliefs. You need to find things that show you the opposite of your beliefs to show you there is hope for you. Over half...okay, so you know that there are some (less than half is still enough, you don't ned all of em, just a few) who don't do as you are stereotyping. Your problems are based in fear. You need to get to the root of those fears. And to get to this root you need to do the inner game work. Stop discussing it and do the damn work. You feel me?

This is a good analysis and advice, man.

Fear is the root of most problems in life.

You are on good path...you already acknowledged to yourself that the problem is in your head. I mean ofcourse thugs are evil and it pisses me off when you see them screw people around and get away with it and then even win the girl. It is injustice and it hurts the most. But it wont bring the world down. You need to tell to yourself "f!ck it" and dont think about it. People are dumb and chicks can be very dumb. And if she wants a thug, she probably deserves a thug. It is sad but you shouldnt give a sh!t.

Get rid of the fear and get rid of the hate. You should be sorry for thugs and their chicks, not envy them.

Sign up for a no BS martial art trainning. Skills should help your confidence. When a man knows how to fight, he gets rid of fear therefore hate. Or join the marines

 

[DanelMadr]

You are teetering on the brink between choice and pepeptual-victimhood.

Between a life of continuous improvement, and wealth, and women, and good friends who will die for you if the situation warrants it, or a life of endless complaining about the world, and the "way things are."

The good side of the force, and the dark side.

Choose your thoughts wisely.

this site is filled with guys that believe the world is somehow flawed, in some way (black women, the matrix, looks, too short, etc, ad naseum) and will fight to the death to protect their ego-protecting beliefs.

that belief which threatens to scream at them "I'm Not Good Enough," if they took a good long hard look in the mirror. Instead it's easy to blame the world, feminism, whatever.

the truth is there really is no "you," to be good enough or not good enough. You are simply collection of skills and experiences, and beliefs. All which change on a daily basis.

If you don't like the results you're getting, change your behavior.

Whining on the internet is one such behavior, but I promise you there is no puzzy here. Only puzzies who feed each others delusions so they won't have to grab their balls and face the world.

Thumbs up for the long look in to the mirror. Being honest to oneself is THE KEY. I'm really happy to hear this advice. Buddha would be proud with us

 

[jonwon]

I could be wrong, but I cant help to think message boy is a feminised sympathiser, who is simply after negative posts so he can repost them on some feminst site and show just how pathetic men can be or this forum.

I cant feel for one second this is a genuine complaint, it seems too far fetched to be true, it's almost like having turrets syndrome.

The actual premise of the original point makes no sense at all, but it starts to become clear if you think message boy is simply looking for negative posts about women so he can whisk them away to feed his ego on some other female inspired board.

Personally, message boy you dont have a great track record here, even when you sympathise with some points people address about some of the darker side of the female gender, you come out again after the fact and state rather bluntly that all men on this forum are jaded, time and time again you've twisted posts that were harmless into nothing but women and gender hate.

I feel in your situation your actually a female, posting as a male, I really do, I cant help to shake that feeling because when it comes to the 'sister hood' your fanatical posts are more OTT than a rampaging feminist.

I find it hard to believe what you write above, I find it hard to believe full stop, unless your trolling and I feel 100% this is what your doing.

-----

If someone actually took you for your word and posted what you wanted, I would predict you would transfer that stuff some some other place, add your little charm spin on it, and pass it off has male hate or on the other hand showing how messed up dating sites or this site is.

Your not looking for advice, your simply looking for confirmation - even though you've been given excellent advice that totally blows your original intent out of the water, I doubt you will transfer what you found, to your original target audiance.

Take note how he continues to gode people into posting the negative frame of women, going to the next step of 'black' women, hanging onto his so called ACE card, because he read somewhere a guy was having trouble with black women. Even it was true, what is the point of your post? It makes little point unless your simply trying to feed a negative ideal, and in this case, I feel your transfering this infromation to feminist sypathisers, so you can all squark and squeek like birds in a hen house at what us men had the cheek to post. The complaint is bull- its a fabrication, a ruse to get a negative post going.

 

[squirrels]

Well, let's see...what is it women like about "thugs"?

Women obviously aren't all about "thugs"...they're typically hard people to deal with socially. They come with a LOT of baggage, with the law, with other people, with other women. But there's something about "thugs" that women are drawn to.

You've been on this forum long enough...what do you think that "something" is?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DANELMADR and STAYFLY, you have good posts, it'd be a shame for me to delete them because you don't have an age on your profiles.

Put an age on your profile and read the Mature Man Forum Rules.

 

[Warrior74]

Stop feeding this troll. Read his post history. He doesn't want to do any inner game work. He just wants confirmation of his particular hangups so he can point to that as the reason why he is a failure with women. He's been given a ton of advice. This is the last post I waste on this guy.

 

[squirrels]

Stop feeding this troll. Read his post history. He doesn't want to do any inner game work. He just wants confirmation of his particular hangups so he can point to that as the reason why he is a failure with women. He's been given a ton of advice. This is the last post I waste on this guy.

He fits right in on this site, then.

I think I threw a valid question out there to try to lead him in the right direction. If he doesn't follow, that's on him.

 

[The Message Boy]

Guys thanks this is great. Let me respond to you guys.

taiyuu otoko

Is it possible you only believe this because you haven't gotten the girl well enough to know that by being attracted to thugs, she herself is not attractive?

Maybe it's not their thug-ness that is attractive, but their assertiveness. What would happen if you focused on being more assertive and raising your self esteem?

Isn't that belief something only that thugs believe?

Doesn't that belief make you a thug?

How do you know exactly when they stop being attracted to you, and start being attracted to thugs? is it something you say or do, or is it when she notices how you sip your coffee? how exactly does the transition take place? What do you think goes on in her mind when she starts to find you unattractive, and start searching out thugs?

The more and more I think about it, I think it's just more attached to my childhood. I mean we know at one point we all were AFCs, so, maybe I've fixed my inner game and outer game to a point to be able to get laid now, but I still have issues?

I mean, the situation we me and women for the most part is not that they are actually doing what I'm saying (leaving me for thugs), but in the past I've experienced girls leaving me. And, I've noticed alot of guys were some of type of thug nature...urgh...idk.


I just keep blowing up on people for no reason. I will be sitting there having a conversation with the girl and blow up on her for no reason. I don't know if I'm bi-polar or what, but there's SOMETHING there inside of me relating to hurt from a woman and I don't know what it is.

That's an interesting model of the world. Do all black non-thugs who have gorgeous black girlfriends (the kind you'd love to have) also believe that being a non-thug is a liability?

I don't think so, no.

Perhaps this belief is an unconscious strategy for keep you away from girls that really do like thugs, which makes them thugs themselves, which means you are saving yourself from getting your nuts cut off one night while you're sleeping.

Being a non-thug doesn't mean your not attractive, it only means that you can't fukk a thug luvving ho within ten minutes of meeting her.

Is there something else that may be making you un attractive besides your non-thugness? Perhaps a lack of assertiveness, or self esteem?

In the past yes, right now for the most part no. I blow up for no reason. I have conspiracy theories. I sit there and everything is going well, and I just start "thinking" stuff like "she's only into me because there's no thugs around," or "she's ****ing a thug behind my back," and then she might say somethign that will trigger me and I just go off. I can't even ****ing control it.

How do you get with these girls in the first place if you aren't a thug, do you somehow convince them that you are, and when the sham is uncovered, they bail?

What will your life be in ten years if you don't get over the fact that girls are attracted to assertive, goal acheiving guys, and sometimes thugs are thier best option, excpet when you come along with much more assertiveness and self esteem, you are obviously a much better catch?

So do you have to kill somebody or rob a liquor store or something to get laid these days?

How many experiences can you find in your past where being a non-thug was a clear asset? How many times have you been a thug and it got you absolutely nowhere?

See above and let me know what you think.

stayfly says

BUT I think in large you are incorrect. If your game is strong enough and you are an awesome guy you will have no problem attracting and keeping women you desire.

If I was you, I'd change your belief really quick bro. It doesn't help you at all. The more you focus on it the more it will appear true. Accept the fact that a small percentage of women only want thugs and realize that a huge percentage of women want guys that make them feel good and know that you are a guy who can get and keep those women.

I agree, that's why I'm trying to figure out why I keep going off like this.

taiyuu otoko

this site is filled with guys that believe the world is somehow flawed, in some way (black women, the matrix, looks, too short, etc, ad naseum) and will fight to the death to protect their ego-protecting beliefs.

that belief which threatens to scream at them "I'm Not Good Enough," if they took a good long hard look in the mirror. Instead it's easy to blame the world, feminism, whatever.

the truth is there really is no "you," to be good enough or not good enough. You are simply collection of skills and experiences, and beliefs. All which change on a daily basis.

If you don't like the results you're getting, change your behavior.

Whining on the internet is one such behavior, but I promise you there is no puzzy here. Only puzzies who feed each others delusions so they won't have to grab their balls and face the world.

Very true.