Proximity Alert

[newhotness]

There's a situation that came up recently concerning a girl I've known for a while (several months). We were actually co workers but we never really spoke. Turns out she found another job at the mall, and I ran into her at her new place, a clothing store, by coincidence.

I notice her (she is at the front of the store at the cash register), she stares at me for a bit, probably out of recognition. I go to the back of the store to the dressing room to try on some jeans. There's a couple girls there already ready to help me find another size if I need it. When I come out of my dressing room, the first two girls have somehow disappeared, and the former co-worker is standing immediately in front of my stall, folding clothes. I'm startled to see this girl, suddenly at the front, then suddenly at the back in a minute or two.

I was thinking that's a heck of a coincidence. Do you consider this to be a proximity alert type situation, where a girl shows interest by proximity like they talk about on masf? We just chit chatted a bit, she was just asking me if I needed more jeans sizes and stuff. I got out of there. It was strange that this girl just appeared out of the sudden like that. What do you think?

PS: I've tried posting on the regular discussion board but just got bored with the negativity. Maybe this board will be better.

New

 

[Vulpine]

Who Cares?

I stay out of the main discussion for reasons like this post.

People try to hyper-analyze every little single aspect of every single little action, comment, scenario, or behavior. Which, is extremely AGAINST the DJ mentality that folks should be striving for. One of the biggest lessons I got out of this site was that YOU SHOULDN'T ALWAYS BE THINKING ABOUT/FOCUSED ON WOMEN! So, to worry, or even bother wondering "what was up with that" is wasted energy.

The chick was at work, working. Yeah, maybe she was giving you an opportunity to mack on her, but did you? You blew it. You either want this chick, and make a move, or you fantasize while you beat off in the shower. So, when you were chatting this chick up, you should've taken advantage of the situation and closed. But alas, you make no mention of leaving with the digits. No, you just "got outta there". You wasted the chance.

I'm sure she'd love to see you back again, maybe this time she'll follow you into the changing room to make it even more obvious for you. But when she comes into the changing room I'm willing to bet you'll just "get outta there". Do you even WANT to hook up with this chick? If not, then who cares? If so, then who cares?

You've got to CLOSE, close, close, close, close, C L O S E. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and breath with idle chit-chat. I've been guilty of doing the same thing in the past. Chat, chat, chat, thinking the interaction is going somewhere, then it fizzles and it was all for nought. WTF? What was I thinking? Was the hand of God going to drop out of the sky with a pen and paper and a booming voice coming from everywhere and nowhere going to order the chick: "How about you jot down your phone number and you and newhotness will meet up after X-mas."?????? Noone's going to close for you. You have to lose the fear of "facking things up" because awwww... look.... you facked things up.

Stop analyzing chicks and start analyzing yourself.

Closing is the BEST indicator of interest.

One could say that, since you didn't close, you're not interested. So, WTF are you posting about, exactly, again?

 

[Qjay]

Do you consider this to be a proximity alert type situation, where a girl shows interest by proximity like they talk about on masf? We just chit chatted a bit, she was just asking me if I needed more jeans sizes and stuff. I got out of there. It was strange that this girl just appeared out of the sudden like that. What do you think?

PS: I've tried posting on the regular discussion board but just got bored with the negativity. Maybe this board will be better.

New

"Proximity Alert"? Maybe, but it's good that you approached. you have New in your name, so I am assuming you haven't spent much time studying up on more than some of the basics; if I'm wrong then my post still might help someone else.
You did good talking to the girl, but set a goal for what you want to accomplish with your approaches. The ideal is to set a series of goals, and after accomplishing each one, you decide whether to move on to the next. That way you get validated and "feel good" several times in an approach, even if you end up ejecting or getting shut down; learning is good and being able to point specifically at the place things got out of your ability to control is helpful.

I open pretty much every chance I get, I'm building my basics to the point where they are second nature. Getting the initial flow of opening down pat helps you be more relaxed, which is great for confidence, body language, etc.

He might be a prick, but Vulpine made a good point when he said not to overanalyze your approaches. It's better to just go do them, and see far you can push your comfort levels.

Hope that helps.

 

[Vulpine]

He might be a prick, but Vulpine made a good point when he said not to overanalyze your approaches. It's better to just go do them, and see far you can push your comfort levels.

This is "The Mature Man" forum; I don't need to wear kid gloves. If he's offended, maybe he needs to be offended.

 

[kyphan]

This is "The Mature Man" forum; I don't need to wear kid gloves. If he's offended, maybe he needs to be offended.

Agreed. Pulling punches does not help anyone. He should have said something instead of wondering why she was suddenly there. He'll probably have to wonder for the rest of his life now.

 

[Latinoman]

He'll probably have to wonder for the rest of his life now.

Or he can forget and simply move on and find somebody else.

 

[kyphan]

Or he can forget and simply move on and find somebody else.

Every time he goes to try on a pair of jeans he'll wonder if that girl is going to be waiting for him again

 

[Sinistar]

I think we're missing all the signals guys. This HB sounds like LTR material and I think newhotness should get back there ASAP before someone else steals her

Okay, back to reality, Vulpine's right here. Sure rejection might suck (until you accept it's a normal part of the process). But what's much worse is not even trying and then dwelling on it later trying to make sense of it. I sense that you are trying to seek affirmation that your lack of action was the right choice when deep down you know you wanted to close with her.

Reframe it this way. Its the HB's that have proximity alerts. They go off when a confident, easy going, fun MAN strolls into their vicinity. They might throw you signals but its your job to take the initiative and approach.

 

[newhotness]

Well, based on this response, I find you to be a boorish, insensitive ass. Since you don't believe in kid gloves and since we are all adults, in the mature forum, you could not possibly take offense to my response either.

I believe in closing also, obviously, but so much of your post is presumptuous and inaccurate. I analyze AFTERWARDS. Don't go around attacking or making assumptions about people, especially people you don't know. Try to keep it positive and constructive.

I stay out of the main discussion for reasons like this post.

People try to hyper-analyze every little single aspect of every single little action, comment, scenario, or behavior. Which, is extremely AGAINST the DJ mentality that folks should be striving for. One of the biggest lessons I got out of this site was that YOU SHOULDN'T ALWAYS BE THINKING ABOUT/FOCUSED ON WOMEN! So, to worry, or even bother wondering "what was up with that" is wasted energy.

The chick was at work, working. Yeah, maybe she was giving you an opportunity to mack on her, but did you? You blew it. You either want this chick, and make a move, or you fantasize while you beat off in the shower. So, when you were chatting this chick up, you should've taken advantage of the situation and closed. But alas, you make no mention of leaving with the digits. No, you just "got outta there". You wasted the chance.

I'm sure she'd love to see you back again, maybe this time she'll follow you into the changing room to make it even more obvious for you. But when she comes into the changing room I'm willing to bet you'll just "get outta there". Do you even WANT to hook up with this chick? If not, then who cares? If so, then who cares?

You've got to CLOSE, close, close, close, close, C L O S E. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and breath with idle chit-chat. I've been guilty of doing the same thing in the past. Chat, chat, chat, thinking the interaction is going somewhere, then it fizzles and it was all for nought. WTF? What was I thinking? Was the hand of God going to drop out of the sky with a pen and paper and a booming voice coming from everywhere and nowhere going to order the chick: "How about you jot down your phone number and you and newhotness will meet up after X-mas."?????? Noone's going to close for you. You have to lose the fear of "facking things up" because awwww... look.... you facked things up.

Stop analyzing chicks and start analyzing yourself.

Closing is the BEST indicator of interest.

One could say that, since you didn't close, you're not interested. So, WTF are you posting about, exactly, again?