Pros and cons of being a late bloomer.

[HelpYourself]

I'll sum up my previous 25 years of living in one paragraph: I didn't have a chance. Low self-esteem, extreme social anxiety, extreme life-threatening depression and on top of that being "that guy"...the one a group of girls point out and laugh at or look at like he's planning to murder them.

After simply getting a shorthaircut and improving body language, not only did the social anxiety disappear for the most part but the number of women making fun of me for my appearance has went from a daily occurrence to once in a blue moon.

What I've found in my first 6 months of dating (Dating a HB for a month and hanging out with her for another couple months and going on a couple dates with other girls), I have a greater appreciation for this than the average guy.

However, I wasn't ready for everything that being inexperienced had to offer. Other than a few makeout sessions at the age of 17 and 18, I had no experience with a woman, not even hanging out with a woman or going on a date.

I wasn't prepared for the fact that a HB could be so emotionally complicated, not know what she wants, disagreeable, and difficult to get along with. She wasn't exactly a snob. I mean, she was essentially a good person, but emotionally she was one of those people who is a wreck but points the finger at you and makes it seem like it's your fault. I also wasn't prepared for the fact that my sexual desperation (being a virgin and wanting to have sex with the first HB that gives you attention and is attracted to you) would be such a potential roadblock in future dating.

I'm glad I didn't have sex with her. It likely would have made a bad situation worse despite being able to say that I slept with a HB. But I don't know where to go from here with other women.

I'm not sure if I should find a slutty HB to get the V card over with or if I should wait for an actual girlfriend who won't be as complicated and will be more understanding of the situation.

Some people here will say "Hire a prostitute" or "Have sex with a fattie or UG." I'm an above average looking guy who's in shape, I don't have to resort to either and have enough self-respect never to do either. I'm just wondering if I should get some sex out of the way with HBs before finding a girlfriend or not.

 

[Captain Harlock]

It doesn't make a difference. Do whatever you want to do, as long as you're not being a ***** who's just making excuses for himself.

 

[djinhell]

Hey man, Im in a similar situation. I turn 24 in a few days time. Single, virgin, and dont really know how to deal with it! Like you, I dont want to go down the prostitue path, I think it would depress me beyond beleif! lol.

Im not sure what the best path to take is, but I would say go with the flow. Personally, I would fvck a HB if I thought she was hot. On the other hand I would happily get into a relationship with a girl despite being a virgin, and I could be happy with just the one girl.

The key thing is to not let it lower your value and esteem. Stay strong, and hopefully it will all come together

 

[Mr_rogers]

Just don't do anything that you think might come back to bite you in the ass later on. For example, seeing a prostitute or banging some chick that doesn't meet your standards, etc, etc. You still have fairly low self-esteem, so don't do anything that has a high probability of your confidence taking a hit.

 

[020204]

Checkout Blissnosis. Do a google search? I been receiving a few emails, some of it is advertising and some of it has some useful stuff.

 

[f283000]

Hey man, Im in a similar situation. I turn 24 in a few days time. Single, virgin, and dont really know how to deal with it! Like you, I dont want to go down the prostitue path, I think it would depress me beyond beleif! lol.

You have the wrong mentality. A man is measured on his acomplishments not whether he has banged a woman yet. I see all these people in this forum beating themselves down because they haven't had a woman yet and they are about to turn whatever age they say.

You tell us how you are going to turn 24 and still a virgin and don't know how to deal with it. You make it sound as if your life is a failure because of it! a man's life is not measured on whether he has banged a woman yet. That is not a great of an acomplishment. Most humans will have sexual relationships 1 time or another during their life, it's a fact. Whether it happens at 17 or 61 or whatever depends on the individual and their circumstances. We all have a different path to take.

Those of you complaining about not having had a woman yet show that you have a more serious problem which is that you are not yet real men. Real men put themselves first. Putting yourself first is acomplishing real things in life. Getting a college degree, becoming financially secure, buying your own car or house among other things.

The v-card is like a mental neg that people do to themselves. Don't put yourself down because you haven't banged a woman yet. Put yourself down if you are a loser with no active life that plays video games and watches tv instead of being out there in the world. You will end up banging a woman sooner or later there are billions of them in the world don't panic.

 

[HelpYourself]

Me wanting to have sex has nothing to do with low self-confidence or wanting to "become a man" or be able to say to my friends that I'm not a virgin.

I'm not one of those guys on here that think "Wow I'm 18 (or whatever age), my friends have had sex and I haven't, there's something wrong with me!"

The point of this thread was now that I got a lot of my sh*t together (notice I say a lot, because I haven't got all of my sh*t together yet) that I'm playing catch-up in the dating field. I've learned the basics of dating and being around a HB but women expect a guy at age 25 to have sexual experience regardless of how much he's dated. They think for some reason that "every guy can get sex whenever he wants" and think if a guy's a virgin "he's delicate."

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but meeting a dating-material woman in the future and still being a virgin spells nothing but disaster, doesn't it? I'd like to meet "her" knowing that I know what I'm doing.

 

[onebigfatcat]

Was watching 40 year old virgin while reading the forum...LOL

Society and media have perpetuated the myth that when it comes to sex, practice makes perfect. And that just isn't true. My guess is that you're afraid that since you haven't had sex yet, you're not going to be good at it. Though you're probably not going to be mind blowing your first time; don't fret.

Stay in the experience, have fun, and be an Alpha assertive MAN. Don't worry about it and just go with the flow. Trust me, you want to be with someone you're attracted to, not just some ug you came across to lose the v card.

 

[HelpYourself]

I figured out what's been bothering me.

I feel like I'm wasting my prime years. I feel like I hit my prime sometime in January and I fear wasting months, if not years of it. The guys who said "you don't have to get laid" are right, but I don't want that to make me content and complacent. There is no deadline of when I need to meet women or get laid, everyone works on their own clock, but it's something I want and I feel like everyday I don't at least make the attempt to meet a woman is a day wasted.

The problem is I'm on heavy medication for extreme depression/suicidal thoughts. The medication for the most part gets rid of the depression but it also makes me overwhelmingly tired. (Sleeping about 14 hours a day minimum.) While it's all well and good that I don't want to end my life, this isn't life...sleeping and eating one meal a day and spending the 10 hours I'm up on the internet unless it's a weekend.

 

[Captain Harlock]

you do realize that the medication is not going to help you on the long term right? You need to do something with your life besides sitting behind your computer. Do something to improve yourself, doesn't really matter what. If you're too tired to get out of the house you can still learn to play an instrument or study on certain subjects or paint or whatever.

 

[HelpYourself]

If it were up to me, I wouldn't be on it. I just remember when I was unmedicated. I was more active around the house (playing guitar, getting into new TV shows, writing, etc.) but I also was too existential, thinking life was meaningless, wanting to die, sometimes praying to God that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. All of that is over with, but like I said at the same time what I have right now isn't a life.

 

[Commandante]

If it were up to me, I wouldn't be on it.

I could say a lot of things, but I wanna ask you only one question:

Who the fvck makes the important decisions like Being on meds or not? in your life?

If you get the answer you will see what your problem is.

 

[HelpYourself]

Yes, I do not have independence, but I also have more "problems" that I will not share on his board as it is a pick-up board. I chose not to disclose this information to strangers.

I will say, however, that having a full-time life...i.e. living away from home, having a full-time job, being completely self-sufficient, is not an option right now...I'm not in an emotional position. Those who've battled extreme depression will understand.

The issue isn't my living situation or personal information, the issue is the medication sucking the life out of me and preventing me from even having a social life when I'm a social person not a shy person.

 

[Captain Harlock]

how long do you have to be on the meds?

 

[HelpYourself]

Rest of my life unfortunately. Depression is hereditary. Mother and brother are on the same medicine (Prozac) only it doesn't affect them as much with the side-effects of being tired.

That's why I'm considering dropping off it altogether. And Commandante, I do have that option. My parents and doctor aren't ordering me to be on the medicine, but they are heavily persuasive.

The reason I'm looking for sex only at the moment is because I learned with the last girl that any talking relationship/rapport leads to attachment on my part. I think "Wow a hottie with a good personality" like it's a rare species and refuse to let go and then get depressed when things end or don't work out or the connection fades.

My best bet right now for getting sex (and it's long overdue trust me, not for society or my friends, but for my own sexual gratification) is somehow finding a HB that just wants to f*ck and there's no "getting to know you."

 

[djinhell]

You have the wrong mentality. A man is measured on his acomplishments not whether he has banged a woman yet. I see all these people in this forum beating themselves down because they haven't had a woman yet and they are about to turn whatever age they say.

You tell us how you are going to turn 24 and still a virgin and don't know how to deal with it. You make it sound as if your life is a failure because of it! a man's life is not measured on whether he has banged a woman yet. That is not a great of an acomplishment. Most humans will have sexual relationships 1 time or another during their life, it's a fact. Whether it happens at 17 or 61 or whatever depends on the individual and their circumstances. We all have a different path to take.

Those of you complaining about not having had a woman yet show that you have a more serious problem which is that you are not yet real men. Real men put themselves first. Putting yourself first is acomplishing real things in life. Getting a college degree, becoming financially secure, buying your own car or house among other things.

The v-card is like a mental neg that people do to themselves. Don't put yourself down because you haven't banged a woman yet. Put yourself down if you are a loser with no active life that plays video games and watches tv instead of being out there in the world. You will end up banging a woman sooner or later there are billions of them in the world don't panic.

I actually agree with most of what you say. Just to clarify, I am studying for a degree. I know what I want career-wise and I am aiming towards that with complete confidence and focus, and that does give me a great sense of pride.

HOWEVER, I think it is naive to beleive that being a virgin at 24 is not a problem. Beleive me, I wish it was not a problem...but I still find myself frequently reminding myself that I am a virgin, I want a girl, I'm lonely etc etc.

There is a famous quote (I think by einstein) "A life not lived for others, is a life not worth living" (probably not 100% accurate, but thats the jist of it).

And that is how I feel, I feel its all well and good to strive to be succesful for myself, BUT at the end of the day I want to share my life with someone.

 

[HelpYourself]

HOWEVER, I think it is naive to beleive that being a virgin at 24 is not a problem. Beleive me, I wish it was not a problem...but I still find myself frequently reminding myself that I am a virgin, I want a girl, I'm lonely etc etc.

In order to be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself first, trust me. I met a HB and when things fell to pieces I was on suicide watch, literally. Just because you have a career interest doesn't make you any less needy and women can sense neediness.

I'm in it simply because I want to be naked with a beautiful woman and drop a load in her p****. Most people want a girlfriend or wife eventually, but you need to get your sh*t completely together (as well as me and everyone else) if you want a successful, happy relationship.

Do you want to have sex right now because you really, really, desire being with an attractive female, or because you think "I'm 24 and never had sex and my friends have, I'm pathetic."

I know what it's like to date a HB for a couple months, go on dates with other HBs, feel breasts, p****, get a BJ, etc, and I want to experience the whole thing because I want to bust in a girl, not because "I'm 25 and never had sex."

 

[Captain Harlock]

Rest of my life unfortunately. Depression is hereditary. Mother and brother are on the same medicine (Prozac) only it doesn't affect them as much with the side-effects of being tired.

That's why I'm considering dropping off it altogether. And Commandante, I do have that option. My parents and doctor aren't ordering me to be on the medicine, but they are heavily persuasive.

you should drop it dude. You can't live like this and having to use medicine that makes you so tired that you can't kill yourself is really not much better than killing yourself.

Besides, chronic drug use will destroy your body because it's all chemical junk. I know, I'm a chronic stimulant user (which hopefully won't have to last more than a couple of years).

 

[djinhell]

In order to be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself first, trust me. I met a HB and when things fell to pieces I was on suicide watch, literally. Just because you have a career interest doesn't make you any less needy and women can sense neediness.

I'm in it simply because I want to be naked with a beautiful woman and drop a load in her p****. Most people want a girlfriend or wife eventually, but you need to get your sh*t completely together (as well as me and everyone else) if you want a successful, happy relationship.

Do you want to have sex right now because you really, really, desire being with an attractive female, or because you think "I'm 24 and never had sex and my friends have, I'm pathetic."

I know what it's like to date a HB for a couple months, go on dates with other HBs, feel breasts, p****, get a BJ, etc, and I want to experience the whole thing because I want to bust in a girl, not because "I'm 25 and never had sex."

I have put the two bits I want to mention in bold in your post.

Firstly, about the career; quite right! My point is, despite focusing on other aspects of life etc, it still leaves me unfulfilled with girls. I was not trying to say because I have career focus means I'm awesome, and all girls will love me all of a sudden!

Secondly, I have had similar sexual experiences with hot girls, but haven't gone all the way. And dont make the assumption that I want sex/girl "because all my friends have etc". It is very much a personal thing!!

I am simply addressing the fact that being 24 and a virgin is a problem...I could go out with a certain girl, admit to being a virgin, and she would be turned off, and potentially end any relation with me because of that fact! On the other hand, some girls will be understanding. But it is an issue in todays society. As I said above, I wish it wasn't an issue, but it is.

 

[HelpYourself]

My point is, despite focusing on other aspects of life etc, it still leaves me unfulfilled with girls.

That's what I mean. Women can sense when "Oh I need a girl in my life to make it complete." They want a guy that could leave her at any given time, unless you want some ugly or fat girl that will be grateful for any attention she can get from you, which I assume you don't.

I was needy like you, desperate for a girl to share my life with, and I'm still obsessed with the girl I dated despite approaching new targets. The idea that at one point we could be close, talking about going on vacation together, then now she won't even return my calls, I wasn't prepared for that kind of turn of events and if you're anything like me with dating inexperience, you won't be either, which is why I'm saying it's better to just wait it out.