prob'ms (i dunno whats goin on, man)

[bssbbdj]

I am a freshman from Minnesota and girls can be confusing.

I have never had a real gf, and I admit Im shy, just tryin to be honest. I found the Don Juan site and I decided to take a chance. So I did. You know what happens next, I got shot down.

Badly.

I tried to keep the attitude throughout, as you teach it here: "I want you, but I don't need you", "one more no out of the way before I get a yes", and I truly felt that way. After I asked her, though, I felt something different, like I had put all my eggs into one basket. I had made a mistake, and got a heartache for it.

I find it hard to move on in the "Don Juan" manner. I feel resentment for the girl, now, like: I mean, ok if you dont like me, but shouldn't you get know me before nailing the coffin shut?

These feelings are true to my heart, and anything against them seems wrong. I have never been a "nice guy" in the classic style, but I still beleive in true love, and I don't know how to change that.

On top of that, shes's still sending me mixed messages like: she wont talk to me at all online, and when she does she gives me 1 word answers, but at school she will be very nice to me the way I like her to be and how she was when I met her, and I catch her starin at me a lot when she thinks I dont notice.

I also noticed she had a really hard time lettin me down, and I had to give her the "go ahead and hit me with it" for her to say no.

-Andy

 

[freshintake]

you asked a girl out and she she hot you down... dont wait for her to change her mind, move on

 

[bssbbdj]

This may sound simple to you, but with me I don't just plan on being with any random girl for awhile then dumpin her and "movin on." I dont want sex right now. I'm looking for a girl I can talk to and really get to know as a person (a.k.a I'm not looking to "score"). I know I have to move on though, but to do it again with another girl I convinced myself I have a chance with? Then have to do it again and again? You see, the only way I have been able to psyche myself up to ask any girl out is to imagine how great it will be when I'm with her, but what comes with that is expectations, which is followed by disappointment, as I am now.

Any thoughs? Anyone whos had a similar situation?

-Andy

 

[RawkinKaoticStyle]

hey man check out atmosphere there a group in minnisota, their ill.

 

[Leon Phelps]

you cant be serious

You are not looking to score? At this age that is all you should be looking to do, because, sorry to burst your bubble, you wont find your wife at 15.

Kids these days.

 

[4nando]

DJing is about trying to score. You won't find a suitable wife using DJ techniques. Especially at 14-15. Girls are stupid until they hit their 20s, up until then they have no idea what kind of man they want and they'r eincredibly difficult. But anyways, if you're trying to find a lifemate-type person using DJ techniques, you're obviously misguided.

Oh yeah, she hates you. It's a girl's way of not feeling guilty by "letting you down easy." This one girl I wrote a love letter to (bad idea) she read it, and she hugged me and said she'd keep it forever and while she and I were too young to have a relationship, she'd always remember me. Now she points and laughs at me whenever she sees me because I believed her all those years ago. I used to be such an AFC.

It sound to me like you are dependent on relationships or girls to validate yourself. What good are girls if you're not trying to have sex with them? All they do is waste time, money, and cell phone mintues. You don't have a car or a job, so you can't take them out anywhere. And besides, if you loved her, why would you put so much responsibility on her to make you happy? Shouldn't you make life easier for someone you love? How do you know you love her and only her if you never have any experience with other girls? Maybe you'll just feel that way towards all of them if you get to know them. And even then, how do you know what love is, being 14-15? You don't.

Love is fake. There's no such thing. If you feel it, it's because you're a high school freshman. As you go through life, you'll realize that women aren't that special. They're humans just like you and me. And they have flaws just like you and me. I was lucky enough to have never gone through the whole "puppy love experience" except maybe with the aforementioned succubus. Women are no more than people with different reproductive organs, and they have emotions that you can play with however you like, the same way they play with yours.

Just focus on sex and you'll make it out of HS in one piece.

 

[Craig Reeves]

lol. Don't listen to 4nando

OK, bssbbdj...

Personally, this REALLY sounds to me as if you are just looking for a girlfriend simply because you think that all the other guys have one.

You might see other guys with girlfriends, so you feel as if YOU have to have one too; or that the quality of life in HS is much better with a girlfriend simply because you see so many guys "happy" with their little girlfriends, and you're just thinking that it's because of their girlfriends why they're so happy.

You said you wanted to have a girlfriend to "talk to and really get to know as a person (a.k.a you're not looking to 'score').

I have news for you - You ARE trying to score.

You're just explaning to us more lofty fashion, but you are still trying to score. If you were not trying to score, you'd be more interested in GIVING to a girl, than GETTING from her. You basically discussed more on what a girl can do for YOU, instead of what YOU can do for a girl.

If you want to get better at this, then you need to figure out what it is you really want. Sure you may want a girlfriend - but do you really want to be a boyfriend?

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by 4nando

Oh yeah, she hates you. It's a girl's way of not feeling guilty by "letting you down easy." This one girl I wrote a love letter to (bad idea) she read it, and she hugged me and said she'd keep it forever and while she and I were too young to have a relationship, she'd always remember me. Now she points and laughs at me whenever she sees me because I believed her all those years ago. I used to be such an AFC.

It sound to me like you are dependent on relationships or girls to validate yourself. What good are girls if you're not trying to have sex with them? All they do is waste time, money, and cell phone mintues. You don't have a car or a job, so you can't take them out anywhere. And besides, if you loved her, why would you put so much responsibility on her to make you happy? Shouldn't you make life easier for someone you love? How do you know you love her and only her if you never have any experience with other girls? Maybe you'll just feel that way towards all of them if you get to know them. And even then, how do you know what love is, being 14-15? You don't.

Keep this part of 4nado, the rest is spoken by someone who has been done wrong and hasn't fully gotten over it.

IF you are only looking for a girl to talk to, do you really need to be bf and gf? Do you really need it to be a girl, if you are just talking? Before you say that sounds gay, think about it...

Some people can only motivate themselves by thinking of expectations such as imagining when the nobel prize to finish a science project, or imagining the look on the opponents face when you shoot the 3 in their eye. I don't think there is anythning wrong with a little expectation, just don't overdo it and start planning what to name your kids, you want the future to be bright, but if you are stuck in the future the present becomes the past too soon.

Keeping your options open is the only way not to become attached to a girl too early. Then you will notice that every girl brings something different to the table and that everyone is equal.Likfe 4nado said, how can you know you lvoed someone if you've never experienced it for anyone else?

 

[bssbbdj]

stuff

I'm all in favor of physical contact, everything up until sex, but I'm gonna be strong and only do it with my wife. So I am looking to score: with the one I'm gonna spend all my time with when I'm older. This is the right thing to do. Everything on the site is against this and me trying it doesn't work.

I also couldn't care less if the people at school know about my girlfriend if I had one, thats between her and I.

I will admit: I am looking to girls for my happiness. This has been a recent thing, I find myself bored, sittin on the computer, wanting to go somewhere or do something new. Problem is, my best friend wont even go outside if his mom doesn't make him.

So OK I have to get over this girl, which will be easy enough, but what will I do on the next one? Can I still be friends with those whom I've been rejected by? I want those types of relationships, too, and some of those girls that might not WANT me, were good friends and might be in the future. The point is, I don't see asking every random girl out just to get a yes working for me.

Why are we making this fight so one-sided? Don't the girls want boyfriends? Who? Tell me! I'll get right on it if my friends will do the same for me!! Ok im not thinking rationally, too much punctuation, but I was born a
ramblin, gamblin man!!!

K, just ignore that last paragraph,
-Andy

 

[Microphone Fiend]

read "the power of detachment" (part of the Weapons of Mass Seduction compililation written by Senor Fingers) This is a good take on putting your eggs in one basket, why he doens't do it, and how he doesn't do it...

 

[Jimbo2k]

Re: stuff

Originally posted by bssbbdj
This has been a recent thing, I find myself bored, sittin on the computer, wanting to go somewhere or do something new. Problem is, my best friend wont even go outside if his mom doesn't make him.

Sounds like you need better friends..you dont need a chick to "go do something new" you can do that with your guy friends (if you had some normal ones).

 

[kilgoretrout]

My "move on" he didn't nessicarly mean to the next girl. I believe he meant with your life. Don't let this one girl get you down. Easier said then done, I admit. I can't tell you how many times I didn't follow my own advice.

"Advice if only good for passing on to others" - Oscar Wilde

 

[oakraiderz2]

Originally posted by Leon Phelps
you cant be serious

You are not looking to score? At this age that is all you should be looking to do, because, sorry to burst your bubble, you wont find your wife at 15.

Kids these days.

He really does want to score, thats just the afc inside of him that wants a nice loving girl. Once he moves thru that stage he'll see the light.

haha, kids these days...thats my friends and i saying...neat.

 

[Craig Reeves]

Look, it's great that you want to save yourself for marriage, but stop making an effort to find the "perfect girl" that you will be able to spend the rest of your life with at 15 years old. The chances of this actually happining (especially her being your first girlfriend) are slim to none. There's no way that you could possibly know what you want in a girlfriend because you are much too young to know, as well as the fact you've never had a girlfriend before.

Something else. Just doing a bunch of techniques isn't going to help you. You need to get your mindset right if you plan on getting ANYWHERE with girls. You can do every technique in the book, but if you do them with a weak and insecure attitude, they will have a negative effect instead of a positive one.

What you need to do is get your ATTITUDE right, and learn how attraction works before you do ANYTHING. My book is close to completion and should be out withen a week or two. You should check it out.

I also couldn't care less if the people at school know about my girlfriend if I had one, thats between her and I.

You think that you NEED a girlfriend - this attitude is VERY unattractive to girls. You come off as weak, needy, and wimpy if you communicate with a girl the way we all are pretty sure you do.

Your body language, voice tone, and eye contact makes a HUGE difference between whether you get the girl, or come off as a nice-guy wimp.

Then you twist the knife by telling us that you are looking for a girl for your personal happiness. Not only is this INCREDIBLY wimpy, but you are very, very wrong to think that a girl is going to solve your happiness problems for you - a girl will only make things worse, TRUST ME!

You seriously need to be a man and get your own life, because girls don't like guys they have to spoon-feed or baby-sit (and you seem like one of these types of guys). GIRLS LIKE GUYS THAT CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES! Not a guy who is weaker than THEY THEMSELVES are.

You're right, you do need to get over this girl and forget she ever existed, because I can tell you right now that she is probably laughing at you to her girlfriends. Find another girl and try again, except when you talk to her, show a lot more confidence, make eye contact, and don't be a wuss!

Stop expecting success to just rain down on you like holy mana and start TAKING ACTION to improving your attitude! Stop complaining that the fight is "one sided" when it clearly isn't. I know of a LOT of women that wish they had boyfriends, but I can tell ya right now it's most of the time they're ATTITUDES that keep them from getting guys as well. Remember, attitude is everything!

 

[bssbbdj]

you sound like a smart man, reeves I will proceed in the way you are saying as long as I'm around girls, but right now, I think I need a break from it all. I'm gonna make some friends with girls and find out how they work, then I'll try somethin I haven't tried before. Thanks for all the replies.

-Andy

 

[Craig Reeves]

No problem. I was a little hard on you, I know, but that was because I'm really serious about what I told you and wanted it to sink in. Good luck in the future!

 

[hobbes344]

Girls in minnesota are hot, that is, from my limited understanding

 

[misunderstood??]

I believe the saying goes something like, "it doesn't matter how many times you fall down, what really matters is how many times you get back up." This holds very true in your situation, everyone here has probably been rejected before, heck any guy who is succesful with girls has gotten rejected before. What makes people succesful is getting back on the pony and taking note of what went wrong and addressing it for next time. The more you get shot down odds are the more you'll improve and less likely you'll get shot down in the future.
Also, consider these 2 guys, the first guy doesn't get turned much, he is very selective and cautious, matter of fact he only got turned down once, but he has only had 2 girls before and neither lasted a long time, but he has a 66% success rate. Now the second guy is a risk taker and doesn't get phazed by rejections, he's been shot down 70 times! but he has also gotten with 30 girls! this is a 30% success rate, alot worse than the first guy. Which guy would you rather be? would you rather have 30 girls or 2 girls? It is true that dating is a numbers game, it is not about percentages, who cares if you get hardly get shot down if you don't get any? I can also tell you right now that the second guy would be tremendously better with girls because of all the experience he has gotten and if he is not, he would be soon becuase he'd be improving at a much more rapid pace.
In conclusion, just keep at it, everyone gets rejected. The choice is up to you, don't get rejected again and don't get with any girls again or get rejected and get girls at the same time. Here's the bottom line:
IF YOU WANT GIRLS YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH BEING REJECTED