Problems with my wife

[Soul83]

She is Chinese and 30 years old. I'm Western and 33 years old. We are trying for our first child.

But there are some problems between us. I have caught her posting about her colleagues in her online space. This year she has posted about the appeal of muscle guys (I told her to delete it because the guy looked like a drug lord), she posted more recently about getting in shape after complaining about my weight gain. This was in spite of the fact that I told her I'm heading to the gym to lose weight.

Then last week she posted online about going to the movies and one of her male colleagues posted that he would like to go with her (he is married!). She wrote back she is too beautiful for him. I was angry about that.

Tonight she posted online about some make singer and openly wrote he has sex appeal...

Then followed that up by posting about her married colleague and how he is handsome and can drink everyone under the table. I confronted her and told her it's bs what she is doing and cut the crap already. Her response? That she had posted to her group about me getting jealous so all of her work colleagues can know what sort of man I am.

This comes after I have been good to her and done the right thing. I don't talk to other women or post crap like that online.

How I feel? Like I'm not good enough for her. That maybe she needs to pull her head out of her a*** or she will be left with nothing but a divorce and empty lust over singers and married men.

I started to think about what is it about these men that she likes. I'm not raw masculine, all muscles, funny etc. I'm more serious and I have gained a bit of weight but at least I'm working on that.

I keep thinking that unless I gain a sense of humour and earn more money and speak Chinese, then I will never measure up. But I don't see why I should lower myself when I know I have value still with other women.

I'm just sick of her posting about other guys all the time. And it was disappointing to hear her tell them I'm a jealous type of person when in fact I'm usually not at all.

I have thought a bit about divorce. Even though she was acting like nothing happened tonight and trying to cling to me. I just felt so angry at her disrespect. I have always tried hard for people to see us in a good light. I couldn't air our dirty laundry to my colleagues or I'd be ostracised and forced to quit. It would be thoroughly embarrassing.

Now I have to face these idiots in a few days time at her Xmas party. And she will go away for one night with them as part of the annual trip. This time family aren't invited apparently...

Anyway, I had hoped for a respectful woman with more decency. Not this constant garbage. Especially the way she baited me by saying to check her social media so she could start a fight with me. What purpose it serves is beyond me. We have been married for a difficult 5 years. I have contemplated throwing in the towel a number of times.

So what advice would anyone here have for me?

 

[Soul83]

Just a matter of time before she cheats

As in when she goes away overnight?

She has lost all her face with her Chinese colleagues by discussing private matters. Not sure how this will go down in the future.

Why does everyone immediately suggest cheating?

Would a cheater be so concerned with trying have a child with their partner if they were planning on cheating?

 

[Roober]

She has lost respect for you...

If you don't right the ship, then it is certainly doomed for failure. Long story short

1. Read Pook's book and the DJ bible and become a real man. Nice guys finishing last has nothing to do with being a gentleman. It is about letting women walk on you
2. You are married, so tell her the crap has to stop and you won't tolerate it
3. You have to be willing to walk away... No kids? this is easy
4. Get in shape! Dad bods are not in
5. Quit checking in on her, it will only drive you insane

To save this, it needs to be done with grace and gradual. Gaining a woman's respect back is the hardest thing to do, and it is damn near impossible after a certain point...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She has lost respect for you...

If you don't right the ship, then it is certainly doomed for failure. Long story short

1. Read Pook's book and the DJ bible and become a real man. Nice guys finishing last has nothing to do with being a gentleman. It is about letting women walk on you
2. You are married, so tell her the crap has to stop and you won't tolerate it
3. You have to be willing to walk away... No kids? this is easy
4. Get in shape! Dad bods are not in
5. Quit checking in on her, it will only drive you insane

To save this, it needs to be done with grace and gradual. Gaining a woman's respect back is the hardest thing to do, and it is damn near impossible after a certain point...

Why would he even want this one's respect. She's phvcking you and she knows it. She's reveling in the pain and stress it's causing you. It's making her feel good. Please do 1-5 and get rid of dad bod, your body needs to represent on the singles market. Also like they said don't look at her social media. Worry about what YOU want to do. During this period of low respect, dont' help her much at all and do anything for her. If there is some bills of hers you paying let her pay em.

 

[Soul83]

So telling her to cut it out isn't enough?

I will check out those books. I'm doing something about the extra weight. going to the gym and trying to lose it.

I don't understand why women expect their men to constantly change and be all these amazing things. They aren't able to stand by their man. They see something more interesting and suddenly the man is at fault because he isn't always working to keep the woman's attention on him?

That doesn't sound right to me.

 

[Soul83]

By the way, I am concerned with what I want to do and I'm pursuing that goal. I have a stable job, study and I'm starting to network with the right people towards my goal of one day opening a medical clinic overseas.

I study nursing which I'm guessing some of you here are immediately going to say it's not a male career etc....

 

[The Duke]

Many times women think having a baby will fix their relationship problems, and it never does. Also, having a baby is a guaranteed money maker in the terms of child support. She can pay the rent with that child support once she divorces you.

The real issue is you guys aren't happy and she/both of you aren't discussing the issues.
She is disrespecting you because she isn't happy. You need to get to the bottom of this. I don't wish divorce upon anybody, but if you picked the wrong girl to marry then your probably should consider.

If I was you, I would tell her that you aren't happy with her and its obvious she isn't happy with you either and tomorrow at 0:00pm you two are sitting down and getting to the bottom of every thing.

 

[dude99]

She is Chinese and 30 years old. I'm Western and 33 years old. We are trying for our first child.

But there are some problems between us. I have caught her posting about her colleagues in her online space. This year she has posted about the appeal of muscle guys (I told her to delete it because the guy looked like a drug lord), she posted more recently about getting in shape after complaining about my weight gain. This was in spite of the fact that I told her I'm heading to the gym to lose weight.

Then last week she posted online about going to the movies and one of her male colleagues posted that he would like to go with her (he is married!). She wrote back she is too beautiful for him. I was angry about that.

Tonight she posted online about some make singer and openly wrote he has sex appeal...

Then followed that up by posting about her married colleague and how he is handsome and can drink everyone under the table. I confronted her and told her it's bs what she is doing and cut the crap already. Her response? That she had posted to her group about me getting jealous so all of her work colleagues can know what sort of man I am.

This comes after I have been good to her and done the right thing. I don't talk to other women or post crap like that online.

How I feel? Like I'm not good enough for her. That maybe she needs to pull her head out of her a*** or she will be left with nothing but a divorce and empty lust over singers and married men.

I started to think about what is it about these men that she likes. I'm not raw masculine, all muscles, funny etc. I'm more serious and I have gained a bit of weight but at least I'm working on that.

I keep thinking that unless I gain a sense of humour and earn more money and speak Chinese, then I will never measure up. But I don't see why I should lower myself when I know I have value still with other women.

I'm just sick of her posting about other guys all the time. And it was disappointing to hear her tell them I'm a jealous type of person when in fact I'm usually not at all.

I have thought a bit about divorce. Even though she was acting like nothing happened tonight and trying to cling to me. I just felt so angry at her disrespect. I have always tried hard for people to see us in a good light. I couldn't air our dirty laundry to my colleagues or I'd be ostracised and forced to quit. It would be thoroughly embarrassing.

Now I have to face these idiots in a few days time at her Xmas party. And she will go away for one night with them as part of the annual trip. This time family aren't invited apparently...

Anyway, I had hoped for a respectful woman with more decency. Not this constant garbage. Especially the way she baited me by saying to check her social media so she could start a fight with me. What purpose it serves is beyond me. We have been married for a difficult 5 years. I have contemplated throwing in the towel a number of times.

So what advice would anyone here have for me?

Hate to say this bro, but she is openly disrespecting you, this is the first sighn she no longer loves you and doesn't care anymore.

Get your finances in order and protect any assets you could stand to lose, the schit storm is just about to begin.

When she is openly flirting with other guys then telling them you are jealous she is trying to humiliate you.

She will fluff you off and the flirting with get strongern and stronger all while telling you to relax , next thing her and and her flirt friends get a hotel room together.

 

[dude99]

Just a matter of time before she cheats

I agree. Its coming to the OP

 

[Soul83]

I tried to discuss things tonight. She downplayed my reaction to the posts as childish. I did something I usually never do and I asked her what is it she is trying to change in me. She mentioned earning more money and having a sense of humour.

Well, the money will come in time with the completion of the studies. The weight needs some time and effort at the gym. Humour is something I could try to learn but I'm not good at it.

I lost a lot of my easy going nature and the fun side of myself as the years rolled by together. The stress of incidents like the one I asked about in the beginning have worn me down a bit. I used to be a bit more relaxed.

 

[Desdinova]

I think your marriage is at a point of no return. Losing weight and telling her to stop her idiotic behaviour isn't going to fix your marriage. It's already damaged beyond repair and nothing is going to make it any better. This woman has absolutely no respect for you, your feelings nor your relationship.

Would a cheater be so concerned with trying have a child with their partner if they were planning on cheating?

Most women have a biological need to reproduce. At 30 years old, they don't give a fvck who they're going to procreate with as long as they procreate. His only purpose in this marriage is a sperm donor. She will leave him after she gets pregnant.

 

[Soul83]

I agree. Its coming to the OP

OK you say it's coming to me. So I should leave her before this happens then.

 

[narcissist]

Dump this broad. You cant seriously want to be with her for the rest of your life!

 

[Bible_Belt]

There have been countless posts on this forum for years that foreign women are perfect in every way and far superior to American women. Apparently that is not always the case, after reading this thread.

She thinks you don't have the balls to leave her. I think you're past the point where conversation is going to fix anything. Come home with a lot of cardboard boxes and just start packing your sh!t. She'll do a 180 and fall down crying at your feet. Then leave anyway, at least for a while. Unless you can be heartless, she'll never respect you.

Are you in the US? What state? Divorce is no-fault in every state, but the rules are a little different from state to state. I'm in Illinois, which requires a married couple to live apart for 6-24 months before the state will grant a divorce. Cancel your credit accounts that are in joint name and withdraw cash from your bank accounts.

I'm not telling you to divorce her for certain. But for right now, you need to make her think that you are. In any relationship, whether it is romantic or business, the one who is willing to walk away first is the one with the power,

 

[Soul83]

I'm not going to be back here posting about her cheating on me. But thanks for putting it into perspective about her talking badly about them. Yeah my fears were that she was lining up someone. They're not the actions of someone who loves you.

 

[Soul83]

There have been countless posts on this forum for years that foreign women are perfect in every way and far superior to American women. Apparently that is not always the case, after reading this thread.

She thinks you don't have the balls to leave her. I think you're past the point where conversation is going to fix anything. Come home with a lot of cardboard boxes and just start packing your sh!t. She'll do a 180 and fall down crying at your feet. Then leave anyway, at least for a while. Unless you can be heartless, she'll never respect you.

Are you in the US? What state? Divorce is no-fault in every state, but the rules are a little different from state to state. I'm in Illinois, which requires a married couple to live apart for 6-24 months before the state will grant a divorce. Cancel your credit accounts that are in joint name and withdraw cash from your bank accounts.

I'm not telling you to divorce her for certain. But for right now, you need to make her think that you are. In any relationship, whether it is romantic or business, the one who is willing to walk away first is the one with the power,

Thankyou. I live in Australia. There's a 1 year clause of living apart. The apartment is in my name and I don't want to get caught up in losing it. Or be forced into paying maintenance for abandoning the home etc.

I did what you suggested once before very early in our relationship. Packed up everything and walked out. Even took all the cutlery and sheets etc. Left her with nothing in the apartment. She called asking me to come home and I said I was too tired to do that. I stayed away for 2 days. Things improved. This was in China. We lived together over there.

Second time I did that was here in Australia. Things got out of hand and she lunged at me with a knife, cut down a large poster etc. I came back the next day with my parents to collect everything. A couple of days later she was begging me to return. I stayed one night with her but told her she better not pull an act like that on me again or she can get on the next flight to China and forget about a life with me. It was awkward but we sorted ourselves out.

We have been married for 5 years. I've been through a few ups and downs since then. We just moved into our new apartment only 2 months ago. Our first home. She invited her parents to stay here for 12 months to help us out. The plan was for them to cook her favourite food and to look after a baby while we worked.

She used to get aggressive when she was angry. To the point of throwing things and breaking them. When we just moved into the apartment, I had packaged all of her shoes into a suitcase because she wouldn't come and sort then out after I finished building a new shoe cupboard.

She found the shoes in the morning and grabbed a heap of my wine and coffee and threw them across the floor. Took a photo to send to me from work. Crazy. I left a police report in case it escalated. A week later I had to take her to the police station to leave a report because she had gotten into a punch up with her female colleague and the colleague's husband was threatening to send gangs after us and making death threats. I don't trust the Chinese so I felt a bit unsafe for a while.

I have seen her post stuff up on her social media before that challenged me and resulted in me getting a bit annoyed with her.

Only recently we had a couple of bad fights where she got quite nasty. I was going down on her and she started asking to watch porn to make it faster!! I couldn't believe my ears. Not long after that she started swearing in a way I haven't heard from her before. I don't know where she picked it up. But she came home and seen my upset face and immediately started saying f...off. I had a difficult time the night before trying to conceive with her and she got nasty then too. Saying I can f off if I can't give her a baby and she will find another bloke who can.

Yeah that was 2 weeks ago and I haven't forgotten what she said. A checkup on my health reveals I'm healthy and there's nothing to stop me from having children. But I won't forget what she said.

That's a bit of our history. She comes back to me after cooling off and tries to apologise for being verbally aggressive.

 

[dude99]

OK you say it's coming to me. So I should leave her before this happens then.

In your shoes i would. I don't believe in second chances. But if you believe in one more chance keep reading.

First man up. Tell her to pack her bags and get the f..k out of your house. Change the locks. Show her you mean business.

This open disrespect is grounds for any man to kick her to rhe curb. If she publicly apologies and changes this behaviour then you can tell her she is on a 60 day probationary period. Do not give her a key to the new locks until she changes publicaly apologieses and changes. Any future sign of this behaviour and you put her at the curb where she belongs with the rest of the trash.

 

[dude99]

I missed this earlier. The part where she tried to kill you.

Dump. Change locks. No second chance.

 

[Soul83]

One more thing you should know. Her parents are living here in the second bedroom. Her and her parents paid the deposit for the apartment. I pay the mortgage repayments.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Ah, I see. So she's already tried to kill you once, delicate little flower that she is.

Are you of Asian descent, or white? Is there a reason you want a Chinese wife?

And the live-apart clauses in divorce law are there for the reason of making it difficult to divorce. You have to find a way around it, or just suck it up and deal with the cost. Having a baby with pscho woman is going to cost you more than everything you own right now.