Problems with jealousy/hate when GF even touches another guy

[Anonymous56]

Ok I am with this awesome girl. We have strong feelings for eachother. But the last month or two I have become really possessive and obsessive about everything she does. I have pretty much verbalized my jealousy everytime I feel it(I know big mistake, but I CANT HELP IT). NO matter how much I fight not to say anything I can't help it it just comes out. She is very social and has a lot of guy and girl friends. IT DRIVES ME NUTS knowing that when she goes out with her friends that she will probably innocently hug one of these dudes which she does. I can't stand her dancing with any other guy. I find myself talking to her on the phone like 5 times a day! But its not in a good way its in like a compulsive, needy way. (I KNOW FUCING HORRIBLE).

The reason she was so attracted to me when we first started going out was because I wasn't like this at all. I hated talking on the phone. I would barely ever call her. But im afraid to go back to the way I was for some reason...I fear she is going to read into it and think I lose interest if I stop calling as much.

She is trustworthy she has never cheated and I know she loves me. And I know she really loves me because she is still with me after all this **** ive thrown at her for no reason. I just can't help getting horrible , irrational thoughts in my head and acting upon them.

Im such a hypocrite too because I have girl friends too and I hug them whenever I see them. I also dance with other girls in a suggestive way but I know id never do anything. I guess that makes it worse because I sense she might be dancing with other guys the same way im dancing with other girls.

How can I stop acting on my irrational thoughts? Suppress them? Try to rationalize them? I know getting reassurance from her doesnt work because she always tells me im being ridiculous. This works for like a day then the cycle starts again.

I really need to stop guys...I found a gem of a girl and if im gonna lose her its not gonna be over something stupid like what I'm doing.

Please don't criticize me either...I know im being ****ing ridiculous. Thats the worst part...I know what im doing is wrong but I still do it! How can I alter my perception?

 

[ph00k]

just out of curiosity, are you an aries? haha

anyway i know how you feel, feelings of jealousy for a great girl i'm with has happened to me before, but lucky for me i tend to keep my jealousy restrained as best i can ~ and that requires trust. and god, do i love getting attention from other women, so yeah we're pretty hypocritical, hey? haha

** step back, extract yourself from it, observe your behaviour
its good that you're really into each other etc, but you need to stand back objectively (if objectivity is possible in such an emotion charged arena) and chill. easy to say, hard to do.

** complacent behaviour
ok, let me put this in a little perspective. it sounds to me like you're getting complacent in this relationship. by complacent i don't mean you're simply sitting around and scratching yourself, i mean that you have forgotten to keep her interest level up and been totally seduced by the relationship. you let the relationship dictate your emotions and so forth.

** general solution that you'll get on this board
the solution is alwys simple.... have other girls on the side, keep yourself busy. i'[m prety sure you think of her alot of the time too, cuz thats a byproduct of your actions. try and go out there and get things done, new hobibes etc. ie. the standard response.

try not to go nuts, the sooner you can learn to accept and believe that your gf isn't a cheating girl, then the sooner you can work on your jealousy.

** a trick or two - its all in the mind
what i do, is that whenever i have doubts... i just remind myself that at the end of the day, my squeeze is giving me all the close stuff (emotions, thoughts, physical stuff) that makes our relationship more substantial than any other type of r'ship she has with any guys. At the end of the day --- you're the guy in bed with her, so keep reminding yourself about that. Combined with doing other things to keep your mind out of paranoid thoughts that keep building should help you chill a bit more.

*relax*, she hasn't cheated on you (if you say she's so faithful), and she won't UNLESS YOU KEEP ON GIVING HER REASON TO LOSE INTEREST IN YOU, AND WANT OUT OF THE R'SHIP . And believe me, i'm pretty sure that women hate jealousy since its a sign or weakness / afc dependence.

let me know how it goes

 

[Anonymous56]

You're definately right man. I think about her CONSTANTLY. I swear to god if I didn't play baseball id probably barely think of anything else. I have good things going for me...but you're right man I cant let what happens in our relationship on a given day dictate my mood on that day. If we have a great day and are both happy im happy. If shes moody and isnt acting very happy towards me I wont be happy either and it effects the way I play which is bad because one of my goals is to make it to the professional level within the next year or two.

Thanks though...good post.

 

[Evil-Rom]

It sounds like you're obsessed and will go on a killing spree when she breaks up with you.

 

[NewMan]

* she will leave you if you keep this sh#t up.

* She choose you over everyone else - trust her decision.

* You have a cool hot chick - guys give her attention - that's a compliment to your taste - but again she's with you not them.

* Remember - you HAVE to have a life OUTSIDE of HER. This is the most important thing. She should complement your life not be it. If you can't seperate the two - then you need to be alone until you can. If necessary you should break it off with her. Becuase you are not emotionally ready for this.

* you got her originally by acting like a man. you'll lose her by acting like a b#tch.

When this girl leaves you you will be a desperate man. Think about that. Do you want to be that?

 

[PocoDiablo]

My rule of thumb is this: Until you catch her in the act, or someone shows you photographs of her cheating, drop it.

Remember that she will act how you expect her to. So the more you tell her it's an issue, the more she'll think about it, and the more likely she will be to act on it.

Why not tell her that you are the best man ever?