Problem With Her Ex-Boyfriend

[Tiga]

Greetings Don Juanerz! I am new to this forum and I was wondering if you guys could provide me some DJism about my current relationship.

There's this girl Angela that I've liked for some time now. A couple of months ago, she was secretly dating this boy James. Why secretly? Because her parents woulda slaughtered her due to racial issues (which is wrong, but that's not the point of my post). They also messed around. Eventually, she was too worried about her parents finding out and broke up with him. That's when I met her and we've been talking for a while now. She shows interest in me, but the problem is her ex. She tells me that he's only a friend and they do hang out occasionally.

Anyways, I was supposed to come over Angela's house the other night to enjoy a wonderful make-out session. Right before I left my house, I instant messaged her and told her I was going out with my friends instead of coming over her house just to piss her off 'cuz I thought it would be funny. When I arrived at her house, I called her cell and told her I was outside. She said, "WHAT?! WHY!?" After that, she told me James was over her house and invited me in. She was probably shocked because she likes me and didn't want me to think that they were messing around, which would ruin our relationship. I came in and left after 5 minutes because it felt weird with her ex there. I was jealous and tried to hide it by being cool about it.

This is where I need help. Should I show my jealousy and get mad at her? Or should I hide it and be cool about it? If I show my jealously, she might see me as insecure. If I'm cool about it, she'll probably see me as either a man or a wuss.

I WANT THIS DAMN GIRL AND I'M DETERMINED TO GET HER. I'm 100% sure that she likes me, but should I be worried about her ex? Please don't tell me to move on, I want her and I'm gonna get her... or maybe I should move on so she'll come chasing after me? I'm not sure what to do. Did I provide enough information? Any tips would be appreciated. Please help.

 

[Tiga]

She texted me today and thought I was mad at her (which I was), but I tried not to show it. Have I failed?

 

[Slickster]

Anyways, I was supposed to come over Angela's house the other night to enjoy a wonderful make-out session. Right before I left my house, I instant messaged her and told her I was going out with my friends instead of coming over her house just to piss her off 'cuz I thought it would be funny. When I arrived at her house, I called her cell and told her I was outside. She said, "WHAT?! WHY!?" After that, she told me James was over her house and invited me in......

So she invited James over after she figured you weren't coming.

What does this tell you?

I'm sorry but I don't think this girls interest in you is as high as you think. You thought your little gag would be funny and piss her off. She was probably happy/relived that you weren't coming.

I wouldn't be surprised if there were a couple other guys on this chicks list of alternates.

Sounds like you have allowed yourself to enter some sort of competition for her attention. Not a very Don Juan thing to do. Is she worth it? The answer is no.

So to answer your question. Don't show her that you are jealous.
She should be chasing you. If she thinks you are mad thats just fine. Let her think that. Your attitude should be "whatever"

Unless she starts showing you some genuine interest and forgets about James, I'd say you have some better options than chasing this flaky chick.

I hope you learned something about playing silly little gags like that one. On the other hand it did demonstrate where you stand with this chick so all isn't bad.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I liked your text message - excellent move!!

This chick is still on this guys jock, she didn't leave him because she is still interested in him and only pretended to leave for 'appearances' sake only!!! This has nothing to do with jealousy, it has to do with knowing where you stand with her...and you are not primary and maybe not even secondary. Don't lose your dignity and beg!! Respect your manhood!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Tiga
She texted me today and thought I was mad at her (which I was), but I tried not to show it. Have I failed?

She is not your girl??

 

[DreamerZZ35]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I liked your text message - excellent move!!

This chick is still on this guys jock, she didn't leave him because she is still interested in him and only pretended to leave for 'appearances' sake only!!! This has nothing to do with jealousy, it has to do with knowing where you stand with her...and you are not primary and maybe not even secondary. Don't lose your dignity and beg!! Respect your manhood!

Right on.... good move.....

Second thing is this... dude who left... you or the Ex? The ex stayed and obviously wasnt pissed. Third, how do you KNOW he is the EX?

Remember... dont get caught up in what SHE SAYS believe WHAT SHE DOES.

Ex You say you aer going out and suprise her... what is SHE DOING?

Ans hanging with her supposed "ex'"
Here is a news flash guys... he is only TRULY an EX when HE ISNT EVER AROUND. If she says he is an ex and he is hang out at HER HOUSE he is almost surely still hitting it.... Heck he gets the best of both.... none of her BS and still gets the trim
[/B][/QUOTE]

 

[Tiga]

We are not official, but guess what? She just texted me and asked what I was doing later and that she wanted to talk to me. I told her I was going out with my friends tonight. Then she replied with, "Ok wutever then.. I was gonna talk to u about us dating but ur busy." I replied by saying, "You can still call me. Duh." That made me feel kinda as*holish so I said, "I'm gonna be pissed if you don't call me."

I think the last message I said was a mistake. It makes it look like I'm desparate and trying to get with HER. It should be the reverse, like you said, Slickster.

Lets assume she calls tonight and wants us to start going out, what do I say? Should I say, "No, I think I need more time?"

I really don't wanna get with her until I'm definately sure that her ex is outta the way. Plus, if she's gonna ask me to be her b/f 2nite, it'll make me feel like she's asking me 'cuz she felt bad about last night, which I DO NOT want.

 

[Tiga]

Originally posted by DreamerZZ35
Right on.... good move.....

Second thing is this... dude who left... you or the Ex? The ex stayed and obviously wasnt pissed. Third, how do you KNOW he is the EX?

[/B][/QUOTE]

I was the one who left her house. I know he was her ex because she told me about him before.

 

[Tiga]

So what should I say when she calls?

There are 2 scenarios, A and B:

A. If She asks me out:
1. should I say I need more time?
2. should I say, "until you can stop hanging out with James, I'm not gonna be your b/f"?
3. should i say, "yes"?

B. If she says she wants James' ****:
1. I'd hang up and go mack on some other girls until she wants me again.

 

[Tiga]

I'm not sure if they're still messing around. She once told me that she told James she just wanted to be friends him, and not friends with benefits.

 

[DreamerZZ35]

Originally posted by Tiga
So what should I say when she calls?

There are 2 scenarios, A and B:

A. If She asks me out:
1. should I say I need more time?
2. should I say, "until you can stop hanging out with James, I'm not gonna be your b/f"?
3. should i say, "yes"?

B. If she says she wants James' ****:
1. I'd hang up and go mack on some other girls until she wants me again.

Tiga,

Your kind of missing it.... Take a HUGE step back. Here is a girl who is BANGING a guy SHE CLAIMS is her ex.... EX what? ex accountant? ex stock broker? cause it aint her ex boyfriend... GET THAT INTO YOUR STUBBORN HEAD. Why is this guy at her house? THE SAME REASON YOU ARE...

beyond that, why do YOU care? Go get some numbers, go on some coffee dates, either screw a bunch of them or find the one who has a GOOD ATTITUDE, IS A GIVER, AND HAS INTEGRITY....

If she calls let the answering machince take a message, go out get some numbers tonite, meet SEVERAL AWESOME women and you wont care with this woman is or is not doing.

 

[Tiga]

She is not banging him. She's a virgin. They've only messed around before, no intercourse. Sex is impossible at her house. Her parents and siblings are always home. I was lucky to make out with her for 10 mins w/o getting caught.

I am DETERMINED TO GET HER. NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY. I just need a lil help.

Oh yeah, when I said I was going out tonight, I am, and you guys know why. I need to do it to release some tension.

 

[Trance]

"I am DETERMINED TO GET HER. NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY. I just need a lil help."

This may sound like a paradox to you, but the best way to get her, is actually not caring about if you get her or not...

 

[Tiga]

Thank you. I need to get that through my head. I've been blinded by my anger.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I liked your text message - excellent move!!

This chick is still on this guys jock, she didn't leave him because she is still interested in him and only pretended to leave for 'appearances' sake only!!! This has nothing to do with jealousy, it has to do with knowing where you stand with her...and you are not primary and maybe not even secondary. Don't lose your dignity and beg!! Respect your manhood!

GOLD, listen to the man!!

 

[DJnomore]

Originally posted by Tiga
So what should I say when she calls?

There are 2 scenarios, A and B:

A. If She asks me out:
1. should I say I need more time?
2. should I say, "until you can stop hanging out with James, I'm not gonna be your b/f"?
3. should i say, "yes"?

B. If she says she wants James' ****:
1. I'd hang up and go mack on some other girls until she wants me again.

You left out C

1) You tell her you want to leave her
2) You tell her she can only be a FB
3) You next her and don't tell her


The fact that you left out any option that includes leaving her forever speaks VOLUMES about where you are.

you WILL fail. Sorry. You just aren't playing your hand right.

Only when you can see option C will you truely have a chance.