Problem with girlfriend and her facebook

[The North Dragon]

We've been together nearly 2 months and everything is fine and get on great except one small thing .

We when started going out she said she would rather not display our relationship on Facebook as. She didn't want anyone interfering n sh1t like that. I thought about it and agreed.

Well today I went through her photos and found some of her Ex still there ( haven't confronted her about this, don't know if I should) surely they should be gone no? I also remember her going through her phone and looking at photos with me then bam but into photos of her ex yet again and said ' I really need to delete some photos on here' but dunno of she did .

I also know she has a ton of guys facebook messaging her daily and she asked if it bothered me and I told her no. Surely the sensible thing her to do what be to put 'in a relationship with me' to stop these pricks messaging her constant. Or to just delete the whole god dam facebook.

Like I say I haven't mentioned anything yet but do I sound reasonable or am I overreacting ? Is just because off all the small things that add up n begin to make up stories in my head.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I don't pay much attention to my facebook, so I still have pictures of me with exes in my old profile pics.

But yes, I can see why you would be uncomfortable. Have her change the status to "in a relationship." 2 months is long enough.

Also remember that the guy who is never cheated on is the guy who is never paranoid about being cheated on, and handles his life and relationship with confidence.

 

[SirFratserlot]

Trust your gut, if you think something is up than there most likely is. People dont usually delete pictures of their exes on their fb, so I would look for more clear signs like her messaging her ex or something.

 

[49au]

This goes deeper than Facebook - if she doesn't want to put "in a relationship" (and tag you as the bf), it's a big red flag. Her story is BS.

Women who value their men, want to claim them in front of other women.

Withdraw, start removing interest and availability. Let her think she's losing you. Try to get a stronger frame.

Fact is, she may just simply not be over the ex, and if that's the case, there's nothing you can do. She could even be using you as a tool against him. Tread carefully.

 

[TheException]

Surely the sensible thing her to do what be to put 'in a relationship with me' to stop these pricks messaging her constant.

But yes, I can see why you would be uncomfortable. Have her change the status to "in a relationship."

Everybody on here seems to advocate the tough guy opinion and demand his girlfriend meet certain expectations such as this...and no flirting with anybody as if its going to have some effect. IF A GIRL WANTS TO CHEAT SHES GOING TO FIND A WAY TO CHEAT. No prism or artificial constraints by you are going to keep her from doing so.

That being said, everybody who has responded so far is leaping to the worst case scenario. Its perfectly normal to have pics of her ex, and to have guys messaging her all day. Those guys are AFCs thinking they will get some from the girl with a bf. You should be unaffected. Your insecurities are creeping up and getting the better of you. Demanding she change her relationship status only shows her your jealous and lowers her attraction. Pathetic. Dont do it. Its been two months...not two years. Jeez take your foot off the accelerator and get your feelings in check. Slow down and enjoy the woman. Your fine.

 

[SirFratserlot]

Surely the sensible thing her to do what be to put 'in a relationship with me' to stop these pricks messaging her constant.

But yes, I can see why you would be uncomfortable. Have her change the status to "in a relationship."

Everybody on here seems to advocate the tough guy opinion and demand his girlfriend meet certain expectations such as this...and no flirting with anybody as if its going to have some effect. IF A GIRL WANTS TO CHEAT SHES GOING TO FIND A WAY TO CHEAT. No prism or artificial constraints by you are going to keep her from doing so.

That being said, everybody who has responded so far is leaping to the worst case scenario. Its perfectly normal to have pics of her ex, and to have guys messaging her all day. Those guys are AFCs thinking they will get some from the girl with a bf. You should be unaffected. Your insecurities are creeping up and getting the better of you. Demanding she change her relationship status only shows her your jealous and lowers her attraction. Pathetic. Dont do it. Its been two months...not two years. Jeez take your foot off the accelerator and get your feelings in check. Slow down and enjoy the woman. Your fine.

This

 

[49au]

The best move is to withdraw interest without stating the reason.

If they are in a relationship and she considers it a relationship, it is a huge red flag that she doesn't want to announce it. She's keeping her options open. Don't be naive.

 

[LongLostFriend]

Are you actually "in a relationship" after two months?

I do not hear the spinning of other plates. Unless she has asked for exclusivity, you probably shouldn't be pushing it. And if the relationship has been defined, initiate the "relationship status" thing on FB by doing it yourself without asking her permission. If she won't accept it, then you can go into the "why" of it.

And FB doesn't really matter in the whole scheme of things.

 

[plate's_empty]

This goes deeper than Facebook - if she doesn't want to put "in a relationship" (and tag you as the bf), it's a big red flag. Her story is BS.

Women who value their men, want to claim them in front of other women.

Withdraw, start removing interest and availability. Let her think she's losing you. Try to get a stronger frame.

Fact is, she may just simply not be over the ex, and if that's the case, there's nothing you can do. She could even be using you as a tool against him. Tread carefully.

REP +1

I also agree with the Exception to a point. Most of the posters here are stating what could be correct. But I think to make a better decision we'd need some background. What's happened within those two months? Is this just a ho-hum matter of convenience relationship? Are you her inbetween boyfriend? How do you see this relationship? Where do you want it to go?

It seems like it's a big deal to you and you're taking it seriously, she may not be, which is your concern, and a valid one.

That's why I believe 49au nailed it.

Also: I wouldn't bring up any of your concerns with her. What comes out of her mouth after you bring them up is going to be meaningless and it's just going to lower your value. You're going to want her to change all that on her own.

 

[pinkfl]

In general it doesn't cross some people's minds to delete pictures of ex's from facebook. Sometimes the pictures are just so far back (like a prom picture, or from a trip to a new place, etc). So I don't really see that as a red flag. It's a picture of the past. As long as it's not a current profile picture, then it's not a problem to me.

As far as talking to other guys, she should naturally taper down on that behavior on her own, because they should receive less of her attention the more she starts to care about you. She won't need validating from other men because she has a significant other. She shouldn't need to be told to do this, it should just happen. Having it say "in a relationship" won't stop men from talking to her any more than an engagement ring or marriage certificate does. Her behavior is what matters, not the behavior of others.

Scenario: You have a girlfriend, and she trusts you that you won't participate in a one night stand with a hottie from the bar. However, what she trusts is that you won't put yourself in the SITUATION where you'll have a one night stand. You are not a criminal if a random hot girl talks to you.

With regards to "relationship status", I don't have my boyfriend tagged. However, when I was single it said "single" on my profile. When we established that we were in a relationship, I told him that I wanted us to just hide the single status. Why? I don't care how many people "like" that I'm in a relationship. I'm not in grade school so I don't care to create a gossip mill.

With regards to pictures on her phone (Wow, you went through her phone...personally I think that's something you need to work on because that's not a great way to start a relationship), again, it may not be on her priority list to delete them. However, as time goes on she should remove the ex from her life in as many ways as possible.

After two months, her schedule with how serious she might be about you seems to be different than yours. I'm not saying you aren't compatible, or that she's a bad girlfriend, just that you seem to be more emotionally invested than she is. I think that if her behavior doesn't change to more emotionally invested in you within the next few weeks, then you need to be less emotionally invested yourself.

 

[VladPatton]

All this internet Faceybook stuff of what pictures are up and what pictures are not should not even matter. None of it is real. Live in the real world and stop letting Facebook have any impact on your life.

 

[zinc4]

holy crap there are some major pussies on this board.....first of all...2 months is not a relationship..i don't care what kind of BS labels you have both put on it....frankly, you shouldn't give a damn about what she is doing at this point and she shouldn't be GF status yet only plate status...and you wouldn't even have these silly concerns..

You have been with her for only 2 months and now you are trying to get up in her business and control what pictures she has....you will present yourself as the typical AFC chump if you express these concerns to her...the way to go is not give a flying sh%t about what she does behind your back and when she picks up on that she won't be interested in other guys nor her ex..if you already haven't painted yourself a certain color so to speak..

Don't try and tell her what to do after only 2 months...that is simp behavior...and why are you relationship closing after 2 months...way too fast IMO...

 

[49au]

All this internet Faceybook stuff of what pictures are up and what pictures are not should not even matter. None of it is real. Live in the real world and stop letting Facebook have any impact on your life.

Facebook is the real world. It's the outward expression of her inner world. It may be stupid to guys, but to many of these women it is literally the outlet for every single one of their emotions. If you don't pay attention to what your woman does (or doesn't do) on social media, you're a fool. "Pay attention" doesn't mean you question her about it and discuss it ad nauseum; it just means that you need to be aware.

Also - 2 months is certainly not a long time. By any means. But the question is, "how does she view the relationship?" If she views herself as your exclusive girlfriend, then it is absolutely a red flag that she doesn't want to show herself as taken.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Women who value their men, want to claim them in front of other women.

This is definitely true, from my experience.

 

[May_Day]

We when started going out she said she would rather not display our relationship on Facebook as. She didn't want anyone interfering n sh1t like that. .

Well today I went through her photos and found some of her Ex still there ( .

I also know she has a ton of guys facebook messaging her daily and she asked if it bothered me and I told her no.

Here is the answer to this, she is trying to "hide" your relationship from the EX and the other guys messaging her. She doesn't want them to know about your relationship. If she can't be proud to display her relationship with you, then you shouldn't be in one. She is hiding you for a reason. She still wants access to her EX and the other guys, which means she is not taking you seriously. She will be banging very soon in my opinion.

Ofcourse she doesn't take him serious...they are only 2 months in and he has relationship closed her.

2 months? Then that is too fast, but still she is hiding him from the other guys and he should not take her seriously either.

 

[zinc4]

Ofcourse she doesn't take him serious...they are only 2 months in and he has relationship closed her...what do you expect???

At this point, this girl should only be one of several plates that he has no real attachemnt to, but he is trying to prematurely make her his main dish so to speak....and then he gets upset and wonders why she is not taking him seriously....the irony.

 

[plate's_empty]

Ofcourse she doesn't take him serious...they are only 2 months in and he has relationship closed her...what do you expect???

At this point, this girl should only be one of several plates that he has no real attachemnt to, but he is trying to prematurely make her his main dish so to speak....and then he gets upset and wonders why she is not taking him seriously....the irony.

2 months. Anything can happen in 2 months. I know a couple that have been married for over 10 years....and the guy proposed after only a month of first meeting her!

Not every relationship is the same....it's not all black and white, that's what many here fail to understand.

Most of my serious relationships got serious very fast. A lot of the time that's how it happens. It's not about spinning 10 plates then one day deciding you want a relationship so you're going to pick your best plate. Once you find one you want to get serious with, then get serious with her. It doesn't mean you can just hack up the red pill and gulp down a bunch of blue pills. Hopefully you'll hang on to your manhood.... But sh1t dude, most guys with something to offer more than game don't have to game a girl for a year in order for her to want to get serious with him. The game is to get past that little shield she has up, to find out who she really is. Once you make that connection, and you both feel that strong attraction, and both are ready for a relationship, who gives a fvck how long it's been.

 

[zinc4]

2 months. Anything can happen in 2 months. I know a couple that have been married for over 10 years....and the guy proposed after only a month of first meeting her!

Not every relationship is the same....it's not all black and white, that's what many here fail to understand.

Most of my serious relationships got serious very fast. A lot of the time that's how it happens. It's not about spinning 10 plates then one day deciding you want a relationship so you're going to pick your best plate. Once you find one you want to get serious with, then get serious with her. It doesn't mean you can just hack up the red pill and gulp down a bunch of blue pills. Hopefully you'll hang on to your manhood.... But sh1t dude, most guys with something to offer more than game don't have to game a girl for a year in order for her to want to get serious with him. The game is to get past that little shield she has up, to find out who she really is. Once you make that connection, and you both feel that strong attraction, and both are ready for a relationship, who gives a fvck how long it's been.

I had had several start fast as well....however, as a guy, i never take them seriously at that low of a point no matter how fast they start and i still would carouse on the side...your attitude and the way you control your emotions in the beginning matter a lot no matter what kind of woman you are dealing with and no matter what kind of label you have on it..................

It is retarded to stress over any woman at the 2 month point regardless of labels....i will repeat..it is retarded simp behavior. Also, it is silly to devote yourself to one woman and expect the same from her after dating for only 2 months....seriously...this forum is loaded with AFCs...

 

[plate's_empty]

I had had several start fast as well....however, as a guy, i never take them seriously at that low of a point no matter how fast they start and i still would carouse on the side...your attitude and the way you control your emotions in the beginning matter a lot no matter what kind of woman you are dealing with and no matter what kind of label you have on it..................

It is retarded to stress over any woman at the 2 month point regardless of labels....i will repeat..it is retarded simp behavior. Also, it is silly to devote yourself to one woman and expect the same from her after dating for only 2 months....seriously...this forum is loaded with AFCs...

Good thing you repeated it. I didn't catch it the first time.

 

[The North Dragon]

Well we have know each other for over a yea before we even starting gettin serious that is why I think we labelled ' us ' so soon.

No I never went through her phone if you can read it says we went through it together.

She doesn't pull any shady behaviour of trying to hide her phone from me n these guys that message her , she doesn't message back. It's just annoying to see the guys constantly there n see some of the messages they write is pathetic.