Problem with forum

[MacAvoy]

I've finally figured it out folks. It all comes down to the classic case of self-esteem. I've long noticed that anytime someone asks for advice, the first thing that happens is all the "supposed" DJ's jump all over his mistakes.

They call him out about what they did wrong. The problem is everyone does it for the classic bully reasons. They do it for self esteem issues. By bringing the other people down, they make themselves feel better.

I've always been dumbfounded about the morality on the board considering its an anonymous forum. However it all makes sense now. It fits in with the self-esteem thing. Everyone uses it to boost their self-esteem, they go around acting all morale but then get their kicks out of cutting everyone up.

Its also the reason why no one places any value in women and our relationships with them. You constantly here about how you should divorce your wife / next any women for any reason. Its all about self-esteem. These "supposed" DJ's don't have the confidence in their own game that they cut the line before they can get hurt. Its a classic freud.

Personally I've always taken everything with a grain of salt and extracted the advice I seen as solid and ignored the sticks and stones flaming. However if this forum wants to truly strive to push people to better themselves. Then it has to start here. With the Mature Men. We need to start setting an example. Instead of simply offering what he did wrong, we need to start reinforcing the positive behaviour. Let him know what he did right, so that way it builds his confidence to do the right thing.

I'm just as guilty as the next guy for writing off AFC's for not following advice. And at some point, everyone needs some tough love but at the same time, if your always chopping down a tree, your not going to have a forest left if you don't plant any seeds.

 

[DJDamage]

Instead of simply offering what he did wrong, we need to start reinforcing the positive behaviour. Let him know what he did right, so that way it builds his confidence to do the right thing.

I couldn't disagree with you more. You are only looking at the context rather then the objective's. The objective usually surronds a given situation between a man and a woman that results in a problem and this problem is negative. The person cannot solve the problem and therefore he either needs constractive feedback in order to fix the situation or if the situation has lost all hope he can use that feedback to avoid the problem or be better prepared for the problem in his next encounter with a woman. Those two are correlated. We are not children anymore that need a positive reinforcement in order to feel good about ourselves because we already have the ability to recognise that and do that.

It is often the fault of the user not specifiying what he did right but rather describes what he done wrong that creates a negative feedback. There is no need for positive feedback because he is not looking for what he did right but rather what he did wrong that manifested this problem. The bigger the problem the bigger the negative feedback will be.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
It is often the fault of the user not specifiying what he did right but rather describes what he done wrong that creates a negative feedback...

Spot on!

 

[penkitten]

should we bump up the self confidence threads?

 

[grinder]

I dunno. I think everyone goes through a “what a bunch of fvcking as$holes” phase on this forum. I know I did. I got over it.

You’d think as soon as you learn how to get pvssy you leave and never come back. That’s not the case though.

What brings me back is an almost endless variety of creative thinking about the most basic subject on the earth, men and women.

I think what confuses people is, in a forum such as this, the ideas come out raw, rough and mostly unpolished. But the knowledge is there nonetheless for those that seek it.

 

[realsmoothie]

You also have to remember that this place is full of bitter, impotent guys who have major issues with women and want to consider themselves "masculine" in order to buff themselves up.

Since being a "man" seems to involve belittling other men, i.e. being "alpha", that's what you get here a lot.

Pretty pathetic, sometimes. But I'd argue there's enough good stuff going on to outweigh the bad.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops,

REALSMOOTHIE is correct in his observations. There is a level of bitterness exhibited on here SOMETIMES that comes across as off-putting to those NEW guys who come here seeking help. Tough "love" has it's place, and IS the default response of many.

But the judgement needed to recognize WHICH response to use per any given situation is what separates authentic Mature Men from those that are not. The personal attacks that I see guys getting into here, the flame-wars, the need to subsequently close down threads BECAUSE of the flame-wars, etc., are actually things I expect to see in the High School Forum instead. lol

Sometimes, it's just the ability to agree to disagree without insults that is absent. But again, true maturity is the litmus test that determines how often THAT happens.

Having said all that, I think it's perfectly okay to bytch-slap any guy who KEEPS posting about the same problem, asking for advice again and again that he's ALREADY been given 100 times before. So when some of the troops here RECOGNIZE this---the bytch-slap is the PERFECT response. lol

And one more thing, on the subject of the whole "alpha male" excuse given by the seduction community as an excuse to be an asswhole, I posted this on a thread in ANOTHER, far more HARDCORE, seduction forum than Sosuave is, awhile back. But ironically, as of late, I think it can also apply PERFECTLY here as an explanation for some of the problems that MACAVOY has noticed on THIS forum. It's SLIGHTLY more "in yo' face" than I have had to get here, but hey, what can ya' do? lol

Enjoy:

Alpha Male? Hey, I LOVE a good analogy or metaphor. They often help explain things better by the word-pictures they paint in the mind of the student needing to grasp the spirit behind a concept or a "way of thinking".

But on this site, and in this community, Alpha Male is mostly a term that has been taken too far. SOME calling themselves "Alpha Males," I see, do so as just a feeble attempt to either bolster their fragile self-esteem, or to justify QUESTIONABLE behaviors in light of certain negativities that result from the outcomes.

Look around you HERE:

They're usually the ones who do the most bragging and "attempt" to do the most internet BULLYING (IS such a thing even POSSIBLE??? LOL).

They are always "right", and will never admit to any incorrectness due to the perceived weakness they assume it exemplifies----even on an anonymous forum like this one.

And they are the ones whose personal life/relationship choices are INCONSISTENT with the intellectual dogma and hedonism worship that they espouse HERE in their written views.

Why do they do this? The reasons are MANY. But ONE of them is due to their hormone influenced, competition-crazed, and ultimately TRIVIAL pursuit of an artificial Alpha Male mentality----which they interpret as a necessity to APPEAR infallible to others, and to proudly display a TOTAL lack of empathy.

Every MATURE man knows that confidence is often SITUATION specific. No one is "the SHYT" in all situations or at all times. So as "Alpha" as some of these guys on here try to ACT, if an EXPLOSIVE-enough woman, crisis, or situation is "lobbed" over into their lives----the IMPACT would cause most of them to fall like a House of Cards.

Or even WORSE---they'd probably just "go out" like a bad fukkin' knee...like the "Poser" Bytch-Ass Punks that they REALLY are.



March on.

 

[MacAvoy]

I couldn't disagree with you more. .... We are not children anymore that need a positive reinforcement in order to feel good about ourselves because we already have the ability to recognise that and do that.

It is often the fault of the user not specifiying what he did right but rather describes what he done wrong that creates a negative feedback. There is no need for positive feedback because he is not looking for what he did right but rather what he did wrong that manifested this problem. The bigger the problem the bigger the negative feedback will be.

Your right. I agree with you. The only reason why I mentioned the positive reinforcement is because I didn't want to complain without offering any solutions. My point was to draw attention to all the negativity / self-esteem issues. I figured if I didn't offer any solutions, I would be doing the exact same thing I was more less complaining about. So I offered a bad solution for the sake of something.

 

[Latinoman]

I've finally figured it out folks. It all comes down to the classic case of self-esteem. I've long noticed that anytime someone asks for advice, the first thing that happens is all the "supposed" DJ's jump all over his mistakes.

Personally, when I give advice, I try to first point out what is “wrong” with the situation. I try to stay away, as much as possible, as touching on his mistakes and focus more on how I would have approached things or what triggered certain behavior, or what make a certain situation escalate. And then, I try to provide solutions (based on the little information I have).

I do that, because advice on itself is not going to stop the person from going into a vicious cycle. It is important for the person to understand what the true problem consist of so he can either avoid getting into that situation or modify his behavior so, he does not repeat his mistakes. Sometimes it is nothing that he has done wrong, but more of having a poor selection of women due to inexperience, which is something that can happen to the best of DJ as it is impossible to be involved in all kind of situations. Or it could be that the person is a hard core AFC and has done a lot of things wrongs and it is go back to the drawing board with those.

The only time I scorn on a person is if I sense the person is doing something illegal (e.g. beating people up for a woman) or something that I truly find to be a very serious character flaw such as betraying his best friend for a woman.

And I truly put some “tough love” on the ones that I feel that are too emotional, and my purpose is to snap them out of that emotional state. It is the ‘cyber-slap’.

My experience in this Forum is that many people don’t come for advice. They simply come looking for approval. And many times, the person will ignored 99% of the advice, and pay attention to the 1% that “approves” of his behavior.

I personally do not encourage self destructive behavior based on emotional decisions or AFC behavior. So, rarely, you will see me in the 1% group. That said, I rarely apply “my own morals” in my advice and simply focus on answering the question at hand, therefore, sometimes I might be in that 1% on issues such as a woman asking about the reaction of a married man to her advances (something that I don’t really approve, but I have no problems giving an answer).

I do believe that some people feel anger for a number of reasons and their advice might reflect that. Emotional advice is never a great advice. That’s why I RARELY give advice when I’m scorning somebody on issues such as betrayal of friendship.

 

[Latinoman]

Note:

Many people also come for advice, but seeking WRONG type of advice.

How many times we have a guy asking what to do in the second or third date? That on itself is some SERIOUS AFC behavior. It is as if he is trying to get a particular woman with our help. In another words, his life is revolving around a woman. In my eyes...if a woman does not send me enough signals...then she is disqualified. A woman that fails to see that I'm the "prize", in my eyes, is a woman with very poor judgment. I avoid those women.

Now, I understand if the person did something wrong and is trying to share his mistakes in order to get some input. Or if the person is sharing some real life scenarios for others to learn.

But coming in here (something that I see a lot in the General Forum) asking? "She called me..., what do I do now?"

Well, then answer to that question is simple: Does it truly matter?

 

[insanity]

i don't think it has to do with self-esteem for the experienced guys who lashout because most of the posts i noticed that get the pissy posters are the ones who notice the person comes in writing about the same problem their having getting their oneitis back and doesn't listen to the advice given in the first place. i think it angers some of the experienced guys because they have been down that road with no success. it will usually be the guy who writes in a week later and says, she just called me again guys. should i call her back? and alot of the guys will say, she is just looking for attention and say not to call her back. then a day later the poster will come back and post and say, i called her back and she told me about the new guy she's dating but she says she's still in love with me....so do you guys think i still stand a chance. so the guys who posted useful material get upset and sometimes they lashout because they think that person needs a kick.

i don't think there's nothing wrong with that. when a dog is bad you don't talk to him in a nice tone. you speak in a sharp and loud voice and it gets through to them. i think people should show patience and understanding when somebody posts a question but if the person comes back and doesn't listen then they do deserve to have hell unleashed on them.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think the majority of the new posters here, and all too many regulars, cannot help but take anything that's offered to them as being 'negative.' I put that in quotes because it's perceptual when you contrast it with what most (AFC) guys are used to hearing. Far too many posters come here seeking affirmation for their actions with the expectation that the advice they'll get will be an understanding pat on the back of consolation. So necessarily, ANY words that challenge their ego-investments are 'negative' because they seem like a personal attack.

I would say that a good 80-90% of posters here simply don't act on the advice that's given to them, not because they're berated by others in giving them advice, but simply because they don't have the sack to address the very real problems that are constantly repeated here daily. So of course this is percieved as negative; no one likes to have their own errors in judgement pointed out to them (in a public forum no less), particularly when their personalities are a part of those judgement decisions.

So if you want a shoulder to cry on and be told what you want to hear, there are countless other forums and sugar-coated 'advice'columns (hell, you can even go to the Discussion forum here) you can go feel better about your situtations with, but when you want something to change in your life this forum is always here to help. We wont mollycoddle you, but you'll get the direction you need to escape the Matrix.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So if you want a shoulder to cry on and be told what you want to hear, there are countless other forums and sugar-coated 'advice'columns (hell, you can even go to the Discussion forum here) you can go feel better about your situtations with, but when you want something to change in your life this forum is always here to help. We wont mollycoddle you, but you'll get the direction you need to escape the Matrix.

This is one of the things that torques me at times about the forum. The commiseration that posted is mistaken for a form of camaraderie. All too often someone posts about a problem they've had on a date and it's answered with a "I've been there too" and another story of woe is told. iVillage.com is the site for the pity parties.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

There are always going to be posters that flame the newbies for asking the same questions over and over. There are always going to be people that just start attacking to make themselves feel better. And there are going to be people that generally want to help but go about it in a stern manner.

This is to be expected whenever you bring together a diverse group of people and give them the ability to voice their opinions easily.

A MATURE poster knows how to scroll through the B.S. posts to get to the real gems of wisdom.

 

[Nighthawk]

Isn't this just a reaction to the many replies in your many threads about the same low IL girl? The one that won't tell her parents about you, the one that you gave everything up for and moved to a new city and it's still not working out?

So you post your problem, and the majority of the advice you get is to next her. You don't like this advice, so you look for fault with the forum.