Ben7 said:
Man, what has happened to you that made you gain this perspective on life?
You can't fail in relationships, you can only stop trying cos of your false beliefs
Lots of interesting responses, men. I feel some may have misunderstood me though. I have no intentions of giving up on my dreams or to stop dating women or to pursue women in my life. However, up until this point in my life, i have never even contemplated the idea of not finding a woman and having kids. When failing to meet my expected schedule, i've started to develop a scarcity mindset. I started to be in a rush and in a hurry. It's very counter productive as it kills the chances of achieving my end goal. This is why i need to be able to imagine my life being alone. Imagine that even though it for some reason would turn out like that, it would be ok. Unless i manage to incorporate this mindset, I will remain outcome dependant. I will show neediness, impatience and other unattractive qualities due to the pressure i've put upon myself. I need to become indifferent and accept any outcome, regardless of what it may be.
This year i went through a breakup with a solid 9 after 4 years. Way better looking than me, but i got her at a point in my life where my game was tight and i had the perfect, relaxed attitude. This was the woman i thought i was ending up with, but we slipped apart. I know that was the right choice as we weren't compatible. I was suddenly alone, but with a positive mindset. I knew it was the right thing even though it was sad. I've been through rough breakups before, and i've always grown stronger from them. So i knew i would be ok in the end. I still know that even though it's early days. I've gone 110 days with NC and no intentions of looking back. I'm hard like that. I always have the willingness to walk away to protect myself.
These events made me want to work on myself, cause even though my life was perfect on paper, I still felt that something was missing. I still do. It felt better when i had my ex in my life, but it was always something there that was missing. I just didn't know and still don't know what it is. This is what I need to find out. Because until i know the root of my real issue, no women can ever fill that. I need to be 100% comfortable and happy with myself.
Falcon said:
Geeez, you know, I can sympathize with the OP and similar type posts, because it's true, the dating world isn't easy and such. But wow, I think that is the most depressing post title I've ever read on this site.
I think there's only one profession by the age of 30 you can justifiably start to think about retirement and calling it quits- a professional athlete. Unless you're talking about that, I'm just not a fan of this whole I'm hanging up my boots and calling it quits attitude.
I remember a coach once said "When you lose, you die a little inside. When you win, you are reborn", or something along those lines. You just gotta win a bit and build upon that, catch a break. At the same time, when you win too much, you forget your weaknesses; when you lose too much, you forget your strengths. Just my opinion: You may need to take a break to refresh and get in touch with your strengths and such, but I don't think preparing to be alone for the rest of your life will make you any more happier. Ignoring/blocking your emotions has its own consequences too.
Yeah, I guess you are right. It sounds kind of depressing. However, it is the advice given to me from a respected member of this board nearly 6 years ago. After my first breakup, which was what led me to this site in the first place. I was crushed and although not totally AFC, i did some pathetic **** that make me cringe to this day.
I believe that the fact that i'm trying to prepare myself for a life without a woman is actually a positive mindset in a way. I think my chances of actually NOT ending up alone are in fact better with that attitude. I don't consider it giving up, but more like accepting that you aren't always in control of an outcome. It's not what happens to you but how you deal with it. I agree that ignoring and blocking feelings can be dangerous, but i think you need a little cynicism and a **** it kind of attitude to protect your heart. Doesn't mean you need to become stone cold.
JdelaSilviera said:
Too much so sosuave! RUN YOU FOOLS lol.
How to meet people after 30? Work, social circle, gym, parties.... There are people that marry 2,3,4 times in a lifetime lol. I´m not saying that your marriage is going to be successful, but it´s just stupid giving up at 30....
And more it should be obvious to anyone what is the sosuave average user...Its´a very lonely guy, socially awkward, who gathers most information from women from bitter online sources (since they don´t know many). Just leave this crap, I just come here to cheer up some people, because this is just ridiculous..
When you start behaving normally in public, and become present in the conversations instead of trying to behave alpha or unnaturally, people will start to respect you and like you... And when you have lots of people liking you, life suddenly seems a paradise....stop being bitter towards life, people who are always complaining have a bad vibe, and no one wants to be with them...
Also many guys here go to online dating, which is also very stupid... An average women is a social butterfly, who doesn´t need online help to dating... by internet dating prepare yourself to meet major freaks..
I think SoSuave is made up of all sorts of people, not only lonely virgins. Most men have difficulties with women in one form or another and end up on these boards. I don't identify with the socially awkward guy that you are describing. I work with people and have great social skills. I hold seminars, make speaches and have daily human interactions with clients. I think we are just a bunch of dudes trying to seek advice on life and learn how to deal with the ever increasing entitlement issues of whences.
Muscleman said:
You're coming to a realization that YOU haven't developed the way YOU want. Half of what you're saying is the correct thinking. The other half is retarded.
If you're seriously considering MGTOW (men going their own way), there are plenty of websites and forums where bitter men who have QUIT because they couldn't take the heat have gone and essentially have little b!tch fests with each other about how the world is unfair. This is not that place. This is a place for self improvement, and particularly with women.
Why are you letting go of your dream of family and kids? Because you're 30? You're about to hit primetime, you better start going full steam ahead and working on yourself. Read this:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/20...ating-the-smp/
Yea, all of my relationships have ended too. Not failed, ended. Everything ends. I've had plenty of successful ones where I got what I wanted, learned valuable lessons, and have grown as a result. But they ended. So what? There's an endless supply out there.
As you raise YOUR value, find what YOU want, and follow YOUR dreams, women will come into YOUR reality, and you will DECIDE which are worth your time, which are temporary, and which are not worth bothering with.
But all of this begins with YOU. YOU have to make yourself valuable
Good points. I also agree that even though my relationships have failed, i learned valuable lessons and i wouldn't take it back if i could. They ended for a reason like you say.
I think I am a bit bitter, but that is something i'm trying to get rid of every day. Just accepting how things are. It is difficult though, and it has definitely made me more cynical.
Again, not trying to let go of my dreams and goals, but accepting that even though i for some reason SHOULD fail, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I think more people should strive to acclaim that sort ofattitude, especially given the high percentage of suicides for men after divorces and breakups. They are just women. Everything else in your life is still the same even though they leave.
I want to take 100% responsibilty for everything that happens in my life. My successes and my failures. It's always easy to look to others or to blame your surroundings, but not always so easy to look at yourself. It's hard to identify your weaknesses (most people won't tell you honestly) and therefore difficult to change the things you need to change.
