Practical ways to practice humility

[Rubato]

What are things you gentlemen do to practice humility, either out of will or habit?

Also, what measures did you take to become a more humble person?

 

[zekko]

Great question. As a spiritually minded person, I think there is a lot of value in humility. However, I doubt that you will find too much appreciation for it here. Most guys here advocate narcissistic douchebaggery for attracting women. ****iness, swagger, all that stuff is kind of the exact opposite of humility.

 

[Rubato]

Great question. As a spiritually minded person, I think there is a lot of value in humility. However, I doubt that you will find too much appreciation for it here. Most guys here advocate narcissistic douchebaggery for attracting women. ****iness, swagger, all that stuff is kind of the exact opposite of humility.

So then, zekko, what say you on the issue?

 

[QueRico]

One way is by keeping my mouth shut and letting other people speak to their hearts content.

Then, I see how they trip all over themselves and try to recover from over talking.

Second, I have learned to think about what I will say before opening my mouth.

 

[Chamber36]

I'll tell you how I practice humility Rubato.

Last night, I went out solo for the third night in a row. Basically because I'd never done that before.

I'd gone out solo to drink/mack plenty of times before, but never 3 times in a row. So I thought to myself, I have to push my boundaries, and then I went out for the third time. My energy level was really low, I wasn't feeling too confident, but I still had a good time.

This morning I felt pretty bad about drinking so much and wasting so much money all for the sake of pvssy, while all I have to do is ask a girl out on a 1-on-1 date.

I guess I should practice some humility and ask a girl out on a 1-on-1 date....

 

[zekko]

So then, zekko, what say you on the issue?

I'm not sure how you square humility with pickup.
I suppose the answer lies in the idea of letting go of your ego.
If you're not invested in your ego, you won't get freaked out by rejections.

Second, I have learned to think about what I will say before opening my mouth.

Isn't that putting yourself in your head though?

 

[Rubato]

Let me clarify what I mean by humility:

The word humiliation is derived from the word humility, but as I mean the word humility, it is a distinctly different concept than humiliation.

Humiliation is more akin to degradation, shame, embarrassment, and loss of dignity. You feel humiliation when you have done (or think you have done) something that dramatically lowers your value, generates negative attention, or fail in an epic way in front of everyone. When a husband finds out the wife he thought he thought loved him had actually been cheating on him with his best friend for the last 10 years, that's humiliation.

The way I mean humility does not convey this seem feeling at all. What I'm talking about is the mindset that a man develops in which he realizes he is not the center of the universe and stops acting as such. Maybe you could say it's placing others to the priority of yourself WITHOUT sacrifices your personal dignity and boundaries.

I may be wrong, but I'm beginning to think that the secret to being a Don Juan is not going to be found in narcissism, arrogance, unabashed self confidence, and the deprecation of the feminine. I met a man last week who is probably the most self actualized "man" and "alpha" person I've ever met in my entire life. This guy is a very accomplished professional, married a bombshell woman that he has an amazing relationship with, and raised up 3 kids, the oldest being the best "natural" I've ever met. I can't believe I never thought to meet his father.

He talked to me for about 30 minutes last week and 2 and a half hours this past Saturday and tried to direct me down the same path he took his son. He told me that I reminded him of himself, so much so that after he met me he had a conversation with his wife about how much it freaked him out. According to him, there are 3 "keys" to learning how to manage my "edge" as he called it, and the first is learning humility. He said I would find out what he meant by humility through prayer and personal introspection.

I remember reading a thread on here once long before I joined that said something like "do you like making women feel good? If so, you're on your way to success with them". When I am in a group of people, provided I'm not in a bad state, I can take over the group and dominate socially. I can do the same thing in personal conversations. I can say things to people that they've never heard of before, never thought of. But it's all directed inwardly, about myself, my interests, about ME. I'm a very arrogant person. I'm not necessarily a full blown narcissist, but I have tendencies.

This may sound like a heresy on these boards, but something that man asked me was "do you really want to be Don Juan"? And I obviously said "Yes!!!"

He told me that I don't because Don Juan had a fatal problem, and that was that he was not able to find happiness and contentedness in a single woman. His challenge wasn't to find joy in loving with A woman (singular) but to find joy in the act of loving women (plural). And so as soon as he conquered one woman, his joy was gone, and in order to maintain that joy, it was time to find another woman to love. That's a pretty destructive way to go about doing things and doesn't seem to me like it follows any of the principles of being an "alpha male" or a "man".

Isn't a man someone who gives regard to those in his purview, as though he were a king? Would a good man (king) go around then serially "screwing" his women (people)? I don't think so. Wouldn't he rather seek to find ways to improve their standing and overall quality of life rather than use them as personal leverage to whatever end he is seeking to achieve (his own personal happiness/well being)?

Instead, the man encouraged me to learn the art of humility. He gave me several descriptions of what humility was not, but only hinted at what actual humility might be and said it was up to me to figure out what the practical essence of the word means. I'm beginning to think that this inward focus of arrogance and narcissism is a short term gain/long term loss strategy to compensate for a lack of legitimate inner self confidence. If we were really that confident in ourselves, what would these habits serve us? They're illusions to project to the female world that we're totally and unswervingly confident in our selves and our ability to make sound decisions. When people are super confident/sure about things, it's contagious, and it probably makes the woman feel more at ease that the man, despite his toolish nature, has to be adept at making sure her needs will be met because he couldn't have that sort of attitude if he wasn't capable.

Now. Imagine that a man doesn't need to project a confidence illusion because he actually is confident. What will he do? Said another way, if someone challenges me to a bet over a game of pool and I know I am better than them, will there be any need for me to say it? But what if I wasn't better than they were? I would have to put on some sort of veneer suggestive that I was amazing hoping that maybe I could convince him to back down. In the first case, the man will win without having done anything but play pool. In the second case, the man will lose unless he can use the power of illusion and rhetoric to convince the potential better that he is likely to lose.

Now, some might say that humility might lead to greater spiritual fulfillment, but certainly isn't going to do anything to create attraction. To do that, we need to do things like break rapport, build comfort, sexually escalate, elicit values, kino, and so on. Have we all forgotten what Pook said? Go back and read the chapter in the Book of Pook Eliminate Desire or Not?. Pook said he didn't even Kino on the first date anymore, he was able to convey his sexuality exclusively through his legitimate state of self confidence. There was no talk of any of this game theory, he was simply a guy who believed in himself absolutely and found a girl to take through a period of his life in order to have FUN with her!

That makes game very simple

I may be flamed for saying this, but I think if we could bring Pook back and ask him about this, he would say a man who is that confident in himself will have no need to make himself the center of attention. First, he already knows he probably is, because he is that confident in himself. Secondly, he is in the company of a woman that he obviously liked at least enough to spend time with her. He may be an awesome man, but he's not a clairvoyant, so he doesn't know everything about her... in fact, he probably doesn't know very much. So the focus of the interaction becomes on the woman rather than the man. Some people call this eliciting values, but if done out of this state is actually humility.

I could keep talking about this, but I think I've made the point pretty well.

My point is, I'm awful at this sort of thing. Probably because I do not have that level of self confidence. Like I said, I have strong narcissistic tendencies, am arrogant, selfish, and dominate/monopolize interactions with people (especially women). What sorts of things can you do to practice putting other people before yourself without sacrificing your dignity (something a man will never do)? What can you do to service your self confidence, without also feeding narcissism, arrogance, and selfish behavior? In short, how do you develop the qualities Pook described in his most actualized state?

 

[Chamber36]

I see humility as the acceptance of facts as they are. Objectivity leads to humility. This humility can be channeled into discipline. That's why I say I'm practicing humility by going out solo, or asking a girl for a date. All it means is stepping into the role of being a man; taking care of one's responsibilities.

 

[QueRico]

Isn't that putting yourself in your head though?

Sorry Zekko, I don't follow. Can you please elaborate a little more?

 

[zekko]

Rubato, I like what you're saying and agree with you in many ways. But I think what you're talking about is more of a spiritual/religious/philosophical question, which is beyond the depth of this forum. Most guys here just want to get laid. And most guys here believe that women are only sexually attracted to selfish @sshole types (I don't agree with this BTW).

I'm with you though, I'm more interested in long term than short term gain.

Sorry Zekko, I don't follow. Can you please elaborate a little more?

These are terms you might run across from time to time in pickup circles.

"Out of your head" means your focus is outside yourself, on the people you are with and the situation you are in. You are enjoying yourself in the moment, free and spontaneous. You say pretty much whatever comes to mind, without worrying about looking stupid.

"In your head" means your focus is inward. You analyze what you say before you say it instead of going with the flow. You are self conscious, thinking about how you are coming off, how you look to others, how they will react to what you say, etc.

 

[SgtSplacker]

To me humility is going through life always knowing that you have something else to learn. Even someone that you think can teach you nothing is capable of causing you to see things differently, and therefore is capable of revealing things to you that you may have not noticed by yourself.

I read a text once that taught to see things through "mono o mirume" it kinda means not just looking at the physical properties of things but to look a bit more deeply or intimately at the object or person and what it or they represents.

 

[Rubato]

Rubato, I like what you're saying and agree with you in many ways. But I think what you're talking about is more of a spiritual/religious/philosophical question, which is beyond the depth of this forum. Most guys here just want to get laid. And most guys here believe that women are only sexually attracted to selfish @sshole types (I don't agree with this BTW).

I'm with you though, I'm more interested in long term than short term gain.

I haven't been around here long enough to say, but if this is beyond the scope of this forum, that's too bad. After reading the DJ Bible and the Book of Pook, it seems things have taken a change on this forum since 2003/2004. I always thought the focus of this forum was to promote the highest expression of a person's manhood. That may require, at least initially, that they use some "tactics" like ****y and funny, breaking rapport, qualification, and acting like a narcissistic jerk. However, are we just looking to get laid, or are we looking to get laid well and to also improve the rest of our lives?

Self improvement is a big buzz word on this forum (thought it may be called many things) and a person who focuses strictly on improving their ability to convince a girl to take off her pants for them and let them stick their penis inside is not actually practicing self development. They're improving a single skill, perhaps to the detriment of others.

The point is, I think the earlier generation of this forum (2003/2004) had a different and less accurate definition of who Don Juan was, but their error allowed them to live better. The man I spoke of earlier was very against the idea of me emulating Don Juan for the reasons I already spoke of. I believe the current generation of sosuavers actually understand who Don Juan was and are seeking to emulate him.

I haven't experienced a 10th of the success with women that some people on this board claim to have and I have already come to understand that simply being able to go out and have sex at will is not going to improve or complete a person's life that had previously needed improvement or competition. In fact, I think it's just going to set the person up bigger fulfillment problems they will not understand. One of the key sticking points that evolutionary psychologists (these are the science people who write peer reviewed articles, not PUA people void of a degree) say is that humans and primates are MOSTLY monogamous creatures. It is wired within us not to fly from woman to woman to woman, have sex, have sex, have sex, and then go back and do it all over again.

I mean, the more I think about this, the more I have to squelch the words bubbling up my throat that want to explode "WFT!!!!"

We came here, all of us, because we were unfulfilled in some way, probably of an experience with a woman that upset our equilibrium. Now tell me, what was the actual reason we were unfulfilled? Was it the woman? Or did the woman act as a mirror to show us something we choose to ignore? Perhaps instead of seeing the reflection of whatever flaw(s) we have that left us unfulfilled, we instead saw only something terrible and immediately closed our eyes. We had been using the woman as a compensatory mechanism to "cover up" the flaw(s) and when she left, we were left to deal with them for what they actually were. Except we didn't, because we never acknowledged having had a flaw. And so instead, we blamed it all upon the woman and used her as a scapegoat in order to avoid even having to see our flaw(s).

If this is all true, then is the solution to what brought us here in learning how to replicate even better the same mistake we made originally, or is it to correct the problems we have been afraid to observe?

Once again I'll make another statement that will probably not win me reputation points, but I think we would all be better served to learn what I have proposed. Yes, we may need to use multiple women to practice on, but will we absolve the fulfillment issues we had that brought us here by developing a harem, having illusionarily great sex (or even really great sex, whatever), or by actually meeting a high value woman who is a positive compliment to us?

I say none.

I say that what is actually going to fix the fulfillment problem we had is to start using women as mirrors and be brave enough to look at the flaws they show us. We then must ACT to FIX those flaws.

And what's really incredible is that we will become a better man by doing this, and as a byproduct, will naturally attract better women. There will be no need to buy every David Deangelo or Adam Lyons DVD because we will be increasingly better men.

Remember what Pook said. He said He DOESN'T kino on the first date. He conveys enough sexual essence just through who he is. And I don't think very many people read that and actually understood what he meant.

What I'm proposing may be philosophical, spiritual, metaphysical, or any number of other things. But it also speaks directly to the problem, unlike many other things on this forum. The question becomes, what are you interested in doing? Living with a disease and taking a series of technique "medications" that only treat the symptoms of the disease? Maybe one day you'll actually forget you have the disease, but will you really be accessing your highest form of man?

Or

Would you rather cure the disease entirely and free yourself from all of this crap? The art of love was never meant to be distilled down to a formula. It is an art.

When my band was signed to a record label, a prominent producer told me that I needed to start writing my songs differently because they were too artistic and wouldn't meet Clear Channel radio requirements (Clear Channel is the biggest radio provider service in the US by a large margin and as a result, decides a lot of things for all radio providers like how long songs should be). He is faculty at the Berkley Music Conservatory and teaches a course their on songwriting, in which to my chagrin, he actually gives his students a legitimate formula for how to write a hit song. And he gave it to me. It's not just a formula that dictates song structure, it covers song rhythm, melody, and everything except for lyrics. No wonder all songs on the radio sound the same!

I saw that as destroy the art of music. You can do the same thing with visual art. And you can do the same thing with the art of love.

How much more powerful is a song written by a legitimate musical artist as compared to an over-compressed 4-chord wonder produced for mass consumption?

Do we really want to do the same thing to love? I don't.

 

[Chamber36]

I will agree with you that seduction is an art-form which cannot be condensed to a formula.

I will also agree with pook that you can exhume sexuality without kino - I've been in the same position. I want to be in that state permanently. I think it might be the hormones from puberty that were helping me along though. To get back to the same state now I would have to stop masturbating for about 2 weeks.

Only thing is though - KNOW which women you choose to be your mirrors!
They have to go through a screening process just like you.
It's important not to supplicate and to stick to your own frame. Don't take any ****. Recently a girl asked me condescendingly: "who are you, Don Juan?". I was like: "****!! she's on to me!!" I had lost my frame.

I would also like to add that you can use the same opener on 10 women, 6 might ignore you, 3 might talk back nicely and 1 will be totally flattered and fascinated.

Not all women will reflect the same. They all have different energies.

I think spirituality might be the key here. Women are all afraid that the only thing you want from them is sex. Even if you want to ask a legit question they might still not realize that you're sincere. That's just how the world works. Then you can't take this kind of wariness personally. All you can do is be confident and smile. Accept the fact that you want to F*ck women. It's not their problem, it's yours.

They act like all we want is pvssy, when all we really want is to practice getting pvssy. The actual pvssy isn't that important to me.

Therefore I do feel like this is a non-fulfilling endeavor. We will get pvssy eventually. But how many of the guys from sites like these don't end up in MGTOW.com?

pvssy isn't the answer to any problems. Do I want an LTR? Why do I want an LTR?

It's like a little boy wanting an n64...

 

[Chamber36]

I guess we should see it as simply as this - women are a source of pleasure.

All game is - is finding out how much pleasure a woman has to offer you and being able to make the most out of it.

 

[Orchard]

Anyone who's been in the army can tell you I didn't have an easy childhood growing up in Fayetteville NC. As a small white kid I use to get pounded mercilessly by gangs of older black kids. Then I decided that wasn't going to be my life anymore. I started doing calisthenics, running, and learning how to fight. over my teenage years I spent a lot of time sticking up for myself and my younger brothers and as a result I got into more fights than most people would believe. Now I'm not here to tell you I'm the most bad ass guy you ever did meet. I'm not going to tell you that I've gone 100-0 and could take down Mike Tyson. Hell I'm not even going to go as far as to claim I won (if it's even possible to win a fight) a majority of my fights. But I will say, that to a good portion of the general population, I can kick ass. It's not a good thing, and it's not something I'm proud of. It's just the way I had to be raised. So to the average person, who's gotten into a few scuffles here and there, but always had them broken up and never had to fight for, literally, their life or the life of a family member I am quite a formidable opponent. So where is this ego trip going?

I got out of Fayetteville, and moved up to a place called Chapel Hill. Now don't get me wrong it has it's rough areas, but the seediest part of Chapel Hill is still safer than the nicest parts of Fayetteville. While going to school I was at a bar with a good friend of mine, a girl whom I've known for right around 20 years (essentially all my life), and a drunk frat guy starts hitting on her. Not a big deal, she's a big girl and can take care of herself. Then that one guy turns into a group of his friends, four in total, and they start becoming very inappropriate with her. I notice this, and she sees me and waves me over.

I walk up to this group of belligerent frat tool bags and tell them calmly that if they wish to continue to there interaction they must show my friend the respect that she deserves. Now these guys who are bigger than me and outnumber me are not menacing at all. Yeah, they look like they work out and all look pretty jacked, but they are drunk and from the look of their hands and stance (and the fact that I was in Chapel Hill, the capitol of guys who are total pussies) I know I could rock these guys if it came down to it. But anyway. I tell them to play nice and at first they ignore me, and try and cut me out of the group. Then I pull my friend out of the group and tell her to walk away. The guys get pissed at me and try and follow her but I get in the way.

Lead douche bag asks who I am and what I think I'm doing. I tell him that she's my friend and that they will no longer be talking to her anymore tonight. He asks how I plan on stopping him and I inform him that I won't need to because he'll play nice and find another girl. He then starts posturing in front of his friends asking if he should teach me lesson, or if he should be generous and let me go, all the while his friends start surrounding me talking about how I've made a huge mistake. Now a crowd is starting to gather around us as people start rubber necking. The leader of the guys starts getting in my face yelling, and telling me it's too late to walk away and how big of a mistake I've made (a sure sign he's a *****, real men throw punches not insults). I sigh and look down to hopefully show him that his posturing is boring not scary, and the dude slaps me right upside the head. Hard. And says some stupid one liner about looking at him while he's talking.

Now, normally I'd have been grinding someone's face into the ground well before this point, but I'm trying to more peaceful, Y'know? Enter society as a normal person who doesn't swing at the drop of a hat. But that slap was such an insult. It means rather than going for the knock out, he thinks he can toy with me, that he can do as he damn well pleases and there will be no consequences. That he has won, I have lost and there isn't anything I can do about it. So you can probably guess what happened next...

I said, "Sorry mate, I don't want to fight you" smiled, and then walked away with my tail firmly seated between my legs. And the story ends. They didn't follow me, or try and stop me, all they did was yell profanities at me as I walked down the street. Cool right?

My friend caught up with me about two blocks from the bar and was absolutely flabbergasted. She has seen me in a few fights and knows that at any point I could have ended that and been seen by the patrons of a bar, that I frequent quite a bit actually, as a total bass ass mofo. After about a block of silence she finally asks, "What the hell happened back there? Why didn't you show them who was really in charge?"

"Because I'm not proud of the fact that I can hurt someone. All I ever wanted as a child was to be like him. To be able to go through life blissfully unaware that the guy walking down the street, or sitting next to you at a bar or on the bus, could be the guy that kills you. Did he deserve to get stomped out? yeah. But did I deserve to be the one who can do it?"

That night, I had a transcendental moment. It was very Zen, to know that I could have done something but at the same time realizing that I didn't need to do anything. By being humble (some may say humiliated but hear me out), by admitting defeat when I had won I had finally gotten over one of my biggest hang ups. I realized that the reason I was a ghetto white kid was because that's what I allowed myself to be. Why was I still fighting, something that I had been ashamed of ever since leaving my hometown, when I didn't need to anymore? It was because it had become who I was. I was the guy in the neighborhood you wanted at your back, I was the guy who when someone was giving you a problem you got me to handle it, I was the guy that all I was good for was to harm another human.

It was scary at first. Changing. At college no one knew anything about me. No one knew that I was the way I was. No one had to know, but for a year I had forced them to learn. I had gotten away, I finally had what I wanted, but I couldn't give it up. Until that night. Until I broke the mold and decided that concretely, NO I will not be the ghetto scrapper on campus, NO I will not let my past rule me and that YES I can back down while still being who I am at the core.

I found and unwavering confidence that night when I realized that the world doesn't have to know what I'm capable of, only I do.

Aside: This was three years ago, and since then I have channeled my abilities more productively and teach a self defense course on weekends at the local gym. I have also only been in one fight, but that's because it was unavoidable. I still have the confidence I gained that night, but it has lessened. You'll always have a new hang up, but since backing down I've discovered: there is no shame in letting go, no shame in not always being the biggest personality in the room, no shame in admitting you've made a mistake or are in the wrong, and no shame in being able and willing to change. More succinctly, there is never shame in being humble.

 

[joverby]

I agree with what Chamber was saying. You have to remain completely objective and not be afraid to think outside of your comfort zone. I really hate ignorance, one of my biggest pet peeves.

Always remain objective and open-minded. Put your ego/pride aside, and learn. You must follow before you can lead.

 

[Rubato]

Only thing is though - KNOW which women you choose to be your mirrors!
They have to go through a screening process just like you.

I would also like to add that you can use the same opener on 10 women, 6 might ignore you, 3 might talk back nicely and 1 will be totally flattered and fascinated.

Not all women will reflect the same. They all have different energies.

This. Very good words.

It's important not to supplicate and to stick to your own frame. Don't take any ****. Recently a girl asked me condescendingly: "who are you, Don Juan?". I was like: "****!! she's on to me!!" I had lost my frame.

This is why I believe humility should NOT and does NOT require the sacrifice of self dignity. If you are supplicating, you are sacrificing your dignity. If you decide to allow a woman to violate your boundaries, you are sacrificing your dignity. It is very dignified to stand up for your boundaries and be fearless in adhering to them.

I think spirituality might be the key here. Women are all afraid that the only thing you want from them is sex. Even if you want to ask a legit question they might still not realize that you're sincere. That's just how the world works. Then you can't take this kind of wariness personally. All you can do is be confident and smile. Accept the fact that you want to F*ck women. It's not their problem, it's yours.

I realized this one of the first times I went out sarging. My wing and I ran in to a girl with her friend outside a club puking her guts up and he, very sincerely asked if there was anything he could do to help. You would, but most people probably wouldn't believe the negative response he got from both girls. It was ridiculous. Accusing him of trying to take advantage of them in a bad state, profanity, negativity, insults. It was unjustifiable and ridiculous. But that's how it was.

They act like all we want is pvssy, when all we really want is to practice getting pvssy. The actual pvssy isn't that important to me.

Come on dude, let's be real for a second. Both are true. We want to practice getting it, but we wouldn't be practicing it if we didn't want it! This fuels what I think is a very unhealthy attitude, but I don't like getting to know a girl. If I meet a beautiful woman, I want to have sex with her because she's sexually pleasing to me. When I find out that she's an idiot, I no longer want to have sex with her. I'd rather not know she's an idiot and enjoy the sex. Unless you're a homosexual, one of the first things that should enter your mind when you see a brilliantly hot girl is that you want to have sex with her. But you also want to get good at convincing her to have sex with you. Better yet, to enjoy it and want more and more of it.

Therefore I do feel like this is a non-fulfilling endeavor. We will get pvssy eventually. But how many of the guys from sites like these don't end up in MGTOW.com?

pvssy isn't the answer to any problems. Do I want an LTR? Why do I want an LTR?

It's like a little boy wanting an n64...

Correct! Sex isn't the answer to any problem.

I'm not sure if you meant to compare wanting an LTR to a little boy wanting an N64. If that's what your saying, I emphatically disagree with that, if it's coming from the context of someone who is a mature "man". If they are still a little boy, they're still going to want the relationship like they want the N64. They're bored, and the N64 is going to fix that somehow. Their life isn't fun, and the N64 will make it fun. They can even invite all of their friends over to show off the N64 to and make them think that they are cooler because of their N64. If you think an LTR works like that, you're right. You're a little boy and you will be summarily disappointed if you ever find an LTR.

However. A man looks at life totally different than a boy because he is a different creature. That's another topic for another time. The danger in all of this seduction stuff is that so many men do run off to things like MGTOW.com (I'd never heard of that before btw) and develop a legitimately hateful attitude towards women. I honestly don't think women are the problem.

I think the problem is 2 fold:

1. At least one generation of girls have been raised without a man (healthily dominant father figure who is actualized as a man) in their lives.
2. At least one generation of boys have been raised without the same thing.

In both cases, the problem is the man. The man was absent and failed to impart the knowledge of what it means to be a man to his sons and daughters. As a result, we have a bunch of girls living in the world legitimately thinking they are princesses and entitled to a level of behavior that is categorically ridiculous. We also have a bunch of boys running around thinking this system is okay and totally unaware of how it is that they should be acting. Rather than correcting the problems that have descended upon the female (as a man should), they have enabled it by accepting it and allowing it to MOLD them in to more androgynous people.

I actually have a great deal of respect for a woman I meet who does not exist like this. It does not happen very often. But those are the high value women.

But in any event, we ought not to transfer the blame of the problem on to women when it is not their fault. One of the first roles of a man is to accept responsibility for everything that happens in his life (it is his life after all not the life of another) and even more so, not to transfer blame for any reasons, particularly as a means of escape. This one is on us guys. And the only way to fix it is to become men ourselves and once we have, find others we can train to become the same. We should also emphatically reward the very rare female we find for understanding what it means to be female and acting accordingly.

 

[AAAgent]

this practice frankly requires A LOT of self control. I honestly don't have enough control. I've been trying hard to practice humility but i'd say i'm only successful now about 20% of the time.

What i did notice was that during the 2 years i was really depressed, i was able to grow from not being able to express anything to expressing only what i deemed i needed to express. I felt during this time i was truly able to become a humble person and alot of people appreciated that in me. There was also major attraction that stemmed from this (ALOT).

Now its been about a 3.5 years since the depression hit, i've been fully recovered for about 1 and Although i'm really happy, i'm back to my normaly self and have no control. It sucks as while i'm talking words come out of my mouth before i can even think when i'm around friends. I also felt the slipping of control over my actions. I was happy that i was recovering but at the same time upset that i couldn't maintain control.

What helped me be a more humble person was my depression. I guess it helped lower levels of my emotions (atleast all my extreme emotions) to lower manageable levels. During my humbling experience, people were eager to befriend me, as i said very little but what i said was needed/important. Being my normal self i'm actually pretty childish, explosive with emotions, and rash saying random unimportant things all the time.

I try to control myself but the restraint feels like i'm trying to hold my breath and i always end up exploding and gasping for more air.

 

[joverby]

Very insightful about the depression. You are spot on, man. I'm not sure if my depression will ever go away, I think it will just vary in levels. Which really stinks but I've kind of accepted it as who I am, wish I didn't have to though.

But I'm the same way, more reserved and control emotions / and generally stick to saying things more important / needed.

 

[AAAgent]

What i learned from humility:

What happened has happened and is already in the past. Don't fret about it.

Never saw more than what you need and sometimes no answer is a good enough answer (sometimes answer can be conveyed through actions).

Listening more than speaking does wonders.

Never expect anything in return (i always help old people/blind people crossing the street if it looks like they need help and one time this girl i knew saw me but i didn't see her. she mentioned it next time).

Don't lie but if you don't want to talk about something you don't have to tell everything. Less is always more

Never hold grudges/judge people/ gossip.