azanon said:
I think that's a bit of a harsh review of that article. Though certainly nothing was presented that should be fully enlightening, it did provide some unique perspective with supportive reasonigs for why some encounters might not be as much of a threat as some might think, whereas other situations might be more of a threat than realized.
I disagree, not on the premise of what makes for a situation that has a potential for people to cheat, but that these scenarios were presented with the intent to provoke an emotional response not to educate anyone. First of all, they're all so trite and so obvious to anyone reading that they're almost clichés - The Co-Worker, the Friend, etc. have been so overdone that they've become expectations for people. Again, not because they're wrong, but that the guy isn't offering anything new.
Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, he offers no solutions to the problem. In fact, all he offers is fear and suspicion (emotional appeals) from the very first sentence,
"No matter how well your relationship seems to be going, there are always threats circling - But perhaps the most potent threat comes in the form of the enemy invader -- the man or woman who has the power to lure your partner into the tempting and dangerous world of infidelity."
Nowhere does this guy get into the nuts & bolts of infidelity, nowhere does he get to the root causes; all he offers is fear and suspicion and blatant emotional pandering. For anyone to "cheat" there must be 2 factors present, opportunity and a reason. He'll harp away on the situational aspects - the opportunity - because it's easier and more salacious. It's ground into our pop-culture heads by the likes of Dr.Phil while it triggers that wonderful chemical rush that accompany emotional reactions like jealousy, betrayal and suspicion.
This is easy, what's hard is confronting the painful truth of the reasons why people cheat. This is the ugly, introspective aspect of why we cheated or were cheated on. The harsh truth is that it takes a lot more than convenient opportunity to prompt one to consider infidelity. When a man isn't getting sex at home, he's going to get it from somewhere. If a woman isn't having her security needs met by her husband, her co-worker might be able to fill that need. It's the root deficit of some core need, desire or something we had once that we no longer do or recieve that gives us reason to consider and/or engage in infidelity. But, that doesn't sell books, or magazine articles or get you on Oprah, no, for that you need to pander to the emotional. In fact, the truth will make you more contemptable, but it's the first step in coming to terms with infidelity.
This article isn't self-help, it's emotional bubble gum that loses it's flavor quickly, and then we pop another piece in our mouth.
