Pot Shots and Sh!t tests 3 months in

[salinechow]

So I have been seeing this girl pretty seriously. Like her as a person a lot. Like her as a woman a lot. Like her sexually a lot. We are serious about one another and partnership.

She took a couple of pot shot sh!t tests with me today. Mockingly and under the guise of playfulness. I didnt like them. For whatever reason, I just didnt. I made it known like I always do but this time she didnt relent. So, I let it go. Thought it could be me, my day, my attitude perhaps. Then I addressed it again. She blew it off a second time with a huff. I let it go. I brought it up a third time and we argued a bit, but civilly. Although she escalated and dug in. Blaming me and saying I cant take a joke and that I expect her to be perfect.

Most times she usually apologizes, takes it seriously if she mistakenly injurers or turns me off. This time I feel ike she is definitely vying for control or testing the waters like a child.

Is the move here for me to ignore it, as if her behavior is beneath me and keep on with what has been a very nice relationship or... pull back? Or, other thoughts you might have.

I appreciate it.

Sometimes I feel like the "game" doesn't pertain to a budding LTR. Other times, I feel like when you forget them "game" is exactly when you should be as on point as ever.

Thanks SS

 

[dustmuffin]

What did she exactly say?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Did it just become serious at the 3 month mark? Why so serious about partnership so fast? My last few plates barely make it to the 90 day mark. We need to know what she said and the context. Some people are more sensitive to sarcasm than others, it is what it is or maybe she's right & you can't take a joke? Ethier way I'd just make a mental note for now.

 

[Serenity]

Don't take it seriously, do not take it seriously. I repeat, do NOT take it seriously. The entire solution to all sh!t tests is to not take it seriously, it's sh!t right? One does not take sh!t seriously, because it's sh!t. It's something one knows to be untrue and thus is funny because she's wrong, in which case the correct social response is to chuckle a bit and move on.

Unless of course what she said was true and she had a point, then one does take it seriously. Was she right?

You can't melt into a puddle of goo over a little teasing! Don't arrest her on it to shame her for "bad behavior", be playful and a bit mocking back at her. I do that constantly with my girlfriend and she does it back, we're confident and secure enough to know we love each other. No insecurity or hurt feelings, just some teasing.

Find something that is unusual about her, but not actually a problem. Make a bit of fun of it, but pay enough attention to notice when you should stop. She's not perfect as she said, neither are you. It's still perfectly possible to like each other, in fact being perfect is boring as fvck. People who strive to be perfect are the most boring people out there, they take sh!t seriously and kill the fun. Don't be that guy, she warned you enough by stating to you she's not perfect. That statement means she's telling you that you're putting pressure on her, that you're killing the fun by expecting her to fit into your little perfect box. No woman wants that.

Oh and did I mention: do NOT become too serious, keep some light fun alive.

 

[El Payaso]

Walk away.

 

[Julian]

dude what did she say? lol

 

[CMNILS87]

Don't take it seriously, do not take it seriously. I repeat, do NOT take it seriously. The entire solution to all sh!t tests is to not take it seriously, it's sh!t right? One does not take sh!t seriously, because it's sh!t. It's something one knows to be untrue and thus is funny because she's wrong, in which case the correct social response is to chuckle a bit and move on.

Unless of course what she said was true and she had a point, then one does take it seriously. Was she right?

You can't melt into a puddle of goo over a little teasing! Don't arrest her on it to shame her for "bad behavior", be playful and a bit mocking back at her. I do that constantly with my girlfriend and she does it back, we're confident and secure enough to know we love each other. No insecurity or hurt feelings, just some teasing.

Find something that is unusual about her, but not actually a problem. Make a bit of fun of it, but pay enough attention to notice when you should stop. She's not perfect as she said, neither are you. It's still perfectly possible to like each other, in fact being perfect is boring as fvck. People who strive to be perfect are the most boring people out there, they take sh!t seriously and kill the fun. Don't be that guy, she warned you enough by stating to you she's not perfect. That statement means she's telling you that you're putting pressure on her, that you're killing the fun by expecting her to fit into your little perfect box. No woman wants that.

Oh and did I mention: do NOT become too serious, keep some light fun alive.

There's a difference with sarcasm and actual undermining someone. I feel if he's at 3 months and he's gamed her. He's used teasing and sarcasm effectively and should know what it is. If she's being just plain rude and you can tell that undertone and she doesn't give up after correcting her then there's a deeper respect problem.

Take for instance a manager and subordinates. If a sub steps out of line the manager corrects it and out of respect they don't do it again otherwise punishment is coming. In this case I need a job so you have to be respectful. It should be the same way with your woman. If she's being too sarcastic one night and you try to chop her knees out and she keeps going? Time to find a new girl

 

[Serenity]

@CMNILS87 "Mockingly and under the guise of playfulness". Sounds like she was actually being playful, but he took it the wrong way. Now he's on the road to whine and b!tch about not being respected, like a hurt prince.

Respect can not be demanded without using fear tactics, which is never good for LTR.

A romantic relationship is not comparable to working relationships. She doesn't need him like people generally need a job. Bossing her is exactly the type of thing she reacted to, it's exactly what he shouldn't do. If he continues doing it I can assure you she's gonna pull back, and he'll come back posting a thread wondering what happened. Then I'll remind him of what I said here.

Let's hope he makes the better choice.

 

[fastlife]

Expect this behavior to escalate because you've shown her it works. She knows she can get under your skin and, being a woman, can't help but exploit weakness where she finds it.

A couple tactics (assuming you don't want to nuke your relationship):

1. WORDS DON'T MATTER -- Repeat this to yourself all day everyday. What she says does not matter. "I promise I'll love you forever." Doesn't matter. "You have a small penis." Doesn't matter. "I hate you." Doesn't matter. If you're reacting to these statements, you're validating irrational thoughts that are based on the moment. Stop that sh1t. She's not a dude. Her word isn't her honor. She says what she feels. She wants you to see through that sh1t and see her for the silly little girl she (usually) is.
   
   You need to stop needing her validation. It displays an extreme lack of self-confidence.
   
   
2. AGREE AND AMPLIFY -- I don't know the nature of her teasing, but there's a reason A&A is a manosphere go-to for sh1t tests. 1.) It shows you DGAF, that your self-perception isn't based on her. 2.) It's fun.
   
   Example: Her: "Awww your penis is so small and cute."
   You: "I know, like a little baby carrot. Have to wipe p1ss off my balls five times a day. Pathetic. And then girls pretend like I'm getting them off and keep coming back for more so that I don't feel bad.
   
   
3. DREAD -- Why do you think after 3 months your gf that you're so 'serious' about has begun treating you like that? It couldn't be that you're overcommitted, that she knows you won't up and leave, or that you couldn't be in something better (or at least different) tonight? Do you think your gf would be trying this sh1t if she spent all her time fighting off female competition.
   
   4. WITHDRAW -- Stop bringing your problems to her. It's not your job to fix her behavior. When she does stuff you don't like, be a little hard to reach. Go out to the bars, hang with your boys, do something. Girls know when they've acted poorly--watch how quickly and specifically she apologizes when she doesn't hear from you for a couple days.

Your description of your relationship & your mindset sounds super blue pill. You don't have to next her, but you need to focus on yourself and realize that her behavior is a symptom of your mindsets.

 

[Casillas]

Recover your manship men, you are giving her so much importance that she doesn't deserve at all, put your stuff together and value if your relationship is still worth it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Relationship stuff. You don't divorce your wife because you have a petty argument about what food is better than which. Granted, you don't bend over backwards for her either, but you get the point. A lot of guys say to just walk away or redefine the boundaries when a chick disses you. But you don't do that every single time she disrespects you unless it is something big. What would ve considered big? If she insults you with intent to disrespect, not just joking around. Or of she makes fun of a family member/relative or if she insults something you stand for (your pride). Then thats a different story. If she (or ANYONE for that matter) does, then you take the necessary steps to insure that it doesn't happen again. But you don't end the relationship because of something she was joking around with.

 

[El Payaso]

Relationship stuff. You don't divorce your wife because you have a petty argument about what food is better than which. Granted, you don't bend over backwards for her either, but you get the point. A lot of guys say to just walk away or redefine the boundaries when a chick disses you. But you don't do that every single time she disrespects you unless it is something big. What would ve considered big? If she insults you with intent to disrespect, not just joking around. Or of she makes fun of a family member/relative or if she insults something you stand for (your pride). Then thats a different story. If she (or ANYONE for that matter) does, then you take the necessary steps to insure that it doesn't happen again. But you don't end the relationship because of something she was joking around with.

It's only three months. They're hardly married.

 

[GoodOne123]

Wait a minute. Are you sure these are shiit tests, or are they part of who she is as a person?

Only you can answer this. When a girl is testing you, you can tell. Something feels off. That's where you need to draw the line in terms of how much disrespect you're willing to tolerate.

A lot of girls are the type that are cool and just goof around with their partners, and like poking fun of eachother and having a laugh. If that is the type of girl she is then those are not shiit tests, that's who she is as a person.

Usually during the 3 month mark is where the peoples true colours have shown or begin to show. It's unusual for a girl to start testing strongly at this point, they usually do this in the beginning, before things get serious.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

So serious this one is hmmmm (said in a Yoda voice). My idea of a **** test was my wife smashing furniture.
Must be awful having a GF who wants to joke with you. Don't be so easy to provoke.

It does soundcas if in your head you have flipped the switch from having fun together to ltr mode and are starting to get a little uptight.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

It's only three months. They're hardly married.

I know, I was just using using a wife as and example.

 

[Vivacity]

What did she exactly say?

dude what did she say? lol

Third time. What the fukc did she say, OP?

And where the fukc did you disappear ever since you started this thread while the brothers are racking their brains here to offer you their advice?