Post Pardum Depression and Divorce

[logicallefty]

My high school sweetheart. Together 12 years. Date 5, married 7. Try 3 years to conceive a child. Finally do. Child born. 8 months later, she divorces me. Of course, her answer was ""I didnt pay attention to her anymore and spent too much time working and on the computer and she couldnt deal with it anymore"". Everyone else outside of her little reality bubble, even her OWN MOTHER and BEST FRIEND both said the reason was the obvious, "post pardum depression!"

2 years have past. I am over it. My new GF is a much better long term match for me than my x-wife. However, I wouldn't mind hearing form others on this forum to see how common this is; where a woman having a baby suddenly """causes the man to become such a bad guy""", when he was just fine before the birth..

 

[KarmaSutra]

My high school sweetheart. Together 12 years. Date 5, married 7. Try 3 years to conceive a child. Finally do. Child born. 8 months later, she divorces me. Of course, her answer was ""I didnt pay attention to her anymore and spent too much time working and on the computer and she couldnt deal with it anymore"". Everyone else outside of her little reality bubble, even her OWN MOTHER and BEST FRIEND both said the reason was the obvious, "post pardum depression!"

2 years have past. I am over it. My new GF is a much better long term match for me than my x-wife. However, I wouldn't mind hearing form others on this forum to see how common this is; where a woman having a baby suddenly """causes the man to become such a bad guy""", when he was just fine before the birth..

Is there another fella cluttering up her butter gutter? I'm divorced a year now and I have to tell ya the post partum excuse is lame and bullsh!t. She has her eyeballs on something new.

Props to you for moving on and not falling for the I'm a victim mentality which is so prevalent with AFC's these days.

 

[penkitten]

i had two children with no post pardum depression, then i had a third child and got it , however it was not too bad. i was tired, fatigued, my husband worked all the time and the kids cried all the time and were into everything. we had moved out of town and i had no friends, just family. my family hated his and i hated hearing about it. his family was all i had. then he started cheating on me and his family covered it up. finally he left and i went thru a divorce , and that depression was worse.

after time, i got completely over all that depression without medication or consuling or whatever.

years passed by and i was in another relationship for 2 years, and became pregnant again. immediately i got depressed because i knew the relationship was rocky and i would have to do it all alone again. and thats exactly what happened. so when my daughter was born and a few weeks had passed i went to the dr. i told her i was going to return to work and what i was feeling and i told her i didnt want to experience the feelings in their extremeity again and asked her to put me on something for the post pardon depression. the dr did, and within two or four weeks, it all disappeared.

i took the meds for a year and was able to come off of them without any feelings of depression at all.


sometimes it boils down to if you realise you need help and then going to get the help.

 

[DJDamage]

I think I read somewhere that certain women are more susceptible to this then others.

If you marry a woman who has a history of emotional problems or depressions the risk will likely increase tenfold. Just got to be careful who you marry.

DJD

 

[logicallefty]

She had had a history of depression most of her life, and so does most of her family. In fact, she was on anti-depressants before the birth of our child. Got off of them so she could go on fertility meds. Got pregnant within 3 months of taking the fertility meds.

During the pregnancy, she was in a surprisingly GOOD mood and not back on the anti-depressants, probably due to the crazy hormone stuff from the pregnancy having opposite effect on her as it would a normally "balanced" person.

After having the baby, she never got back on the anti-depressants.

I didnt include this info in my original post because I figured the longer the post, the more it looked like I was just trying ot get people to feel sorry for me here. That's truely not it. I basically just was curious to know how common my situation was...

To answer your question KarmaSutra, there is another fella now, but there wasn't when she left me 2 years ago.. I am 99% sure of it, because again, her best friend and mother were both on my side and they both "kept me in the loop"..

I really appreciate everybody's feedback here!

 

[Deep Dish]

Statistically speaking, post pardum hits one out of ten women.

 

[xmlenigma]

The question is ..is there a way or initiatives you can take or would suggest for you to prevent this post pardum thingy or atleast alleviate it.

 

[Egoist]

high school sweetheart, 12 years together, history of depression, and you even need to ask whats wrong?

you're much better off for having escaped that trap.

 

[penkitten]

i dont think there is anything to do to prevent it.

even marie osmond (you know from donnie and marie ) got it and it lasted like six years. she had lots of money which usually is a root cause of stress to most new mothers.

 

[logicallefty]

high school sweetheart, 12 years together, history of depression, and you even need to ask whats wrong?

you're much better off for having escaped that trap.

Thanks!

I know, I roll my eyes at myself now too.. I was young and stupid.. And the worst part was, many of my buddies my own age tried to advise me against it.. Even at the young age of 23, they knew something I didn't, or at least saw something I didnt want to see. That's probably more like it..

 

[picard]

post partum depression is real for women. It does affect significant number of women including my aunts and cousins. With mild treatment of anti-depressant, the problem is nibbed in the bud. However, if the depression isn't treat at earliest stage, it actually worsen and can be fatal.

There are several severe cases of post partum depression which the women are driven in murder rage killing their husbands and children

 

[( . )( . )]

Post pardum? Sounds like more Western B.S to me, up there with "eating disorders" that seem to "mysteriously" avoid women from less developed countries.

SPOOKY!!!

I call it "B!tches with too much time on their hands "

 

[SAYNO]

Yep!

Post pardum? Sounds like more Western B.S to me, up there with "eating disorders" that seem to "mysteriously" avoid women from less developed countries.

SPOOKY!!!

I call it "B!tches with too much time on their hands "

Ditto!





SN'

 

[OceanWindRider]

Hey, lefty
I am kinda surprised of all people trying to answer this question.
I want to ask you another question instead:
Why are you asking about what happened 2 years ago?
You moved on, have a much better person in your life. Why bother?
Could it be that you still can't let it go?
Understanding your ex's behaviour will not help you much in this case.
You just have to let it go. You ****ed up. She ****ed up. Now it's time to move on

And if you're afraid it's going to happen in the future - it's a really low probability. But you can get a prenup that says for example that you agree to split custody of the future kids 50/50 or whatever you want, financial assets, etc.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Remember that woman who drowned her kids because of it? You got away lucky, and so did she (no prison on death row).

 

[logicallefty]

Hey, lefty
I am kinda surprised of all people trying to answer this question.
I want to ask you another question instead:
Why are you asking about what happened 2 years ago?
You moved on, have a much better person in your life. Why bother?
Could it be that you still can't let it go?
Understanding your ex's behaviour will not help you much in this case.
You just have to let it go. You ****ed up. She ****ed up. Now it's time to move on

And if you're afraid it's going to happen in the future - it's a really low probability. But you can get a prenup that says for example that you agree to split custody of the future kids 50/50 or whatever you want, financial assets, etc.

Well, I honestly have let go in my mind. However, due to the nature of my job, I am out and about all the time (I'm a cop). I am constantly running into people who I havent seen in a while who don't even know we are divorced. They always want to know the story. I used to go into a 5 minute soapbox full of bitterness and anger; now I sum in up in about 30 seconds : "she got post partum depression after our daughter was born and left me". So again, while i have moved on, I am constantly reminded. I have always wondered just how common it was ever sense it happened, but never really researched it. After joining this forum recently and reading how objective people on here seem, I figured it was a good place to ask.

And yes, my new GF and I are getting serious, and more kids are a definate if things continue. You hit the nail on the head; I don't want to get shafted again. My new GF doesn't show any signs that she is anything like my x-wife, but then again, she IS female ;-)

Thanks for your feedback!

 

[OceanWindRider]

I used to go into a 5 minute soapbox full of bitterness and anger; now I sum in up in about 30 seconds : "she got post partum depression after our daughter was born and left me".

I can identify with that And that's good that you got down to 30 seconds.
What you might try so you don't feel like a victim is to tell it a bit different, like:
"after our daughter was born we grew apart and felt we did not connect any more, and split up". Then after you tell it for a while, you will begin feeling different towards the whole "split up" thing and way less emotional.

And for the next wives to come.
You can't possibly buy any insurance for the next wife/gf to be any good
What you can do is:
1. Read "The system" by Doc Love - the best book on how to choose a wife
2. Get a prenup
3. Keep your finances, etc. separately
4. Behave like an alpha-man since the first day you meet her all the way throughout the marriage

I wish I knew those 4 points when I got married

Good luck with your GF and stop thinkng about what happened with your ex-wife!

OceanWindRider

 

[logicallefty]

Sounds like great advice, much appreciated!!