Post from the Orient by a guy that's losing all hope.Help needed.

[Puddly]

Can I sum up the sitution? Another Saturday evening in Indonesia, girls are into foreign guys, can walk into a Mall and have chicks check you out all the time--even an older guy like me (44). Moved here cos women in Aussie stopped paying any attention about 12 year ago...I can't seem to make any connection, lost a lot of confidence, not sure how to go forward, been here for a year and had only one date--with a woman I wasn't into-she chose me.
To digress, I do know what's its like to have the attentions of hot women, and I loved it but that's a long time ago and a divorce later. Have taken steps with fitness (am in good shape), dress better, try to have a better attitude but nothing seems to get me from being a desperate loner and into the company of women. Please help--i sense that the situation is salvagable but I don't know what I'm doing wrong!!!!

 

[Igetit!]

First of all,welcome to the forum.

I don't understand what it is that your asking. You say that the situation is salvageable. What situation? Can you say what exactly the problem is?
Or better yet,can you give an example of a problem that you need help with?

 

[Al Moh.]

It seems Igetit! doesn't get it xD

From what I understood the problem is that you can't get attention? Well, either read the bible or tell us more about the problem, I can't get anything more out of this either...

 

[SharinganUser]

Good lord man! You are in a foreign country, stop worrying about women. It's like going to a buffet and complaining that you can't eat the food because you're on a diet.

Don't worry about what women or anyone thinks of you. Do you know what the difference is between a desperate loner and a lone wolf is?? Even though both are a lone, it's all in the mindset.

Go out, see the sights, go clubbing, hang out at some hostel bars.

I am going to be traveling to asia this winter, and I can't wait. So it bothers me to no end when people IN asia come on here and complain about women or their sex life.

Honestly, when you tell people that you spent a lot of time in Indonesia, do you really want to tell them that you mopped around because you couldn't get a date??

 

[Puddly]

Thanks for the welcome, Igetit. Am new to forum and obviously have plenty of catching up to do if I am to develop a DJ mind set. The issue is a mind set one--I can't relax around women very well (at all if there is the prospect of a connection) this happens rarely as I have trouble making a connection. Repeated rejections has me right on the defensive and I'm know they pick up on it--hence the Despo loner. I might add my 'seduction' technique as a younger bloke usually involved copious amounts of alcohol--this is something I rule out now and anyway most women here aren't into it. So this is a factor. Note, have good job here and am presentable--off a divorce about 6 years ago. So little or no dating success in about 15 years. How do I get a guernsey to get in the game!

First of all,welcome to the forum.

I don't understand what it is that your asking. You say that the situation is salvageable. What situation? Can you say what exactly the problem is?
Or better yet,can you give an example of a problem that you need help with?

 

[Puddly]

SharinganUser--Thanks for input. I'm not complaining about the women--if anything they are fantastic--from what I can tell by looking at and working with them. Last thing I want to end up doing is looking back at the time here and missing out. P

 

[Rex Man]

Can I sum up the sitution?

Please

Another Saturday evening in Indonesia, girls are into foreign guys, can walk into a Mall and have chicks check you out all the time--even an older guy like me (44). Moved here cos women in Aussie stopped paying any attention about 12 year ago

So you got past your prime and started preying on foreign women, gotcha

I can't seem to make any connection, lost a lot of confidence, not sure how to go forward, been here for a year and had only one date--with a woman I wasn't into-she chose me.

Please, you're making me cry.

To digress

I take it we're pass the whole summing up thing?

I do know what's its like to have the attentions of hot women, and I loved it but that's a long time ago and a divorce later. Have taken steps with fitness (am in good shape), dress better, try to have a better attitude but nothing seems to get me from being a desperate loner and into the company of women. Please help--i sense that the situation is salvagable but I don't know what I'm doing wrong!!!!

Your career is done, son. Find yourself a nice little woman with a similar situation and SETTLE DOWN. Oh, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Warrior74]

Give us a play by play walk through of your latest interaction with a woman.

 

[Visitor125]

Please



So you got past your prime and started preying on foreign women, gotcha



Please, you're making me cry.



I take it we're pass the whole summing up thing?



Your career is done, son. Find yourself a nice little woman with a similar situation and SETTLE DOWN. Oh, and welcome to the forum.

Your reply was so imbecile that I registered just to express my indignation. As is the case with your other posts, you offer nothing, with the only difference being that your grammar and spelling have somewhat improved compared to the past.

This man asks for advice from other men, not immature boys like you. The only reason you posted was to insult him and this says a lot about how your posts should be viewed.

 

[Rex Man]

Your reply was so imbecile that I registered just to express my indignation. As is the case with your other posts, you offer nothing, with the only difference being that your grammar and spelling have somewhat improved compared to the past.

This man asks for advice from other men, not immature boys like you. The only reason you posted was to insult him and this says a lot about how your posts should be viewed.

And here I though my grammar and sentence structure went unappreciated. Glad to know you care.

He moved to a foreign land because he thought the women there would be easier. It turns out, they weren't as easy as he may have suspected. It would appear he's going though a mid-life deal and he still needs to sort it all out. Maybe he needs someone to call a spade a spade. Kill the messenger.

 

[Puddly]

I thought along the same line as you Visitor125 but am new to forum so didn't know what to expect. Thought might be able to learn something from master DJs. But Rexman's input got me thinking.

 

[Puddly]

Warrior74

Give us a play by play walk through of your latest interaction with a woman.

Thanks Warrior74--after starting the thread, I got out on the motorbike and tried to chat up 2 girls I know from around town--shop girls, 22 and 24. Am not really trying to pick them up--too young and it would look bad here--people are incredible nosy. They ask about the ex-wife--maybe I should steer clear of all that--in general just banter in Bahasa--learnt it pretty quick cos I thought ealier failures were due to lanaguage barriers and shyness--but its not. So tried to act interested in them, yeah they're hot in the javanese way but the real reason for dropping in was to try to get feedback from them about how to get a game going--again.
Finished up by saying I'll drop back--got a stock reply both times--'if you feel like it'--disinterested.

 

[Igetit!]

I thought along the same line as you Visitor125 but am new to forum so didn't know what to expect. Thought might be able to learn something from master DJs. But Rexman's input got me thinking.

His input got you thinking? Thinking what? I agree with what Warrior74 said.
We need an example,a specific example of the problem you're having.
We need to know when you try to approach a woman,what do you usually say,how you say it,the way that women usually respond to you.

In the end,yeah,the road to success will begin with some things that you need to accept about yourself,or need change about yourself,but by giving us an example of what actually happens in your interaction with women,we can help you determine what exactly needs to be done.

 

[Puddly]

Thanks Igetit!

Appreciate if IGetit! Mate, were do I start? I have some mental barriers about being forward or trying to be easy going. In the end, I tend to leave it up to the girl to decide what the next move might be--a master DJ would probably deplore me for this. A non-committal approach.
How do I interact? I try but not very sucessfully, that's why I came to the forum--speak with guys that know what they are doing. I think girls are turned off cos I take myself too seriously these days and am no good in crowds--I tend to stay away from clubs, etc. I can't say how I say things but I reckon if you saw me trying to chat a girl up you'd consider it 'amatuerish' and me someone without any game. Ie I didn't get better with age!
Note--I pretty happy here--solid work, no ties and I don't have any particular woman in mind, I just want to get back to meet women, interact with them better with the goal to some fun times and maybe something longer term but first tihngs first. Red light district here is not a good way to go about that and I don't want to get mugged again or worse!

 

[Igetit!]

Good. Now that's more like it. Now we have something to work with.
That second sentence of yours kinda shed a little more light on one of your problems. You said that you leave things up to the girl to decide the next move in dating/starting relationships. That's a HUGE error,man. Women want a man who is strong and decisive,someone who takes the lead.Puddly, DO NOT listen to women. If they try to give you advice,do the opposite. I'm serious man. They'll tell you that they want this or that,then you'll do your absolute best to give them exactly what they said they wanted,then they'll still be unhappy. You can follow their instructions to the letter,and the only thing you'll accomplish is being lead into the ditch.

You also said that you think that women are turned off to you because you take yourself too seriously. Yeah man,that'll do it. Woman like men who are fun,exciting,and full of life. Emotions are contagious. If you're a happy person in general,excited to see what each new day brings,women will pick up this positive vibe coming from you,and will enjoy being in your presense. However,this also works in the negative. If you act and behave too serious,they'll pick up on this as well. You'll come across as stiff,boring,and dull,which are ATTRACTION KILLERS for women. Women are emotional. They want to "feel".
Boring and dull are not emotions. They are the absense of emotions. Believe it or not,a woman would rather feel anger than be bored.

In order to change your situation with women,first you need to change yourself. Remember what I said about women being attracted to men who are happy,upbeat,and positive? Well look at your life. Do you have things that make you happy in it? You have family,friends,a career,and hobbies,right? These things should excite you,make you happy. You know why I say that? Because not everybody has these things. Not everybody has a career,not everyone has friends,some people don't even have families they can turn to in time of need. Appreciate these things in your life. Don't take them for granted,because one day they might not be there.

You have your health,right? Do you know how many people are sick with infections and diseases,who would trade places with you in a second?
Don't even take this for granted.

From what I can tell,your problem seems to be twofold:

1: Personal problems(with confidence/self-esteem).
2: Lack of understanding about how attraction works for women.

Problem number one needs to be solved first. If you just ignore it and focus your attention on women,not only will you have a very,very hard time trying to date,but even if you did manage to get into a relationship,your problems with confidence and self-esteem would destroy the relationship. You see what I said there? I said that the confidence/self-esteem issue would destroy it,not the girl. The girl would be rude,act stuck up,snobbish,try to walk over you and control you,and basically the relationship would be nothing but continual heartache,pain,anger,and confusion for you. And the happier you try to make her,the worst she would behave. This is how women act with men who are insecure,wimpy,or someone who is afraid to take charge. If you don't lead in the relationship,then you'll be dragged around by her. Trust me,I know what this is like. And it all comes from you NOT BEING A MAN

So yeah,look at your life. Find things to be happy about. Then when you are truely happy,this will come across to women.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

You want some honest advice?

Stop worrying about all the emotion involved with sex and go get laid. You have become so embroiled in the concept of relationships and meaningful sex that you have forgotten its your God given right to have sex. You are in Indonesia buddy. These are some of the hottest women in Asia if not the world. Built like white women but have asian features. They are friendly and they like men. You are a foreigner there so you are desirable. You should be making hay there.

Your biggest problem is that you are looking for a connection of some sort before you have even ****ed the broad. Just concentrate on getting yourself some tail. The connection with these women will come as you learn to understand them better.

I have travelled a lot and one of the most difficult things is learning to adjust to the differences in culture. The best thing is to just do as you want and let the chips fall as they may. You cannot second guess anything and in all honesty I think its the reason why men and women are so successful when they go overseas. They are more open, inquisitive and learn to be themselves instead of living up to some ideal they believe they should be. You often learn to accept that what you are and who you is is normally quite ok

Most of all try and enjoy the experience. Just go up and talk to the them. Ask for directions. Ask for the time. Ask if they know a good place to eat and offer and if they seem friendly ask if they want to join. They are not as harsh as western women are pal. No women are. Your fear of rejection comes with having to deal with western women.

 

[Puddly]

Thanks Igetit! appreciate the well considered input. You are spot on 1 and 2 pretty much covers it.

1: Personal problems(with confidence/self-esteem). No reason for this really except got hard wired wrong in relation of how to act with women--in the end on one wins.
2: Lack of understanding about how attraction works for women.
This is true--no really understanding about how that works.
This is how women act with men who are insecure,wimpy,or someone who is afraid to take charge. If you don't lead in the relationship,then you'll be dragged around by her. Trust me,I know what this is like. And it all comes from you NOT BEING A MAN


went through that before--miserable stuff.
So yeah,look at your life. Find things to be happy about. Then when you are truely happy,this will come across to women.

Heaps to be happy about. Am really guilty of when interacting with women being too focused on them and too serious.

 

[Puddly]

Reply to Hooligan Harry

thanks Hooligan and Igetit! to for taking the time. In spite of barriers built up over years count on me taken action when duly advised.

You want some honest advice?

Yes, man.

These are some of the hottest women in Asia if not the world. Built like white women but have asian features. They are friendly and they like men. You are a foreigner there so you are desirable. You should be making hay there.

Fantastic women here--very natural, great bodies and pretty friendly.

Your biggest problem is that you are looking for a connection of some sort before you have even ****ed the broad. Just concentrate on getting yourself some tail. The connection with these women will come as you learn to understand them better.

This very true--I assumed this was a KEY to successful guys--they EASILY and quickly made that connection though some personality trait they have--seems you're saying its not necessary...a major misconception on my part. And I have the track record to back that up!

You both might not be overly surprised to read I got married to a near frigid women in the US in the 90s cos she wanted in real bad...yeah well, believe me when I say life is not so pleasant when you get around with your balls hanging out all the time...I feel like a man on early release from prison--one I walked into volunterilly. So getting transfered here (via home in aussie) brought some higher expectations--but been letting myself down again.

I'll finish up by saying thanks again and that even before reading your posts, I hit the Mall yesterday (seems a likely spot) and strolled around with a ready smile and not obsessing about work, etc. And you know what? it works...

 

[Igetit!]

Thanks Igetit! appreciate the well considered input. You are spot on 1 and 2 pretty much covers it.


Heaps to be happy about. Am really guilty of when interacting with women being too focused on them and too serious.

This is good to hear man. The more you have to be happy about in your life,the easier problem #1 will be to solve. The part of misunderstanding how attraction works for women will take a little bit longer because you'll have to get rid of your current beliefs about women,and replace them with the truth about attraction. And I might as well tell you right up front that the things that you will read here on this forum,plus the information that I and some of the other members have at times will make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
In fact,it might seem down right crazy. We'll have you doing and saying things that you never in a million years thought you would be doing,but trust us.

Unfortunately,there are some members here who will not try to help you,but instead will only be negative and make stupid,immature remarks. I have faith in your judgement to be able to determine who you should listen to and who you should not.

Oh yeah,one more thing. We're not going to let you off the hook that easy man. Nobody knows everything. I'm sure that you can be a help to us as well. I'm sure there are some things that you know that could be a benefit to us.
That's what it's about. Everybody helping everybody. So if you see a question or a situation that you know the answer to,chime in,let us know.

Anyway,like I said,focus on the good things in your life. Let those things
be your source of your happiness,not women.

 

[Puddly]

This is good to hear man. The more you have to be happy about in your life,the easier problem #1 will be to solve.

Unfortunately,there are some members here who will not try to help you,but instead will only be negative and make stupid,immature remarks. I have faith in your judgement to be able to determine who you should listen to and who you should not.

That's alright, I can take a bit of stick and am pretty selective about what I take on board. So far its GOLD. I've been sharing with my bro--recently got hitched though.

Oh yeah,one more thing. We're not going to let you off the hook that easy man. Nobody knows everything. I'm sure that you can be a help to us as well. I'm sure there are some things that you know that could be a benefit to us.
That's what it's about. Everybody helping everybody. So if you see a question or a situation that you know the answer to,chime in,let us know.

Can do--my experiences, although extensive, might read as a TEXTBOOK about the things you shouldn't be doing.
Anyway,like I said,focus on the good things in your life. Let those things
be your source of your happiness,not women.

That is very wise-I understood it immediately--all my life 'happiness' has been equated (inverse proportion) to having a bird in my life--and its why I'm here now cos there usually isn't. No one ever gave me a clue it should be any other way. And there's plenty to be happy about--actually like my job, plenty of interests etc. And East Java man--they are the sweetest, hottest, FEMININE women east of Panama (yeah have stories from there too--oil industry, gets you all over).

Bloody decent of you to give me the time...already, I had a great day today chatting up the girls in the bookstore and could be tempted to head over to Dolly's, the most INSANE red light zone--anywhere, I believe--and not a foreigner in sight, to top it off. but probably won't, cos I'm feeling a little less desperate.