Post Date with a nice girl - how'd I do?

[Jifto]

Hey gents. Looking for some feedback from an OLD meeting I just had. Unlike my other OLD experiences this girl was WAY hotter in person, no red flags (that I picked up on), and conversation was actually great...not forced like an interview.

Here's how it went down:
- met her at a bar I suggested, almost didn't recognize her because she was so much better looking in person.
- gave her a hug, got seats at the bar
- talked for about 80 minutes, conversation was easy and fun
- she touched my arm a few times, played with her hair and laughed a bunch
- weirdly she was tearing up her napkin...kind of odd
- around minute 90 I could tell we were hitting a spot when conversation was going to lull a bit, and the bartender asked if we wanted another drink, I said I actually had to get going
- she didn't seem like she wanted to go but we talked for a few minutes after I paid the tab and were waiting for Ubers
- we hugged, she thanked me for the drink and we parted. I should have gone for the kiss. Dammit. I didn't.

I can tell she's a *nice* girl, good family and all that. Not my usual party girl.

How'd I do? Any tips based on that? I'm interested in seeing her again...wait a few days and text?

 

[jboyd5]

She intiated kino first. Should of been your job. Even foot play is apart of this if it is more comfortable for you.

She was uncomfortable with you or in the place you met when she was tearing up the napkin.

Man do not call the ubers after you leave. If you are in a area where you an rome around in, wrap your arm around her and drag her with your weight and take her on an adventure.
Kiss her. FFS KISS HER MAN!

........When you didn't recognize her, and thought she was a lot more attractive in real life, you freaked yourself out and got in your head.

 

[Jifto]

She intiated kino first. Should of been your job. Even foot play is apart of this if it is more comfortable for you.

She was uncomfortable with you or in the place you met when she was tearing up the napkin.

Man do not call the ubers after you leave. If you are in a area where you an rome around in, wrap your arm around her and drag her with your weight and take her on an adventure.
Kiss her. FFS KISS HER MAN!

........When you didn't recognize her, and thought she was a lot more attractive in real life, you freaked yourself out and got in your head.

Thanks for the feedback. I agree that I should have started the kino, but I wasn't freaked out. I was oddly calm. I'd say the conversation was about as good as I could have hoped for.

 

[BeExcellent]

Congrats. Here's the advice from the old lady:

You did well, you held frame, you had a nice first interaction. The advice I am going to give you will differ from what many of the men here will advise. I am a woman and I date men and here is what I most appreciate. I would text her this evening and say:

"Cool to meet you"

That is it. If she responds to that, do not engage. Simply say:

"Headed to bed. Chat soon." Then do NOT respond any more, no matter what she says or does. Do not text her again until you are ready to ask her out again in a couple days time.

(Now IF she blows up YOUR phone tomorrow or the next day, respond, but keep it short, light and be busy. Exit the conversation after an exchange or 2.)

In doing this you as the man accomplish 2 things:

1. You let her know you enjoyed your time together while at the same time coming across as chill/cool/nonchalant (This tells her you are interested but not desperate.) Women, especially if they like you, appreciate this.

2. You come across natural rather than waiting some 2-3 days of radio silence like you are following some script. By the time 2-3 days goes by she will think you aren't interested and that will be confusing in the context of a nice first interaction.

Then you simply reach out again in a couple of days and you ask her out again. My best suggestion would be some sort of activity date, go hit a bucket of golf balls, play tennis, workout together, fly kites, paddle board or row, something where you can get together and have something to do while getting to know one another.

If she is a nice girl from a good family she will likely have been raised to await your initiative, so do not be surprised if she does NOT text you first after the date. She was chatty, warm, and friendly on the date, and touched you a little bit. That is great. That is how a feminine woman shows her interest.

So yes after a couple days ask her out again and see how that next interaction goes. You should get a little more familiar with her each time you go out, and this will bloom into sexual escalation as things go. And you keep with variations of this pattern. Ask her out, get to know her more/get more familiar on the date, light communication afterwards (or the next day), a pause in communication (do not blow up her phone) from you but respond briefly to her if she reaches out...and then ask her out again.

I get flamed around here for this approach but I'm telling you it is the right approach for this type of woman. It is at it's core a disciplined approach. Remember that.

 

[Serenity]

- weirdly she was tearing up her napkin...kind of odd

Sounds like fidgeting, that's typical nervous body language. I would interpret that as her liking you and thus nervous about messing it up, it's a good sign.

- we hugged, she thanked me for the drink and we parted. I should have gone for the kiss. Dammit. I didn't.

Yes you should have, do it next time if there is a next time.

How'd I do? Any tips based on that? I'm interested in seeing her again...wait a few days and text?

You could have gone further, but it could also have been much worse. Next time you do more kino, escalate quicker and go for the kiss before the end of the date. With this one you probably shouldn't wait days to text her, she might be unsure if you were even interested as you didn't kiss her. Over a few days that uncertainty could kill her interest, you gotta work while the iron is still hot. Send her a text tomorrow, tell her you had a great time and set up another date.

EDIT: What @BeExcellent says works too. Instead of saying you had a good time and ask her out again in one text you can split it up like she suggests. Send a text right now saying you had a great time with her or some variation of that meaning. Then in a couple of days ask her out again. This way you'll assure her she didn't mess up so she'll not mistake your waiting to be a lack of interest, it'll also give her some time to fantasize about you which boosts her attraction to you. Of course if she blows up your phone then follow the advice in the post above mine.

@BeExcellent Says this approach is controversial around here, but I agree and it's just a variation of what I originally said. It's definitely appropriate for the type of girl described here.

 

[Jifto]

Sounds like fidgeting, that's typical nervous body language. I would interpret that as her liking you and thus nervous about messing it up, it's a good sign.


Yes you should have, do it next time if there is a next time.


You could have gone further, but it could also have been much worse. Next time you do more kino, escalate quicker and go for the kiss before the end of the date. With this one you probably shouldn't wait days to text her, she might be unsure if you were even interested as you didn't kiss her. Over a few days that uncertainty could kill her interest, you gotta work while the iron is still hot. Send her a text tomorrow, tell her you had a great time and set up another date.

EDIT: What @BeExcellent says works too. Instead of saying you had a good time and ask her out again in one text you can split it up like she suggests. Send a text right now saying you had a great time with her or some variation of that meaning. Then in a couple of days ask her out again. This way you'll assure her she didn't mess up so she'll not mistake your waiting to be a lack of interest, it'll also give her some time to fantasize about you which boosts her attraction to you. Of course if she blows up your phone then follow the advice in the post above mine.

@BeExcellent Says this approach is controversial around here, but I agree and it's just a variation of what I originally said. It's definitely appropriate for the type of girl described here.

I followed this advice and texted that" I had a good time and it was cool to meet you" she texted back immediately that "I had a lot of fun". I'm going to ask her out on another date tomorrow.

 

[Serenity]

I followed this advice and texted that" I had a good time and it was cool to meet you" she texted back immediately that "I had a loot of fun". I'm going to ask her out on another date tomorrow.

That's great! You can be confident in giving her a kiss at some point, I strongly doubt she will turn you down. If you like her it has to happen.

Good luck.

 

[Jifto]

That's great! You can be confident in giving her a kiss at some point, I strongly doubt she will turn you down. If you like her it has to happen.

Good luck.

Well it looks like I messed up somewhere haha! I sent her a message this morning seeing if she could meet up next week and got nothing in reply. I tried to follow the Corey Wayne method on this one, but clearly I screwed something up. I was pretty confident she was sending a bunch of IOIs and her text afterwards looked promising.

Obviously I'm going to let this just go and move on to the next one, but I'd really love to know what I messed up here to do better next time.

 

[Trump]

Hey gents. Looking for some feedback from an OLD meeting I just had. Unlike my other OLD experiences this girl was WAY hotter in person, no red flags (that I picked up on), and conversation was actually great...not forced like an interview.

Here's how it went down:
- met her at a bar I suggested, almost didn't recognize her because she was so much better looking in person.
- gave her a hug, got seats at the bar
- talked for about 80 minutes, conversation was easy and fun

Bro you suggest to meet a really hot looking girl at a bar where you have tons of competiton with other guys who are 6'2? If you are going to meet the girl, make sure you are ALONE with her.

80 minutes conversation for a FIRST date? What the heck are going to talk about on the 2nd date? After maybe 15 minutes I would have asked her back to my place, especially if she was hot.

- she touched my arm a few times, played with her hair and laughed a bunch
- weirdly she was tearing up her napkin...kind of odd
- around minute 90 I could tell we were hitting a spot when conversation was going to lull a bit, and the bartender asked if we wanted another drink, I said I actually had to get going
- she didn't seem like she wanted to go but we talked for a few minutes after I paid the tab and were waiting for Ubers
- we hugged, she thanked me for the drink and we parted. I should have gone for the kiss. Dammit. I didn't.

I can tell she's a *nice* girl, good family and all that. Not my usual party girl.

How'd I do? Any tips based on that? I'm interested in seeing her again...wait a few days and text?

Bro you had a 90 minute conversation with a really hot looking girl. What did you offer her that she couldn't have done with her brother, cousin, or male coworker for 90 minutes?

Men, in this day and age; instant gratification, instant results, Facebook, instagram, snapchat, you have to make a move on the girl within 75 seconds. Longer than that, you are wasting your time. When we don't make a move and are happy we had a good 'chat' with the girl, its like we need friends more than girlfriends.

 

[Serenity]

Obviously I'm going to let this just go and move on to the next one, but I'd really love to know what I messed up here to do better next time.

You might never know. Don't automatically blame yourself without knowing though, keep in mind that what doesn't work on one girl might work on others.

 

[RangerMIke]

You did fine. Should have gone for the kiss, but you know that. She has to know you are physically interested in her, otherwise she isn't going to feel anything for you.

Contact her again when you feel like it. I'm not a big fan of waiting a set number of days, ask her out... do it now if that is what you want. Since you didn't go for the kiss yo might go ahead and set something up now in a few days.

Don't worry about if you think she is 'nice' all women are the same. When the right man comes along any chick is capable of ANYTHING. Lots of dudes screw up and change their approach because the think a girl is 'nice'... big mistake.

 

[Red Legg]

I can tell she's a *nice* girl, good family and all that. Not my usual party girl

Nice??? AHH OHH....go read "The Manipulated Man" 3 times and call me in the morning...

 

[BeExcellent]

Well it looks like I messed up somewhere haha! I sent her a message this morning seeing if she could meet up next week and got nothing in reply. I tried to follow the Corey Wayne method on this one, but clearly I screwed something up. I was pretty confident she was sending a bunch of IOIs and her text afterwards looked promising.

Obviously I'm going to let this just go and move on to the next one, but I'd really love to know what I messed up here to do better next time.

You might yet hear back from her tomorrow or the next day. You have no idea what is going on in her life so don't sweat it. Keep your options open and be receptive if she responds.

Don't act crappy if she responds. Just pick up where you left off.

Maybe I'm too old school but this "instant gratification takes too long" culture of expecting immediate responses is silly. Back in the phone call days (before cell phones and texting) you might go almost a week without hearing back and forth from a guy or girl you were interested in. And then once contact was established the man would ask for a date and then you'd go out. My point in saying that is that if her parents are around my age then it's entirely possible this is how she was raised, and it might be a factor.

The main thing is you've reached out at this point so see if she responds. You just met her, you are not yet a terribly high priority (so some patience is called for here), and to be fair she could have met another guy too, you don't know.

For now let it ride.

 

[Jifto]

You might yet hear back from her tomorrow or the next day. You have no idea what is going on in her life so don't sweat it. Keep your options open and be receptive if she responds.

Don't act crappy if she responds. Just pick up where you left off.

Maybe I'm too old school but this "instant gratification takes too long" culture of expecting immediate responses is silly. Back in the phone call days (before cell phones and texting) you might go almost a week without hearing back and forth from a guy or girl you were interested in. And then once contact was established the man would ask for a date and then you'd go out. My point in saying that is that if her parents are around my age then it's entirely possible this is how she was raised, and it might be a factor.

The main thing is you've reached out at this point so see if she responds. You just met her, you are not yet a terribly high priority (so some patience is called for here), and to be fair she could have met another guy too, you don't know.

For now let it ride.

Thanks for the advice. This is still very early in my OLD experiment so I think im just getting a "lay for the land".

 

[ubercat]

Hmm I recommend practical female psychology for the practical man. I find it a bit more balanced. But yeah same concept

 

[marmel75]

Hey gents. Looking for some feedback from an OLD meeting I just had. Unlike my other OLD experiences this girl was WAY hotter in person, no red flags (that I picked up on), and conversation was actually great...not forced like an interview.

Here's how it went down:
- met her at a bar I suggested, almost didn't recognize her because she was so much better looking in person.
- gave her a hug, got seats at the bar
- talked for about 80 minutes, conversation was easy and fun
- she touched my arm a few times, played with her hair and laughed a bunch
- weirdly she was tearing up her napkin...kind of odd
- around minute 90 I could tell we were hitting a spot when conversation was going to lull a bit, and the bartender asked if we wanted another drink, I said I actually had to get going
- she didn't seem like she wanted to go but we talked for a few minutes after I paid the tab and were waiting for Ubers
- we hugged, she thanked me for the drink and we parted. I should have gone for the kiss. Dammit. I didn't.

I can tell she's a *nice* girl, good family and all that. Not my usual party girl.

How'd I do? Any tips based on that? I'm interested in seeing her again...wait a few days and text?

No escalation, no kiss, no anything...

I'll be surprised if you get a second date.

If there was no escalation and no kiss the highest grade you can possibly get is a D+.

 

[ubercat]

Yeah I'm in the always escalate camp too. As far as I know it's never cost me a girl who was interested. And it eliminates professional daters who just want to waste your time and money from the get go. And it's lead to plenty of first date Lays. The only downside is boredom from listening to that same speech about how they never normally do this. Girls like sex u just have to give them an excuse even if it doesn't make sense.

 

[Jifto]

Got a second date with her this week. Food > escalate > repeat?

 

[beforeimgone]

Hey gents. Looking for some feedback from an OLD meeting I just had. Unlike my other OLD experiences this girl was WAY hotter in person, no red flags (that I picked up on), and conversation was actually great...not forced like an interview.

Here's how it went down:
- met her at a bar I suggested, almost didn't recognize her because she was so much better looking in person.
- gave her a hug, got seats at the bar
- talked for about 80 minutes, conversation was easy and fun
- she touched my arm a few times, played with her hair and laughed a bunch
- weirdly she was tearing up her napkin...kind of odd
- around minute 90 I could tell we were hitting a spot when conversation was going to lull a bit, and the bartender asked if we wanted another drink, I said I actually had to get going
- she didn't seem like she wanted to go but we talked for a few minutes after I paid the tab and were waiting for Ubers
- we hugged, she thanked me for the drink and we parted. I should have gone for the kiss. Dammit. I didn't.

I can tell she's a *nice* girl, good family and all that. Not my usual party girl.

How'd I do? Any tips based on that? I'm interested in seeing her again...wait a few days and text?

She is your usual party girl. You immediately put her on a pedestal. The goal of meeting up isn't to talk. The only thing that should be on your mind is sex - logistics, if she's clean, and the best way to get her out of there.

Personally, I try to get every girl naked on the fist hang out. Mostly I get a kiss and never hear from them again because I was too forward. Sometimes I get more and get sex later. Occasionally I get sex with tons of resistance but that's easy to overcome.

A lot went wrong here, bud

 

[marmel75]

Got a second date with her this week. Food > escalate > repeat?

I feel a flake coming.