Post breakup question...

[DangNammit]

I was dating a girl for about 8 mos and things were going well. We went on a trip together and she totally 180'd on me very suddenly. I went from her prince to a piece of crap seemingly overnight. On our trip she started picking at me about stupid sh1t non-stop and I got pissed. Her behavior was weird to say the least, she was like a different person altogether - total b1tch (and for no good or clear reason). I tried to get to the bottom of it during our trip, but got sick of playing bs games.

When we returned, I went NC - she contacted me a few times over then next few days (never apologized for her bs so I didn't respond). I just stopped all contact with her because she wasn't saying anything she should have. I made the decision to concentrate on myself for a while and not date...

It's been about 5 weeks since - I have heard nothing from her in the past month. I was a bit let down by her, but not heartbroken in the least. I don't know if it's just loneliness or what, but she's been on my mind a lot in the past week...

It's not like me to cut someone off like that without any discussion, but she pissed me off that bad. I guess I'm just venting a little here...

My question is - IF I were to contact her, I would be devaluing myself right? I can't help but feel like it was a bit weak of me to just walk away...no?

 

[Bluntmaster]

When they act like that they have something on the side or want to try something on the side. I bet she was ready to bang another dude. Want to contact her? Why not? Just be like "whats up".. Maybe you can get a f/ck and then kick her out again. If she was worth anything she wouldn't have disappeared after acting like a b!tch.

 

[DangNammit]

When they act like that they have something on the side or want to try something on the side. I bet she was ready to bang another dude. Want to contact her? Why not? Just be like "whats up".. Maybe you can get a f/ck and then kick her out again. If she was worth anything she wouldn't have disappeared after acting like a b!tch.

I have to agree that maybe there was an interest with someone else, but not certain... I know she wouldn't have had the time for anyone else at that point. The spare time she did have was usually with me, but who knows.

I should probably just let it be at this point. I couldn't do the pump-dump in this situation...

 

[Slickster]

If she really had high interest in you then she would've done more to make things right after your spat.

She called a couple times wondering what was going on and if she still had you.

The fact that she let it all go with no apology, etc means her IL was low.

You sent her a message with your no contact routine. Her response was basically an "oh well..."

Don't bother calling her.

 

[jophil28]

My question is - IF I were to contact her, I would be devaluing myself right? I can't help but feel like it was a bit weak of me to just walk away...no?

There was some "reason" that she went baitch on you on that trip. The reason might never come to light BUT it happened ,right? However, the 'purpose' of her atrocious behavior was to keep you at a distance or perhaps even to provoke you into dumping her for some reason of her own.

So what do you hope to gain by contacting her after freezing her out ? IF you had other women to play with would you have made this thread ?

These "should I call her " situations never turn out well - your relationship with her hit the rocks, and rather than entertain the often promoted fantasy on this board about converting her into a FB, I would just replace her with three others.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Jophil's right again. Simple. Move on. Don't waste your time trying to get "closure". Close the door yourself and open new ones with other women. Stay no contact. No answer, No text, Email. Nothing. Drop off the face of the earth from her.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Please don't send anything.

If you want to talk her, for some crazy reason, you'll have to see her out somewhere and run into her or something. Picking up the phone and texting will actually give her power that doesn't even exist at this point. You'll just be wondering "why hasn't she respond yet?" when as it is, you clearly don't care... Yet.

5 weeks is huge. What could you possible want from her?
Let her finish going, bro.

I highlighted in red exactly what you should do!!! Do not open pandora's box! Always a red flag when their behavior changes.

You probably have laid awake a night trying to figure out what the hell happened. When things are going right then all of a sudden they change, big problem.

Sweet Danny is on point with let her finish going. I may even use it in my signature because I liked it so well. That okay with U sweet Dan?

 

[3countriesPlan]

Get another girl!
She only got weird cause someone new came along and she was fvcking him or about to. Either way she punked you by doing that then started to disrespect you. Now that you've done the NC thing which is the right decision DO NOT go back to her. That is equivalent to being a b1tch.

She just fired herself man, think about it, she demonstrated she is not good enough to even be worth your time. If you are lonely go out and get new girls. Don't settle for sh1t. Besides she is on to a new guy by now and you'll be more sad after she blows you off, or gets back with you (and is secretly pregnant by that guy)

 

[DangNammit]

You guys don't understand - I love her, she's my soulmate! Lol

Nah - I got it and appreciate the input. I'm just curious as to wtf happened with her so maybe I could learn from it, but not going to contact her.

Gonna keep going solo for a while, a bit sick of the game right now. I just have to deal with being a bit lonely here and there and understand it's my choice for now.

Good advice guys thanks.

 

[Kailex]

Reread your break up thread from a month ago.

Like I said before: Closure is a fallacy.

And then re-read what Rollo posted.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=177118

 

[Lexington]

There's no if. It's over. The girl hasn't contacted you in 5 weeks after being a total b*tch. She is obviously not apologetic. I know it's not a pleasant feeling and it's not the easiest thing in the world to accept, but it's over. Pursuing it further will only lead to more heartache....if not now, later for sure.

Delete her phone number and cut off any contact you have with her. It might be a little bit hard now, but it's for the best and deep down inside, I bet you know it.

 

[frivolousz21]

8 months and then nothing?

that's crazy,


let it go bro..if she can not talk to you after 8 months..don't even speculate, just let it go

 

[jophil28]

There are two worlds we live in:

1) The world we feel, the one we see as we wish to see it.
2) The world that is, the one that we know deep down is the real deal.

Most people, instinctively (for some reason I could never fathom... if you think about it, it's all masochism) are stuck/struggling with world #1. I call this "Say it ain't so syndrome.".

Yes, the world of feelings and personal interpretations is just a world of our own imaginings. It isn't REAL just because we FEEL strongly .
Our relationships are not neccessarily going well just because we are having a good time up on the surface.
The OP found this out to his regret.

 

[DangNammit]

Hey guys, don't get me wrong here, I'm not heartbroken in the least... just curious. I've encountered this bs before in past relationships. I just want to try to learn from it and figure out what I'm doing wrong that causes this pattern to repeat.

Perhaps there was someone else, but I just don't see it - she really ain't the type. My gut tells me that isn't the case - and its usually right. If there was another guy, good for her she got one over on me...

I'm just moping cause I want a gal to have some fun with, but don't have the energy to even try for that right now - my issue.

As for closure, I have my closure - closure comes from within and I sure as hell wasn't gonna take sh1t from some b1tch who ain't all that anyways... I've had and can get better.

This is a bigger issue... I find myself at my age with very few friends, kids I love and don't get to see often enough, a job I hate, and a fair amount of family crap going on. Damn its hard to keep motivated sometime. I've really been trying, working hard to improve myself and my life, but women are a constant let-down.

I know life ain't fair blah blah - just been a pain in the ass lately and the lonliness gets to me. Two years ago I was a married family-man and happy. Now, I don't know what the eff I am...

 

[jophil28]

I've really been trying, working hard to improve myself and my life, but women are a constant let-down.

I know life ain't fair blah ...

As we improve, change and fine tune our standards and expectations of ourselves and others the more we will encounter failure, shortfalls and disappointments . That is the inevitable consequence of change.

Just life, is all.

 

[DangNammit]

As we improve, change and fine tune our standards and expectations of ourselves and others the more we will encounter failure, shortfalls and disappointments . That is the inevitable consequence of change.

Just life, is all.

Thanks Jophil

 

[Bluntmaster]

I was dating a girl for about 8 mos and things were going well. We went on a trip together and she totally 180'd on me very suddenly. I went from her prince to a piece of crap seemingly overnight. On our trip she started picking at me about stupid sh1t non-stop and I got pissed. Her behavior was weird to say the least, she was like a different person altogether - total b1tch (and for no good or clear reason). I tried to get to the bottom of it during our trip, but got sick of playing bs games.

When we returned, I went NC - she contacted me a few times over then next few days (never apologized for her bs so I didn't respond). I just stopped all contact with her because she wasn't saying anything she should have. I made the decision to concentrate on myself for a while and not date...

It's been about 5 weeks since - I have heard nothing from her in the past month. I was a bit let down by her, but not heartbroken in the least. I don't know if it's just loneliness or what, but she's been on my mind a lot in the past week...

It's not like me to cut someone off like that without any discussion, but she pissed me off that bad. I guess I'm just venting a little here...

My question is - IF I were to contact her, I would be devaluing myself right? I can't help but feel like it was a bit weak of me to just walk away...no?

This is sort of similar to my story. I dated her for a year but it was off and on. When it ended she just left, never heard from her again. I decided to look her up today on facebook. We broke up in April, and in May she got engaged to a guy she met on POF, and in July she was pregnant. Now she is 5 months pregnant.

I banged her raw in April so the kid could be mine lol. I doubt the poor sap even realizes it. The kid could probably be a few other guys too. How weird is this story? Can't be normal.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

IF I were to contact her, I would be devaluing myself right?

DING! DING! DING!

Tell him what he's won Johnny,...

 

[loveshogun]

Another thing...

You should always strive to improve your life. The game isn't about pretending to kick ass - it's about actually kicking ass.

Only problem is that just then, you begin to experience "good looking woman syndrome." It's basically when you start seeing the world from the eyes of a good looking woman.

To explain, here is the plight of the good looking woman, which also becomes the plight of the ultimate man:

1) You are constantly surrounded by people who want things from you, and you spend a lot of your time separating wheat from chaff. Or in this case, dating material from snaggletooth broke-ass hos.

2) Many times things will start well because of good chemistry, but the more you get to know the other person, you start to see things. She just got fired for incompetence. She talks about her mother. She's immature, rude, self-involved. She can't remember where she put her phone. Basically, the type of girl who needs the women's version of the DJ Bible.

3) You get frustrated by how many numbers you can get, but your absolute indifference as to whether you actually want to call any of them.

See? Who says good-lookin' chicks don't have it tough. Though admittedly, NEVER, EVER date a girl who only has her looks going for her. You will be dealing with a monster who has never heard the word no, and she won't even let you put it in her pooper. Lame - if you must, bang and leave.

Remember: the more impressive you get, the more attractive you are to the ladies. ESPECIALLY the clingy, incompetent type.

 

[Colossus]

The fact that she let it all go with no apology, etc means her IL was low.

You sent her a message with your no contact routine. Her response was basically an "oh well..."

Don't bother calling her.

^^THIS.

Listen, if she was genuinely into you there would have been some act of contrition on her part. But there wasnt. Now that the fight has blown over she still hasnt contacted you....you are better off. I know the feeling though. I think it's natural for a man to wonder if there was something more he could/should have done. But just look at the facts.

Women have a knack for pulling this crap at the worst possible times. Your birthday (happened to me), father's day, a holiday (also happened to me), or a vacation for God's sake! I dont get it, it's just the way they are.