Post-abortion: Relationship doomed?

[pdx1138]

Cheeks, I've witnessed your situation years ago from an acquaintance.

He knocked up his gf, but she didn't want it either, they lasted all of 2 more months afterward.

The best thing to do is just move on from this. There's no recourse to get her back after what happened.

 

[El Payaso]

OP, I'll tell you the truth. It might be blunt but it's probably true. She hates you. I'm not saying if it's right or wrong but she hates you. She despises you and her being with you brings up bad memories for her. Anytime she looks at you or is with you, the association to her abortion comes up. She can't help it. She has broken up with you emotionally and is just trying to gather enough emotional strength to break up with you physically.

I say you have two choices, wait for her to do this or break up with her yourself. Personally, I think you should let her do it. If you do break up with her, she'll forever despise and hate you as the one person that left her when she was really down. Then again, you also have your own happiness and sanity to worry about. It sucks having to show feelings to someone that won't reciprocate back to you and having to lay all your feelings out there.

I don't know, just do what feels right to you but also consider her as well. It's tough and it's hard to see a right or wrong. Just be there for her. Relationships are about the bad not just the good alone.

 

[Cheeks]

Well I saw her today. I basically told her that I ****ed up and made her feel like I don't care about her (I really overgamed and didn't balance out the alpha with the sensitive side). She looked rough, like she's been crying for days.

At the end of it I just said, "look, you don't think I'm serious? I'm serious, I'll say it one more time. If its too late for us, then it is too late, I'll have to suck it up."

Then I started driving her back home and she apologized to me and said she really does love me and she didn't mean to be so cold. She says she wants to keep seeing me she just needs time to cope. And right before she left she looked at me and said "I love you" and it felt genuine.

Not sure what to think now, the more cynical part of me thinks she is just talking and not really feeling it. But then the softer side thinks back to how much genuine love this girl had for me before the abortion. All of her complaints about me were from erring on the side of too much alpha, so I hope I can turn this one around.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Was having an abortion worth destroying a relationship and psychologically destroying a womans mind as well as tampering with a body just to not raise a baby because you weren't ready?

When you were nutting in this chick you knew what you were getting yourself into.

I could understand aborting a child to a chick you don't care about. But if you care about a chick and want a relationship to work I'd never get an abortion. and if I wasn't financially stable then I'd have 9 months to be stable. You took the lazy way out and now dealing with the reprocussions.

PRF is right.

 

[Cheeks]

Was having an abortion worth destroying a relationship and psychologically destroying a womans mind as well as tampering with a body just to not raise a baby because you weren't ready?

When you were nutting in this chick you knew what you were getting yourself into.

I could understand aborting a child to a chick you don't care about. But if you care about a chick and want a relationship to work I'd never get an abortion. and if I wasn't financially stable then I'd have 9 months to be stable. You took the lazy way out and now dealing with the reprocussions.

PRF is right.

First of all, **** yourself. You don't know me so just literally **** your own face.

Second of all, I didn't want the abortion. Where I failed was in preventing it, because I thought I was allowing her the choice. I've admitted my error in doing this, both to her and this board.

It was a failure of communication .

And third, I didn't "nut in her". The pregnancy was accidental.

 

[Alvafe]

several problems I see here first the anti abortion false moralism here, saying its a murder and well murders are part of life you murder others to live or if you live on US to keep your way of life, deal with it.

@cheeks

both of you are at failed here both wanted the kid but both was scared, she could have the kid if she wanted but she was afraid of or losing her fun life part, losing you, or she notice she was growing up, and you was afrad of thing to change and was coward enough to not be the man and state your mind.

now what you can do or say to make things better? nothing from what I saw and know most of time a couple will break apart when they lose a child, one parent will always blame another, like "I told you to not him go to that place", or "I never liked the people he hang out and you did nothing", don't matter if the blame is right or wrong, if t you deserve it or not people will blame others for his problems.

by numbers alone, you 2 have huge chances to not be together anymore, and only reason you both are like this now is both don't know what to do.

you have only 2 choices, do nothing, let time pass and see what she do, or simple break up and move on, both move on with his life and learn from it. past mistakes can never be fixed, just learned from and make sure you ahve the courage to make the right call next time.

 

[Cheeks]

Just to clarify Cheeks, I was just judging the girl and letting you know that you need to stear clear of her, permanently. I would agree with AJ if you had pressured her into it but you did not. Your guilt in the matter is at worst an act of omission, and realistically its not really your business except to let her know if she keeps the kid you will support it.

This is a woman that killed the child in part to avoid dealing with you in a long term capacity, keep that in mind. She deserves 100% of the blame for her own choice. She is selfish and her IL in you is not sky high. A woman with sky high IL in you would give her left ovary [ ] for a chance to force you into a shotgun wedding like this.

I see what you're saying. But I honestly believe the girl was just lost and afraid and wanting me to speak up about having the baby. That's why this is so hard for me.

And since I've talked to her today, I told her that I was willing to have children with her and I tried to alleviate her fears of me being non-committal. And in all honesty she seems to have responded well; she apologized to me, she told me she didn't want to stop seeing me and she even said "I love you" which she hasn't done in a few weeks now. So I don't think its hopeless and if you knew the girl I think you would agree.

She told me she just needs time to cope and I'm inclined to believe her and respect her wishes.

 

[Jaylan]

^The fact that he showed her what I would see as indifference in her abortion decision, Id say his "moral fiber" is on the same level as hers. But hey, everything happens for a reason...and its better that immature young people not bring kids into this world that may end up in miserable foster care.

Was having an abortion worth destroying a relationship and psychologically destroying a womans mind as well as tampering with a body just to not raise a baby because you weren't ready?

When you were nutting in this chick you knew what you were getting yourself into.

I could understand aborting a child to a chick you don't care about. But if you care about a chick and want a relationship to work I'd never get an abortion. and if I wasn't financially stable then I'd have 9 months to be stable. You took the lazy way out and now dealing with the reprocussions.

PRF is right.

Agree.

While I am pro choice and roll my eyes @ the idiocy of the anti-abortion crowd, I couldnt be comfortable with someone I really cared about aborting our child.

If it was some FWB chick I never could see myself with, sure. Hell, I would make sure she had the morning after pill the next day, if I was aware we screwed up during sex somehow. But if it was a chick I cared about and could build a relationship with...no way Id encourage an abortion.

That sh*t would destroy the relationship and put a big emotional toll on us.

 

[Nn877]

After reading this entire post, I couldn't help but make note of support for mother to keep the child and avoid abortion. Granted there are many situations similar to OP, and accidents or unplanned events happen, yet this forum seems to chastise single mothers. When they accepted the child and relationship didn't work out whether it's due to the child or other factors.

Looking back OP, I think you should be expecting her distance or lack of interest, I mean did you expect a honeymoon period after aborting a would be child?? Her actions seem normal to me and id be very hesitant to continue a relationship with a girl who shows no emotions after an event like this. Give her space act supportive and things will either gradually get back to comfort level or they won't. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Cheeks]

After reading this entire post, I couldn't help but make note of support for mother to keep the child and avoid abortion. Granted there are many situations similar to OP, and accidents or unplanned events happen, yet this forum seems to chastise single mothers. When they accepted the child and relationship didn't work out whether it's due to the child or other factors.

Looking back OP, I think you should be expecting her distance or lack of interest, I mean did you expect a honeymoon period after aborting a would be child?? Her actions seem normal to me and id be very hesitant to continue a relationship with a girl who shows no emotions after an event like this. Give her space act supportive and things will either gradually get back to comfort level or they won't. Just my 2 cents.

Thanks for the wake up call.

She texted me today and asked me to wish her luck on her job interview. I simply replied that I was rooting for her and she thanked me and I left it at that.

I really hope I'm doing the right thing by staying my distance and waiting her out.

 

[JoeMarron]

If abortion was as popular in our parents gen as it is today, I bet 90% of this forum wouldn't even exist right now.

And the world would be a better place. I wouldn't abort my child no matter how broke I was but if others want to do it go right ahead. The last thing we need in this world is more fvcked up children coming from fvcked up parents.