Post-abortion: Relationship doomed?

[Cheeks]

Long story short, met a girl and she fell in love. Really sweet, cooks, cleans, wants me to marry her.

About a year in she is pregnant. I tell her that it is ultimately her choice whether to keep it or not. She is young and we both aren't really financially secure enough to raise a child.

She goes through with the abortion but I can tell leading up to it that it is eating her up inside. The worst part is that I really wanted her to have my baby but didn't have the balls to speak up about it.

Now that its done, she seems completely different. Very distant, she spends a lot of time with her family and always has an excuse not to see me. Our texts and calls are brief and sporadic and sometimes she just ignores me.

I finally had enough and told her that I would have to end the relationship due to her behavior, but she protested, saying she was depressed and that I was breaking her heart. I gave in and let it go.

But the distant behavior continued. I haven't even seen her in two weeks. A couple days ago, she invited me out with her and told me she would get back to me with more information. Never heard anything from her after that. I lost my cool and texted her that I was done. She responded that she was sick but didn't seem to mind that I was breaking up with her.

I know that things are not looking good for me, but I have to ask if there's anything I can do to turn this around. Yesterday I was feeling a lot of guilt and remorse. I feel like she doesn't want my comfort or support at all, which just seems odd since she never wanted to leave my side before.

I sent her some texts that I maybe shouldn't have, but I just wanted to get off my chest:

Me: I just have this else to say: I don't know the whole truth of what's going on, but what matters is that I ****ed up. I failed to step up and protect the child I wanted, and I wanted you to have. You are actually right to blame me, and I really don't think you're at fault at all. This won't make you feel better, I know. Its just something that needs to be said.

Her: It does make me feel better thank you

Me: I do wish I could've done the right thing. I've been lashing out at you and its a manifestation of guilt, mostly. I don't want to see you go but I don't want you to be unhappy with me either. I don't know what to say anymore except that I miss you and I love you.

She didn't respond to the last one. I know those texts were pretty beta but I figured that this a unique situation and a little sensitivity was in order.

I don't know what to do from here on out. I have to go to her place to pick up my dog today and I'm not sure if I should talk to her or just leave as soon as possible. You guys think this is a lost cause?

 

[donking]

Bro, I had an ex years ago I got preg. I wouldn't marry her on the spot and she went through abortion. There's a reason for everything dude. Just let it go. Never will be the same if you guys had an abortion pre-marriage.

I do miss her sometimes lol.

 

[El Payaso]

She's obviously low quality if she was selfish enough to murder her child

Wow. Seriously? Man, some guys on these boards...

 

[foreverAFC]

very sad

 

[Cheeks]

I guess I just won't talk to her anymore. My gut tells me that if she was really going through a hard time she would want to be with me. Since that isn't the case, it must be over.

 

[skinnyguy]

You made the right decision. The baby would have had a bad life with separated parents, and little money. Some people think that you're being a murderer if you don't have the baby. Sometimes, you're being a murderer by having the baby because you're giving it a bad life.

 

[TheBossman]

You made the right decision. The baby would have had a bad life with separated parents, and little money. Some people think that you're being a murderer if you don't have the baby. Sometimes, you're being a murderer by having the baby because you're giving it a bad life.

You have no ****ing idea how that baby would have turned out. Cheeks said he wanted it, and she, more than likely wanted it.
Good to know every human that amounted to something came from an affluent family with perfect parents....:box:
Killing your own child has a tendency to create extreme emotions...she might end up trying to kill herself.

 

[Cheeks]

So no advice for when I go to pick up my dog? Just say "bye" and leave it at that?

 

[JohnChops]

She's obviously low quality if she was selfish enough to murder her child

jesus PRF he said they were both young and couldnt handle baring a child yet. it was a good move, on all ends. dont spread your anti abortion sh1t here.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My gut tells me that if she was really going through a hard time she would want to be with me. Since that isn't the case, it must be over.

It's not that she isn't going through a hard time. She is distant because you remind her of that hard time. Couples who have gone through anything traumatic together will often break up afterward simply because they remind each other of that trauma through association. It's up to her if she wants to work through that or not, but it doesn't sound like she does.

 

[:-)]

It's not that she isn't going through a hard time. She is distant because you remind her of that hard time. Couples who have gone through anything traumatic together will often break up afterward simply because they remind each other of that trauma through association. It's up to her if she wants to work through that or not, but it doesn't sound like she does.

^ this. at present OP you are a reminder of something that she will never EVER forget for the rest of her life. the what ifs will haunt her forever.

it is possible she resents you for not stopping her from doing it.

 

[Cheeks]

^ this. at present OP you are a reminder of something that she will never EVER forget for the rest of her life. the what ifs will haunt her forever.

it is possible she resents you for not stopping her from doing it.

You're right. And I'd say she is 100% justified in resenting me. I really hate myself for letting this happen. Don't know how I'm going to get over it, I may seek counseling. I'm certainly going to leave her alone now and let her get on with her life.

 

[Bokanovsky]

jesus PRF he said they were both young and couldnt handle baring a child yet. it was a good move, on all ends. dont spread your anti abortion sh1t here.

Have you looked at his age? The guy is 29 years old! I'm not going to judge him and his GF for their decision not to keep the child but using your "youth" as an excuse is pretty fvcking lame when you are nearly 30!

 

[:-)]

You're right. And I'd say she is 100% justified in resenting me. I really hate myself for letting this happen. Don't know how I'm going to get over it, I may seek counseling. I'm certainly going to leave her alone now and let her get on with her life.

Well, I don't know about that. We must all take responsibility for our actions. Women are not exempt from this.

 

[LiveFreeX]

You have no ****ing idea how that baby would have turned out. Cheeks said he wanted it, and she, more than likely wanted it.
Good to know every human that amounted to something came from an affluent family with perfect parents....
Killing your own child has a tendency to create extreme emotions...she might end up trying to kill herself.

She's obviously low quality if she was selfish enough to murder her child

Agreed 100% but the OP was the main cause for murdering the child, so naturally she's completely disgusted when she looks at him. I was born to parents who weren't ready, hadn't the skills or money to take care of me and really didn't like each other either. They were considering abortion aswell. My wife was a second child under China's 'one child policy', born to an extremely poor family. I thank god for bring her to me, she is the nicest, kindest person you can possibly imagine, wears her heart on her sleeve.

35 years on, we are all still together as a family, my parents are upper middle class and I'm right behind them. Thank god they didn't abort my brother either, even though he's a prick sometimes, I don't think I could go through life without him. Both of my parents were born to poor families and both became very successful.

Abortion is murder, period. You do the crime, you do the time... one way or another. Spin it any way you like DJ's but you know exactly what you are doing. She's just living out a version of her own personal hell. I hope you at least visit your baby's grave once in awhile. If abortion was as popular in our parents gen as it is today, I bet 90% of this forum wouldn't even exist right now.

 

[skinnyguy]

Abortion is murder, period. You do the crime, you do the time... one way or another. Spin it any way you like DJ's but you know exactly what you are doing. She's just living out a version of her own personal hell. I hope you at least visit your baby's grave once in awhile. If abortion was as popular in our parents gen as it is today, I bet 90% of this forum wouldn't even exist right now.

Lol that's harsh, but just because things worked out well for you doesn't mean that it works out for others. Only 3% of chicks who have a baby in high school end up graduating from college. And they stay on welfare an avg of 3 years longer than women who have a baby as an adult. So bottom, line abortion should be an option for chicks who are under 18 because they are just not ready and you're essentially destroying the life of the baby if you force them to have a kid.

 

[b305d]

I think you should have put it up for adoption. Either way, the relationship would have taken a big hit regardless.

Good luck moving on, man. That sh1t is rough.

 

[SamTheHobit]

She's obviously low quality if she was selfish enough to murder her child

Yep.

People of today take accountability for nothing.

 

[Cheeks]

Can somebody offer advice as to what I can say to her or something I can do to express my sorrow, or just make her feel better in general? Is all hope lost here...I'm really in a lot of pain.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Obviously all the judgment you're getting here is not helping.

You might as well tell her anything that makes you feel better, as the relationship is probably over anyway. Tell her what you told us here. Regardless of what you do and say, she still has to let it go herself. If she can't do that, then you might as well prevent the future pain for you both and part ways now.