Possible to get out of friend-zone with girl who was initially interested in me?

[daboss]

I am a virgin, male mid-20s, and am very late to the dating scene. I've only recently gone on dates and read about how to kiss, give oral, etc.

I recently went out with a girl I had previously met just once. She suggested we have dinner and then go a bar. I don't remember at what point she clearly was drunk, but she shared lots of personal details, like when she lost her virginity and what kinds of guys she likes (she said she likes guys of a certain race and who have deep voices. I am of that race and many people have told me I have a deep voice), and that she broke up with her ex a month ago and has never gone this long without a bf and that sex is very important to relationships. She also told me I looked "smart" and likes nerds and mentioned numerous details about how we first met that I didn't even notice/remember. During our 'date', she also didn't want to leave early and was ok with our closer physical contact after she was clearly drunk. She also said she wants to get a tattoo and hopes her lover would have some too. However, I said that I'm turned off by girls who get tattoos (I now realize this was a very stupid thing to say and I really regret it). Before getting drunk, she wasn't being all that flirty and didn't seem overly interested.

We then went to a club together, but since I wanted a relationship with her, not a long-night stand, I didn't make further moves on her and we decided to head back to our own homes. The next day, we had dinner again, but she brought her male friend along WITHOUT telling me in advance. Afterwards, we texted each other a few times and she said 'I think we can be good friends', so I'm now obviously in the friend zone

I decided to give her a call tonight to ask how her recent business trip went. She said she's tired but can meet with me on Sunday for lunch but also needs rest. Can I get out of the friend zone? What can I do to get her interested in me again? I realize it was rather naive of me to seek a relationship with her and that I'm now open to a ONS with her

 

[RedScorpion]

Well, I hate to say it, but I think this is a lost cause with this girl. The opportunity was had at the club, when she was getting physical and drunk around a guy she doesn't know very well (you). Part of it (and it takes practice) is listening to a girl and what she is saying. "Sex is very important in a relationship" - Even she thinks to have sex first, then a relationship. I'm glad you recognize the mess up with the tattoo. Not to burn you, but it's like saying to her 'You turn me off'. You can disagree with things that aren't directly related to her (I don't like that kind of movie e.g.), but it's like you saying "Man, I love playing hockey" and her saying "Hockey is for pussies!". It's going to strike deep.

But, to remember for yourself, and for your self esteem - she did show interest in you. She was escalating. You can do this again with another girl.

The only (good) option for you with her now, is to go ghost on her. Don't follow up on the lunch with her. Flake on her, don't let her know you can't make it or whatever. That will rile her up. Raise your value a bit. And when you don't contact her at all, she'll feel a bit of burn. Maybe enough to contact you. Then don't respond right away, give it a couple days. Make it seem like you've been busy. This is about 0.1% chance though, so effectively you should have no hope, move on. You can do eet.

 

[VladPatton]

The thing is, this is how you learn. By making horrid mistakes with hot girls and punching yourself in the balls afterwards. Next time a cute chick that has a buzz going on gets frisky next to you, take action!! Girls switch on and off like lightning, and if you don't take advantage of the "now", it's gone forever. Enjoy watching her ass sway sexily as she walks away from you.

For this one, go ghost, let some time pass, and try a re-date. I'm talking like a good 3 months. You can play catch-up, and go out with her and tell her all the great shıt you did (and you better have great stories). For now, chill out, and try again with another chick. Have zero expectations with them, and always work in the present moment.

 

[skinnyguy]

The thing is, this is how you learn. By making horrid mistakes with hot girls and punching yourself in the balls afterwards. Next time a cute chick that has a buzz going on gets frisky next to you, take action!!

So true.

If you didn't make that mistake then, you would have made that same mistake at some point. Feel happy you made the mistake so that you can move forward and do better in the future. It's kind of like the motto that startups have: "Fail fast".

I've made similar mistakes and am now better because of it. I still have many mistakes left to make, but at least now when they happen, I'll realize that they did for a reason.

 

[daboss]

The thing is, this is how you learn. By making horrid mistakes with hot girls and punching yourself in the balls afterwards. Next time a cute chick that has a buzz going on gets frisky next to you, take action!! Girls switch on and off like lightning, and if you don't take advantage of the "now", it's gone forever. Enjoy watching her ass sway sexily as she walks away from you.

For this one, go ghost, let some time pass, and try a re-date. I'm talking like a good 3 months. You can play catch-up, and go out with her and tell her all the great shıt you did (and you better have great stories). For now, chill out, and try again with another chick. Have zero expectations with them, and always work in the present moment.

3 months? But i called her last night so we could have lunch on sunday. So i should cancel it?

 

[El Payaso]

I'll go against the grain here and say that don't sacrifice your morals for easy skanks. If you're in it for relationship material, she didn't sound like a good choice. If you're in it just for a quick lay or a ONS, then she was probably down for it.

 

[thunder_god]

The thing is, this is how you learn. By making horrid mistakes with hot girls and punching yourself in the balls afterwards. Next time a cute chick that has a buzz going on gets frisky next to you, take action!! Girls switch on and off like lightning, and if you don't take advantage of the "now", it's gone forever. Enjoy watching her ass sway sexily as she walks away from you.

For this one, go ghost, let some time pass, and try a re-date. I'm talking like a good 3 months. You can play catch-up, and go out with her and tell her all the great shıt you did (and you better have great stories). For now, chill out, and try again with another chick. Have zero expectations with them, and always work in the present moment.

Totally agree.

 

[daboss]

I'll go against the grain here and say that don't sacrifice your morals for easy skanks. If you're in it for relationship material, she didn't sound like a good choice. If you're in it just for a quick lay or a ONS, then she was probably down for it.

Now I'm willing to have a ONS with her. Is there any way i can regain her interest? When we meet again, should i suggest we get drinks at a bar again so she can get drunk again??

 

[SomeGirls]

You have received some good advice from the above posters. Sometimes we come on here and post questions we already know the answer to. Hell I did it a few months ago. It helps to hear the hard truth. This chick is a lost cause. Learn from your mistakes and move on. I agree with the others and just go ghost. Flake on the Sunday lunch nonsense. Be busy and not make it. Give it some time and maybe and I stress maybe... she could become slightly interested again.

 

[daboss]

it's been a month since I created this topic. Some of you said I should give it some time before I get in contact with her again.

I met the girl in the OP shortly after I arrived in a new city. I may have to leave again soon and may not get the chance to see her again. So should I now give it another shot to see if shes interested in a hookup or ONS?

 

[daboss]

anyone?