Possible Test?

[Jareamee]

Hey fellas!

I feel like I’m encountering a sh!t test of some sort.
Had a great first date last night. Touched, laughed, kiss closed. She contacts me today and this is the convo..

Her: Hey, just wanted to say I had a good time yesterday

Me: Me too
Let’s grab a healthy meal at (restaurant) on Sunday at 5:30pm, then scoop up some ice cream and watch a movie together

Her: Everything about that sounds great, except I’m inclined to substitute ice cream for wine, maybe. I’m lactose intolerant

Me: Vegan ice cream! And wine at home is just a given haha

Her: Hahaha I like that. But do you want to go to (restaurant) for dinner instead? Been craving it for the past week heh


I once read somewhere that this is a sh!t test when a woman gives a different option from a mans initial suggestion; can’t say for certain though.

What would the play be in this particular situation? Play it cool and say ‘sounds good’ or?

I also know the restaurant she suggested is really busy at that hour at that time. Not to mention it’s really noisy. Price is the same though, roughly. And both are equal distance from my home.

Thanks in advance!!

EDIT: I should also mention I suggested this particular restaurant because we would be in and out faster and it’s way less ‘formal’. The idea is you go to the counter, order, then sit down with your meal. Much less proper dinner date.

 

[Paarth Shah]

Hey fellas!

I feel like I’m encountering a sh!t test of some sort.
Had a great first date last night. Touched, laughed, kiss closed. She contacts me today and this is the convo..

Her: Hey, just wanted to say I had a good time yesterday

Me: Me too
Let’s grab a healthy meal at (restaurant) on Sunday at 5:30pm, then scoop up some ice cream and watch a movie together

Her: Everything about that sounds great, except I’m inclined to substitute ice cream for wine, maybe. I’m lactose intolerant

Me: Vegan ice cream! And wine at home is just a given haha

Her: Hahaha I like that. But do you want to go to (restaurant) for dinner instead? Been craving it for the past week heh


I once read somewhere that this is a sh!t test when a woman gives a different option from a mans initial suggestion; can’t say for certain though.

What would the play be in this particular situation? Play it cool and say ‘sounds good’ or?

I also know the restaurant she suggested is really busy at that hour at that time. Not to mention it’s really noisy. Price is the same though, roughly. And both are equal distance from my home.

Thanks in advance!!

EDIT: I should also mention I suggested this particular restaurant because we would be in and out faster and it’s way less ‘formal’. The idea is you go to the counter, order, then sit down with your meal. Much less proper dinner date.

Ehh, Im not sure, lets see what the more experienced players have to say. My opinion is not, a sh1t tends to have more resistance. If you want to go to the restaurant she suggested, then say fine. And decide on a time/date.

 

[wifehunter]

Go where YOU want to go. Eat what YOU want to eat. Take her along. Maybe share your food.

Simple as that.

 

[Mazer]

Dinner at 5:30 on a Sunday? Like my good friend Corey Wayne says, come on man! You are trying too hard and its only your second date. She could use you for dinner then hit you with the "im tired, tomorrow is a work day, I should head home since its a Sunday". Mazer used to be Mr. "I will take you out to dinner". Dont be old Mazer!. I now only take women out for drinks the first three dates, maybe have an appetizer if she is worth it. I personally wouldnt buy dinner until she puts out.

Tell her you will pick up dinner, if the restaurant does take out. Bottle of wine, movie and bang. Done deal. Ice cream is for girlfriends and eight year olds.

I dont like when women say the words "except" or "but" in their messages. Sounds like she is about to get difficult.

 

[MrWood]

you asked her out, tell her if she likes the date she can ask you out and maybe you will go with her...

 

[Spaz]

Don't lose frame here but also don't deny her as it would create bad vibes.

Simply agree with her suggestion but do it on the next date.

Example; Hey, thats a great idea, we'll do that on the following date and I know a great place. For sunday we'll stick with the original plan, I'm really looking forward to hv dinner there, is that okay with you?

 

[marmel75]

You should have invited her over and had her help you cook dinner together. You would have gotten major bonus points for that. Major.

 

[Jareamee]

Well on the first date she actually wanted to split the bill (and told me it had nothing to do with our particular date). She did that because she didn’t want to be ‘in-debted’ as she experienced this before; meaning sexually in-debted. Which I said I respected. So this second date I was going to ask the waitress for the bill to be split, which she will probably agree too.

I’m not usually a dinner on second date type of person until they’ve put out. However I didn’t want to just invited her to my place straight away because of what she had stated in that first date. Plus I wanted to eat out on Sunday anyways.

I was thinking maybe if I put up a wall and deny her of the restaurant she wanted to go to, it could ruin the flow and easy going nature of the interaction.
However I could send a response teasing her saying “oh so you’re calling the shots now huh! Haha sound good, see you at (restaurant) at 5:30”

If I ‘keep my frame’ or stick to my plan could that possibly make me look to stiff?

 

[Jareamee]

You should have invited her over and had her help you cook dinner together. You would have gotten major bonus points for that. Major.

Thought about that. However I cook for myself 6 days a week. I like to treat myself to an outside meal at least once a week and also watch a movie and eat a pint of ice cream too haha

 

[Glassguy]

wait, so you think her telling you shes lactose intolerant and rather drink winel with you is a shlt test?

do you think shes making that up just to not do what you wanna do?

Agreed. You guys look way too far into this stuff. I think she brought up wine because she wants to smash.

Dont be so stubborn with these women or your first date will be the last date with her. It's ok to compromise on little shyte like where to eat on a second date. Just dont change your frame over time on the bigger stuff.

Sometimes letting the chick win the tiny battle is completely ok....as long as you're always winning the war!

 

[lizardking82]

It is a form of a **** test, but it is also her trying to show you what she likes. Don't go "alpha" on her, go to the restaurant she suggests this time. If the chick shows signs of being a suggesting type that always has alternatives for what you propose, then that could be a good signal she is just selfish and self absorbed and you could decide what to do. So early on, play it freestyle. People show themselves sooner rather than later. Less rigidness, more fluidity.

I went out with a girl two days ago and we were talking where we should meet. I suggested a place, she said she doesn't like that area of the town (go figure out, like I suggested we sit right there LOL) so I accepted her suggestion. We went out, had a superb time, was the first girl that made me laugh without faking it LOL however, 2 days go by and she's already in my inbox, telling me "why you leave my message on seen". Insecure, probably ball breaking.

Point being: as @Glassguy said, let her win the small battles and she'll feel more confident showing her real self, something you definitely wanna see as soon as possible so that you can mull it over whether you like it or not.

 

[AJ84]

Well on the first date she actually wanted to split the bill (and told me it had nothing to do with our particular date). She did that because she didn’t want to be ‘in-debted’ as she experienced this before; meaning sexually in-debted. Which I said I respected. So this second date I was going to ask the waitress for the bill to be split, which she will probably agree too.

I’m not usually a dinner on second date type of person until they’ve put out. However I didn’t want to just invited her to my place straight away because of what she had stated in that first date. Plus I wanted to eat out on Sunday anyways.

I was thinking maybe if I put up a wall and deny her of the restaurant she wanted to go to, it could ruin the flow and easy going nature of the interaction.
However I could send a response teasing her saying “oh so you’re calling the shots now huh! Haha sound good, see you at (restaurant) at 5:30”

If I ‘keep my frame’ or stick to my plan could that possibly make me look to stiff?

Don't text that to her OMG no.

And don't make it complicated for yourself.

If she suggests something and you genuinely want to do it then do it. If not, then don't and suggest something that interests both of you. Remember the date involves two people, pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do is how not to get dates in the future. Would you put up with that yourself?

If you get the sense after a few dates that she wants to run the show (there's a pattern) then move on. But remember that goes both ways. If she feels that you want to run the show she may move on too.

Some guys seem to think that if the girl isn't 100% letting them decide on everything that it's a test or they don't have frame. No, she has a brain and her own likes and dislikes, like other human beings. She's not wind up doll with a permanent smile and nod.

Seeking common ground and meeting in the middle is less hassle in the long run. And in this case it's just dinner and you mentioned you like to do that plus she likes to split the bill so.....

 

[elunium]

You don't need to look at every situation as a play-by-play power struggle. The goal is to keep your eye on the prize as to what you want and determine whether or not this girl fits into that mold. In many cases, having a clear answer for these things will provide you with the means to handle many situations.

A lot of guys here consistently talk about "nexting" women for any behavior or signs that indicate low interest, disrespect, baggage, etc. But it is in knowing what you want and knowing who you are dealing with that can just as often lead you to "next" a woman who is showing high interest and has done absolutely nothing wrong.

Now, I understand this is not your question. You do not want to know if you should next or go NC. You want to know how to play the power struggle. But I can tell you this: If she is looking for a LTR and you just want to smash, you will be going on date after date for dinner and so forth with a woman who does not fit into your mold. And so, obviously the answer here would be to resist those suggestions and stay firm on how you want to proceed. If she does not follow along, you move on to a woman who will, as there are many out there.

On the other hand, if you are open to more of a LTR, and this girl so far appears to have the qualities suitable for that, then going along with a simple change in venue upon her request is not going to ruin you, most especially if she is willing to pay her way.

As for "frame", all you need to do is display an ability to take control of it now and then. You do not need to completely dominate it every minute of every day through every single situation. Nobody wants to date a control freak.

Well said

 

[Jareamee]

wait, so you think her telling you shes lactose intolerant and rather drink winel with you is a shlt test?

do you think shes making that up just to not do what you wanna do?

I was speaking more towards that she gave an alternative to my restaurant suggestion. That would be crazy if I thought about the ice cream that in-depth haha..

 

[Jareamee]

Thanks for the responses, gentlemen. I have taken heed of the advice.

I recently have swallowed the red pill and am still learning about frame and everything which comes along with red pill knowledge. So it’s a lot of discovery right now. And it’s good to know that frame does t have to be such a stubborn thing; a lot of reading can make it seem this way.

The reason why I asked the question is I know women will sh!t test often, and usually smaller tests at the start, then progressively become greater before they really commit. So I’m in the process of spinning plates and seeing truly what is or isn’t necessarily a test, in the field. Because I don’t want to always have to uphold a stubborn frame or be on-guard as I know a successful relationship is a give and take. So it’s all about seeking that balance while one is not sacrificing his true self to his partner.

Is there a sticky note or a good post about what kind of tests women generally give out? Having difficulty locating a solid write up.

Thanks

 

[AJ84]

From a female perspective: a sh*t is something that tests your loyalty to her. Example you get invited to a hockey game on a night when she wants to hang out and you say you're going to the game and she says she's going to go out clubbing with the girls, posts pics on snap chat and doesn't reponds to your texts that night = sh*t test.


Having her own having interests that are separate from you, wanting to stay true to herself as a person (as you want to do), not always wanting to do what you want to, are not usually sh*t tests, but some guys see them that way. Those guys are insecure.

Don't be that guy it's annoying and a turn off.

Go with how things feel for you. Don't get overwhelmed with what her next move may be like its a game of chess where it's assumed that you will be f**ked over if you don't have rock solid frame. If you think that way EVERYTHING will seem like a test and how can you enjoy her or yourself in that situation?

 

[elunium]

Thanks for the responses, gentlemen. I have taken heed of the advice.

I recently have swallowed the red pill and am still learning about frame and everything which comes along with red pill knowledge. So it’s a lot of discovery right now. And it’s good to know that frame does t have to be such a stubborn thing; a lot of reading can make it seem this way.

The reason why I asked the question is I know women will sh!t test often, and usually smaller tests at the start, then progressively become greater before they really commit. So I’m in the process of spinning plates and seeing truly what is or isn’t necessarily a test, in the field. Because I don’t want to always have to uphold a stubborn frame or be on-guard as I know a successful relationship is a give and take. So it’s all about seeking that balance while one is not sacrificing his true self to his partner.

Is there a sticky note or a good post about what kind of tests women generally give out? Having difficulty locating a solid write up.

Thanks

I think you might be looking at this from the wrong perspective man.

You want to know the tests woman give out, but thats not the way to go.
All this Red Pill theory makes tests seem like something women do consciously to test you, but thats not the case. They dont know they are testing, they are just being women. "Test" is a really bad name because of that. There is no test, there is just situations and the way you react to them.

If you are confident in yourself, knows what you want and live in abundance you will make the correct choice in all those situations, therefore passing the test.
If you are insecure, dont go for what you want and doesnt live in abundance, you will probably make the wrong choice in those situations.
You dont need to know them all!

Working on yourself is much more effective in passing them all.
Dont try to figure out all women. Figure out yourself and women will follow.

 

[Jareamee]

I think you might be looking at this from the wrong perspective man.

You want to know the tests woman give out, but thats not the way to go.
All this Red Pill theory makes tests seem like something women do consciously to test you, but thats not the case. They dont know they are testing, they are just being women. "Test" is a really bad name because of that. There is no test, there is just situations and the way you react to them.

If you are confident in yourself, knows what you want and live in abundance you will make the correct choice in all those situations, therefore passing the test.
If you are insecure, dont go for what you want and doesnt live in abundance, you will probably make the wrong choice in those situations.
You dont need to know them all!

Working on yourself is much more effective in passing them all.
Dont try to figure out all women. Figure out yourself and women will follow.

This is really good and can appreciate this.

I do work on myself very much and focus on abundance and gratitude daily.
However I do have my eyes opened wide in concerns of women subtly trying to ‘test my mettle’. And I’m seeing from this post and responses, maybe a tad too much, and recalculating reactions is a good trait.

So my new question is: how does one handle the situation if this becomes a regular occurrence (even if you are self focused and living abundubtly). Meaning, every time I suggest something, the woman counters with what she would rather do?

 

[elunium]

This is really good and can appreciate this.

I do work on myself very much and focus on abundance and gratitude daily.
However I do have my eyes opened wide in concerns of women subtly trying to ‘test my mettle’. And I’m seeing from this post and responses, maybe a tad too much, and recalculating reactions is a good trait.

So my new question is: how does one handle the situation if this becomes a regular occurrence (even if you are self focused and living abundubtly). Meaning, every time I suggest something, the woman counters with what she would rather do?

Something I like to ask myself sometimes is "What would Hank Moody do?"
Hank Moody is the guy from the Californication series. The guy sure knows how to talk to women.

Wanna know how to behave in a situation like this? Watch Californication and observe how Hank Moody operates.

Watch Hank. They way he talks, looks at her, his body language, the words he chooses. Watch how he never gets butt hurt, never judges her and is a master of ****y and funny.

Watch the following video in you computer so you can read the annotations the uploader added to the video. (I think the mobile youtube has no annotations)
In a situation like the one you supposed where the woman counters everything you say thats how you should behave and you can easily mantain your frame and counter her counter, if that makes sense.

Jump to minute 1:53 (Remember, turn the youtube annotations on)

I recommend the whole Californication series.
Its fiction, and women unreallistically jump on him. But that doesnt change the fact that there is so much to learn from Hank Moody.

 

[ohrein]

You should have invited her over and had her help you cook dinner together. You would have gotten major bonus points for that. Major.

Still my favorite dates after being with my girlfriend for months. Start getting them turned on while you're cooking together and you will need to take a break or two before you finish cooking! Fourth or fifth date is always come over and we'll cook dinner together for me. Works on so many levels.