Possible solution to a problem I've had (and others)

[bclarke675]

I seem to be able to get women (even those 20 years younger than me) to give me their number, but when I call, I get a lame brush-off. This happens even when there's been lots of kino and joking around.

I've also read other posts on this board stating the same problem. I e-mailed Doc Love about it, and he wanted me to spend $2 a minute for phone coaching. NO WAY!

Here's my proposed solution...a little something I've gleaned from my years of retail sales:

When asking for the number, follow up by saying, "Don't give me your number if you don't intend to go out with me when I call. I don't want to waste my time if you're not really interested. You won't hurt my feelings." And then SHUT UP.

Wait for her to make the next statement. Either she gives you the number or she doesn't. This does two things:

1. If she gives you the number, she's now obligated to accept your date offer when you call. If she tries to back out, you gently remind her of your conversation. This should greatly reduce the number of wasted phone calls and roller coaster emotions you experience.

2. If she doesn't give you the number, you've saved yourself the roller coaster experience, as well as the waste of time calling and possibly passing on other opportunities you may have seen if you hadn't gotten her number and expected to start a relationship with her.

Sales seminars always stress making the prospect make a firm committment to an appointment before wasting your time on making the call. Same thing applies here.

Let me know what you all think of this idea. I'm open to variations and critiques. In the long run, I'm hoping this can help others here as well as myself.

Happy Hunting!

 

[TurboLover]

Read my Signature. Hehe.

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My pick up line:"Here's my number. Before you do anything, ask yourself do I want to get to know this guy better? If you don't that's fine, its nothing to be embarrassed about. But if you do, then give me a call, and we'll talk, JUST DON'T WASTE MY FVCKING TIME."

 

[bclarke675]

Same idea....mine's just a little more refined. Your's probably works for you. It'd be a little crude for a 44 year old like me.

 

[Wyldfire]

Try this one: "I'd like to get to know you better. I'm going to cut to the chase here so neither one of us waste our time. You don't like it when you give a man your number and he never calls. I don't like it when a woman gives me her number but then doesn't want to go out on a date with me when I call. So, give me your number and I'll use it. Now the question is, when I call what are you going to say when I ask you out?" If she says yes, you'll get the number and should also get the date. A lot of men will ask for a woman's number and then never call her. Women hate that. Letting her know you realize this and really DO intend to call might even get some numbers you wouldn't normally get.

 

[bclarke675]

Not bad, WF!

I thought of this for the woman I called last night, since I got mixed signals. This is for the next time I see her out, as I told her I'd probably call her after the first of the year, and she perked up when I said this.

"I don't want to waste my time or yours, so I want to know if I call you after the first of the year, you'll agree to go out. Let me know now. I promise I'll call, if you promise I'm not wasting our time."

[This message has been edited by bclarke675 (edited 12-06-2001).]

 

[comote]

I am confused, if you ask a woman for her number than ask her out how much time have you really wasted and in what way.
1) at most 30 minutes when you meet and got her number. But is this time really wasted? No, you have socialized with a new person and showed interest, this will improve your game for the next woman you meet.
2) 5 minutes when you call and invite her out? No again, you have again practiced an essential part of the mating ritual.

I do not agree with this idea at all. I feel it weakens my position with the woman. If she is interested it will do nothing good and if she is not interested then do you really want to go out with her even once?
I do not agree with this idea and say instead quit taking the brushoff personally. It is not a big deal and it happens to millions of us everyday.

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The very first step to becoming what you want to be is to accept all responsibility for the situation you are in.
in short: quit whining!!!!!!!!!

 

[bclarke675]

Comote,
A whiner is someone who complains about something and offers no solutions. I consider myself a problem-solver, and considering the number of posts on this board concerning this very topic, I feel this is a legitimate problem looking for a solution. If you don't agree, that's your prerogative, but that doesn't make it right for you to be rude or judgemental.

My understanding is that this forum is here to answer questions, and this is one that's been asked without any real answers being given. Just trying to help. If you're offended, don't respond. If you're trying to help by stating your opinion, do so without being rude.

To answer your question...the time being wasted is not the actual time you take in asking for the number or making the phone call. It's the mental preparation to come up with an interesting date idea, making sure you say the right things and have a decent game plan. True, practice is important, and even with what I've suggested, you're not going to have a 100% success rate. All I'm suggesting is a way to improve the odds a great deal, which I'm sure we all would appreciate, yourself included.

 

[AbsoluteFreakinChump]

Although it sux when women pull that crap, and I've had it done to me more times than I care to think about, I am gonna agree with "comote". It's truely a numbers game. The more times you try, the better your odds of succeeding. Also, you learn and improve through each experience, both good and bad. If you give the lady a speech like you're talking about doing, I think she'll then deem you a "AFC". I think it's better to keep your dignity and move-on if she blows you off. I've said on several occasions, that getting a number, doesn't mean squat, until it results in follow-through. So I never allow myself to assume that just because I got a number, therefore I'll get the girl. "If you can't run with the BigDogs, get-off the Porch".

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and Don't forget the KINO!!

 

[bclarke675]

I don't necessarily disagree with what Comote said, just the way he said it. You can constructively criticize without putting people down. That's all I was trying to point out.

 

[AbsoluteFreakinChump]

Originally posted by bclarke675:
I don't necessarily disagree with what Comote said, just the way he said it. You can constructively criticize without putting people down. That's all I was trying to point out.

Understood...


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and Don't forget the KINO!!

 

[neuromancer]

Sorry bclarke but you are revealing you've been rejected a lot with your little speech.

Yes we've all been rejected a lot otherwise we wouldn't be on this board - but the woman doesn't have to know that.

Just ask for the phone number within 5 minutes. Then call and ask for the date. If she is "busy" without a counter-offer never call her again.

Time spent on woman: 10 minutes.

 

[bclarke675]

Neuromancer,

Either I misunderstood you, or you misunderstood me. I have not used what I suggested initially. I was just asking if it would be effective to increase the chance of success.

Instead of looking at that possibility, most responses have preferred to attack my lack of confidence and motives for trying to find a solution to what I have perceived as a problem that others beside myself on this forum have expressed. As often as I've seen a post concerning this, I've never seen a constructive answer given. I was suggesting what my sales experience has taught me, as in essence, we are selling ourselves to the woman we approach.

You are all free to disagree and offer alternative suggestions, but some of the responses have been of a negative, personal nature. These are neither necessary nor appreciated.

I suspect that my situation is a little different than most of you here, as I'm probably 10 to 20 years older than the average poster here. My perspective, as well as that of the group of women I approach, may be slightly different than yours.

However, I appreciate your point, Neuromancer, concerning the fact that using the type of approach I suggest, that the woman will sense a lack of confidence and/or a history of rejection that is neither healthy nor necessary to convey. That is why I posted this proposition here BEFORE trying it out in real life.....to get the pros and cons in advance! Thanks for your input.

 

[Sting]

I think both BClarke and Neuromancer make valid points concerning how to avoid wasting time on a woman that is not interested.

If a woman believes that you are a busy guy, and that you have numerous other opportunities available, BClark's approach will likely be more successful.

On the other hand, if a woman doesn't believe that you have other opportunities, then Neuromancer's approach will likely be more successful.

Put simply, it is all a matter of delivery.

Age may also play a factor. An older guy might be better to use BClarke's approach (no offense meant), simply because he can get away with it. Older guys are at a different point in their careers, and have less time to waste than the average 21 year-old. Women think they can still manipulate a young guy, and for the most part they are right. It isn't until a guy gets older (e.g., late 20s/early 30s) that a guy is in the driver's seat.

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It could happen to you, just like it happened to me, there is simply no immunity, there's no guarantee...

 

[TheDude]

I agree with you, BClarke. I have often thought about something to say when asking for the number in order to let the woman know right away that I wasn't just "fishing" for numbers, I won't feel "less" by her not giving me the number, and I would rather everything be up front and in the open.

I think age may have a little to do with this. I am a little younger than you, but older than most on this board, and ya know when I get the bullshyt run around (like I just did week before last) from women it DOES feel like time is wasted.

I guess in my case it is very hard NOT to be impatient with the game playing. What neuromancer said in his post is EXACTLY what happened to me. I never called her again, but still it pisses me off, because it was a waste of my time, my energy, and a waste of some good DJ tactics that I know works.

TheDude
abides...

 

[comote]

bclarke675,
I did not mean for you to take offense to my signature, I just automatically have it appear. I mean it for a lot of the people who do whine in this forum. I thought you would have seperated that from the post. It was not meant as a personal attack. If you felt the rest of the post was rude, well that was truly not the intention.
Yes the fact of the matter is yes we would all like to be able to have our time not wasted but that is part of the whole game. Yes I would appreciate a way to know for sure that women were going to go out on the dates, but it kind of takes away from the fun. Granted as I get older maybe I won't be looking at dating as a fun game. But the women that you are chasing probably are.
As for thinking about an interesting date idea, maybe what you could do is not even plan it until you call and then after you call plan the idea. If she asks what you are doing just say it is a surprise. Time wasted planning date before call-none.
Maybe it is just me but I really do not put as much effort into the first date as a lot of guys do. I just go with the old standby of a couple of drinks, maybe dinner at a restaraunt that serves a "classy" kind of food such as sushi or indian food, usually during the week it is not so hard to find somewhere open with space. As for trying to thnk of the right thing to say, I have decided for myself if I try and think of the right thing to say I just screw it up.
I am becoming more of a fan of getting the number, waiting until I see her again and then getting the date. I have this luxury because I live in a city where I am sure of running into women again.
Again I try and reiterate the idea, don't try and make such a big deal out of it, if it happens it happens, if it does not, it does not.
I am showing signature, please do not take offense as I think alot of people need to see it, myself included at times.

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The very first step to becoming what you want to be is to accept all responsibility for the situation you are in.
in short: quit whining!!!!!!!!!

[This message has been edited by comote (edited 12-10-2001).]

 

[bclarke675]

Comote,

I owe you an apology. I didn't read your signature as such. I thought it was a part of the body of your message. That's why I thought you were being rude. Taken as it is intended, it's a great reminder.

Your comments in the last post were much more constructive and informative. I appreciate you clearing up your points for me. Thanks.

 

[comote]

It's ok man, now lets go hug

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The very first step to becoming what you want to be is to accept all responsibility for the situation you are in.
in short: quit whining!!!!!!!!!

 

[SoSuave.com]

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