Possibility to 'hang out' but not be friends???

[Dee-Zy]

ok so ... I never really believed in 'hangin out' as it is too easy to slip into that ljbf garbage...

but right now, I want to get with my neighbour ... I live in a appartement block and she's next door. So I don't want to be asking her out on dates and all that crap.

How can I approach it as in 'hangin out' or 'spending some time with her' while keeping a good sexual tension?


GHOST

 

[silkkster]

say something like "hey (name) i was going to go shoot some pool you should come with"

or

"(name) we should get together and (something) sometime?" even though you didnt ask her a real question it is implied...

just be casual.. think of it like you just asking a friend out ( a guy friend, or say you met someone in a class ( a guy) and you are gonna kick it - think of it like that)

 

[Dee-Zy]

Wow, that wasn't helpfull at all.

If I treat it as a friend, I will be a friend. That's why I posted a question.

 

[Dee-Zy]

over 100 views and 1 reply?


You can't be serious.

 

[tyciol]

You're the master and a frenchman to boot, we aren't confident enough in our analysis to give you advise

Hmmm... as for me, I'll say throw a party for people in the building, then she's invited without it seeming that you're wanting to invite her, even though she might suspect it.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

bro..i'm reading this post 2-3 times..and I'm not quite sure what you want from this chick.

You don't want the LJBF and you don't want to date this chick?

You want to "hang-out" keeping some sexual tension without the friendship or the dating?

The only thing this sounds like is that you want her in FB mode. Sounds a little ambiguous.

IMO..to get sexual tension...you need to date her initially. You can't just build sexual tension out of the air. You're going to have to date her. Go out with her. Do all the things you plan on doing with a ONS or STR. Kino, C/F, etc.

The trick here is that you're going need an 'OUT'. An 'OUT', meaning that you need a way to get out of the LJBF zone and the Relationship zone. But KNOW THIS...you can ONLY use this 'OUT' AFTER you have slept with her.

For FBs, my out has always been one of two things.

1) I just got out of a serious relationship. I don't want you to think I'm some kind of jerk that sleeps around. I think you're sexxy as hell. But, I don't see myself in a relationship...well, at least not right now"

2) I dont want you to think I'm some kind of jerk that sleeps around, but, I just got accepted to Dental School/Med School/College 100 miles away. I think you're sexxy as hell. But I don't see myself in a relationship...well, at least not right now"

End either convo with a kiss...and on a GOOD note.

She knows where you stand, the sexual tension is built, and you stay away from both the LJBF zone and relationship zone.

Also...by adding "well, at least not right now"...you give her something to hope for in the future, and that keeps you out of the LJBF zone because she knows your intentions aren't just friendly.

Just remember, you can only use the 'OUT' after you have slept with her. Try using this out before any sexual tension has developed, and you'll be in the LJBF zone faster that you can spell L.J.B.F.

 

[becker]

If you two have messed around, and it was good sexual stuff, then essentially it will be extremely difficult for you two to hang out without there being sexual tension. There is almost no sexual tension without that history, because that connection between you two has not already been established.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

but right now, I want to get with my neighbour ... I live in a appartement block and she's next door. So I don't want to be asking her out on dates and all that crap.

Don't ask her anything. Hang out with out saying anything about your intention then push the C+F, push the kino and progress without talking about it at all.

If she questions you say you were just being friendly and this is how you are with female friends. Then go back and push again. Deny it verbally and move forward physically. Soon you will know if she has interest. If she does she will have to do "all that crap".

 

[becker]

Interesting stuff, Donald, could you elaborate on this? I'd like to hear your experiences, because they seem to be right in line with mine.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Sounds like you're trying to skip all the work that goes into building that kind of dynamic. You need to get together initially to buid the attraction and you can get to work on her. There is no way to skip some of those steps, unless you're Brad Pitt or somebody she already has the hots for. You need to work on her a little. Make her comfortable enough to want to see you more. At this point don't worry about giving her your reasons why you don't want a relationship.

First make small talk then move on to longer talk when you're outside, doesn't have to come from a date. If you feel you have moved far enough just from those encounters, then invite her to get together at your place. If not, invite her somewhere to hang out. Invite her to somewhere you are already doing. Go to a book store and tell her you'd like her to join you. You will get to know a lot about her and she will lower her $lut-defense wall, then you can proceed to an isolated place.

Invite her to a movie at your place or her place. Invite her to cook something, then you make your move. Establish early that you are gping to be aman and not another girlfriend of hers. If she likes you enough, she will go a long with your terms. Women are so adaptable when they are into a guy, regardless of the type of relationship it is.

 

[Donald Kaufman]

Mixed signals

Interesting stuff, Donald, could you elaborate on this? I'd like to hear your experiences, because they seem to be right in line with mine.

I learned this by figuring out what I did after the fact. I had been hanging out with a couple really touchy, feely "safe" women and was kind of into that style of communication with girls. I started running into this other girl and just acted "natural" as I had with the "safe" women. I wasn't that interested but it was clear she was becoming so. I told her I wasn't interested but kept up what I would later realize was Kino and I'm almost always C+F. It was not a deterrent. I hadn't said anything positive, I just acted as if we were closer. I remembered that actions speak louder than words.

I realized that talking a lot had never been as successful. I also realized women use this style a lot and have used it successfully. Mixed signals. Good stuff.

 

[becker]

Re: Mixed signals

Originally posted by Donald Kaufman
I learned this by figuring out what I did after the fact. I had been hanging out with a couple really touchy, feely "safe" women and was kind of into that style of communication with girls. I started running into this other girl and just acted "natural" as I had with the "safe" women. I wasn't that interested but it was clear she was becoming so. I told her I wasn't interested but kept up what I would later realize was Kino and I'm almost always C+F. It was not a deterrent. I hadn't said anything positive, I just acted as if we were closer. I remembered that actions speak louder than words.

I realized that talking a lot had never been as successful. I also realized women use this style a lot and have used it successfully. Mixed signals. Good stuff.

This one girl I was going out with was not all touchy-feely, at least not in public, so that made it more difficult to escalate things, even though I'd always sneak in some kino.

 

[Dee-Zy]

thx guys, you were helpful. I was actually surprised that my thread got revived.

I guess I didn't give in enough information.

They are 2 (roomates), and let's just say that a few weeks ago, I was in a dilemma, because I wanted one more than the other but the other seemed more interested in me. (I suspect that the one I wanted more has a bf).

So the reason I don't want to go through all that date and stuff is because if I'm dating one, that will most likely close any window to the other one.

I don't know if I'm clear enough.

if not, please say so.


Oh and, I HAVE already hung out with one of em (the one I decided to go for, not the one that may have a bf), about 3-4x, but we weren't alone, only once.


So I just wanted to find a way to 'hang out' with her because I want her to be telling stuff like ... "well, one thing let to another and ..." cuz that won't close the window to the other. You guys get my drift?


GHOST

PS: YES I'm trying to get myself a FB, I thought it was blatantly obvious. How is it not?

 

[alboh]

"GHOST" --

Dude you THINK TOO MUCH. You are rationalizing your lack of action by convincing yourself you need to calculate every angle and radius before laying down some sort of foolproof masterplan. Well guess what, your masterplan will fall apart five minutes into the first date and what then? Do you want to plan or do you want to get laid?

All the progress I've made with girls has been a result of learning to be spontaneous and thinking on the spot. This entire site is based on words and logical, concious thought which is probably about 1% of what it takes to be good with women.

Case in point -- last Saturday night, date with the French chick. We were walking out of the bar, I had been telling her I was going to go home and pack for my trip. Instead I changed plans on the spot and dragged her to a drugstore, bought condoms in front of her and three employees (who debated with me which brand was best), and took her to her house saying stuff like "I'm going to have sex with you tonight." All of this was risky as hell if I had been thinking logically -- she is very shy and reserved -- but it turned into the best sex I've had in a very long time.

You have to think about yourself -- how you have fun, what you enjoy, what you want for yourself, rather than her and how you are going to react to her or "trick" her.

If you want her, ask her out. Or I will.

See you at Cafe Campus

-C.H.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by alboh
"GHOST" --

Dude you THINK TOO MUCH. You are rationalizing your lack of action by convincing yourself you need to calculate every angle and radius before laying down some sort of foolproof masterplan. Well guess what, your masterplan will fall apart five minutes into the first date and what then? Do you want to plan or do you want to get laid?

All the progress I've made with girls has been a result of learning to be spontaneous and thinking on the spot. This entire site is based on words and logical, concious thought which is probably about 1% of what it takes to be good with women.

Case in point -- last Saturday night, date with the French chick. We were walking out of the bar, I had been telling her I was going to go home and pack for my trip. Instead I changed plans on the spot and dragged her to a drugstore, bought condoms in front of her and three employees (who debated with me which brand was best), and took her to her house saying stuff like "I'm going to have sex with you tonight." All of this was risky as hell if I had been thinking logically -- she is very shy and reserved -- but it turned into the best sex I've had in a very long time.

You have to think about yourself -- how you have fun, what you enjoy, what you want for yourself, rather than her and how you are going to react to her or "trick" her.

If you want her, ask her out. Or I will.

See you at Cafe Campus

-C.H.

shut up