Rollo Tomassi said:
New Gender Definitions
This pretty much sums up the entirety of the problem - masculinity has been redefined by people (men and women) who have no concept of what it's original definition is.
Who redefined it? What was the original definition? Who defined THAT model of society? Did men and women agree to it?
The behaviors and characteristics that constitute what is uniquely masculine aren't being challenged, they've been redefined to fit the purposes of an agenda...
Ok, I'll buy that. Due to different socialization, men are somehow different today than they were at some undefined point in the past.
The root of the AFC endemic lies in the fact that as recently as 50 years ago there has been a concerted effort to "de-masculinize" society, not only in mass media, but down to how we educate and condition our youth to assume masculine and feminine roles.
Again, I'll agree to your restated point. Media, and education would fall under the umbrella of "socialization." So yes, men are different than the way they were before.
Now about that "concerted effort" part. Who got together to form this effort? Was it a secret group? Do media heads meet behind closed doors and decide how to demasculinize people? (Crab people perhaps?) Do they have a specific goal they are shooting for? How will they know they've achieved it? To what ends are they conerting this effort?
What is being challenged is the predisposition of males in predominantly western culture to even consider what masculinity is. A rugged, stoic, heroic definition of masculinity is losing ground...
Ok, I got it. Women are getting manlier, and men are getting less manly.
Question: What evolutionary circumstances gave rise to what you are calling masculine traits (independence, self confidence, rugged individualism, physical strength, problem solving)? Do those circumstances exist today exactly as they did before? Have ALL those masculine characteristics which you listed been dropping concommittantly?
..men are not encouraged to 'man-up.' We are told to shape up for sure and that our mascuilinity (as we define it) is a flaw; we're poisoned by our testosterone. Our higher aspiration ought to be becoming more feminized, sensitive, emotional, empathetic, nurturing, etc,.. We should "feel comfortable waxing our legs" stripping away the hair that is the result of our poisoning testosterone. Interestingly enough there are few cries in society to have women cultivate their leg or armpit hair.
Yet the 'masculine' that the Matrix would have us strive for doesn't encourage anything resembling traditionally masculine traits in a male's personality. In fact it's ridiculed to such a degree in mass media and larger society that it's literally akin to a disease.
Again, who is telling us that our masculinity is a flaw? Maybe some aspects valued less than 100 years ago, but where is it being called a flaw? And wouldn't these masculine characteristics you champion so be enough to defend these calls to demasculinize ourselves?
Who exactly is behind this "matrix"? And how exactly is it making us strive for something that we don't want strive for anyways? Are these the same people behind the concerted effort you speak about?
...And the true crime of this gender redefining is the real "double standard" that men should be so feminized as to loathe their innate masculinity, yet still be held liable for uniquely male, traditionally masculine responsibilities and accountabilities by virtue of them being male. It's a gender Catch 22; hate your masculinity, but be held responsible for not "being man enough" to solve uniquely male problems, only to be ridiculed when a masculinized woman steps in to do so and he's then ridiculed for not being as masculine as she is. That's the cycle. This is self-perpetuating negative masculinity that has led to generations of AFCs.
If we were so masculine before these evil females made us want to shave our hair, how did we get conned into it? Isn't it the choice of MAN (as a collective) to accept or reject the collect shaming efforts of women? Did the evil matrix create the generations of AFC's you speak of, or was it the other way around?
Needless to say, all of this convolutes what masculinity was, is and is intended to be. Before you can set out a plan to live out what I call Positive Masculinity you first have to take into consideration why masculinity has value and should be encouraged as well as cultivated in yourself, your sons and society as a whole. I'm an adherent of the 'build it and they will come' school of thought in this regard, but also understanding how traditional masculinity has been perverted by social contrivance and distilling it back down to it's core fundamentals is imperative in getting back to masculinity as a positive.
Ah yes, on to the solution. You are, of course, making the assumption that what was beneficially masculine 100 or so years ago would be beneficially masculine now. Can you be sure that is the case? Western civilization is at the tail end, or may have already seen the end of, the industrial revolution. Jobs requiring sexually dimorphic physical labor are becoming less and less necesary. So some masculine traits, at least, are obviously not valued as high any more.
So where do you start? With yourself. You must change your mind about yourself as a "m"an and begin thinking of yourself as a "M"an. The first step is to unlearn what feminized conditioning has taught you to the point of it becoming an ego-investment in your personality. You need to become impervious to convenient accusations of "misogyny" or 1950's caveman thinking whenever you assert yourself. The truly positive masculine Man sets himself apart from the Matrix in spite of a world set against him - this unconscious meta-acknowledgment is what makes a woman (and other men) attracted to you as a vibrant, responsible, but firmly confident masculine Man. You have to genuinely live it in order to set an example of it. That doesn't mean you're an uncaring, tunnel vision robot, unwilling to learn from anyone or anything, it means that in spite of a world calling you "egotistical", "caveman", "fragile ego", "macho", "infantile", "Jerk", etc., you
unwaveringly, provably, live out the positive merits of being masculine.
Sound advice to be sure. Allow me to put forth my contrarian summary.
Men and women are changing due to changing circumstances. In the way we relate to each other, and in our home lives and work lives. However, these circumstances are not due to any contrived secret group, or matrix, or clandestine media conglomoration. It is merely due a changing environment, the same force which drove us to evolve from single cells to who we are today. We, as animals, react to our environement. And in the last 100 years, specifically in the last 20 or 30, the type of money making ( and power earning) jobs do not require old school masculinity like they used to.
What is breaking down as well, as Rollo points out above (although he assumes a different cause they I do) is the "Matrix" which kept men and women in single life long relationships, and men with most of the earning and hence the power. What the removal of this matrix does, is not create a new matrix, it exposes man's inherent flaws THAT WERE ALREADY THERE.
Good news and bad news. The matrix that used to exist that kept your woman in place for you (job requirements, church laws, social laws, control of information) is no more. That is bad news if you are naturally an AFC.
Bad news is, your on your own. The old frame that kept the status quo is gone. You need to determine what you want from life and
BUILD YOUR OWN FRAME through which to achieve it.
Good news is, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. You can
BUILD WHATEVER GODDAMN FRAME YOU WANT, and take whatever you like from the world.
How to do this? Follow Rollos's advice above. But don't be an old school man, a man where you had certain definitions to fill in, a man that had a certain role to fill. You now have the ability to CHOOSE TO BE ANY GODDAMN MAN YOU WANT TO BE!
I'll give you a hint, though, on what is probably NOT going to be considered MANLY behavior, and that is blaming some ultra powerful super secret feminine controlled matrix that is controlling you and keep you from being the man you want to be.
