Popular woman seeking "The right guy"

[Dirtheart]

So there's a woman I recently got to know. HB9 and quite possibly LTR material. However, it seemed as though she was trying to play power games by telling me about all the guys who call her up and hit on her (who apparently don't measure up to her high standards).

She told me she's looking for the right guy to start a serious relationship with and I admit, my first instinct was to try and prove myself, but then I started to think DJ and figured I might just back off and tell her to get back to me if she's interested. She seems keen and she has made the first moves, so I'd normally consider this a good strategy. But I know I'm dispensible and if I play it too cool, she'll just forget about me.

Any idea how I can get an edge? Or how I should play this out?

 

[FlyGuy]

You get the edge on the situation by doing what you're doing. Not being desperate, not "proving" yourself to her! By letting your personality shine. By being a DJ IMO her comments about other men were either 1 of 2 things:

1) She was either testing you to see if you could keep your cool or if you would fall all over her trying to prove yourself (good job on not jumping through that hoop!)

or

2) She isn't interested in you and wants to "give you the hint" by talking about other guys around you.

My bet is that it was option #1. Only way to know is to keep on keeping on.

Your instincts are right about being "dispensable" although that's the wrong word to use. If she's hot she's got plenty of other opportunities. But don't use that to knock yourself out of the game! If you act TOO disinterested she could very well move on.

Its a delicate game. You may have heard the analogy before about sexual tension being like a "tug of war". You want to keep tension on the line. If you pull too hard (being desperate, clingy, etc.) then you lose. If you DROP the line you lose too. Continue to be interested and always try to take things to the next level, but at the same time stay laid back and don't pursue her too strongly. If she likes you she will keep tension on HER end of the line.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Short & Sweet.

Play it suave and she'll have all the 'proof' that she needs. Never give up on your game. She has not and will not give up on hers -- Ever!

 

[Dirtheart]

Thank you guys, that's some sound advice and taken on board.

She's keen, I'm keen, but we're both playing it cool at the moment.

I didn't really let her comment about these other men faze me because I'm confident in myself these days and when it comes down to it, she can have her pick of guys, but she chose to hit on me.

I'll keep playing it the way I am, but may come seeking advice further down the road.

Thanks again.

 

[Dirtheart]

She just called me and I think I confirmed her interest.

She was saying how she'd rather stay single than settle for a guy who isn't right for her. I think she expected me to prove myself, but instead I called her bluff. I agreed with her and told her that I am looking for someone with mutual interests and I got her at her own game.

She asked "Don't you think we have anything in common?" and I said "Yeah, we... [strategic hesitation]...well, we've had some interesting discussions about movies."

She started telling me that we have much more in common than that and started giving me a list. She even contradicted herself (i.e. last time we met she said she's not into art and now she's listing it of one of our mutual interests). Basically, I turned things around and had her trying to prove herself to me.

I decided to quit while I was ahead and told her to give me a call if she wants to go out next week and I am quite certain she will.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Keep it up!

It sounds to me like you've handled the situation pretty well. Give yourself a pat on the back, Dirtheart. You've turned her own game on her, now keep it up and she'll soon submit even further to your will.

Game on!

 

[jiro77]

"However, it seemed as though she was trying to play power games by telling me about all the guys who call her up and hit on her"

She is saying she is desireable by other guys, so you should be too. Have you asked her out on a date yet? If you haven't I think you should......Do a search on ********. I think I read this somewhere on the site, maybe it was in the bible.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

She was testing his interest level in her by talking about how other guys always fall all over her. She can't figure Dirtheart out, and because of that she can't resist him either.

Play it like a Steve would.

 

[Dirtheart]

I appreciate the advice and it all seemed to be going very well. At the moment I do have the control. I told her to call me if she wants to go out, but she has told me she's cautious. She sent me an email today and I think she is really hoping that I'm the right guy. However, she is a little jaded by her past relationships and needs to know that I'm serious about her before she'll take a chance.

My coolness has worked well so far and helped me confirm her interest, but she has made it clear it's all or nothing. To be honest, that's exactly what I want too, but how can I express this and gain her faith without acting AFC?

 

[coldcoal]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
...she is a little jaded by her past relationships and needs to know that I'm serious about her before she'll take a chance...she has made it clear it's all or nothing. To be honest, that's exactly what I want too, but how can I express this and gain her faith without acting AFC?

I have to keep this a little short, but one thing you can do is to shred down the common commitment lines she's heard from other guys before. Things like "Trust me", "I wont do that to you", ect. You want to make it sound like you despise these words because you know better; like you've heard all this sh*t before too. Then get off of it fast. Don't make a long discussion of it. She should relate and think of you as something of a bond to her past experiences and future expectations.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip282.htm

Use this on her, Dirtheart.

 

[NewMan]

Having read your last post regarding her mentioning being jaded over past relationships - the whole - "I get hit on by lot's of guys" message was probably a jealous test. She's laying down a foundation to see how you react. Whether you get fazed or realous over this fact. She trying to get a reaction from you. Trying to ruffle your feathers.

Looks like your playing it right on.

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks again guys, this advice is steering me in a good direction.

I have been tempted to fall back on AFC ways, but I'm taking my time and trying not to rush in. She recently mentioned how she had been to a great party the weekend and seems to be playing up the "I'm so popular" approach with me. Her latest email was quite short and to the point (compared to her last one), but she seemed very keen to know what I did this weekend. I'm trying to keep my social life a bit of a mystery to her though.

On the whole, I have never played this game with a woman before and have never had one so intrigued. Since last week she has changed her approach a number of times and even though she's trying to act indifferent, she is still keeping contact.

I know she is going away next week, so it could be the make or break period so I'm hoping to leave her thinking about me while she's away.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Originally posted by jiro77
She is saying she is desireable by other guys, so you[Dirtheart] should be too.

I don't know if Dirtheart is desireable by other guys or not, but I would not advise that he brag about it if he is. I would think that he should allude more to how many women are all over him -- not men!

Anyways, Dirtheart, just keep doing what you're doing.

Keep her guessing = keep her interested.

 

[KiInCollege]

What the...you're supposed to be calling her in a week, not waiting for her to call you! How did that happen...but otherwise, sounds like this one's in the bag.

 

[Dirtheart]

Update

Well, I was about to give up hope and move on, but she called me this afternoon and asked me if I want to go out when she comes back from her holiday (1 week from tomorrow).

 

[Dirtheart]

Another update

I just thought I'd add that I have dated this woman a few times now and things are going particularly well as far as her interest is concerned.

We live some distance apart so we aren't seeing each other all of the time, but she texts me about 10 times a day, even when she is out. If I don't respond within an hour she texts me again and I tell her I'm out with friends and will get back to her later (even when I'm at home typing on this board). She has been calling me regularly too and has called the last 3 nights in a row.

She has actually gone completely AFC on me, always complimenting me, seeking my approval, apologising for the slightest thing, offering to pay for things. Her games have stopped completely now too. It probably sounds like a nightmare to some guys on this board, but she's going crazy over me and I'm loving it.

There's definitely potential for a LTR here. I know it and she knows it, but I'm trying to keep the pursuit going, just enough to keep her IL high. So far so good.

 

[Ever onward]

Good job man! Sounds like you did things the right way and you are in control. I think if we all handled things the way you have, there would be no need for this board.

 

[Hurri]

Nice work, but dont forget that they aren't looking for "the right guy". girls are all sluts and they just want sex. dont ever forget that.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Besides all the 'game' playing and 'head' games, if you are both sincere in your interests then everything should go as you dictate. Don't worry so much about whether you are doing the 'right' thing! If she is sincere and likes you then there is not much you have to do to increase her interest.