Poor selection process -- need advice

[Bungo Pony]

My best counsel is for you to beware of letting your drive to have a woman be greater than the drive to have a respectable decent woman who knows her place in a relationship and exhibits her femininity in her actions and her words!

I agree. Make sure you keep your head together.

What really worked for me was keeping in mind that dating is just a way to pass time until you find an ideal woman to make your wife. Keep that in mind, and it'll go much better. The right one will come in time. I only met mine one month after she moved back from another city.

Just had a young (24) friend of mine e-mail me today. She's too young for me

Westcoaster, what makes her too young for you? As long as she's not under age, she's eligible to date. I've seen couples where there's a huge age difference. Who cares? If you're both single, anything is possible. Who cares what other people think? They only have an effect on your life if you allow them to.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good stuff ... thanks!

The replies to this thread remind me why I enjoy sosuave.com so much. Lots of helpful advice. In pre-internet days, this kind of stuff wasn't readily available.

Even if I don't agree with it, I can often see where the other person is coming from. Bungo's stuff I do agree with.

One thing I've been wondering is if I'm looking too hungry, or at the other end, I've often been accused of being too laid back and not being into it enough. After being fried several times I kind of kicked back a little bit. I was investing too much emotional energy in it.

Getting dates has not been a problem of late, but a few have had boyfriends, others I haven't clicked with, and some I wanted to click with didn't feel a connection with me. Never in my life have I dated so much and been so disappointed. Usually I like the numbers game, but in the past I would usually hit it off with one or two.

Being older, terminal bachelor, etc., may be starting to weigh on me, too. Lots of different dynamics going through my head. Luckily I've maintained my DJism, and if I do retreat to AFCism, it's done alone at home ... but that's not always good. AFCing is still AFCing, no matter how you slice it.

WaterTiger, good stuff, too. I may like to banter with you, but I appreciate the advice ... very sound stuff.

Anyway, I'll keep plugging away ... I have some more dates lined up next week. Sheesh, you'd think I'd be happy about this, I'm dating up a storm ... but my frustration continues.

 

[WaterTiger]

Bungo is right. I think you should go after the 24 year old "gem". Age only matters to winemakers. It's perfectly acceptable for women her age to be with "older, terminal bachelor". If she has the qualities that you're looking for, then go get her! What do you want? A bright neon sign over her head flashing "CLASSY DAME" with a big pink arrow?










...Unless of course, she's American. There's a guy on the boards that doesn't think American women have any redeeming traits. Now...who was that again??? I can't quite remember his name....Hmmmmm...

Just bantering WC! Don't yell at me!

 

[WestCoaster]

Well, you're right

Yes, the 24-year old is a catch and a half, and much, much younger than me. She also lives far away, though we stay in contact through e-mail.

I think she kind of views me as an older brother type deal ... I wrote a job recommendation letter for her this week. All I can do is stay in contact ... I like my job here and it took me awhile to get it, so I'm not moving soon. I'll see how it goes, this gal is the complete package. I usually don't date that young, but she's more mature than most of the women I've been dating 15 years older than her.

Hmm, yes, she's American ... I know, I'm Mr. Hypocrite!

Actually, I know this isn't a dating service, but you're starting to intrigue me WT ... must be that banter, and of course the three stooges reference! (I'm sure I'll get flamed for that last remark, or put on double-secret probation by the moderators!)

 

[WaterTiger]

JEEEEEZE WestCoaster! You make it sound like you're 89 and death is tapping you on the shoulder! (I figured we were around the same age, but I could be wrong. )

Long distance relationships suck and are impossible to control to any satisfaction. HOWEVER...You don't know for sure she thinks of you like a 'big brother" until you push that envelope a little. How many "if only's" and "I wonder's" do you want wafting around in the back of your mind? If she says no, then you aren't in any worse shape than you are at this very moment. If she says yes...then you can worry about the details.

Faint hearts never won fair ladies!




Intriging? Little ol' me? (Glances over her shoulders to see who the hell WC is talking about!) It MUST be the banter! I have to be careful here on-line though, my C&F teasing comes across as acerbicly b!tchy if I don't add lots of , and

I don't think you're a hypocrite either...just a little jaded. Never say never! Fate loves making fools out of people who say that. The lad I'm waiting for is DEKKA. At the advanced age of 19 swore that he'd NEVER fall in love. I'm just waiting for him to post an "Oh, I'm so in love" thread so I can jump up on the table, point my finger and scream AH-HA! at the top of my lungs.

 

[WestCoaster]

OK, I'll push the envelope

I think this gal recently turned 25, so that makes me feel better than 24. Getting out of the friendship zone is something I need to work on ... several years ago I actually bought the myth perpetuated by American women that they want to date/marry their best friend ... wrong!

So my hottie friend here in town -- whom I've known for two years -- goes through loser after loser as I'm the shoulder to cry on. She's a little closer to my age (35 ... yes WT, I'm about your age) and I'd ride off into the sunset with her, but knowing me I'd fall off the horse! Trust me, I've tried to push that envelope ... it' ain't working.

Which leaves me to my 25-year old friend, who sounds better thanks to the encouragement here. I like everything about her and got caught up on the age thing. What the h-ll, might as well try.

But I know I have problems when at college graduation last year (my master's, her bachelor's), I meet her parents and I think her mom is hot! (And her mom is hot.)

As for you WT, keep putting up those smiley icons ... makes me feel all good inside! Hey, might as well try for two on the long distance attempts ...

 

[FratAndDiddy]

Hey West, you know as well as me that sometimes younger chickies like older men. most are clear about it with no gray area; they are either into older guys or they are not.
you've got the experience at the body language thing and the way she looks at ya and all that stuff. you can tell if she's into you or not. hell, try it and if anything else go for her mother too !
(sounds like an interesting challenge to me)