ponyboys journal

[insanity is humanity]

How confidence is key:

I went in for a job application today. I cleaned myself up wore sime nice designer jeans. A white collared **** that was wrinkled in design but when ironed looks amazing. My gold armitron watch. My jordan 1's and a black pea coat. I was trying to go for a sophisticated, qualifed, but im laid back kind of look. I went in and asked for the manager which i already knew his name. Kept good eye contact only looking away when the assistant manager greeted himself. Shook his hand with a good grip still keeping good eye contact. Then when i was home less than one hour later he called me to come in for a interview at 4 oclock. I just got done having celebration sex cause i was told he would call me next thursday and my gf was with me, so i got dressed took her home then got there about 5 minutes early. They looked happy to see me so i came in and he did a interview i still kept good eye contact, making minor jokes and presenting myself as well as possible.( I critically need this job right now its nothing big but its a job.) He said that if my back ground check passes im hired i just have too fill out 4 papers. 3 of which he gave me the other one is just working papers. He seemed like he was happy that i would be working for him by the way he talked. In the middle of the interview he seemed to relax himself and his southern accent came out and he smiled alot.

I think i did pretty good i would give myself a 8/ 10 chance of being hired just because i didnt really smile too much.

 

[insanity is humanity]

Upon my problem... it seems to stay up if i have had a multi vitamin which leads me to think that it was vitamin deficiency. But i am only lasting around 10 minutes each time. Its becoming a problem and even if i think about nothing but pleasing her i doesnt matter. Once i can keep it up everyday without it being a problem i will start with a trick that i used to do to keep me lasting a while. But ill have to wait until my next lay tommorow and ill see how it goes. Im going to do alot of foreplay on her and none on me which could also be a problem. I cant remember much about today since it was early and i fell back to sleep and have been running around worrying about my rent since. But that issue is now resolved and i should have no problem with it until then.

 

[insanity is humanity]

Upon my problem... it seems to stay up if i have had a multi vitamin which leads me to think that it was vitamin deficiency. But i am only lasting around 10 minutes each time. Its becoming a problem and even if i think about nothing but pleasing her i doesnt matter. Once i can keep it up everyday without it being a problem i will start with a trick that i used to do to keep me lasting a while. But ill have to wait until my next lay tommorow and ill see how it goes. Im going to do alot of foreplay on her and none on me which could also be a problem. I cant remember much about today since it was early and i fell back to sleep and have been running around worrying about my rent since. But that issue is now resolved and i should have no problem with it until then.

 

[insanity is humanity]

Im good now with that little problem. Wemt to the doctor for working papers and about my migranes. My dad spoke up about it too soon ugh. So i didnt get it signed by the doctor and i have to get a MRI this tuesday and get blood testing wednesday. I need to get the papers soon i wanted to knock the doctor the **** out for that. I need to pay half of my rent or i will be homeless. Seriously this is some bull**** and im not moving back in with either of my parents. Im seriously getting ****ed with this right now. Ugh man and this is not helping me at all i broke out frome the stress and i dont even feel attractive. No girls even looked at me today. I got with my fwb as usual but other than that i just feel like im ugly right now. Not helping me. I know that im not i just feel that way. And besides its all in my head anyway if i want girls to notice me they wont. If i dont give a **** they will. Its starting to clear up now but im stressing so much right now omfg. like everything i have worked so hard is falling apart right infront of me. Im about to be homeless and im about to loose credit for school from all the days i missed. Yet again by migranes. I have one right now and im about to explode. 3 friends of mine have just died 1 4 mo ths ago 2 just the other week. One suicide and the other overdose. Like seriously what the **** is going on. Im not gonna give up on everything but this **** has me ****ed up right now.

 

[insanity is humanity]

No more *****ing. I stood up and dealt with it. No ****s given anymore im going to focus on my life. **** stressing over bull**** that is irrelevant to me.

 

[insanity is humanity]

So i ****ed a girl on a buss for the first time lmao. Id like to hear some of the places you guys have ****ed a girl. It wasnt really anything just rapid attraction and i just dogged her at the terminal then we sat in the back and put our jackets over her while she sat on my lap.


I read one of the YOU owners manual. It was inner and outer beauty, its aimed at women mostly but it had alot to do with men and had a chart for what your body looks like and what you want it to look like typen of stuff and phsycology questions. Then it told you how to take care of your body face teeth, etc things to do with your day healthy ****. I have a few of these books that i found in my moms basement and figurednid look into it. HEY THIS POSTBIS ALL ABOUT IMPROVEMENT ON YOURSELF RIGHT!?!?! its the goal of my life at the moment. Soni figured it fit well.

 

[insanity is humanity]

I atart working monday. Just got my testa done. MRI monday hopefully doesnt interfear with work will reschedual the appointment if it does. Then hopefully i get my note for school and i will be fine aslong as i get that.

Talking to a new girl gonna smash whenever i chill with her. Shes a vigin but she seems really into me. Got all upset when i text her saying im smoking hookah, said to share. I said hell no. Puts up dumb ass emogies. And then i say why should i? Idfk. I say damn no need to curse. Well **** i just did so it doesnt matter. She said lol cuz then a fist emoji and a bummed out face. I said cuz why? And she passed out waiting on a reply. She didnt look at it yet so im fine with that. But she was replying fast af.

 

[insanity is humanity]

Been thinking of changing my name and starting over from scratch. Just yo be where want to be. I want to leave the old me completly behind me and make it impossible to fall trap of being afc again. Once i have enough money to support myself for a month or too after i turn 18 and do this i will. I wanna go out of state and just toatally reinvent myself. Test myself mentally and physically. I want to feel alive and not dead. Everything's in due time and patience is a virtue

 

[insanity is humanity]

new goals/ news updates.

Okay i have some new goals. As well as updates.

GOALS :
*new wardrobe (has not been done yet)
* buy atleast 1 item a week
*get a real job. Real estate and car salesman particularly. Both
*get out of jersey (go; miami, new york, SB, oakland, vegas)

UPDATES:
FOR THOSE WHO DONT KNOW... i moved out of my pops house, have been living on my own again since january. Working 3 actual jobs and 1; one day a week make 120$ job. Just graduated highschool 2 weeks ago. Turn 18 in 4 days.

Ive been doing alot of text and online game recently. Getting the nudes then going straight for the bang as usual. Usually happens within a few hours. But im not nearly as available as i want to be. Im more available since i graduated, but im usually asleep all day up all night, 3 to 4 hours of sleep type vampire bull ****. Feeling like i cracked the code. But i havent been doing any real life gaming, (aside from work, and its hard to do that sometimes) havent really been getting as many looks, or even eye contact as im used too, but again i have that rest in ***** face, doesnt matter how attractive you are or how fresh as **** you are, or think you are. if you look un approachable on the outside. Thats it you are. So look happy even if you arent smile, smirk, whatever. Just not one of those douchy horse face grins happy go lucky people do, people hate that ( i make this a conversation all the time and people agree with me %. Its annoying. Gonna sleep till noon wake and bake, go do simething cause im off today. Didnt even get to enjoy my 4th of july. So im going to right now. La. La. La.

 

[Alexandar]

Talk enough sh it? Do you think everyone here is braindead? Get a life kid.

 

[Suspens]

:crackup:

 

[insanity is humanity]

No i dont. And yes i do. At least i think you are. And already have one, and it is being recorded here, as you can see. Now how about you get off your fu cking computer. Go outside we know you dont turn up so go have a picnic or something, go get laid cause as far as i am concerned your a 30+ year old man who hangs on a computer all day preaching to other people about the life you could have and wanted to have.