poll: to marry or not?

[joekerr31]

had an interesting thought after reading some posts today.

Just how important is getting married?
Personally i've come to think getting married is a bad thing to do unless you truly find the woman who is meant for you.

so many people get married out of fear of being alone that after 5 years of marriage it seems like they've lost all sense of happiness, fight with their spouse all the time, and are in a constant state of thinking 'oh well, maybe one day my life will get better'.

so i thought i'd poll everyone.

let's see what folks think.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm not married and am not against it. I think it's a wonderful thing if you find the right person.

That said, I'd rather be single my entire life than married to a b-tch.

Some of my friends are locked into awful marriages with mean, b-tchy wives who have let themselves go. They envy me and say so. They feel like they're in prison for life, and some are.

Marrying the wrong person and staying in it is a recipe for disaster.

Marriage is a crapshoot according to my friends. Most say their wives have changed 180 degrees since they first married them, and have changed for the worst. That is probably true.

Most of my friends are married AFCs ... I could tell you stories that would make you cringe and never want to get married. Their wives control EVERYTHING.

 

[joekerr31]

most of the guys i know aren't too happy being married either. their wife isn't what they wanted, even though she was when they were courting each other.

now its almost like the only reason they are with her is because of the commitment they made and the memory of how great things USE to be.

J

 

[joekerr31]

hey gents,

just wanted to say that i think the poll results so far are pretty encouraging!

glad to see that at the end of the day men are prepared to wait for the "right" one.

J

 

[penkitten]

i think it has to do with the individual , their situation, the relationship, and the other individual.

i dont think its so black and white. lots of gray .


no one should settle for less than what they really want, however it comes a time to realize that we arent going to find supermodels every day and even if we did , they might not be nice enough to fluff our pillows at night. id rather have a fluffy pillow than someone who was a supermodel.

 

[joekerr31]

penkitten,

what's interesting though is seeing what men think about marriage. and the poll is ultra clear...

men are split between
1) waiting no matter how long it takes
2) screw marriage it's is a trap

and i suspect that those choosing its a trap use to belong to the first option.

but what i do find fascinating is that based on the responses, most women are totally sabotaging themselves in their quest for marriage.

i don't think men are saying they want a supermodel. i think men are saying they refuse to be treated like crap, and they really dont care if that means they have to wait 40 years or never get married at all.

to me this is valuable insight for women out there. Treat your man right or you're wasting your time.

J

 

[booga]

+1 for what Joekerr said. I think marriage is a death trap & what really helped firm up that opinion is the input of my married (male) friends. Men do not whine in public, but they do whine when they're alone with their buds & they'e on their 5th beer. Every married man who is trapped/miserable/browbeaten/sexually frustrated becomes a negative PR generating machine for the institution of marriage.

 

[penkitten]

the same can be said about women.

women who dont choose a partner that can meet their needs, one who lies or cheats or doesnt give her affection whatever the case is, will whine to her friends and family also.
a real lady wont do it in public, but they will in privacy.

i think for both cases, this is partly of what causes so many affairs and divorces.
if everyone would take a good look at who they are dating and imagine what life would be life with them in reality, alot of them wouldnt get married to that person.

how people are raised, how they communitcate, what interests them are factors people are not even looking at any more and these are important factors in what your life will be like with that person.

women need to grow up and stop thinking they can change men and men need to grow up and stop blaming women for everything bad that happens to them.

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by penkitten


women need to grow up and stop thinking they can change men and men need to grow up and stop blaming women for everything bad that happens to them.

i second that, women do need to grow up.

men need to stop expecting women to BE grown up when they aren't - and then they'd stop blaming them for stuff.

J

 

[penkitten]

actually, everyone needs to grow up and take responsibility for themselves, their own actions, and the ablitity to make themselves happy.

 

[joekerr31]

penkitten,

totally agree with that. in fact, the ONLY answer to being happy in life is to take responsibility for your own life.

J

 

[Bonhomme]

None of the above

Although #3 is the best by far, IMNSHO, though I don't buy the notion of the "right one." More like one who is "right," which there could be many.

Perhaps that's what you really mean by "the right one."

As I see it, whether or not to get married comes down to whether or not circumstances enable it to happen with even one of the many who are "right" at the right time. hasn't happened for me yet. Either the woman wasn't right or the circumstances weren't right.

 

[booga]

Here is a true story: when I was 26 I bought my first house & had to meet two realtors at the house to go over some stuff. Both realtors were married men with children, both pushing 50.

It was a nice day so I rode out on my motorcycle, which at the time was an '82 Virago. A real piece of cr@p if ever there was one. It looked like a 3rd place winner in a ratbike contest. Cracked rattlecan paint job, rust all over, rotting pipes, busted seat, sh1t duct-taped on. The whole ensemble was made complete by the motor oil which spewed from various leaks, mixed with road grime into a toxic sludge & baked onto the motor.

These two married men stood looking at my nasty, disgusting bike, then one sighed & said to the other, "Doesn't it make you wish you were single again?"

I decided right then & there that if these poor slobs were so envious of such a broken down old turd of a bike, marriage must be some kind of horror show.

 

[i Othello]

Originally posted by joekerr31
had an interesting thought after reading some posts today.

Just how important is getting married?
Personally i've come to think getting married is a bad thing to do unless you truly find the woman who is meant for you.

so many people get married out of fear of being alone that after 5 years of marriage it seems like they've lost all sense of happiness, fight with their spouse all the time, and are in a constant state of thinking 'oh well, maybe one day my life will get better'.

so i thought i'd poll everyone.

let's see what folks think.

I'm still skeptical about marriage...but I'll say this...marriage is a full-time job so pick your employee carefully...you'll be working together for a very long time...hopefully...Since 1960 the marriage rate has declined by one third, the fertility rate by almost one half, and the divorce rate has doubled and single parent families have tripled. It's all ****ed up and thats not even half of the probs marriages face.

Don't waste time trying to make a shoe fit just because you're starved for love. Women are turned off by needy men. Approach marriage with a clear sense of what you want, where your woman fits, and what her job description is.

I don't know whether your looking for the traditonal woman or the independent type but I'll warn you to stay away from women who look at men as competitors or worse preditors. The competing agenda some women exude could be a job hazard, If you have goals for your marriage, why would you hire/marry someone who doesn't support it and would **** it all up?

 

[i Othello]

Just to add...my pops always said don't marry the woman that you want to marry, marry the woman that wants to marry you.

 

[( . )( . )]

Marriage for a man? not really a viable option nowadays is it?
I'm happy with how things are, and coming out of a 3 and a 6 year relationship you could say I've already been "married" anyway. I see no reason why any man would marry. I think I'll take my Mothers only non AFC piece of advice she gave me as a child which she warned me never to marry.

And seeing all these horror stories of men getting fvcked over, women intitiating the majority of divorces, calling first marriages "starter marriages", legal system geared to favour women etc etc isnt really winning me over to change my mind. I dont even think I've heard any logical and valid arguments on why its GOOD to marry yet ( even just 1 reason would be a start )

But as it stands I can get all I want out of women now without signing a piece of paper which is a pretty sweet deal, fvckers never told us about that did they?.

 

[joekerr31]

almost 80% of men are responding that the only real options are dont ever get married, or only if its to the right one.

its too bad there isn't a woman's message board like this one. i'd be willing to bet that if you polled women the results would be very different. i bet you 90% would choose "eventually settle for a half decent man"

I'm really encouraged to see the results so far. I mean, this board should theoretically have a high AFC readership, and you'd think the reponses would be to settle with a half decent women. yet only 11% chose that.

so regardless of how much women are screwing men over, one thing is very clear - men aren't prepared to settle.

pats on the back gents.

perhaps it is men who are the fairer sex :crackup:

 

[Aaron B]

I'm divorced, and I voted "its a death trap"

I like to learn from my mistakes