POF chick won't talk on phone: low interest or quirky?

[MOTU]

So hb from POF messages me a few days ago (I generally don't initiate). She is a school teacher, 5 yrs younger than me, hotter than any of my current plates or prospects.

We exchange several messages and rapport is building. She hints she'd like to meetup for a drink. We get to the stage where she starts asking the disqualifier questions: how long have you been divorced, are you still involved with your kids, etc.

So I tell her "hb, this interrogation might be more efficient over the phone. I'll be driving this evening, why don't you call me between 8 and 9". She replies "how about we text? Before being a teacher I was a dispatcher and 911 operator and I really hate talking on the phone". I reply "I'll be driving. We'll catch up another time."

At 8:05 she texts me: "well I definitely don't recommend texting and driving. Arrive safe " so I do have her # now.

I haven't replied. Part of me thinks someone must be around that she doesn't want hearing her talk on the phone - a bf or parent or kid. But then I think if Bradd Pitt asked her to call she'd sit in the Walmart parking lot and call. Or maybe she really doesn't like phone chats, which works good for me because I really don't want to chat on the phone either. I want to meet her in person and fvck her.

Thoughts on how to proceed? Should I wait a while today and txt her the answer to her original question? Or I thought maybe send her an interesting pic of where I am but not answer her question at all? And if she starts asking again tell her it's a better topic for phone or in person (stand my ground?).

Or NEXT?

 

[SgtSplacker]

If it were me, I would text right now:

"Hi there. Hope you're having a great day. I'd like you to join me for a drink or two tomorrow night at ____ (time) at ______ (name of place) on ________ (location of place). Will you meet me there?"

Be SPECIFIC about when and where you want her to meet you.

No more witty or cutesy texting back and forth. Get right to the fvucking point and just ask her to meet you.

No interviews.

No questions until she meets you.

If she asks questions or ducks the invite, I would just ignore her completely.

Then text again Thursday after next (not tomorrow but April 10th) and text another invite.

If you jump trough her interview hoops, you lose. You will NEVER win by acquiescing to her bulshiat DQ process. This is why I always advise guys to avoid phone and text conversations in the early phases of online dating. Use the Internet as a mere tool for arranging face to face meetups. Nothing more.

I ask them out on the 1st email and if they reply, "Well let's talk first," here's how I reply (I use the same message every time):

"I've learned the hard way that anybody can be anything on the Internet. I don't want to sound too forward and I hope you don't feel like I'm trying to pressure you into meeting me. I'm just not the type of guy who will email back and forth. I'm willing to meet you anytime and anywhere--on me. Your photos and profile reflect a woman of exceptional beauty and class; I just want to see if there's a connection, and I feel the best way to do that is to meet face to face. I just want to be up front with you about that and I hope I'm making sense. "

This will do the trick--they will either enter your frame and agree to meet you or they'll go pursue another AFC pen pal.

Give them at least a week to respond to that email. I've had several that took me up on my offer to meet after sending that email, but some of them took days to respond.

Either way, YOU control the frame.

Right now, you're not controlling the frame. IMO you lost control when you allowed her to start asking you questions before you even met her. My mindset is, I'm not gonna tell them ANYTHING about myself until they commit an hour to meet face to face. Then I'll tell them whatever they want to know.

I have to agree to the feeling of losing potency after chatting/texting too much. Not sure about sending this out as a first message considering there's so many low quality women on POF. At least not on my dime...

I'm going to test a bit. What I do now is exchange maybe 20 messages on site. Then take it to the phone, have that first long conversation, light texting then take it to the meeting.

Gonna try to exchange maybe 10 messages, just to inquire about the deal breakers and basic info. Then go for the meet and get her number right there.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't really see what she did wrong. people have quirks. I don't particularly like talking on the phone myself.

your problem is that you are taking it personal

 

[apprenticedj]

Whatever you choose make sure you're clear that you want to MEET. As Espi and others have said you shouldn't be texting and IM-ing for too long before you meet. With POF (and online dating in general) one intro msg, a few msgs with some light banter, get the #, call her up and arrange a meet. If she drags her feet she probably isn't interested in anything besides a texting buddy.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Hey Sarge I don't use POF. I use match.com.

Do me a favor and just TRY emailing them a date invite on the very first email--do it on the hottest chicks and see what you come up with. You might be surprised. I know you have tight game so you don't need my advice but I think you might get even better results.

I'll try it on a looker, like that I wont mind if it doesn't work out...

Advice is always welcome man, I live my life learning new things every day.

mono o mirume FTW!!!

 

[Married Buried]

Won't talk on the phone? She is doing you a favor. Phone won't help you. Phone is outdated in this day and age. Text her to meet somewhere, bang her, and then refuse to ever speak on the phone with her.

Teachers are the biggest freaks of them all.

 

[MOTU]

Thanks guys for all the input. Here is an update:
This morning she left me a message on POF that said: "I did leave you a message so you should have my number now ".

So four hours later I texted "hb, let's have a drink a coolplace on Friday. Does 6pm work for you?" and so far... radio silence. However, I can see that she has been on POF. So we shall see.

 

[MOTU]

Do me a favor and just TRY emailing them a date invite on the very first email--do it on the hottest chicks and see what you come up with. You might be surprised. I know you have tight game so you don't need my advice but I think you might get even better results.

I am going to give this a try. I'll let you know the results.

 

[MOTU]

Espi, one more question - if you are "broadcasting" invites, what do you do, stack your invites? In other words, one friday at 6, another friday 7:30, 9, etc? How do you avoid double booking? It would seem that going one invite at a time would be pretty slow....

 

[J Roc]

I would never take a chick out withoout talking with her on the phone first.

 

[Valentino14]

I would never take a chick out withoout talking with her on the phone first.

Same with me bro.

So I tell her "hb, this interrogation might be more efficient over the phone. I'll be driving this evening, why don't you call me between 8 and 9". She replies "how about we text? Before being a teacher I was a dispatcher and 911 operator and I really hate talking on the phone". I reply "I'll be driving. We'll catch up another time."

At 8:05 she texts me: "well I definitely don't recommend texting and driving. Arrive safe " so I do have her # now.

I haven't replied. Part of me thinks someone must be around that she doesn't want hearing her talk on the phone - a bf or parent or kid. But then I think if Bradd Pitt asked her to call she'd sit in the Walmart parking lot and call. Or maybe she really doesn't like phone chats, which works good for me because I really don't want to chat on the phone either. I want to meet her in person and fvck her.

Don't you find this odd? Something's fishy here. Make sure it's a chick instead of some dude on the other end. I've read stories of men who were catfished that were texting other men. Call from a private line to see who answers. People who don't want to talk are hiding someting. I would wait before making any plans to see if this a legit person.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear MOTU,
I think the telephone is sudden death to early relationships.....later on it is fine...Face to face,expressions and body language tells so much about your interaction...this lady is an educated Lady,certainly not Rubbish!

 

[cordoncordon]

I don't really see what she did wrong. people have quirks. I don't particularly like talking on the phone myself.

your problem is that you are taking it personal

Yep I agree. OP you are over analyzing this and taking this to personally.

Just respond to her text in a nice witty way. Then ask her out. This isn't rocket surgery.

 

[MOTU]

Ok, interesting developments. I noticed she kept logging on to POF and looking at my profile... obvious IOI. So I sent her a funny picture of my dog with a related comment. Some witty banter ensued.

She said "well my dog's think your dog is hot so they want me to meet you so maybe they have a chance to meet him". I replied "well my offer for tomorrow night is still open". She says "what offer???" so I screen shotted the invite text and sent it to her. She said "I am so sorry but I never got that text.. I would love to meet you at cool place tomorrow but can we make it 7ish instead?".

So, we meet tomorrow. Did she really not see the text or was she vacillating and my funny follow up put her over the edge? Who gives a sh!t, I got the meeting I wanted. My in person game is pretty good, I have been able to bang every POF chick I have taken out more that twice. So I am hot for teacher!

 

[MOTU]

Met her last night. She's cute, petite, cheer coach. Used to be an EMT. One grown kid, never married. We had a couple beers and when I left after an hour and a half or so I could tell she wanted me to stay longer. This one could be fun.

 

[MOTU]

Haha she texted me before I even got home. I had challenged her on the name of a song and she texted it to me with some other banter. I said "google much?" And left it at that.

I have a date with another plate prospect tonight and leave for Miami tomorrow til Wednesday then a bike rally Thurs-Sun so she'll have to wait. I'll keep contact to a minimum. I have had good success just sending interesting pictures from time to time with little or no convo. It's funny how the chicks call me things like "the strong but silent type" or "mr busy" lol but they all comment on the fact that I don't call or text frequently.

I decided a couple weeks ago to upgrade my plates and it has been easier than I thought. I have learned a lot here, thanks to all who have contributed.