Please Tell Me that I'm Normal...(yes, it's AFC and long-winded)

[davelmn2003]

Exactly two months have passed since I last went out with this girl for whom I developed an intense love, or infatuation if you will? In the meantime, I?ve gone through all kinds of thought, you name it. I wonder if you guys ever think about the love that could have been? I mean, it seems so amazing to me that at one point in time you and this girl could be so close, so intimate, and you felt totally in love, but all of a sudden, you crashed and burned?and you only found out after you fell onto the ground. Now you?re shunned and avoided. As the Beatles sang??why she had to go I don?t know, she wouldn?t say? And now I?m longing for yesterday?Do you ever think about how a girl you once love and perhaps still love or think about, is doing? Perhaps you?re separated by great distances?or perhaps she just lives several blocks away from you (as in my case), but she might as well be on another continent? I mean, every night I sleep on the bed she once slept on, and I look at the mirror and I see the lips she once kissed so passionately.

In the meantime, I?ve tried to move on. I took your DJ advice. The best way to forget your old girl is to find new ones. I went to the clubs and bars on my own, seeking to find new women who could cure me of this sickness of heart. To be sure, I got some great physical contact with some lovely girls, but after some moments of excitement I reverted to my pensive mood.

I?ve been keeping a ?notebook? on my computer about ?my? girl since the first date. As time went on I find myself adding to the notebook?even though there are no new events. I keep on adding every single detail about the date that I could think of and that I didn?t write down initially. In time, the notes can amount to a term paper, complete with a bus ticket (pinpointing the time-space of our chance encounter), pictures of places we visited, and the beer bottle she once drank from, and the piece of paper on which she first wrote down her name and number, a number that, if I should call, no one would ever answer again? I mean, I?ve even saved the receipts from restaurants that we went to; again, with the precise time-space in which we once found ourselves?

I always wonder, I spend so much time savoring all the moments we shared, every detail of it; remembering all the ?important dates??the first date we met, the dates of our dates, the last date we saw/communicated with one another. And I think to myself, as I write of and think about her right now, she probably wants to banish me totally from her thoughts?that is, if I even come up in her thoughts at all!

 

[Ofus]

Been there. I can tell you, just get over it and move on asap. Sometimes you meet a girl and you get captivated, and you realize that there is no way it will work but you still get stuck thinking about her.

Just realize its done and over, its worthless to think about it, and try to keep your mind on other things. Keep going for new girls. As more time goes by you'll think of her less and less. Thinking about other girls will speed it up.

I think it was pook that said, "for every love that dies a new love is born." It is true.

 

[Starman]

I too have been burned in the love game from a certain special someone.

I know what you mean man..I think back to all the good times, all the memories..and now I dont even talk to her..ive moved on..and realized it was infatuation..

what helped me

throw away all her stuff..memoirs..because I was living in a fantasy..I did alot of exercising, reading , and trying to understand my own feelings of pain and suffering..and met some great new women along the way (although at first these new women never even compared to the ex oneitus)

you need to get over the denial phase..and throw away all that garbage you have saved..it is doing you no good.

PM me if you want to talk sommore

 

[Howie Farkes]

or perhaps she just lives several blocks away from you (as in my case)

Hold this thought for a second. So you found a soul mate living only a few blocks away? So despite there being 3 billion females on the planet you found the "one and only" within your own community of perhaps 10,000 people - geez what are the chances of that??? Hey, maybe there are more girls in your city or state who are even more excellent (just thinking of the math here). And these girls will be more more excellent because despite your oneitis' good points she posesses a terminal flaw - she doesn't want to be with you. So get over it and find someone who does.

 

[Grey Fox]

Hmm, though I am no doctor, I'd say your suffering from a severe case of oneitis. The fact that you saved a bunch of junk like a better bottle and bus tickets, even suggests your obsessed to the point that it is unhealthy. I'm not saying your not normal but due to your emotions running at such a high level your ability to act rationally has been deminished greatly. For a DJ emotion is the enemy of logic, you should save such powerfull emotions for a LTR.

I'm going to take a reasonalbe shot in the dark and say that she left you because she felt you "somthered" her or you were better off as being "friends." You need to ease off when dealing with women, getting the way you did over this girl was a kiss of death. I'm going to suggest somethings you can do in the future to make problems like this easier to deal with.

1. Live in the present. The memories of your emotions will only hurt your future dealings with other women especially if you use this last girl as a standard which you seem to have glorified. When you are alone I want you to say to yourself, out loud 5 times each "Its Over" and "She's Never Coming Back."

2. Develop other options. This may shock you, but women have no problem running several guy "friends" at once. The like to have their options open and reap all the economic benifits of having multiple guy "friends." Rather than fight the "War of the Sexes" with one hand tied behind your back, develop multiple leads. This will help spread out your interests and dampen your feelings so that you don't get so fixated.

3. You need to have a moment of clarity. I can tell there is a ton of thoughs, issues and feelings running through your mind. Take up a hobby, meditate on nothingness, or read some books that can help change your attitude.(Might I suggest Machievelli's The Prince, Niechze philosphy, John Locke and Thomas Hobbes, The Hagaruke and The Five Rings, and Ciecro's political speeches). Hopefully whatever activities you undertake to improve yourself or for the sake of diversion you will start to see underlying lessons that can teach you how to be calm, confident, emotionally in control and most importantly who you are.

4. Exercise. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and tension and that would normally sap your energy away. Also a healthy body promotes a healthy brain, and as a benifit your body is able to handle emotional problems better because it has been built up to take added stress through exercise.

5. Always remember there are millions of women out there. The girl you loved ain't that great. If she was really special and wonderful like you think she was and happy with what she had, she wouldn't have burned you. Swallow the pill and admit that she burned you, she didn't love you and that you should move on.

6. Realize that if you don't drop this sorry attitude and obession, all those pretty girls you do talk to will eventually go away. No one likes someone who goes around in a sad mood. No one can magically help you out of this, your going to have to honest want to change and honestly want to be down with this chick. Unless your intent is honest you will fail in getting over this girl and finding someone better.

-Grey Fox

 

[A1SteakSauce]

Island of the Lotus Eaters

Dave,

You're being a fag, and take it from a guy who lives in a city full of them. I can guarantee you she has not thought about you once, though perhaps she has made some fun at your expense with her friends.

I recommend taking a lot of supplements to crank up your metabolism and get you into the game again. St John's wort, or 5HTP to kill the shyness, get the serotonin flowing, and cilantro to ignite the fire inside. Kelp to ignite the sex drive and ground up pituitary to bump the testosterone. And in your case maybe some Jolt to get you crackling. You just have to get out of the Pansy mode before your balls fall off, you grow breasts, and you start getting labor pains and sympathy weight imagining the future you could have had together.

Then go to the gym, beat the crap out of the punching bags there, curse back at the next homeless bum that makes a rude remark at you (daylight crowded streets only), and my personal favorite, tell some woman who is hen pecking her AFC hubby in public that she has the ugliest goddam baby you ever did see and you ought to know as you work in a hospital maternity ward.

Damn if those things don't stink, make an awful noise, and puke all over you, though, am I right? Is that where you wanted to be, carting that **** around and paying the diaper bills, then having to fight for the sheets while avoiding the wet spot from some 300 pound walrus that lost her bladder control giving birth to the tyrant that will end your life? Cause that is where it was going with that attitude . . .

See, you lucky MoFo, you got out just in time. There is only one woman in the world worth all of that trouble and you sure as hell have not found her yet. You are lucky she hit your ejection button for you when you were too high on her liptstick and perfume to pull your **** out of a ligh socket as if you could have told the difference anymore.

Then the next hairy wench that crawls into your bed begging for some loving, instead of kissing her lips and turning into a love bunny, just turn her around, smack her on the ass, and do her from behind. Keeps the emotions from getting to strong. If she begs for it up the pooper as well, and then cleans your apartment, goes out for a six pack, and grills you a steak medium rare while you are zonked out in bed, then you might be on to something.

A1

( Disclaimor: Not all actions here may be appropriate for all individuals. But who the fukk cares what is appropriate anymore, anyway? )

 

[davelmn2003]

It's interesting that you should mention the likes of Machiavelli, Locke, and Nietzsche...I study philosophy and politics. I've read most of what you've recommended...but I'm totally distracted from my studies! I feel that my school work is affected adversely as well (I'm in grad school, which is pretty stressful already, and I feel that a great opportunity to break out of my little circle and find my true love is lost). Somestimes I feel so incapacitated by thoughts about my loss that I can't even function or study...I think I really need some help--and I thank you guys for the advice; I really don't know where else I can express some of these thoughts so frankly...

Just about ALL the women I've every been involved in, I think, were "smothered" by my enormous need for her love. I'm extremely needy, as they'd say. I just drain every ounce of energy out of girls--even girls who initially loved (not just liked) me...I still remember one woman once wrote me: "I feel that we are characters from a novel about forbidden love, a love that we want but cannot have"...

I'm just a very sentimental person. Let alone this girl, I have "artifacts" from girls that I knew from 3 years ago...You can say I have a small museum of failure. Sometimes I want to throw all that junk out, but I just can't bring myself to do it... I'm always living in the past, it seems.

I feel that it was fate that brought us together indeed. I live in a big city, and how coincidental it was that we should meet, and that we should live so close together...

I guess only Time will heal or lessen this pain...

 

[davelmn2003]

Indeed I curse...I normally say "fuk that bitc h" when I think of her...and I'm sure she's made fun of me...the way I dress, the place I live and so on. I can tell from the barely-repressed laughers of her friend when her friend talked to me on the phone.

I want to beat the sh1t out of the next guy who gets into my face or fuk the hell out of the next bitc h that I get a hold of...in the a s s no less!

 

[Pook]

Hi Davalmn!

It sounds you are suffering from a bad case of ROMANTICISM.

Perhaps this link will cheer you up:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22207

 

[davelmn2003]

Thanks for the link, Pook. It's a fascinating read so far (still reading it)!

 

[Walden]

Holy crap am I shallow!
I only came to this board cos I want to get laid more!

Hang in there bro!

 

[silverdog]

All these things you own about them, the small mesuem of ****, one word, it worked for me as well, get all that accumalated ****, and throw it in a steel bin, dowse it in fuel, and burn it all, the best time to this is in the middle of the night, just you, a warm jumper, old useless **** burining, a lawn chair, and a nice cold beer., and believe me, i have been in your situation before, it aint preety, but, hang in there, keep your chin up.

 

[Legend]

Man i thought i had it bad, me and my girl sorta have talked in about 5 days. I am going through nothing you are going through. I dont save her things, now that we have'nt talked for a lil bit i am mad enough to just walk away from her. I'm the MAN and why should i keep on putting effort into this chick and get little gains. I'm not going to do it any more, its not even worth it. Sure i feel like shyt, but as each day passes i hurt less and less. I would check my phone all the time to see if she called, i stopped doing this, i just leave my phone off, because i dont want to talk to this girl that does'nt appreciate me. Sure shes a piece of ass, and i would want to be with her, but i dont have time to waste on an ingrat girl. But she'll rather hang around with random dudes and her ex bf. I feel like telling her if shes happy be with them and leave my life completely.

She does'nt know i'm mad and i think she'll realize something is up after i cut all contact and never give her a second more of my life.

You seem very hurt and much of us have been where you are. I would get rid of all that shyt you are saving first of all. Why keep them? Its like you keeping a used condom....and if you have fvkced her i bet you did. Take that shyt to the trash asap man....


Why would you want a girl that hurt you? What is important is what makes you happy not her happy. She did'nt make you happy and you know she did'nt. To tell you the truth i hope you were in a LTR with this girl, if not you have a lot of work to do with your emotions.

Dont give yourself away to easy....let those fvcking *****s work a little.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Dave, your a lucky little b@st@rd. You have responses from some of the most experience DJ's. Take their advice it's right on the head. Your stuck on the past bro. It's time you started pushing yourself forward Dave. Throw that shiat away!! All it does is help you look at a closed door in your life. There are so many open doors right now why do you want to stare at one that you already passed through???

Stop being so needy, too. You can stop, because i did. Learn from your mistakes with this girl and utilize that knowledge for the next time.

Tell youself everyday, every moment you think of her, that you don't want a woman now. You want to live your life for yourself. Obviously she isn't worth your time now Dave. If she was you'd still be together. But you never will be again. Her loss Bro. Women of today are spoiled. She isn't worth anymore of your time.

Burn that shiat burn!!!

 

[Starman]

Dave,

I can tell you from a clinical perspective, if this situation has been occupying your everyday life and getting in the way of your daily activities(work, study , etc)

Its a case of obsessive/compulsive disorder. If you want to truly kick this, you need to seriosly sit down and reassess your life situation.

You need to begin to dig into the roots of your psyche and try to understand where all this "neediness and clinginess" and relying on one person to define yourself and make you happy..where these stem from?

Alot of times, people like this have childhood abandonement/attachment issues that stem from parent/child relationships that were less than perfect.

Reading (philosophy, politics) is a great distraction..but its somewhat ignoring the main issue at hand and trying to drown/mask it.

Get this book "How to break a love addiction" and read it. and do some of the stuff the guys above mentioned.

Ive been in your shoes and I can tell you , while your friends/DJ's are trying to be helpful, telling you to "Be a MAn! Get over it pvssy!, she never loved you! etc" isnt going to solve your problems.

your issue here is far greater and deeper than some girl that left you..and these negative feelings your experiencing have some deep rooted childhood trauma that you need to face and rectify.

good luck man

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Dave,

You're post really hit the mark, for me, Man. That is almost poetry.

You've captured the essence of infatuation and put it into words.

The wounds will heal, but the scars will always remain. It's tough getting over that one girl.

 

[davelmn2003]

Thank you for all of your posts. I'm glad that I've found this forum full of people who can share their experiences and empathize with one another. I'm going to educate myself and start things anew, trying to meet more interesting and lovely women. One positive thing that emerged out of this has been a momentum to pursue women actively. Before "her", I basically gave up looking, (it was she who led me on in the beginning, out of the blue).

Now I find myself coming here often, getting educated, and hopefully, getting ready for the brave new world out there.

Again, thanks for all your posts!

 

[Starman]

What exactly have you started doing differently?

you seem to have went from hopeless to cheerful?

Just a bad day?

Im tellin ya dawg..THROW that shyat out! even BURN it! it helped me.

 

[davelmn2003]

I still have a lot of issues to deal with, Starman; that little "museum" I have is chief among them. I feel that I'm disappointing a lot of you, because I still don't have what it takes to throw it away or burn it...I know that as long as I can't shed that historical baggage I can't live the future, but it's so hard to do. I'm afraid I might regret not having any trace of her after I do what I have to do, even though that what I must do!

 

[Starman]

dont worry about trying to please a forum.

Im just relating to you from personal experience. Those little trinkets you keep are your way of subconsciously clinging on to something, that you know is gone.

Kind of like when someone close to you dies and you keep all their clothes, furniture , etc..and look at it everyday and mourn.

Its a fear of letting go..and being by yourself in this "cold and shallow" world. Its the only comfort you have to feel better, but ironically, it is making you feel worse.

Throw one item away a day. and know your actions have a purpose. To move on.

I really empathize with you, because you were me a few years back. coming home to an empty apartment .. with nothing there but faded memories and things to remind you of them.

Its a horrible situation..and I would not wish that on anybody.

I wonder if this girl knows exactly what you are going through. I'll bet she has no clue.