Please tell me how dumb I am...

[Gettingchiksandstuff]

So I met this girl through my roommate, and didn't realize that she had just come out of a 7 year relationship. She wasn't upfront about it either. Finally her friend tells me at a bar one night. We hooked up a few times. She never brought it up so I didn't push the issue. Then I finally made her tell me what was up because she was acting weird. Then she tells me a little about what happened but I could tell it wasnt the full truth. Then she starts talking about how she wants to be just friends now and I'm say ok im cool with that...probably a dumb idea on my part but I was thinking she needed a friend and was kind of fed up with how she was acting and treating me. Now every time I text her she acts completely unfriendly like she is still playing mind games with me even tho we are just friends. She is good friends with my roommate so it's inevitable that I will see her continuedly. She came over to hang out with him the other day and neither mentioned to me that she was coming over. She was cold toward me so I went to the gym to avoid any bs. I come back (they were drinking with another of their friends at our place) and she was completely different acting all friendly. I still didn't pay any attention to them just did my thing. Then she text me later saying "are you mad at me." I didn't respond because I'm done with maintaining a relationship that seems immature to me. What should my plan of action. I originally cared about this girl but am now disillusioned about the whole thing. I'm considering just being moderately friendly if I see her but never initiating any contact ever again... Words of wisdom?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Then I finally made her tell me what was up

(facepalm)

Then she starts talking about how she wants to be just friends now

Like most other "I have a problem with a girl" threads on sosuave, this one starts with you taking a woman's words seriously. You twist her arm to get her to say something, then you take what she spits out as some sort of holy commandment that shall never be altered.

Words are stupid, especially coming out of the mouth of a woman when she is talking about her feelings. Stop paying attention to them. If you had done that, you would be having sex with her right now.

 

[Leaf]

1) 'she had just came out of a 7 year relationship' - who cares. You're hooking up. She has her skeletons in the closet as do you. Why ruin a good thing to keep pestering someone about it.

2) 'She says she just wants to be friends' - good that you agreed and let it be. Bad because you killed the vibe

3) 'She acts unfriendly in text' - easy. stop texting her. Find a new lady of interest and let it go. If she wants you, she will come looking and you can pick up where you left off once her head space is good because from (1) and (2), you've already turned yourself into more friendzoned than love interest.

4) 'Are you mad at me' - You ignored her because you're butthurt you didn't get what you wanted. The perception is from your point of view. Never let a girl see a chink in your armour. You should have played it cool, said hi, then friendly disappear off to the gym if you needed to.

5) The immature one I see here rather is you my friend. At no point do I see this as a conflict between two people in a serious relationship but one that is starting out and alls fair in love and war. People have secrets and pasts. You don't need to tell everyone.

6) You are good with your plan of acting friendly to her but seeing nothing of it. Keep that up and find a new chick. Even better, don't get emotionally attached and spin her as a plate and get sex.

Why should you listen to me? Because I was you once.

 

[badboyjmm]

The responses are solid. You don't fix something that's not broken. If you want it to be in a relationship with this girl, you just had to play your position and let her initiate ''the talk''

It pretty much a lost cause now.

 

[Huffman]

Please tell me how dumb I am...

You're really dumb.

 

[MountainSlide]

Words of wisdom?

I am feeling like I have some of those. First of all you are acting like AFC. Putting that aside, you are actin' all insecure, like "she is the one". You say that you aren't talking to her right now because of how she is treating her, but in reality shortly you will be talking to her because I bet you can't stop thinking about her.

One time I was dating this girl, when I was younger, and I turned all AFC. And this chick just quit talking to me, didn't even break up, just stopped talking. And I was all upset and obsessing and ****. Anyway I made a deal with my roomate that he could hook me up with his girl and I would hook him up with mine because at least then someone would be getting laid. So he was smashing it for a while and I found a new girl, a better girl, a more beautiful girl, that also had a better personality. I came home with her and the one that couldn't be bothered to dump me was over and I kicked her ass out, never heard from her or saw her again, but it didn't matter.

What I am trying to say is that this one may or may not have been killed. I would be leaning more towards it is killed. If I were you I would be going to find a new girl or maybe a few. Sure this girl may still be on your mind but you will find your way. I got a girl that I am thinking about right now, but I ruined it because I texted her that I was horny and she wasn't down for it and now she doesn't want to talk to me anymore but I just wanted to have sex with her, like what is wrong with that? Anyway now I am dating this other girl that I respect more and I wouldn't just randomly text her that I am horny.

 

[Gettingchiksandstuff]

Nice. Thanks for the input everyone. I figured I killed it already and need to use it as a learning experience.

So basically I should just be emotionally unattached, get some options going, not be an AFC and take everything women say with a grain of salt...?