Please I need help..I am too damn nice, help me.

[jackhamma]

I use to not care about pursuing women. I use have them pursuing me. I use to be confident, smooth, and not hesitate when cold approaching.

I don't know what has happened to me but over the past 2 years I have hit rock bottom. I am WAY to nice, get taken advantage of, feel bad for girls that treat me like crap and play games, and when I do get a woman thats pursuing me I become obsessed with seeing them and my emotions go through the roof.

WTF is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I use to NEVER be like this...it seemed to progress worse and worse over the past 2 years. Every time I meet an attractive woman I say the wrong things that I KNOW I should not say. I reveal all my cards way too soon. I turn them OFF.

I meet attractive women, they are attracted to me but instead of playing it cool and smooth I run my mouth, I act stupid, act like a high school girl.

Please any everyday tips, guidance on how I can make a change would be greatly appreciated...

 

[Jair213]

Sign of test levels dropping?

 

[marmel75]

Sign of test levels dropping?

Exactly my thoughts...low test levels and/or potential estrogen dominance

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Simple: in the battle of logic vs. emotions, you're letting your emotional side win more.

LOGICALLY, you know the moves you're making are wrong. However, your EMOTIONAL LOGIC is tricking you into thinking that your non-emotional side is wrong; that you need to be doing or saying certain things to get women to like you, and that not doing these things will cause her to lose interest. Your emotional side fears failure and loss, and will bypass your non-emotional logic because it's going based off of FEELING instead of FACT. So, while you clearly know what moves you're doing to mess up your chances with these women, your decisions are being made based mostly on emotions, which will cause you to fail more often than not.

The easy suggestion? If you are thinking about making a move that you KNOW is the wrong move, you have to either (a) commit to NOT doing that thing and know it will be better in the long term; or (b) you have to find a way to not do these things that will convince your emotional side that it's a good idea, and that it's actually MORE harmful to it and your chances of scoring with said girl if the action is performed.

For example: texting a girl too much. For all the arguments people have on here about whether or not it should be done (I don't think it should, many think otherwise), most can agree that doing it too much can cause a girl to be turned off. So, logically, you shouldn't do it so much. However, your emotional side will have you thinking: "But I have to contact her so she'll know I care and she won't run away!!" What's the emotional fear? The pain that comes with LOSS. Your emotions FEEL as though the girl will want to leave you if you're not hitting her up all the time. So what happens? You start hitting her up more, she gets annoyed, and she ends up leaving you!

Therefore, you have to convince your emotional logic side that the action you want to do is actually MORE harmful than if you were to do it. In this example, you could remind yourself that everytime you've started over-texting a girl, it's usually resulted in her not responding to you after a short time. Then, you would do a small test to show your emotional logic that not contacting a girl for a few days will give you positive results. I did this a few years ago, and the results were that I got more dates, longer-lasting relationships, and - if I tried to wait 4 days between contact - I got hit up more often by the girls I was after, who were all eager to see me because they hadn't heard from me in a while (i.e. 2 days, lol). As a result, I was able to convince my emotional logical side that less texting (for me) was a more POSITIVE action than contacting them all day long. So now, my emotional side doesn't feel anxiety when I don't hit up a girl after 2 days because I've convinced it (via action and proof) that it works too well to NOT do it.

That's the best advice I can give you on it. Emotional logic is not your natural ally, my friend, but you can convince it to work with you with a lil' practice. Good luck!

 

[skinnyguy]

You might have depression

 

[Anargyros]

You might have depression

Agreed. Is this the only change you have noticed in your life?

 

[salinechow]

Dude are we long lost brothers?

Get in the gym! 6 days a week. Add yoga or swimming or running for 2x days if you have time. Personally, I would make the time.(also, the more things you do the more you network, the more you network the more plates you can add)
It will get those Testosterone levels up. Whether your T levels are clinically low or not really doesn’t matter the more the better. Working out will give you a bump and it will help. I am telling you from experience as an AFC you need to be working out.

Secondly, find an ugly chick or just a chick you are not into. Pour your gooey, lonely, poetry writing, romantic, AFC heart out to this chick. Get it out. Like when you drink to much and need to pull the trigger and puke to relieve the nausea. Tell her about other chicks and what you feel and your plans and who you really are. When she swoons and listens it will feel good and will calm that side of you. Then, when she speaks and feeds your ego it will help. NOW, PAY ATTENTION. This is the most important part. DO NOT LISTEN to her advice about anything! When she tells you not to change who you really are, argue with her about why you should indeed treat girls differently than you are use to or comfortable doing. Tell her about all the pain you may have suffered and why the old you worked when woman use to come to you and why the AFC you needs to be drowned. This will help you convince yourself that what you read here (on the forums) works, despite your heart saying to you romantic comedies is what chicks really want.

There is a saying: First you think, then you say, then you do. Talking with this girl will help you say to yourself what you really want to be. A MAN! So in short, purge to her and then lock that sh1t up. When she validates it, argue why its wrong. Im doing it right now and it is helping tremendously.

Hell, I even let you cry on my shoulder so long as I know that afterwards you drown that AFC bastard! Then, the next time your are talking to a HB you narrow your eyes, smile like a jackal, make her laugh, compliment her watch while you hold her hand to look at it. Then shut the FVCK up unless the next phrase from your mouth is "So HB, what time on that watch of yours is good for a sushi dinner? Or would you just prefer to get to know me better over some coffee? If you will see her again, then practice just walking away after a good, short, funny, interaction and build desire. Hers! not yours! Repeat.

Save that Hallmark card BS for way, way, in the future. I am telling you my friend, what we are, talking to much with girls, seeking their emotional validation of our feelings, and obsessing over anyone of them that shows you the slightest hope of attention is DOWNRIGHT not EVER going to work! I did it and I did it well. I got bupkiss from it. Starting all over in my 30's.

Lastly, add plates, swipe right man, categorize later. The more plates you have spinning the less the mistakes will sting. The more mistakes you make and the faster you do it the better you will get. If you are only prospect one girl a week that AFC as$wipe is going to gain traction. Go on Tinder, go to the bookstore, go to Starbucks, go to the gym, go out, alone if necessary. I actually did this the other night with inspiration from an article I read here. It worked beautifully. I had a HB 8 invite me to hang with her and her buddies! Told her to buy me a drink and she did it happily! 6 weeks ago I was saturating my pillow in tears over a girl I knew for 5 weeks. I never would have dreamed that I would go out alone, in my 30's, and having girls buy me drinks and invite me to hang with them. You came to the right place when you found this site. You asked for help and you are getting it. If you dont listen, if you dont try, if you dont read and apply and practice you are doomed. If you wasted my time by me reaching out to you typing this sh1t out then I hope you fail. Na never mind, thats just the testosterone talking. Best of luck, Im here if you need me.

 

[marmel75]

You might have depression

Again one of the main symptoms of low test or estrogen dominance

 

[mbas44]

Again one of the main symptoms of low test or estrogen dominance

Agreed. Ive been through low T and it aint pretty. we are being assaulted these days with environmental stressors that do this.. Mine was due to a head injury let me tell you it turns you into a totally different person. nuerotic, needy, nervous..I remember when my T was in the low 300s i was an emotional wreck. It cant be overstated the effect hormones have on your psyche and ability to attract women. When you are balanced a lot of this Don juan stuff just sorta flows naturally..when your not, boy its like trying to see through 8 layers of dirt on your windshield while going 90 mph.

 

[stevo]

If you wasted my time by me reaching out to you typing this sh1t out then I hope you fail. Na never mind, thats just the testosterone talking. Best of luck, Im here if you need me.

Haha cracked me the hell up! Solid advise though :yes: nothing to add to it.