Please Help

[GaryNas]

Hey everyone, I need major help, I feel so crappy right now. I went to a club tonight with some people and had a pretty good time, but I couldn't approach any women at all, even after a few drinks. I couldn't even say "Hi", or "Nice boots", or whatever. In my AFC days I would do the dance thing where a girl dances near me so I start to move in. I wasn't an AFC tonight, but I wasn't a DJ either. I wasn't anything. I think part of my problem is my super low self esteem, even though I have no reason to have it. I give myself an 8/10. My teeth are perfectly straight and white, I have tanned skin, I'm thin, nice hair, nice eyes, great job, still in school, etc. but none of that matters to me. I just can't approach women due to the fear of rejection. I NEED to get over this fear somehow and quickly! I was teased in elementary school and didn't have many friends in high school, so I *know* that's the root of all this. I've read the bible, but I'm too chicken **** to apply any of it! I hate myself.

Please offer some/any advice.

Thanks guys, you're the best.

 

[Skel]

go back to the DJ bible and do the Excercises again if you havent already

 

[tristan22]

Dude you have got to stop being so insecure! With your disposition, you're getting rejected even before you approach.

Believe me, you are going to get rejected, however it's really not that big of a deal. THink about it this way, the more times you get rejected, the less it's going to effect your feelings. Your confidence will sky rocket and the chicks will smell it.

Don't overanalyze your situation, you will only drive yourself crazy!

Good Luck,

Tristan

 

[smooth666]

Try to improve your social skills in public.

In a club setting everything boils down to picking sb up. This might put a lot of pressure on you(+fear of rejection).

I would rather practice in the mall, cafe etc. where you can just practice convo,flirting casually to get the right confidence and mind set again.

Cheers!

 

[Cold Heartbreaker]

Gary,

Less theory and more action. Forget about techniques for now and just concentrate yourself in opening more and more chicks. FIND something unusual abouth them and just use it as an opener. Not just in clubs, but EVERYWHERE. Open chicks everywhere. Feel the fear running through your veins that almost paralise you and go for it. Approach them in a calm, disarm and playfull way, dont hit on them. The fact that you are good looking will work on your favour but you will be potentially rejected a lot because you lack GAME. I´m not a good looking guy but I try! I love being rejected because I learn a lot and eventually some of the doors I knock just open.

Get some attitude, grow some balls and go out in the field.

 

[ToP DoN]

grow some

balls and stop being a biatch

 

[diablo]

Re: grow some

Originally posted by ToP DoN
Grow some balls and stop being a biatch

I've yet to see a post from you that is actually intelligent or well thought-out. You'd think that on a popular board such as this, people would me a tad bit more mature.


As for the confidence, I'd highly recommend the DJ Bible as was stated before. I'm still in stage 1 - haven't had time (or perhaps I'm procrastinating and trying to not go outside of my box) to really begin yet... hm, that's something I need to look at.

 

[NewMan]

These things don't happen overnight.

Being a DJ doesn't mean you approach 10 girls every time you go out.

Perhaps the time was not right - sometimes things don't click - maybe just the fact that your feeling off.

It happens to everyone.

Next time just go out to have fun. Don't make women the # 1 thing - but if you see someone you like - then go for it.


Like anything - sometimes you take 2 steps forward and one step back. As long as you can relaise what is happening and move forward you'll get to the top of the mountain.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

What is it that you fear? Rejection? I'll give you something greater to fear - that is, you being alone at 40 years old and regretting your inaction for the past two decades, with 'what if' scenarios running through your mind!! Agonizing over "what could have been".

Your personality is probably reserved and quiet and you are not one who is very vocal with strangers, this is normal behavior for many people so don't sweat it. If you fear 'cold' approaches to such a degree that it paralyzes you then I recommend hanging out in groups and let others initiate convo or introduce you to others. This is not so much as an one-on-one contact, since others may be involved in the convo as well.

Also join functions, activities or organizations whereby you will share a common interest with your target and this will make a much more natural progresson towards introduction or convo, since you share a topic of interest.

The more natural the setting and relevant the topic of conversation, the easier it is to approach and maintain interest.


If things are going so well in your life then why are you feeling so 'crappy'. Are you constipated? Do those other things have any value or would they only mean something when there is a woman in your life? Don't wait for a woman to make your life complete or happy - enjoy the journey in life amd don't wait until you reach the final destination. The journey lasts for 60, 70, 80 years, but your 'final' destination (accomplishment/goal) may be had for only a few years, if ever at all!

"It's all in the journey" - enjoy it!!!

 

[GaryNas]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
What is it that you fear? Rejection? I'll give you something greater to fear - that is, you being alone at 40 years old and regretting your inaction for the past two decades, with 'what if' scenarios running through your mind!! Agonizing over "what could have been".

I'm terrified of rejection. I have a problem with taking rejection WAY too personally when I know I shouldn't. Looking back though, and trying to make an excuse, I think it was an off night. At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You fear rejection from others because you were rejected from others when you were younger and this made you feel miserable and you don't want to feel this way again - so you avoid any situations that will bring forth this feeling of unworthiness - you want to move forward and not remember your pain from the past!

Deep down you don't like yourself and this seems to stem from your past interactions with others who rejected you - why are you letting others define your existence?? Your worth is not based on the perceptions of others rather it is your thinking and actions that determine your worth!! Quit taking 'rejection' as a judgment upon your character and worth and just take it as a personal choice from a girl who rather be without your company - this is not based on you or anything you said or did because she doesn't know you - so quit taking it personal.

Do you like every woman you see? Do you have to accept the advances of every girl that comes up to you? No? Then why do you expect a woman to accept every man that comes up to her? This is her choice and she is under no obligation, so quit fretting over nothingness - it is not what you want, it is what she wants! Get over your past negative experiences or else you'll never develop as a man, you are no longer a child! Don't let others from the past dictate your future worth and happiness - why let them win!!

 

[Genghis Juan]

GaryNas,

I can relate to you. In HS, I was probably at least an 8 in looks, but I completely lacked confidence and was severly shy. I had only a handful of friends and I wouldn't be able to approach women if my life depended on it.

Later on in college, I broke out of the shell, and had a great time hooking up with 8's or better.

After college, in the midst of an LTR, I lost most of my hair, and my confidence with it. To a lesser extent than in HS, I sort of crawled back into a shell when it came to interacting with attractive girls.

Now, I have shaved my head, I am recieving better responses again, and slowly working on my game, physique and career. I want to get back to where I belong.

I highly recommend you to do the BootCamp in the Archives. I must admit to procrastinating to do it, but I plan on doing it.

One thing I try to keep in mind is, so what if a girl rejects you? She is just a girl, she is not going to chop off your head or kill you if she isn't attracted to you. Its not HS anymore, the whole city isn't going to label you as a loser.

PRL made a beautiful point: We all have the freedom of choice in the dating scene. There are times when we have sensed that a girl was interested in us, but we turn away because she wasn't up to snuff or whatever. Of course, women have their choices to make as well. Just because a woman rejects you, doesn't mean you're ugly or stupid. You may have not been her type, she may have been in a bad mood, who knows? As hard as it is, try not to take it personally. The more times you are rejected, the easier it will be.