Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jasmine]

Hi Guys,

A little while ago I started going out with a really lovely guy... i asked him out and we 'clicked' from the beginning, agreeing to be exclusive on the second date!!

My prob is it seems I have given too much to the relationship and he has gotten used to it. I drive him places (his car is off the road at the moment) and a lot of other things such as this, and although he thanks me, I feel like he is just not contributing as much to the relationship. He stays at my place quite a lot (this part I am happy about, I love to have him over), but I feel like I am falling into the role of mother.

What would you guys do about this? I really want to keep seeing him, but would really like to see a little more give and take in the relationship.

Thanks, as always, for your advice!! It helps tremedously.

Jas

 

[CLOONEY]

be open about it, tell him, but try to sound like you are not directly attacking him in the process, you are a girl, you know what I mean, use the right words.

take it easy

 

[Jasmine]

Thanks Clooney! Any ideas on how to do this though? I hate using negatives, like 'you never...' and really need to be able to say it in a way that he'll be happy to go along with.

Any other insights you could give me would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jas

 

[confus4ever]

Be open about it
The big concern i see here is that if he is getting used to the "mothering" sort of speak nature that you give him, he'll always expect it. This leads to co-dependancy. I know, cause i've had 2 long term relationships with women that gave me alote. I took advantage of it. I wish they would have challenged me more in other ways to keep me thanking god i had them then to feel it was given to me

Hope this helps

 

[Don Ronny]

Start making him earn your favors. He will appreciate them alot more.

If he protests, go C&F on his ass. Tell him aint a damn thing in this world for free and he has to earn his keep. Start getting him to do you favors and quit bein such a doormat!

Of course you could just dump his sorry MamasBoy ass and get with a real man for a change.

You know, someone who will take care of you sometimes and give you foot massages after a rough day, maybe whip up a delicious meal and rub your tummy when you are PMSin. Someone who has his own life and doesn´t cling to you like a wet rag... but when around you is mad passionate and showers you with soft caresses and delicate kisses.

Yeah, I am an awesome boyfriend..all my Ex´s want me back. Just broke up with my LTR and she is buggin out on me right now. Ironically enough, I dumped her for the same reasons you are expressing...too clingy and dependant on me. I am lookin for a more self-sufficient lady who will share her life with me, instead of sucking my energy dry like a fukkin leech!

Hmmm

Tell ya what. You sound like a nice girl. Once you get bored of Junior and decide to move on, PM me a few pics and we´ll see if you make the cut

 

[Jasmine]

Confus4ever, this is gold! When you said you wished they challenged you more, how could they have gone about this?

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

I´d have to agree with Don Ronny on this one...except for the hitting on you part...(what were you thinkin DR?)

Dont fall into the trap of motherhood. He will only take you for granted and it will ruin everything.

C&F is the way to go I think.

Next time he wants something, tell him NO! and see how he reacts. He will probly get spoiled like a little boy and throw a tantrum, thats when ya give him a good spankin!

 

[CLOONEY]

ok how exactly can you tell him. Well you could tell him that you aint a taxi service and that this aint no 5 star hotel. But I dont think that will go down to well.

You gotta just ask him to do things for you. Eventually he will get his car back on the road and that will be one problem solved. If he stays at your house and you enjoy him staying there then there is no problem. Tell him what you want, for him to cook for you ocassionaly, for him to do something for you.

It all just depends, I mean if he is a nice guy and spends good quality time with you, and you dont mind doing things for him, then there is no problem. Favours like driving someone around arent the only gifts that people can give. If he still thinks you are his mother, tell him directly, a bit of conflict never hurt anyone. And if he really gets upset and u guys get into a fight he will get over it. If he doesnt then u have to consider if he was even worth the effort in the first place.

Good luck Jas.

 

[confus4ever]

i think what is important is to always keep the spark alive.

How do you challenge him in a way that he should be thanking god he has you?

Keep him guessing

I've never had to think about this part so i'll do my best.

I think it might go back to how it was when you first met. where you a challenge?
what did he have to do to get you?
Translate this in what does he have to do to keep you,

In favor..read my question on when she has a boyfriend, but flirts anyway.
I'd like to see your respone

 

[confus4ever]

to jasmine:

Did you understand what i meant by the last reply i gave you about "the challenge" you should give to him. Thanks for your responce in my akward matter. Any other advice you might lend?

 

[Jasmine]

I did understand what you meant by challenge... unfortunately he didn't have to do much to get me cos I asked him out! hehe. Any other ideas?

I am still thinking on your topic... it's a dicey one! Will get back 2 u!!!!

 

[Jasmine]

Oh, and I asked him to think about where he is going to take me out for dinner next week. A project!! hehe. was this a good idea do you think?

 

[confus4ever]

yes, that i believe was good. I have to thank you for taking in some of my reply's.
So you started the jungle of love. J/K
What i'm going to say is wierd, so here it is.How does one (meaning You) keep him wanting you so much that maybe from here on he will know that he has to impress YOU. I say this because I honestly think the woman leads the man in some ways. (other men probably differ) The answer is yours. Men and women serve our own leadership in a relationship, i think it's best to keep that man WANTING!
Giving is o.k , just not too much

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

Originally posted by Jasmine
Oh, and I asked him to think about where he is going to take me out for dinner next week. A project!! hehe. was this a good idea do you think?

GREAT idea! You can reward him afterwards and in this manner he´ll develop a Pavlovian association with doin you more favors.

Also, you should really be more of a challenge. Give yourself a little personal space and make him sweat a little. Tell him you are too busy a couple of nights and that you need your "me" time, but that you can get together on another night.

This is a great way to test his maturity levels too. Everyone has the right to some personal space so he if he throws a hissy fit, you know he is just a selfish little boy. If he respects your wishes and actually has things of his own to do, then congrats! you have found a MAN!

In short:

Stop being so readily available to him and watch his whole attitude change!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Jasmine
Oh, and I asked him to think about where he is going to take me out for dinner next week. A project!! hehe. was this a good idea do you think?

perfect, just as I was saying.

now just make sure he does it and doesnt only "THINK ABOUT IT"

 

[SamePendo]

Originally posted by Jasmine
but I feel like I am falling into the role of mother.

Well ¨Jas¨ I dont know how and where you were raised, but the common role of a mother does NOT include satisfying the sexual needs of her offspring.


Seriously, talk about it, if you want a good relationship, simply talk about it.
If by any reason he gets offended by you talking about it, he is a insecure bastard, you deserve better.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Jazmine, you have given too much into the relationship and this guy knows that he can control you. The only chance you have with this guy right now is if you put out. I mean get really "Christina Aguilera" dirrrrty on him and and sl*t it up.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Jasmine
Hi Guys,

A little while ago I started going out with a really lovely guy... i asked him out and we 'clicked' from the beginning, agreeing to be exclusive on the second date!!

My prob is it seems I have given too much to the relationship and he has gotten used to it. I drive him places (his car is off the road at the moment) and a lot of other things such as this, and although he thanks me, I feel like he is just not contributing as much to the relationship. He stays at my place quite a lot (this part I am happy about, I love to have him over), but I feel like I am falling into the role of mother.

What would you guys do about this? I really want to keep seeing him, but would really like to see a little more give and take in the relationship.

Thanks, as always, for your advice!! It helps tremedously.

Jas

ok mistake #1

You have to stop looking at 'THE RELATIONSHIP' there is no such thing as 'the relationship' it is a only a female concept and it doesn't exist for men. By creating a relationship entity you are essentially creating a list of wrongs and rights. People in love don't do that. They don't keep a list. they are togeather for each other. They don't complain every time that list isn't balanced.

There is no relationship entity between you. so stop looking at what you put into it and what he doesn't. That is the mistake you are making. Be a nurturer and he will be your provider. Support him and he will protect you. Ask yourself what you can do to prove to him that you are a suportive woman and that you are willing to give yourself completely to him. If he doesn't respond then he doesn't like you ... and you just move on.

Therefore, it is your job just to be there for him. If you feel that he isn't there for you then talk to him about it. Tell him and be outspoken about it. But don't use the term 'relationship' he won't respect you for it.

I don't have much respect for women that always think about the relationship and not me.

 

[jakethasnake]

Now ain't this sum trippy shyt. A female AFC asking men for advice.

But don't worry Jasmine - it looks like you're in more than capable hands, judging by the advice given here.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
But don't worry Jasmine - it looks like you're in more than capable hands, judging by the advice given here.

But pay the most attention to my advice.