Please Help!

[Spinning Spinning]

Okay so I'm going O/S with my wife in June for 4 weeks. I guess this is our chance to work it out and I think she may feel the same way too. Just to put some perspective, even though I'm still quite young I've been with my wife for a decade. I guess if I forget about office girl once O/S I'll know that Mr Niceguy was spot on. If I still keep thinking about her then I have some serious issues to deal with when I get back.

With regards to office chick I really think she is over the flirting and just wants to be approached. She hasn't been looking over as much and as she was leaving yesterday she was walking by my area and stopped in the vicinity for no apparent reason and loitered for about 30 secs. She then looked over said bye and left. It didn't occur to me at the time that she may have been giving me an opportunity to approach as I'd only had 2 hours sleep and was pretty much sleepwalking by this stage of the day. But I found the behaviour puzzling and the more I thought about it the more I realised that she was giving me a chance. You see it's almost impossible to approach her at any time without people wondering WTF is going on. Plus after what happened with the messenger obviously I'm very guarded with anything I do. I guess she's dug her own grave there.

So I know I've drained you all bigtime with this and really appreciate all the help provided but all things considered do you think this may be the case? My mate says I'm reading too much into it and I just need to let it go but I can't, not until I'm sure. It's like she's put some sort of spell on me.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

A lot of what you say makes serious sense. I never thought that it may be in my head but no I've been around long enough to know, it's not in my head. My mates at work have seen it unfold and in the original message I first sent her went something like "I really hope you don't mind me saying but you look beautiful today in that grey dress". Her response was not that of an annoyed person and was accompanied by a big smilie . She didn't sound too cut to me. That's what's so confusing. The thing is I did take it as a sign of rejection when she told my boss but she pushed her way back in, slowly but surely. She just changed so much over that one weekend, she must've fkd another dude for sure, felt a little secure and fkd me off. Maybe this dude fkd her off and that's why she came back.

I'm married bro my sex life is non existent and I'm still in my early 30s with plenty to give. That's what's brought all this about. It just seems a shame to not have good sex for the rest of my life that's all. I don't want to be judged, I'm just really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Alas if I'm to follow the advice given to me it seems it will all end in tears. It's just really hard to let go because I know there's something strong there. I get this nervous feeling in my guts whenever she's around, really hard to concentrate at work. My mate reckons if I've got that feeling so does she. One girl said she may be confused as well as overwhelmed with how much she likes me (sounds like a longshot to me).

BTW it was me who mentioned the gay guy thing and it was this chick who was doing it lol shock/horror.

Thanks for your help mate.

 

[Pneuma]

A lot of what you say makes serious sense. I never thought that it may be in my head but no I've been around long enough to know, it's not in my head. My mates at work have seen it unfold and in the original message I first sent her went something like "I really hope you don't mind me saying but you look beautiful today in that grey dress". Her response was not that of an annoyed person and was accompanied by a big smilie . She didn't sound too cut to me. That's what's so confusing. The thing is I did take it as a sign of rejection when she told my boss but she pushed her way back in, slowly but surely. She just changed so much over that one weekend, she must've fkd another dude for sure, felt a little secure and fkd me off. Maybe this dude fkd her off and that's why she came back.

I'm married bro my sex life is non existent and I'm still in my early 30s with plenty to give. That's what's brought all this about. It just seems a shame to not have good sex for the rest of my life that's all. I don't want to be judged, I'm just really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Alas if I'm to follow the advice given to me it seems it will all end in tears. It's just really hard to let go because I know there's something strong there. I get this nervous feeling in my guts whenever she's around, really hard to concentrate at work. My mate reckons if I've got that feeling so does she. One girl said she may be confused as well as overwhelmed with how much she likes me (sounds like a longshot to me).

BTW it was me who mentioned the gay guy thing and it was this chick who was doing it lol shock/horror.

Thanks for your help mate.

Ugh. I just got out of a relationship where the sex dried up to the point of me being unhappy. I know how that feels and it sucks. Its better to be alone then in a relationship that dosn't make you happy. In the meantime it sounds like you have some soul searching to do. I don't know if you have any kids but if you do, I belive that you should at least try to work on the marriage. If not, maybe it is time to cut and run. That is up to you.

I read this book awhile ago and it really helped. Maybe it can do the same for you. I have no affiliation to the author or book...just sharing the link cause it helped me. BTW, I decided to end my previous marriage and also my latest relationship. It sucks yeah, but outside looking in, it was the right thing to do.

Oh and as far as your work deal. Dude, don't **** where you eat. Let it go. It sounds like you have some stuff to figure out first before you try some strange. Don't be that guy. Have some moral high ground.

good luck.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/

 

[Spinning Spinning]

It would be remiss of me to ask for so much advice and just ignore the most common theme here and that's to fk this bee arch off. So gentleman, i appreciate everything, today it starts. I'm ignoring her. Not to make her want me more to just fk her off. Wish me luck!

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Once again I said hi in the morning and remained professional but ignored everything else but dude you wouldn't believe it......she got so antsy and desperate abut the whole thing she went and sat right in front of me to talk to my boss (she never does this always calls him over to her desk) and literally kept looking over every half minute desperate for a look just anything at all. Then came the icing on the cake. At the end of the day she went up and spoke to my best mate at work who she basically has ignored from day one. Right in front me. LOL. Even he said mate she must want your attention badly. I think he summed it up well when he said "Mate, you are now in a massive tug of war". It's true huh? This is literally after only 8 hours of ignoring her. The cracks started to really show after about 5 hours.....and i picked the best day because I don't see her from thursday to Sunday. She's gonna be thinking about me for 4 days now frothing out I know it. Can't wait to see what happens on monday. Not that I'm gonna fk her I just want to watch her squirm now. Payback's a biatch.

Quick question....I was supposed to go in for 45 mins today to do a report on something.If I go will def see her better to make her wait yeah? Just give it a miss?

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Remote even though I considered it a victory and my mate pointed that out as well.......it still made me insanely jealous. Why? Especially considering she was giving me so much anyway? I actually had a go at him for telling me just before dinner because I couldn't stop thinking about it all through dinner. It really fkd me up even the he assured me she was doing it to get at me.

And should I go in today and just ignore her again or just go in after hours when she's not there?

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Ok bro done deal. You're sure as hell one convincing man.

With today. If I go in it'll be just me and her on that side of the office. This is pretty much the ONLY time she's ever approached me to talk since the messenger business as there's no one else around ie. my boss (who she'd look really foolish to if she approached me) and my team. Is it too early? She won't crack that quick will she? I mean, I've only ignored her this time for one day it's far too early yeah?

You're basically it for me now bro it's your call.

 

[Nycnyc]

Ok I've been fascinated by this thread for some reason and created an account just to respond. I promise you I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I'm being honest, am very successful with women, and I hope you take my advice as someone trying to help. I'm going to emphasize what remote mentioned, but you seem to be dismissing.

THIS WOMAN HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU. You are making a terrible terrible mistake.

There's a common rule of thumb - if a woman is interested, she makes it easy for you. Thats it- its simple. They flirt, they talk to you, they respond positively when you show interest. she has done nothing, and I mean NOTHING, to show she wants you. In fact, she has done the complete opposite, reporting you to her boss and generally avoiding you.

I'm sorry, but if I take the mindset that she is not only not interested, but generally creeped out by you, I can reframe every story you've told. Why is she supposedly sneaking glances at you? I'm imagining you staring creepily at her, and her trying not to look but reflexively looking to see if you're ogling her. Why does she pause by your desk? There's no reason! She's just working and happened to be standing there! She smiles at you? Im picturing an uncomfrtable, awkward smile because youre staring at her. You are seeing things that are not there. Period.

The woman doesnt even talk to you!! That's the most basic thing that even the shyest of women who are interested will do.

Im not even going to entertain the idea that she's a tease, or an attention *****, or just messing with you. I see nothing but a woman who probably carries herself in an attractive way, that most people view as being friendly and confident to all, but you are somehow spinning into some sort of direct interest in you.

Re-read your own posts - every word, every story is about what YOU are thinking, how YOU are interpreting her action, how YOU are feeling. The one and only true action she has taken is one that displays the complete opposite of attraction to you.

Look, you're not alone. The most common mistake guys make with women is seeing things the way they want to, not the way they are. That's why girls are always flaking, or not responding to texts and calls, and dumping guys. Because they are not interested in the guy, but the guy was too blinded by his own attraction to see the signs. In your case, you've taken it to a new level, where you basically have had not received the slightest sign of true attraction, and have conjured up a fantasy world where this woman desperately wants you and is playing some crazy game.

If you want to cheat on your wife, find a woman who actually likes you. Don't waste another second thinking about this one.

 

[MasterFuu]

She already reported you to your boss that's bad. Be careful next time you could get fired. Also anything you type in the company IM is recorded and can be used against you. Also your reputation can be ruined if your co-workers see you flirt with a female co-worker weather you are married or not it looks bad.
Don't sh$t where you eat you know that saying.

Someone I know that's married had affair with a female at work she got pregnant. The guy is married with 3 kids. Kept it secret for few months when one of other female co-workers (manager) called the wife and told her. Now he's screwed.

One current co-worker she BPD for sure loves attention and has like five different guys come up to her desk every day it's gross. Shes hot but also loves to flirt. Guess what I found out? Out of 30 workers in our department she took 7 of them to HR in the past year. For smallest reasons two of the cases are sexual harassment. To her its just a game and she's very immature and sadistic. One of our bosses his mom died the other day. The card was passed around for people to write on it sorry for the loss. Guess what she wrote? " Good Luck" ..wtf:box:

Some of these chicks use work as hunting ground and we are the prey. Be careful guys. Don't sh#t where you eat!

 

[Spinning Spinning]

@NYCNYC

Cool fair enough well I guess time will tell and thanks for your advice.

FWIW, chicks dig me too. I'm round 178 cm dark haired Greek 75kgs and ripped to the max. Women are always telling me I have amazing eyes. In general most women have a good perv. I'm used to this type of 5hit but no girl has ever rocked me like this before.

Whether she wants to fk me or not aside, she most definitely wants my attention, there's no denying that. I may be terrible at playing games but I've been with plenty of women before and know the signs. Originally when she first started looking and smiling I used to look the other way until I saw her screw her face up when i did it. Considering I was new to the job i thought I had better stop that 5hit pronto. See I knew straight away that I'd be tempted easily so I tried to just avoid temptation altogether, but when I don't look at her and she spends the whole day trying to get a look out of me, I'm not sure why else she'd be doing this. She approached me ONLY when no one was around which to me says she feels embarrassed about what she did. It was almost sneaky. I'm not sure how that's "Not talking to me". That's instigating the talking! Awkward smile bro please. You're basically assuming everything here. Don't forget, once the messenger incident was done with I didn't look at her at all in fact I went to great lengths to avoid any contact whatsoever. SHE was the one that kept looking at me doing anything to make eye contact, when she finally got it she didn't look away share stared me straight in the eyes. A few days later when she walked past she said hi and I said hi. Next time I saw her she was looking at me smiling again like all was forgotten like she thought she was back in my good books. One smile reminded me of the exact same look my wife gives me when she's pi55ed me off and wants to know if we're mates again. SHE has instigated ALL of this since the messenger incident. She's gone to a hell of a lot of effort for someone she doesn't like. Too much doesn't make sense. Stopping in my area for no apparent reason for 30 secs and then saying bye. If she didn't like me why would she be instigating all this contact? Generally avoiding me? She's done the exact opposite bro you sure you've read the thread properly? If she generally avoided me my life would be a whole lot simpler!

If you could give me an explanation for all of this I'd believe you a whole lot more. I can accept that she's just a psycho player that doesn't really want me and is using me for attention or that she's just evil but..........to say I'm imagining it all? That's a bit of a pi55take TBH.

There's a common rule of thumb - if a woman is interested, she makes it easy for you.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in along long time. Every woman is different you simply cant categorise women that way. For example A mate fkd some bird from work the other weekend and messaged her the next week asking her to come out. She declined and he thought it was up. I convinced him to try again the next week (from what I've read in here) after he decided to let it go. I asked my missus and she said no way if she liked the guy she would've made it very easy for him (just like you said) and that there's no way she'd go out with him. Guess what? She was wrong. Not only did she go out with him but she told him she really really likes him! every woman is different bro.

Thats it- its simple. They flirt, they talk to you, they respond positively when you show interest.

Which she has done all of and that's not making things easy. things are never easy in an office environment anyway. Our messages could be monitored at any stage, she could just be paranoid about that. Or, as PIMP so kindly suggested, she could just be a psycho or BPD as Maxi said.

You know what the bro, your suggestion that she doesn't like me has somehow eased the pressure a little. Cause if I knew for sure she didn't like me I could just let go so easily. If only I knew.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

One current co-worker she BPD for sure loves attention and has like five different guys come up to her desk every day it's gross. Shes hot but also loves to flirt. Guess what I found out?

This is sort of like her, maybe not the five guys but more like two but both are gay so go figure. But she def loves the attention and loves the flirt. Only thing is I only see her flirt with me and that's it. Unless you count the gay guy and the chick. That's the thing before I started messenging her I watched her for quite some time to see if she did the same with other guys. Nothing. Nada. Only with me. Others have tried but she wont even look in their direction. Like I said, I'm not crazy or dumb, I'm just sheizen at playing games with women. I'm the type of guy that will see a girl in a club and go up and grab her. I don't mince my words i just go for it. I find it difficult to play it hardball I'm very forward and open about things. That's another reason it's so difficult with this chick because I just can't be myself in the office.

Cheers Fuuman.

 

[Nycnyc]

I hear what you're saying, I still think you're seeing something that isn't there.

Here's another way to look at it. Why do you think one of the most common topics of this forum, and any dating website for that matter, is the "friend zone"? Men have a long history of interpreting a woman's friendliness as flirtation, her interest as attraction. They start seeing normal behavior of a social, nice girl as signs of attraction, then profess their interest only to get shot down. They project their attraction to the woman onto all of her completely innocent actions.

I did read all of your examples, but instead of looking for the signs of her attraction, I just read them objectively. I can honestly say, there is a simple, innocent way to look at basically all of her actions. Yes, she talked to you, yes she was friendly and had fun messaging you, etc. but none of this means she was ever attracted to you.

I literally read every example you gave as examples of a woman who was being friendly to the guy she sits across from at work. Maybe she genuinely likes you, thought you were funny, cool etc. but as an office FRIEND. And when she got the sense that you were interested in more (woman are super-intuitive about that sort of thing), she realized she needed to back off. And now, what you view as some sort of sexual tension or game playing, is just her trying to balance being friendly while knowing that you are attracted to her.

And yes, women do make it easy for you. Sure they play games, hard to get, lie, etc. But if a woman is TRULY interested, she doesn't flake, she doesn't act inconsistently, she responds to a mans interest and advances. She doesnt stop messaging with him. She doesnt talk to him less and less. And she definitely doesn't go to her boss and complain about a man she supposedly wants to bang.

Just my opinion

 

[Spinning Spinning]

That definitely makes more sense I could accept that for sure. But like i said, if she's not the friendly type she gives nothing else to ANYONE other than her gay possie. She craves my attention too much for someone that wants to be a friend. She knows how I feel and goes out of her way to get the attention. Then, when I take it away from her she goes up to my mate in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous. That is not a "friendly" move of an innocent girl that wants to be friends. This girl is not innocent no forking way.

She hasn't spoken to me less and less anyway. I'm not sure where you came up with that you seem to be inventing or assuming things a little to support your argument. Like i said things intensify then drop off then intensify. Classic game play.

Anyway, I guess we'll all find out soon will keep you guys updated didn't go in today have to drop in tomorrow unless my mate remote advises me not too in which case Monday will be the next point of contact. I'll let you know how I go and if you're right, I'll be the first to pat you on the back mate.

Really appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts.

 

[5string]

Wow that was fkn awesome bro. Thanks so much! I'm really going to have to do some hard hard thinking.

Listen to pimp. He's one of the smartest guys around. You fvck around with this chick, she'll turn you into an emotional corpse. She'll feed upon you until you are nothing but a shell of your formal self.
There is no thinking to be done. Don't fvckin go there. Take this advice and live. It's much better than the alternative. All it is is poon. There is always more poon. Don't mess with this one.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Listen to pimp. He's one of the smartest guys around. You fvck around with this chick, she'll turn you into an emotional corpse. She'll feed upon you until you are nothing but a shell of your formal self.
There is no thinking to be done. Don't fvckin go there. Take this advice and live. It's much better than the alternative. All it is is poon. There is always more poon. Don't mess with this one.

Awww 5string you always know how to butter me up! haha

How you been? Hope everything is well with you and the family. I'll PM you actually.

Spinning: Your dealing with an emotional vampire bro.

This girl is a grade A attention w-hore.

Its not about you at all.

Your analyzing (over-analyzing most likely) all her signs, but you see the inconsistency in her behavior from before when she reported you to your boss.

This woman is USE TO being hit on and getting attention. Sounds like your a good looking guy, who takes care of himself and you didn't drool over her and that peaked her curiosity.

So in a sense this whole thing IS a game for her, but its selfish in intent; she wants your validation and as soon as she knows she has it, she goes ICE COLD on you.

In a sense NycNyc is right; this woman does not have interest in YOU, she has interest in HERSELF and her EGO.

This whole game your playing (although effective in stirring the pot) is just a big waste of time since clearly your attached to the situation and if she went all haywire on you again it would make you uncomfortable at work.

A little fun flirting her and there at work, no big deal; but you never want to bark up the wrong tree.

Remember signs of interest are great to recognize, but when their actions aren't congruent with them, then you should recognize that your dealing with someone who likely is jacked in the head or simply gets off on approval seeking adventures.

If you continue to ignore her, she will likely try to get your attention because it will bother her EGO, this is all about that and nothing else.

At best you might get to hook up with her if you keep this up long term because her ego needs stroking and now that your taking away the source; she is starving for water.

However I'm not sure if I would even want to phuck with her if I were you; she's already shown you how unstable she is by telling on you for NOTHING.

Tread carefully dude.









PIMP

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Yep I reckon that's spot on, she's an attention ***** that obviously gets off on a good looking married guy frothing out over her. (Another point I lft out was she really wanted to know when I met her if I was married or engaged). Maybe she thought dobbing me into my boss would intensify my feelings, she's probably used to knocking guys back and watching them fret and when I just ignored her something didn't feel quite right so she came back for more. Seriously what a fkd up mess of a bird she is. I was very open with my boss about what happened as he's my mate too and I told my him she has definite issues with what happened and his answer was "possibly" so I'm wondering if there's been something prior to this?

The only way I'd ever fk this broad is if I bumped into her in some club and she was pi55ed.....even then she'd be a challenge me thinks. Or if she actually does want me that bad (I'm thinking maybe 10-20% chance) she will crack like you guys said.

Remote when I called you my mate I meant it same goes with PIMP anyone who goes out of their way to give me advice I'd consider a friend. The only guy I'd fk off from this thread is the grumpy prick at the start but whatever, I can't tell you all how much I appreciate the advice and you've all helped me try to understand this broad so well.......yet I still haven't figured her out fully.....imagine what a mess I'd be without you guys lol.

I'm going in today for 45 mins I'll be sure to let you know what happens!

Cheers.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Just quickly, bumped into a girl on girlsaskguys who is in the EXACT situation as I'm in but she is the flirtatious girl obviously. She said she's really fallen for this guy she hardly talks to and she was wondering how she could feel so strongly for him. I told her everything this girl does to me (minus the message incident not enough space to type). I especially emphasised the hard flirt/withdrawal part and asked why she would do this. This was her response.....

Question Asker
4 minutes ago
I do the same! I'll flirt with him so that he knows I'm interested, then I'll back off and wait for him to chase me. I don't know about you, but my guy doesn't seem to get the subtleties or he's just shy. He won't make a move, and it's frustrating. I've backed off completely now, and mostly ignore him. Our eyes do meet all the time though, it seems to be unavoidable! As girls, we don't want to seem "easy" or overly keen, so best advice I can give you is to ask her out :

This is EXACTLY what PIMP said initially but he advised that because of the messenger incident it probably isn't like that. Once again PIMP hits the target.

Now don't get me wrong we all know there's absolutely no way I'm approaching this girl to ask her out I'm following the advice of remote and PIMP but it's interesting stuff nonetheless. Anyway I pointed her to the full story let's see what she has to say.

So the response to the full story from a woman's perspective:

Hi again, I'll answer on this page! Could it be that this woman found out that you were married? Also, is it possible that she too is in a relationship and is therefore trying to avoid taking things any further with you? From what you've written, it seems like she is interested. She wouldn't keep looking at you otherwise. The whole boss thing, I would say, was an attempt for someone else to get involved and control the situation. She obviously does not trust herself, or think she can bring this "thing" the two of you have to an end, so she attempted to put you off in that way.

Anyway. So I've just got back from work. Walked past her desk to go fax something (passport copy) off and she goes "C.....what are you doing here today?". Told her I was faxing off my passport to which she replied "Give me a look oh that's not so bad I think I have a copy of mine on here somewhere it's the biggest mugshot I'll show you". So all of a sudden I'm in her cubicle (no choice of mine what could I say) whilst she's looking up this passport photo which she supposedly looks terrible in. So she finally finds the photo and lo and behold she looks smokin (surprise surprise) to which I replied "No you look really nice". I know I could've agreed with her that she looked sheizen but it would've been too ridiculously obvious what I was doing.....she looked fkn hot. Anyway I got straight up after that said bye and left her there so I hope I didn't bend too much it was unavoidable really. Ignoring her would've been just plain rude and unprofessional IMO but I didn't hang around for the conversation she obviously wanted so I think I did OK......I hope.

Anyway, it disproves NYCNYC's theory that I make her feel awkward and she never approaches/talks to me or wants to. Once again she initiated the contact. She was actually being really nice TBH and I felt bad being so abrupt but like I said, I'm not a game player so that sort of 5hit feels awkward to me. I feel bad for walking off on her TBH but I guess I did the right thing as tough as it was.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Thanks remote!

I wouldn't get too excited over her cracking after a day because she was always going to approach me with no one around, that's what she does, she obviously feels bad about the messenger incident and would look silly in front of my boss if she sought my attention like that. Still, it shows she does want something at least so I now know i'm not imagining things as some have suggested. She mantioned the footy as well she knows I love the footy and she's just getting into it too I could've sworn if i asked her to go (I can get really good seats) she'd say yes but I'm gonna let her do the asking as you said. No attention...make her work. i keep telling myself this but I'm a terrible gameplayer as I said. I'll just keep following your's and PIMP's advice.

Another thing I forgot to mention was that I was sooo forking nervous in her cubicle WTF I never get nervous around women but fk me my heart was pumping like nothing else. WTF does that mean? I really hope she mistook my nerves as abruptness i guess it is possible as I'm known for my confidence around the office (I'm one of those blokes that everyone knows/talks to etc.).

I will update again on Monday cheers mate.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Yep I hear ya bro I'm standing my ground on this one.....another sign of weakness and she'll switch right off just as you said. I agree the pattern is starting to form and i actually think I may be a small chance with this girl, I've got to get in on a day off again. I think i'll swap one of my shifts next week so I can come in on thursday or Friday....I simply cant pull that 5hit you're talking about re putting it on her in front of others but it's open slather when no one's around she seems to open right up. last time she approached me on my day off she came in on the Monday caked in makeup and looked to me straight away with a big smile to which I reciprocated. That was my error. This monday I'll do no such thing. You may make a gameplayer out of me yet!

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Nup I'm standing firm like you said, unless she lays it on thick, i agree, would be lunacy to ask her out unless she is absolutely begging for it, she's too dangerous with what happeend last time. That said, asking her to the footy as friends isn't really sexual harassment is it. Let's just wait and see her behaviour on monday. If she's erratic again......I won't do 5hit.

it sounds like its on a plate..but the delicious food is probably laced with poison..in this case.
Might be a fun way to die though....thats your decision.

And that my friend is absolute gold. You have a way with words for sure!