Please help

[SoylentGreen]

Hello, I've been reading your posts for a little while and I am what you would call an AFC. I am soooo frustrated. I look good, work out, dress well, have good raport with women but I am TERRIFIED of making the first move when I have a woman alone with me. I just CANT do it. All these thoughts flood my mind like... 'she doesnt want me' or 'she'll tell people I hit on her and they will laugh'... and I get fearful of making my move. It hurts.
Ive been single so long, some people think I'm gay now. I have had sex, but only when the woman initiated it. Speaking of which, I never predict that a girl likes me, when I have sex half the time I am wondering how long ago I could have picked her up. Last week, I had sex with a girl who has wanted me since LAST December. I had no idea. I never have an idea. Its always like: "is she being like this to me because shes my friend or does she want me?"
When I go out (which is not often) girls ALWAYS check me out but I dont know what to say to them, I'm not afraid of them, I just dont know what to say to find out for sure if they want me. I was telling my friend about your site and he was saying that most girls find it 'creepy' when men approach them (in public), but I have to do something. I don't go to clubs and the only places left for me to meet women are in stores or restaurants. Should I just hit on everyone? I am getting tired of being called gay by my co-workers, even though I know they are kidding, it still hurts and I have been single the whole time they've known me, which is embarassing. Help!!

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Go slow, ignore the advice of your friends becasue they are just as clueless as you. Work on your social skills, but slowly. Realize it will take some time. Don't try to be a natural overnight. Try toastmasters, that will help your confidence a lot. Don't go to social situations to meet girls, only to have fun. When you talk to a girl, don't have any intention of even kiss closing her. just have fun and experiment. Take your time, it will come. It is a never ending process. Realize that personal growth comes slowly and you can only learn a little bit each day. And only compare yourself to where you were before. Never to anybody else. NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYBODY ELSE. Most stuff you hear from your friends and on the internet is bullshyt anyways to prop up ego's. Small steps. small increments.

Relax. Trust yourself. It will come. Give yourself patience. Start slow. Improve slowly. Turn off TV, stay off the interent, and get out and have fun and enjoy life.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear SoylentGreen,
It's just like learning to ride a bike,at first you are scared and fall off heaps then as your confidence improves you finally get going....Same with Women,lots of rejections,then finally you are there........As for clubs well the Ladies you pick up there are generally not worth the effort and the competition is keen.....Grocery and book shops are good,if you are a reader libraries,Swimming pools are better hunting grounds than gyms unless you are really well built....The best place,ballroom dancing lessons,improves your social skills teaches a valuable accomplishment,improves your fitness,agility and exercises your brain....the women that turn up are there for the same reason you are,a far more sympathetic audience to try your luck with.

 

[daring wraith]

Hello, I've been reading your posts for a little while and I am what you would call an AFC. I am soooo frustrated. I look good, work out, dress well, have good raport with women but I am TERRIFIED of making the first move when I have a woman alone with me. I just CANT do it. All these thoughts flood my mind like... 'she doesnt want me' or 'she'll tell people I hit on her and they will laugh'... and I get fearful of making my move. It hurts.
Ive been single so long, some people think I'm gay now. I have had sex, but only when the woman initiated it. Speaking of which, I never predict that a girl likes me, when I have sex half the time I am wondering how long ago I could have picked her up. Last week, I had sex with a girl who has wanted me since LAST December. I had no idea. I never have an idea. Its always like: "is she being like this to me because shes my friend or does she want me?"
When I go out (which is not often) girls ALWAYS check me out but I dont know what to say to them, I'm not afraid of them, I just dont know what to say to find out for sure if they want me. I was telling my friend about your site and he was saying that most girls find it 'creepy' when men approach them (in public), but I have to do something. I don't go to clubs and the only places left for me to meet women are in stores or restaurants. Should I just hit on everyone? I am getting tired of being called gay by my co-workers, even though I know they are kidding, it still hurts and I have been single the whole time they've known me, which is embarassing. Help!!

Hi Soiled Green,

My advice to you is to get really, really drunk and you'll find all the confidence in the world......... actually its not.

I used to have this problem about not being able to make "the first approach/move" (don't you dare tell anyone), i got over it by learning to treat it as a game, doesn't matter if you win or lose, its just fun (although winning is always better). Just go throw caution to the wind, stop worrying and go for her, you might get rejected, you might not, but it doesn't matter, its just fun. In regard to icebreakers, just say something off the cuff and non committal, try to put a question in for her to respond to.

Have fun,

P.S. Find a good wingman, he should be able to give you some extra encouragement.

P.S.S Start going to clubs.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Its always like: "is she being like this to me because shes my friend or does she want me?"


Men and women are very rarely ever "friends." Women are single-minded pigs just like they accuse men of being; they are just more subtle about it. If a woman makes eye contact, smiles, laughs at your jokes, touches you on the arm, gives you AFC-style compliments, and does not immediately mention the man in her life as soon as you start talking to her...then she wants to have sex with you.

The majority of women who want you will never give you more than eye contact and a smile. As soon as you see that, you have to do what good salesmen do and 'assume the sale.' Start talking to her, and if she does not want you, within thirty seconds she will mention her boyfriend or husband. Otherwise, she wants you to have sex with her.

 

[Mr. Me]

You've gotten the basic and best advice right there in a nutshell, so I'll just add these thoughts.

"I look good, work out, dress well... girls ALWAYS check me out"

Women are checking you out BECAUSE of the way you look! You're IN more then most guys right off the bat!

So, instead of thinking scary thoughts, flip that around and assume that they all want you.

Your own experience with girls that had been wanting you was a surprise to you, because you've never seen that as a possibility. But the fact that obviously women have been wanting you should be sufficient for you to assume that you should explore it, rather then frighten yourself.

Your goal would be just to have a brief conversation, but if you see "buying signals" from her, get the phone number.

Don't listen to your friend. Friends like that will keep you down, like the last crab in a bucket.

Yes, hit on everyone. That is to say, start conversations with women. All sorts. See it as practice.

You DON'T need anything much to say. It doesn't have to be clever. It could just be "hi!". Or a couple of words about something that's right there is sufficient. You just crack jokes and make her laugh with your personality. Make fun of something. Have fun with it. She wants to have fun. She'll do the talking.

I almost want to suggest that the next time a co-worker tries to take a dig at you with asking if you're gay, your reply ought to be: "You probably wish I was!" or "Nah, I think you're the only gay guy working here" and then laugh heartily as you walk away.

And there's nothing embarrassing at all about being single.

 

[sodbuster]

That is correct, the only women I'm not sure about are the ones I've known for 15 years r so. Any new woman who talks alot,smiles, touches you etc is fair game. If they have known you for a long time, it could be harder to distinguish friends/lovers BUT a woman I've known was gay for 20 years was playing tonsil hockey with me last weekend. Not quite sure where I'd like to take that[bragging rights would be huge,but would I lose a friend?]
Make your move, she's used to turning men down, so you won't surprise her-you may just surprise yourself.

 

[SoylentGreen]

Hey thanks for the tips fellas...I found the DJ Boot Camp word file and am going through that at the moment., its pretty cool and well laid out...I can see that if I went through the drills on there, that it would really help in my case. I have started just making eye contact with strangers and trying to get a smile out of them. This was fun, I did it today at the mall and it was pretty rewarding. I probably could've skipped this step of the "boot camp" but I figure I might as well do the whole thing. Should I post my progress? I will, if anyone cares to hear how I make out as I go through it....

 

[Warrior74]

They call you gay because you look like a player and your not doing what a player should do. Now if you went the other way and started bragging about all the tail you were getting, at first they wouldn't believe you, then when you showed them evidence of your game, over time they would grow jealous and hate on you. So screw what other people think. In fact, when they say it, just give em a smile and say "don't you wish, then you would feel safe leaving your girl around me eh?" lol.