I've been depressed about six weeks since this chick I spent a month with finished her modeing contract here and left town. I had a oneitis-style reaction, which hasn't happened in many, many years despite many women...the first time since going DJ. I really fell for her hard.
She was cheating on her bf back home of 2 years, and repeatedly went hot and cold on me, breaking it off out of guilt (although I think it had more to do with my slipping emotions over her), and then wanting back together. I had asked if she just wanted to be friends to make it easy for her to bail, but she replied, "no, we are definitely something more than friends." The last time she broke it off, we ended up having sex a week later...she had just heard the song I wrote for her. Songwriting, an AFC move?...probably, but the 90 minutes immediately following would indicate otherwise. I was her second ever, and first ever to have cheated on her bf, which I believe, since she had taken things slow, letting the physical relationship escalate gradually. Anyway, after that night was her final week here, where she entirely distanced herself from me and from my invitations to get together again. When I saw her on the last day, she was ice cold and I looked pretty stupid trying to say a last goodbye.
Now we see each other online on chat, but no one will actually make the move of contacting the other. I feel I lose even more dignity if I chase her all over the internet, so she should make the first move if we are to keep in any contact, given her contradictory behavior.
My brain knows this isn't the best relationship material. We both live on the road, she's 19, I'm 29, she obviously was cheating on her bf so she could cheat on me, I caught her in several white lies, and I know she still keeps in contact with one of the male models still here...with whom I suspected (but don't know for sure) she had something going on. In an unwise move, I saw him and asked if he'd talked to her recently, and he had. He mentioned she's living with her old boyfriend again, and what a stupid move it was as he is a loser. I straight up asked if he and she had dated, but he claimed just friends with a good connection. He seemed to know a LOT about me and her, which means she told him, and treated me with respect over it, as I did treat her well, perhaps too well. Perhaps if she's confiding in him all this they are just friends. But I know it shouldn't matter to me...
So, what's important is that I can't get this one out of my head, and it's really tossed me into a depression when I have an awesome life as a musician nearly everyone else I know envies. The whole band agrees that although I haven't had the most women, I have had the hottest woman ever to walk in the bar. I've been physically sick almost constantly since and the nightmares I have, playing out scenarios I don't want to think about, are pretty regular. I feel if I drop and block her off chat I'm doing something that makes no sense and solves nothing by burning a bridge. We worked great together when dating, but the hot and cold bit kept me wondering what I was doing wrong. I'm depressed as hell, and the usual "get over it" techniques are not working. Plus there's a chance we'll be working in the same country again in a couple of months.
What do I do?
She was cheating on her bf back home of 2 years, and repeatedly went hot and cold on me, breaking it off out of guilt (although I think it had more to do with my slipping emotions over her), and then wanting back together. I had asked if she just wanted to be friends to make it easy for her to bail, but she replied, "no, we are definitely something more than friends." The last time she broke it off, we ended up having sex a week later...she had just heard the song I wrote for her. Songwriting, an AFC move?...probably, but the 90 minutes immediately following would indicate otherwise. I was her second ever, and first ever to have cheated on her bf, which I believe, since she had taken things slow, letting the physical relationship escalate gradually. Anyway, after that night was her final week here, where she entirely distanced herself from me and from my invitations to get together again. When I saw her on the last day, she was ice cold and I looked pretty stupid trying to say a last goodbye.
Now we see each other online on chat, but no one will actually make the move of contacting the other. I feel I lose even more dignity if I chase her all over the internet, so she should make the first move if we are to keep in any contact, given her contradictory behavior.
My brain knows this isn't the best relationship material. We both live on the road, she's 19, I'm 29, she obviously was cheating on her bf so she could cheat on me, I caught her in several white lies, and I know she still keeps in contact with one of the male models still here...with whom I suspected (but don't know for sure) she had something going on. In an unwise move, I saw him and asked if he'd talked to her recently, and he had. He mentioned she's living with her old boyfriend again, and what a stupid move it was as he is a loser. I straight up asked if he and she had dated, but he claimed just friends with a good connection. He seemed to know a LOT about me and her, which means she told him, and treated me with respect over it, as I did treat her well, perhaps too well. Perhaps if she's confiding in him all this they are just friends. But I know it shouldn't matter to me...
So, what's important is that I can't get this one out of my head, and it's really tossed me into a depression when I have an awesome life as a musician nearly everyone else I know envies. The whole band agrees that although I haven't had the most women, I have had the hottest woman ever to walk in the bar. I've been physically sick almost constantly since and the nightmares I have, playing out scenarios I don't want to think about, are pretty regular. I feel if I drop and block her off chat I'm doing something that makes no sense and solves nothing by burning a bridge. We worked great together when dating, but the hot and cold bit kept me wondering what I was doing wrong. I'm depressed as hell, and the usual "get over it" techniques are not working. Plus there's a chance we'll be working in the same country again in a couple of months.
What do I do?