Please Help Me

[Ishmael]

So, since another forum gave little insight to the matter, I figured I'd outsource and see if you all could help me with my situation. If there's anything I could ask you before, though, it's to not over-react.

So, I'm a 15 year old guy, and I've just finished my first year of high school. I matured early, and am an intelligent mind. However, I'm a cynic, depressed, suffer from social anxiety disorder, have anger issues, am introverted, and am losing faith in humanity. My family was always lying to me, my brother always abused me, and my father was always on edge and yelling before he divorced my mother earlier this year. I've never really had any "permanent" friends. My family moved after I finished 2nd grade, then again after 3rd, into an advanced placement program. I was transferred back into regular school halfway through 7th grade. By this point, I'd developed serious social problems, but kept to myself, and gave up on making friends or trying to really socialize with anyone at all.

I did manage to open up near the end of middle school, though, and I made some friends. One of them I eventually began to like, but later in the year she told me about her bisexuality, which I supported completely. However, it didn't help with the mountain of worries I already had built up. Nor did the fact her best friend did drugs, the fact that she drank, or the fact that she was good friends with the group of "look at us we're bisexual and we do drugs" attention-craving people. Currently, whenever I see her name or even a picture, I feel an immense heat building up in my mind, and a flaring heat shocks my nerves from head to toe. I've given up on bothering with women.

She even openly admitted to feeling like she was "leading me on," not to mention the fact she never invited me to her house, or went out when I asked her and other people to. So, yeah.

I've attempted suicide twice, both by choking myself, but I've come to terms that I can't do it. I do inflict self-harm, though, by burning my arms with cigarettes and occasionally beat myself up in fits of self-hate. I don't do any drugs, but I've been thinking more and more about drinking. I've already seen a therapist about this, though he didn't help much, and the medication I'm on doesn't feel like it's made a difference.

Is there any advice you can give me? Because I honestly don't feel the motivation or need to do anything, and I... well, I honestly just don't know what to do.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Dude. I am not the right person to tell you anything. Neither is this forum really.

Doing the same things give the same results.
This means that you have to make changes. Now.

You seem to identify quite a bit with your problems. How do you know that you have a "social anxiety disorder" ? Diagnosing it like that makes it sound a lot worse than it is.

Want me to tell you something? A sh!tload of guys have social anxiety. That's what we do here. We get rid of it. How do you get rid of it? NOT by meds. By facing it headstrong. Going out and experiencing life.

I believe that if you give effort at school, find a hobby (like gymming and nutrition) and do it properly, while extending your comfort-zone very regularly; your life will change dramaticly for the better.

 

[Ishmael]

I know I've got it because I've been diagnosed with it, after the episode of my life where I was almost completely mute in school.

Another group I talked to mentioned that I'm likely not doing very well with my friends because I don't share much with them, as in we're not really that similar. Which I think is true, but sadly school's not gonna start for another month or so.

I guess I could try to hang out with a friend or two.

The main reason of my anxiety is the constant judgment I feel when being in a situation, even though I know people are caring less about me than they are about their own appearance. There's a lot more to it, but wikipedia and the internet's better at that than I am.

Most of the fear comes from my own mind, especially with the future ones. Like how I feel like I'd get cheated on, or how my friends are doing drugs or drinking and having sex all the time while I'm just sitting here acting like a scared pile of useless sh*t.

 

[novaknight]

I'll talk to you. I'm no certified mental health professional by any means. Can you PM me your AIM or something?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I know I've got it because I've been diagnosed with it, after the episode of my life where I was almost completely mute in school.

Another group I talked to mentioned that I'm likely not doing very well with my friends because I don't share much with them, as in we're not really that similar. Which I think is true, but sadly school's not gonna start for another month or so.

I guess I could try to hang out with a friend or two.

The main reason of my anxiety is the constant judgment I feel when being in a situation, even though I know people are caring less about me than they are about their own appearance. There's a lot more to it, but wikipedia and the internet's better at that than I am.

Most of the fear comes from my own mind, especially with the future ones. Like how I feel like I'd get cheated on, or how my friends are doing drugs or drinking and having sex all the time while I'm just sitting here acting like a scared pile of useless sh*t.

One thing is for sure: You have to take action to change things for the better.

I think you should read Jeffy's book "Nine ball" (http://www.2shared.com/file/8133696/ba621515/RSD_Jeffy_Allen_-_Nine_Ball.html) and then think about how he has managed to change. I bet he was 10x worse off than you.

When you feel that other people are looking at you all the time; it's just your ego projecting itself onto you. People aren't really looking. Most people aren't really outside having fun. But you can. If you take action to change. Now. Not in the future.

I'd recommend making a thread here, stating what you will do to get your stuff together. How you will do it. What you plan to do further ahead. What improvements, and problems you have. What solutions you have. Try it out.

We are always here to help you; but you cannot rely on anybody but yourself.

 

[BPH]

Norwegian, what is 9 Ball?

 

[JxcelDolghmQ]

A mysterious Don Juan appears!

My, you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you? It would seem you're barely dead, let alone alive! It will take patience and discipline for you to grow. But, you have called for help. And I have come. Now, you must follow me, for I will take you on a journey into your inner mind, we must see what is inside. Come Ishmael!

*A chair appears next to the post!*

Now, I want you to sit down close your eyes, and let me do all of the work. You will awaken shortly.. I would tell you where you are going, but I don't want to ruin the surprise!

The Don Juan begins to chant in a mysterious language.

Now, when I say awaken, you will wake up, and you will be inside your inner mind.

Awaken!

..This is worse than I imagined. Follow me, this is grave indeed.

You see my fallen friend, look, to your left. Here are the walls where your great achievements should be hanging. And there is nothing.

And here, do you see this wall of empty portraits? even the AFC has a single woman who he has up here.

Look, above, there are your dreams, your stars, they are but a faded image of what they should be.

Look, right ahead, do you see the large empty ornate fireplace..? It is empty, should be burning, burning with pure, raw, primal discipline.

And look, the greatest disgrace of all, do you see that granite pedestal? On that pedestal should be an image of you, carved by the love you should have for yourself. But all that is here is a block of marble.

Do not leave this post yet Ishmael, for I am not done with you, I do not hate you, I feel empathy for you. Be patient, do not waver, keep attention! Let us continue.

Your life is grave at the moment, my friend. Let us leave your inner mind, and I will tell you how you may improve on yourself.

You are only 15. You may be able to recover within as short of a timeperiod of six months.


You say you hate yourself, we must fix this first. But we cannot do anything until the fires of discipline have been reignited.

You say you have gone to a therapist for drugs..? Ha! That is not what man needs, what you need is work. Lots of it. Physical work, that is the only way you may begin to love yourself once more. Without a strong base of basic primitive needs, how can you expect to build a house? Let alone a castle!

You are in highschool. If you live in America, you should join JROTC. IMMEDIATELY WHILE THE PASSION FOR CHANGE STILL BURNS WITHIN YOU. You say you are "mature" or "intelligent". You are not. Tell me, how often do you study? Have you studied for three hours each day every day for the past summer? Then my friend, I regret to inform you.

The mind is a muscle.

Without constant exercise, you are not intelligent!

There is no talent, there is no "intelligence". There is only discipline, there is only practice, there is only studying.

You say you want girls..? You must fix your life, first. Girls are there to enhance your life, not create it.

Join JROTC. Start working out. Exercise. Once you build your first foundation, then you may work upwards on the tier of human needs.

Do you still see that girl? You should calmly tell her that you know that she is a attention *****, that she lacks compassion, that her friends are ****ty, and that she is going nowhere. You will feel a great burden from your chest, my friend. But you cannot get violent. You must be calm, cool, and collected. YOU MUST THEN IMMEDIATELY CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HER, OR SHE WILL FIND A WAY TO SINK HER HOOKS INTO YOU!

The hour is drawing near Ishmael, you have a bright flame of change. You must act Immediately.

I'm afraid that I could only cover the thing you need most, physical, raw, exertion.

But, you should read this as-well.

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

Good luck, have discipline. Do not believe in yourself! Believe in me who believes in you.

 

[Ishmael]

That post actually helped a lot.

I've started reading that book since you posted it, and I honestly think this is the kind of thing I've been looking for. Thank you, so much.

 

[FlyGuyM]

o_o this is the most serious thread ive ever read.. Goodluck with the future ishmael