Please help me with my BPD-ex [Moved from MM]

[BeDJ]

I think I dated her sister for 4 years!

My ex would run out of the house like a headless chicken and put a steak knife to her wrist. Towards the endshe would be out til 5AM and one night she came home at 8AM with puke all over herself. I move out all my stuff when she was out of town and started to date an old high school friend.

"I don't know who I am"
"I've lost myself"
"I can't love you if I don't love myself"
"I feel like I won't ever love again"
"I have to build walls to protect myself"
"I don't want to be with anyone right now"
"I've never got to be truly single"

Sound familiar?

I never went no contact with her and it took me about a year to fully recover. Coincidentally, after rejoining this site, I just didn't care about her anymore. If I went NC with my 4 year LTR, I would have:

- Saved $ and time
- Not participated in a c_ck carrousel
- Be 6+ months younger
- Improved my Game
- Not feel sad

 

[PianoGuy33]

BeginningDJ, wow all of those lines were incredibly familiar, practically identical. She dosn't know who she is, she lost herself, she can't love anyone if she can't love herself, she has to be alone right now. I do feel like I've wasted time and money trying to please a girl who just is incapable of being happy. She zones out all the time too. For example, one time she was throwing her food away at a whole foods, and she stood there for like 3 minutes with a blank look on her face trying to sort out the paper from the plastic for the recycling bins. 3 Minutes dosn't sound that long, but when I"m sitting there waiting for her to toss her stuff away, and she is standing there in public completely zoned out, it feels pretty long, pretty weird. Other times she always just will zone out with a blank look on her face and start staring at the ground. Or it will be like 0 degrees outside literally freezing, and she will just stop in the middle of the sidewalk and start looking at the sky. I'm like wtf! it's cold lets go inside. Anyway, you guys have really convinced me that it is time to move on, I really appreciate everyones support and their stories because hearing how similar other peoples stories are to myne helps me put the craziness in perspective. Thanks for the help guys!

 

[jay07]

The zoning out sounds all to familiar. Who knows what their battling in their head.

Have you ever seen, the look?

The look like she just seen a freakin ghost.

I remember walking downstairs to her drinking by herself staring at a t.v. that was off, i said "hey?", and she looked at me with these glossy eyes that looked like she was terrified. I've seen it many times.

As much of a evil cold-hearted b!tch they really are, they are definetely suffering in their head. Sort of feel bad.

 

[PianoGuy33]

So guys, I'm going to be seeing my exBPD occasionally in school. Do you guys have any suggestions, tips, for still trying to get over her while occasionally bumping into her in school and stuff? It's gonna be hard, but I think I can do it, and by doing it I mean not get pulled back into the whole mess.

 

[PianoGuy33]

I mean I'm consciously deciding I will not see her, except I will bump into her randomly in school. That's what I meant.

 

[PianoGuy33]

Yep guys, just as I suspected. She called me today and said she didn't want to talk or see me anymore because it makes her go crazy, and then she proceeded to say that I am the most amazing and wonderful man she has ever met. Now she is truly 100% out of my life, and I need to start the healing, any tips?

 

[GunShow85]

I met a really hot girl, we had an instant amazing connection. One day, out of the blue, she told me she didn't love me anymore. I was so crushed, I had not idea how she could have stopped loving me. She told me she wanted to marry me, spend the rest of her life with me, and have kids, etc. almost every day for the past 18 months, and now she doesn't love me anymore!?

Anyway, I go no contact for like 3 weeks. Then I see her outside her apartment. We hang out and have sex. She holds my hand, kisses me, makes out with me all the time, tells me how hot I am, tells me how perfect I am, then we have sex, but she dosn't want to talk to me when she's at her home. She doesn't want to text or talk on the phone.

She doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she only wants to act like it when we are together, but still not be together. I don't know who else has experienced a love with a psycho ***** BPD-waif, but it isn't fun..

BPD's don't develop "object constancy" because of stunted emotional growth as a child with troubled parents. It sounds like she has "out of sight, out of mind" meaning she likes you when you are in front of her and then forgets when you're gone.

 

[El Payaso]

It sounds like her insanity is rubbing off on you. If not, you would have dumped her a long time ago. You need to ask yourself why you would want to be with this fruitcake. She's obviously mentally unhinged and it's only going to get worse. If you have kids with her, you can kiss your life goodbye.