please help me out guys, i`m not sure about this one...

[djjoe]

hi guys,

well my question is the following:

today i have had the courage to step up to this super hot hb9-hb10 chick that goes to the same university with me...
she is a bit younger than me (she is 19)...

i already know her (but more from occasionally seeing her) because a buddy of mine is a "good" friend of her (more afc-ish if you know what i mean)...
he is often inviting her to go and slurp some ****tails with her, etc...
this takes place in our hometown, which is about 300kms away from university and we are the only two people who are here...
(from this circle of friends)

another buddy of mine who is more of a dj, once told me about her, that she is more the kind of girl "you are not able to get", i assume by that he means that she is definitely not easy to get...

well, i walked up to her today and talked to her a little bit about how her life is going, etc...
she was really nice, friendly and not at all arrogant, as i had expected...

she then told me she would have to be all alone in our university-city over the next holidays (1 week in the middle of may)...
i thought this was a good opportunity, and told her that i would be here too (which i don`t know for sure, but who cares...)
i then told her to go to a coffeshop with me at that weekend...
she happily agreed, and said this was cool, because now she has something to look forward to when thinking about that weekend and gave me her number...

well, so much to that...

my problem now is:
it is over one month to go until then....

on the one hand i don`t want to appear desperate and needy by calling her sooner and telling her to go for a date sooner but on the other hand i don`t want to get completely "out of her head" by having no contact until then...

so please tell me what you would do in this particular situation...

thx

 

[assasin]

Flirting a little close to the friends zone there. You don't say if you did but you should probably have clarified that you saw it as a date.

Personally I like to keep it simple with girls and gauge their interest level as soon as possible. Just because she wont date me today doesn't mean she wont date me next month. But if I end up having coffee with her and she's not interested then that's just more time for her to put me on the "friends" list.

If you're worried about her forgetting the date, call her a day or so before and change the time by an hour or so. Make out you're really busy, but you were looking forward to your date so you were trying hard not to cancel.

This has a number of results:

Reminds her, in case she's an airhead and straight out forgot

Makes you look interesting, desirable and also reliable because you took the time to organise your commitments

And if you clarify that you consider it a date and then you're not wasting your time in case she has other ideas.

 

[djjoe]

thx for the reply...

i think i should have explained that a little better...

we didn`t set the whole thing for a particular day and time, i just got her number and i think we both assumed that i would call her
(to make a date for that particular week we spoke about)...

and i now don`t know if i should really wait 3-4 weeks before calling her (i always set up dates just 4-5 days in advance), or if should call her maybe next week to set up something...

thx,

 

[Recluce]

call her in a couple of days saying that you'd rather not wait a whole month to meet up with her because you think she is an interesting person and a month is such a long time from now that you think having no contact until then could very easily cause her to slip out of your head.so instead of waiting a whole month you would like to you get to know her and maybe even become friends. (use the "friends" line, it works)

the thing that i've learned that works best with women is by reversing the role. just accuse her of feeling your insecurity. if you are worried about something, say that you are worried about just the opposite. this makes it fun for her and you. you said that you don't want to call her too soon because you don't want her to appear desperate and needy. instead call her up and say,"hey, i decided to call you so you wouldn't feel desperate and needy if you called me before we got together in a month" (assuming that she has your number) ok, back on track now


ask her how her day is going and chat with her for a couple of minutes, nothing too long, just some small conversation.after she tells you how her day is going, ask her when she's free, check your schedule and pick out 2 or 3 SPECIFIC times and days for her to choose from. Say," when is your schedule free this week?". she replies then say," ok, so which would be better for you XXXXday at XXo'clock or YYYYday at YYo'clock". By just assuming that she wants to meet you, she will go along with it without fuss. She gave you her number, that means she's interested. end the phone call by saying something similar to,"ok great, well i have to get going now but im really looking forward to getting to know you better, and if nothing else we can just be friends" this one line right here is a killer. just by saying this line you totally break down all of her "***** shield" defenses, and she really starts to question whether or not you want to date or if you just want to be friends. but you have to make sure you say "if nothing else". thats the key.

now that you have the date set up, all you have to worry about is one thing ... her screwing it up. she showed interest in your personality so you dont have to change a thing about yourself. just relax and try to find out what type of person she is. if she messes up, tease her about it. dont be afraid to offend her. make her impress you. by not wanting to appear desperate and needy you already show that you care what she thinks about you and are showing your AFC side. resist it man. this is your world and she's trying to be part of it. make her earn it!

 

[djjoe]

thanks for the answer man...

that was really what i needed to hear....

so i`m gonna call her at the end of the week...

i`ll keep you guys updated after i`ve called her...
all the best,

joe

 

[Recluce]

lemme know how it works out for ya

 

[squirrels]

Sounds like too much.

Just next time you're getting ready to do something like go grab a drink or lunch somewhere, ring her up and ask if she wants to join you.

Don't be all like, "I dont' want to wait, you're interesting, blah blah blah"...you KNOW this girl. You don't want to play her like she's suddenly a total stranger now that you're "interested". Relax and just flow with it.

If she turns you down, maybe wait two weeks, then hit her again. If she turns you down again, then try #3 will be when you guys are on break and you call up for that coffee date. If try #3 breaks down, then move on.

But seriously...you're already friends with her friend...don't make a big deal out of it. You're hitting the panic button when you REALLY don't need to and it's only gonna bring you down.

She's just a girl.

 

[djjoe]

okay, i`ll let you know...

thx for the reply squirrels...

i have to say that i like your suggestion even better...
but with your method i`m not going to get her to know that it is more for me than just going for a coffee and talking...
any suggestions for that...???


thx, joe

 

[djjoe]

i now know what i am gonna do...

i`m somehow gonna combine both suggestions...

i`ll ask her out in the meantime but i`ll keep it natural and c&f...

i got her number on monday, which means i``ll call her on sunday, and do some of the stuff recluce has suggested...
which means i`ll take the good and c&f part....
i`ll tell her that i called because i just realised that it`s one month to go till the break and i don`t want her to call me because of desperation and depression...

i`m not gonna tell her that shes interesting and so on, don`t like that so much...

i`ll end the call with "looking forward to seeing you, if nothing else we can stay friends..."

if it doesn`t work i`ll wait two weeks,... as squirrel has suggested, to give her the time to think if she can really afford to let me disappear out of her life... hehehehe....
then i`ll try again....

what do you think about that guys??

joe

 

[djjoe]

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES....


i called her today...
well, i just told her that i had realized that it is one month to go until meeting her and wanted to meet her sooner... i just kept it natural and asked her the usual stuff about how was her weekend and so on...
then i followed the bible pretty much and asked when she was free this week and gave her two days to chose...

and it pretty much worked...

which means: I GOT A DATE ON TUESDAY evening... YABADABADOOOOO!!!!!!

okay, lets see what it brings...

all the best to all of you...

joe

 

[NewMan]

Good deal....

Where are you guys going?

 

[djjoe]

we are going to a ****tail bar which also plays some hot loud salsa dance music...

i`ve been there quite often, but not with her but other girls or friends...

well lets see...

 

[DJStudent]

Let's just hope both you and her can dance salsa. That can definate increase her interest if you can show her you're just not an average joe.

 

[djjoe]

no, its not real salsa... thank god...

it`s more the kind of latin-pop-dance-style they play there...

like ricky martin, enrique iglesias, you know???

this should be relatively ok...

all the best,

joe

 

[NewMan]

Not if he steps up his game - and gives out plenty of kino.

He's got to make his move.

 

[djjoe]

here i am back again...

well for those of you who wondered what had happened on my date on tuesday, a short summary...

we both met at the bar and it was a nice evening...
they didn`t play hot dancing music on that day, so it was more some kind of intimate setting where you would sit really close...

so i did everything that i always do...
lots of eye-contact... kino (i asked her to show me her ring and touched her palm whilst doing that)...
let her tell alot about her, was a good listener, threw in some c&f stuff now and then...

and ALL OF A SUDDEN she says,
"well, i think i have to tell you, that i have a boyfriend, and I`m seeing all of this rather just as some kind of meeting between two friends..."

well, i don´t know how my face has looked, but i think i looked rather dumb at that point...
i didn`t know what to say to her...(i felt so afc at that particular point...)

i mumbled something like "it`s allright", but i didn`t change my way of acting, and she seemed to like it... she still seemed to like all the dj-stuff in a way...

so i don`t know... it was kind of strange...
how would interprete this???
what would you answer...
at least i want to learn how to handle this better in the future...
what would you do different???

thanks to all of you, joe

 

[Recluce]

in my opinion that was a test from her. you must understand that you cannot rely on what women say... you have to rely on their actions. you set up a date with her and she showed up. she was interested.

her telling you that she has a boyfriend is her way of saying,"im dating someone right now, but i find you more interesting and i am showing you this just by being here with you instead of him. show me why i should be with you instead of him"

the way i would have handled that is something like this:

her: i have a boyfriend
me: oh...thats nice, but why are you telling ME this? we hardly even know each other and you are already coming to me with your problems?
her: oh... no, its not that. i am just saying that i am currently in a relationship right now and can't commit to anything with you.
me: whoa, whoa, whoa. wait a second there sweetie. who said anything about a relationship between US? i just met you and you are already thinking about that? don't you think you are moving kind of fast. at this rate you'll be at my mother's house next week picking out wedding invitations. lets just slow down a bit, can't we be friends first?

basically you want to remain in control the whole time and not let her throw you off balance. by her telling you that she has a boyfriend, you saw it as her trying to blow you off instead of her asking you to keep up what you are doing because she finds you more interesting that the current guy shes dating.

hang in there man, you didn't blow it and you can probably get another date out of her. i wouldn't doubt her being impressed that you still have the balls to call her after what happened. give her a few days before trying again.

 

[tmpgstx]

You guys and your 'tests'. It wasn't any test. If she had any romantic interest at this point, wouldn't want any potential there to be jeopardized by mentioning or saying she had a boyfriend!

The kino crap is what turned her off. This girl isn't flakey or superficial by the sounds of it. When a guy touches her hand and does the palm stuff, do you think she really doesn't know what you're up to?? Yes, she does, in other words trying seduce her like some horny loser.

Joe, you're a good guy, there is still a chance, but you're going to have show this girl more than a scripted DJ scenerio. She can see right thru it.

 

[NewMan]

HER: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"


Whatever.

Don't worry about what she SAYS - concentrate on what she DOES.

She was there with you - that's enough.

When she pulls the "I've got a BF" line - it's improtant that you not say what you said - i.e. "That's OK". It's important not to put ANY weight on this statement what-so-ever.

In fact you dismiss it.

There are lot's of canned responses on the board.... but a general -

"Uh? well don't worry - I don't want to have drinks with him"

Or...

"I'm sorry about that"...

But the point is to dismiss it - it's not your problem - it's hers.

Continue to see her and do stuff with her - and continue to hit on her. Let her actions dictate.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

A girl doesn't hang out with another dude when she has a b/f!!

!. She is either lying about having a b/f and she just doesn't desire you and letting you down easy, or

2. She has a b/f and is leaving him or he is leaving her and you didn't meet the mark for her to stray from dude and seek a replacement !