Please help another victim of cheating!

[chokedealer]

It's done, I told her I didn't want to deal with the relationship anymore and I parted ways. She pleaded but I stayed true to my intent by reminding both myself and her that the damage had already been done.

For a while I wanted to try and get over it but now I realize that was a b1tch move. I can't imagine what it'd be like if we had children together, how much more difficult it would have been. In a way I consider myself lucky that I dealt with this now and not later down the road. I'll always remind myself of that if she tries to come around again or if I'm feeling nostalgic.

Thanks for all the advice guys, lots of it really made sense and opened up my eyes.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Good, now stay strong. What's going to happen next is she's going to go into recovery mode. In psychological terms she's about to go into an extinction burst. You've removed her source of reward (i.e. attention, comfort, familiarity) and now she will frantically attempt to restore it.

About now she's realizing her lack of options, not contemplating her actions - keep that in mind. The intent of your leaving isn't punishment for her misbehavior, it's to save your own life from further damage. Dumping a woman is DHV (demonstrating higher value) of the highest order. True or not, It implies you had other, better options than her. Your dumping her implies you've just gone from a comfortable, familiar beta to indifferent Alpha that she never realized. You will hear from her again. At first it will be desperate and crying, later it will be casual with feigned nonchalance - don't take the bait.

The best thing you can do is go dark. Block her calls / texts, drop her from Facebook if you have one, cut off all contact. No messages via friends, no "hey howya doing?" nothing but indifference. You're off the grid for her.

 

[vatoloco]

Also, force yourself to sarge. The best way to forget about a particular woman is have another two or five on your mind...

You did the right thing.

 

[Burroughs]

good work.

 

[jophil28]

6 months into the relationship I went away for a month and came back to find that she wanted to split. Turns out she had been seeing some other guy (older, more financially stable) while I was away...

THat was the moment when you should have ejected and saved yourself three years of being in a phony relationship with a woman who will deceive you when your back is turned.
If you had questioned her a little deeper back then you would have discovered that she was a liar and a cheater. Dumpworthy behavior.

 

[Slickster]

It's done, I told her I didn't want to deal with the relationship anymore and I parted ways. She pleaded but I stayed true to my intent by reminding both myself and her that the damage had already been done.

For a while I wanted to try and get over it but now I realize that was a b1tch move. I can't imagine what it'd be like if we had children together, how much more difficult it would have been. In a way I consider myself lucky that I dealt with this now and not later down the road. I'll always remind myself of that if she tries to come around again or if I'm feeling nostalgic.

Thanks for all the advice guys, lots of it really made sense and opened up my eyes.

One of the best posts I've read on here in a good long while. This guy "gets it". (Notice that he's only been a member for a month too.) Way to go!!! You listened, learned and damn right you are LUCKY.

Take what you've learned here with you. Apply it to every woman you meet from this day forward. Do not tolerate bullsh!t or disrespect from women ever again. Stand strong with your convictions. Do not bend or change what you believe. No free passes. Respect yourself first always.

From this day forward you will notice a big change in the women around you.

 

[jophil28]

There are so many new people that come here for advice and just do not get it, sometimes I have to ask myself why I bother.

Then I see a poster like this. You may have put up with the first bit of crap when you came back from you month away, but now you have made up for it and then some by choosing self-respect. And a quick learner at that.

You have a very bright future for as long as you keep this mindset. Congrats and stay strong brother.

Let's hope that he can resist the pull of her 'hoover' that is warming up in the background. I have noticed that a women who is dumped cannot stay away for more than three weeks- usually less.
She has nothing to lose anymore - so expect an Academy Award winning plea to "try again".

 

[Burroughs]

- so expect an Academy Award winning plea to "try again".

video it and put it online. Let it be an object lesson of how a desperate women reacts

As men we need to cherish those women who do good by us and coldly discard those who do bad.

 

[backbreaker]

You know how you cut the head off a snake and they go ape**** and start wiggling whatever it is they do? That's what your ex is about to do. she's about to go into get my man back mode. She's going to resort to physiological warfare. she will try shaming you. she will try if you let her to **** your brains out. she will plead, she will try to make you jealous. Do.not make contact!

this, not what you did, is the hardest part of it all coming up. It's easier if you dont' even give her a chance. once you let her in the door when she shows up randomly, or once you respond to that first FB message, she's won.

 

[chokedealer]

I think a lot of letting go successfully is really understanding that the girl is not who you think she is. Yes I loved her, yes I cared about her, but "her" is not who I thought she was. Facing the facts can be painful but it must be done. You guys made me really take a deep look at my relationship with her and I realized that it's really not worth it. No relationship is worth going into if there's no trust. I thought what it would be like if we continued on, I saw myself questioning her everytime she went out, creeping her email, more and more arguments.. Just thinking about it made me exhausted, FVCK being that guy! Who even has time to be happy after all that?

 

[jophil28]

I thought what it would be like if we continued on, I saw myself questioning her everytime she went out, creeping her email, more and more arguments.. Just thinking about it made me exhausted, FVCK being that guy! Who even has time to be happy after all that?

Remain vigilant . When you remember the 'goodtimes', remember that she also had some goodtimes with another guy behind your back.

Women like this are master manipulators, and the most devious and cunning creatures in all creation.
You can expect a skilled and emotional approach from her within 20 days.
She will attempt to draw you back into her web with offers or promises of sEx,devotion, loyalty or and any other baits she can invent and present.
These women do NOT want reconciliation - rather they want to gradually slither back into you life until you drop your guard and trust her again, and then they will dump you hard.

Whatever she does from now will be motivated by spite and a lust for revenge.

 

[Colossus]

Great job chokedealer, you did the right thing for yourself. Just remember the exact reasons why you dumped here when you start reminiscent of the 'good times' or she tries to charm you back into it with sex or flattery. Count this as a victory!!

 

[chokedealer]

So, it didn't even take 24 hrs before she came calling. I picked up because I was confident that I wouldn't cave and I wanted to see how she would go about it.

She pretty much tried to sell the whole "we've gone through so much since then" bit and I shot it down. Eventually she got pretty desperate with her attempts to reason so I ended the conversation. This morning I sent her a txt asking her not to call me anymore, it was pretty cold but not disrespectful. Hopefully she'll keep her distance from now on.

 

[Knight's Cross]

C-Dealer,
Everything written so far is spot on. Stay the course. Fill your time with other pursuits. Get out there and do something you haven't done, a hobby, an adventure. I found that when recently breaking off with a 2 year girlfriend, the best thing for me was a trip to Europe. TOTALLY got me out of my element. Now, not saying you have to fly off to Madrid, but get out there and do something you've been holding back from. Proud of your stance. There's total power in realizing what you are worth, and that some chick is not worthy of you. As good as the good times, you have stated that you will always have doubts about this chick. That's why Rollo and others are right. You don't go back to the garbage once you take it to the curb.
The reason you need to stay active is because Jophil and the others are correct, she will attempt to break back into your life. You stay active and engaged in your pursuits and you won't give 2 flips about her. You let your guard down and start getting sentimental about her and she could break back into your life. Stay engaged, stay angry for now if need be.
I had to engage a lawyer to get one chick to stop trying to get back in my life. It's unreal what some of them will do. Yours may quit easier. After your text this am, just go no contact. If you see her in the open, be cool, just don't engage.
You are playing this right, and glad you've come to SS to get ideas. This place helped me out of my AFC ways.
KC