Please forgive me fellow djs for i have sinned

[Jokerlsk]

Guys, i'm just going to come out and say it. I'm an AFC. I have tried to deny it, but my current situation has made me come to this realization.
I asked out a girl, she likes me, won't go out w/ me cause her last 3 or 4 bf's have cheated on her..... I'm thinking wtf????? So like the AFC I am, i tell her how i feel (please don't tell me how stupid i am, i already know.) Now i'm hung up on this girl, i'm an afc, and i don't know what to do. I still think i have a decent shot w/ her, but would like some advice from some experienced people on how to do this

 

[MattS]

Ive told girls how i feel its sketchy ground espically if you are unsure of how they feel. I usually feel them out. or maybe ill tell them I like them to play a game.. Cause theyll be like well i got this guy then i just go cold on them and back off and they wonder if i still like them. So back way the fvck off no contact initiation. If she contacts let her ask you to do something dont ask her. If you talk on the phone she will probably expect you to ask her to do something, Dont and just get of fthe phone and say see you later maybe.

 

[redspicyflag]

yay

first step is admittance

 

[Bible_Belt]

Imagine yourself adrift on a boat in the sea and fishing. If a fish got away, would you focus only on catching that one particular fish? Of course not, that would be ridiculous, but guys do it with women all the time.

 

[Jokerlsk]

lol good analogy Bible_Belt.
Honestly though guys, she always talks to me. I really just want to get over her if she doesn't want a bf, but wouldn't that be kind of harsh???
She needs a friend right now, but I feel like I'm sacrificing my feelings for hers.
Is there a solution to my problem? I don't want to be an afc, but i think i have a good chance w/ this girl. I just don't know how to handle the situation. Are there any experienced Dj's out there that have had this problem and solved it? BTW i'm 16 years old.

 

[Jokerlsk]

DonS thanks for being honest w/ me, but i have a question
What did you do to recover from your afcness????
Can you give me advice on how to do this?

 

[Outsider]

Just relax around women and stop caring so much about what she does, care about what you do then young jedi all will fall into place.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Ok outsider, but i think that's common sense. Any other advice?

 

[Jokerlsk]

I think i made the 2nd step for recovery.
Supposedly this girl is going back out w/ her ex that cheated on her w/ her best friend........ i know, i know........ I handled it pretty well, telling her that the reason she gets hurt so much is because she chooses the wrong person every time. I gave her a chance, and when he hurts again she can't blame anyone but herself right? I told her i won't be there when it happens and things could have been differently.

What do you guys think on how i handled this. Did i do this in a non-afc mannor?

 

[WC2]

You are going to DJ hell. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200.

 

[Igetit!]

Nope. Sorry Jokerisk,but the way you handled this was "classic afc style".
Do you remember your post about dating the unstable girl? In that thread I told you that the absolute worst thing you can do with a girl you like is to become her therapist. I guess that went in one ear and right out the other.
You are a good person, I can tell that. Also,you know that you are a good person. Well look what happened. She rejected you (a good person),to go out with someone who has hurt and cheated on her. I don't know how many times you are going to have to go through this before you learn,but so be it. If you have to get hurt over and over again in order for you to learn what everyone here is flat out telling you,then fine. As long as you get it.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Guys, i'm just going to come out and say it. I'm an AFC. I have tried to deny it, but my current situation has made me come to this realization.
I asked out a girl, she likes me, won't go out w/ me cause her last 3 or 4 bf's have cheated on her..... I'm thinking wtf????? So like the AFC I am, i tell her how i feel (please don't tell me how stupid i am, i already know.) Now i'm hung up on this girl, i'm an afc, and i don't know what to do. I still think i have a decent shot w/ her, but would like some advice from some experienced people on how to do this

Dude - don't get so down on yourself. At least you realise it. Don't go all negative on us. It can take years to shed your AFCness. Look at me, I'm f*cking 37 and still stuggle with it.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Yeah man i'm trying here. Thanks for helping igetit, and don juanabbe. WC2 thanks for nothing
How would you guys of handled this

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yeah man i'm trying here. Thanks for helping igetit, and don juanabbe. WC2 thanks for nothing
How would you guys of handled this

The only thing you did wrong was pouring your guts out to her - she dangled the carrot and you bit.

I would have asked her why she thinks all her other guys cheated on her - GET HER TO OPEN UP. Listen, and show that you are a good listener. Also use the convo to get dirt on her to use later. Don't reveal too much about yourself. In a way, this was a shyt test. You needed to put the focus on her - why did her boyfriends cheat on her. Don't offer her advice, just be empathetic - chew up what she tells you - spit it back at her, almost word for word, then empathise with her about how SHE feels.

 

[Igetit!]

Well personally,if I had found out that she wasn't interested in me,I would have left her alone. I'm going to cut you some slack Jokerisk because I know that you are only 16. I realize that you are young,but some of the things that you do,you should already know better. Now listen,Stop trying to save these girls. Stop being their therapist!!! I know you mean well,however,it's a bad idea. It simply doesn't work. I know this isn't the first time you liked a girl,tried to help her with some emotional problem,then she put you in the friendzone,and went right back to the guy who kept hurting her or the situation that kept hurting her. Unfortunately,this is how a LOT of girls are. If you only want to be their friend,then fine.Help them out.But if you want to date her,then DON'T try to fix her man. Jokerisk,it really is just that simple.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Thanks igetit. I know how i'm going to handle it now